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STOP FEELING SHITTY

Learn how to stop feeling the same shitty emotions over and over again so you can diminish the problems you have in your life.

STOP FEELING SHITTY

Jun 27, 2019 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

“If we’re not listening to the messages in our lives, they create lessons. And if we’re not listening to the lessons in our lives, then they create problems.”

Every week I have free 1-on-1 discovery calls with women who tell me that one of the biggest reasons why they’re interested in life coaching is because they’re tired of feeling shitty.

It’s not that their life is bad. Instead, there’s a level of on-going “shittiness” that’s lingering in the air around them.

They’re feeling emotionally triggered and moody often. They imagine a better version of themselves in their mind, but they don’t know how to get there. They feel stuck.

When I’m on these calls with them and hear how they’re feeling, I feel their pain. I was once a woman who felt shitty and stuck too.

I thought therapy was the answer to solving my “help me feel less shitty” problem and while it helped a little bit, I needed something more.

Luckily, I found the tools and principles I needed with life coaching and I’m fortunate enough to share those same tools and principles with my clients today.

On this STOP FEELING SHITTY episode of the Become An Unstoppable Woman podcast, I’m teaching you how to use one of the principles that’s helped me (and my clients) over the years to not feel as shitty anymore.

This principle is called: MESSAGES = LESSONS = PROBLEMS.

This principle is so basic, you may not even understand what I said there so I’ll break it down a bit for you here….

There are on-going MESSAGES you’re receiving in your life every second of every day. Most of those MESSAGES aren’t anything to pay attention to. They flow in and out of your world with ease.

Every so often though, you get a MESSAGE that stings. It’s something that triggers you in a negative way.

Most times, the MESSAGE seems random and silly like someone said or did something you know logically is small and unimportant but, you can’t shake it. It bothers you!

It really doesn’t make sense why you’re so bothered by it though. So, you’ll likely blame your emotions on a biological issue.

You’ll say things like you’re just tired, hungry or PMS’ing.

You’ll eat, sleep or stop your period and everything will be fine again.

The emotion will go away and you’ll think nothing of it because you decided it was nothing.

Until there’s a day when you can’t blame your emotions on biology anymore…

You’re fed, you’re rested, and you aren’t on your period. Yet, you find yourself feeling “negative” emotions more and more.

As much as you try, you can’t shake them.

People are starting to notice more that you’re “emotionally unbalanced.”

Your relationships are suffering,….your work isn’t as good as it once was…. your health may even be declining.

You went from feeling shitty sometimes, to feeling shitty a lot more of the time.

When you’re in this phase, you’ve reached what I call the LESSONS phase.

This is the phase when most of my clients hire me as they’re finding that they just aren’t themselves anymore.

They’ve done well fixing their own problems up until this point in their lives, but now they’re feeling like they’re encountering a territory of emotions and issues that they don’t know how to fix.

It’s a smart phase to invest in a coach because if you don’t handle your emotions and issues in this phase, you’ll likely enter the next phase which is a FAR harder place to be in.

That next (and final) phase is called PROBLEMS.

Those are the “shit hitting the fan” moments of life when you lose a job, you have a breakup, or something bad happens (like an accident or bigger illness).

These are the moments that shake us up at our core.

We either cave in and let the problem “eat us alive” or we rise to the occasion and say once the problem is manageable, we’re no longer going to create this crap in our lives anymore.

Problems can be life-changing for sure, but, they also take a while to recover from. They can drain us financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. They can set us back from our goals and dreams for years, if not decades.

A big goal I have for my life and the lives of my clients is to help them stay out of the PROBLEM phase of life.

Believe it or not, you CAN have a life that isn’t full of ups and downs anymore. You CAN have a life that feels pretty flipping awesome most of the time. You CAN go out and have an on-going momentum with your goals that feels easier than ever before.

The way you CAN create this way of living is by learning how to listen to your MESSAGES and LESSONS so you no longer create PROBLEMS in your life.

So, today I want to teach you how to start to stay out of the PROBLEM phase in your life too.

Tune into today’s episode (link at the top of this page) as I teach you how to stop feeling shitty in your life by learning how to understand your MESSAGES and LESSONS so you can further avoid PROBLEMS in your life.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

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Full transcript:

Episode 12: STOP FEELING SHITTY

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 12, Stop Feeling Shitty.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fear-facing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife, mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hi there my friends, welcome back to the Become An Unstoppable Woman Podcast. If this is your first time here, welcome, I’m excited to have you. Today’s episode is one I cannot wait to make for you. I feel like I say that every episode, but I swear to you every episode I think about, I research, I plan, I put together, I think, “Oh my gosh, it’s better than the last one.” Then the next one comes on. I think, “No, this one’s better.” It’s just fires me up to deliver this content to you week after week.

I feel like I’m at a place in my business now in five years, even though I took two years off. Those two years off, I was just thinking through a lot of things and implementing these tools that I teach you more and more in my life. I’m just so grateful that you’re here listening to me and allowing me to, in essence, chase my dreams so I can help you chase your dream. Isn’t that a weird way to say it? But it’s so true. So, thank you, thank you for being here.

Today, we’re talking about how to stop feeling shitty.

Today’s episode is going to be full of a lot of adult language, the mom in me is always like, “Oh, don’t say that curse word, make sure there’s no kids around.” I think I’ve mentioned on another episode that I’m very conservative in my language around my kids. When my kids are away some of that adult language starts flying.

Today we’re going to go there. We’re going to talk about things that are making you feel like shit. I have this process that I’ve put together based on this principle that I learned in my coaching school that I think is going to blow your flipping mind. It was even blowing my mind as I was putting together everything to prepare for this episode.

Today, I want you to walk away with some tangible ways for you to start to solve your problems in your life, so you can become even more of that unstoppable, empowered, brilliant young woman or older woman however you view yourself. I think everybody’s young. When somebody comes to me, it’s like, “Well, I’m older than 20s or 30s, Lindsay.” I’m like, “Yes, so?” Anyways, you can be more of that empowered woman that you want to be.

I have a lot I want to cover today and I just want to get into it. I do want to tell you why I decided to do this episode. If you are a questioner like me, I always wonder, “Why did this person want to do this episode now?” I did it because recently I came out of a period of feeling shitty in my old life. I had felt really good for six to seven months to a point where I thought, “Oh my gosh, is this like my new stage of living? I’m just not going to hear that negative voice as much anymore. Wow, I’ve done so much personal development work, now is like maybe the time I never feel crappy or shitty again.”

Then it hit me and I encountered my next level of blocks. If you are somebody who hasn’t done any personal development work in general or with me, you may think, “Lindsay, if you’re still feeling shitty from time to time, does that mean it’s not working?” That is not the truth at all. The truth is that when I go in and I learn whatever blocks I’m dealing with, I know how to process them now.

I know how to heal them and then I ride this wave for a while after I’ve healed those blocks and then the next level of blocks come up and you may get frustrated with that. I know in my coach explained that to me back in the day of, “Lindsay, this is just going to be tools you continuously use for life.” I thought, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up. Wait a second. You mean to tell me that I’m not going to just be happy forever?” [chuckles] It crushed me, to be honest with you.

Then as time went on, I started to understand what she was saying and that we can’t be happy all the time. Pain and suffering has a purpose and it’s just bad or “feels bad,” and unless we know how to process them. That’s where we get stuck and we just think, “Oh, I hate peanut suffering.” Trust me, I do too but at least now I know how to process it and get over it. I don’t have to be stuck there anymore.

I encounter so many women who just don’t know those tools. That’s why I do the podcast. That’s why I teach the tools to my clients because I don’t want any woman or any person in general, but women are my go-to. Any person, in general, to feel stuck with their pain and suffering. Going back to how I felt a couple of weeks ago, I hit this next level of blocks and I felt like I was in the trenches again with many of you of, “Okay, how am I going to get through this? This is something new to me. How am I going to use my tools again?”

Like magic, my tools helped me yet again. Today, I just want to show you a very black and white process for you to start to understand how to incorporate some of these tools into your own life.

Here we go. I mentioned that I’m basing what I’m telling you today off a basic coaching principle that I learned back in coaching school. If you’re curious, I got my coach training through the Gardner Institute.

They now have renamed to the Divine Intelligence Institute; I believe and they are an ICF-certified school. That’s the International Coaching Federation. Now life coaches do not have to be certified. There are many certification processes out there. I just happened to choose this one because A, it was local to my area, and B, most importantly, they base a lot of what they do off neuroscience.

Dr. Jayne Gardner is the founder of the Gardner Institute and she was once a psychotherapist and she just didn’t like the way that therapy works. She didn’t like seeing what was wrong with people. She liked some of the tools she was using, but she wanted to use it in coaching and coaching really didn’t gain a momentum until the ’80s, ’90s and that was just a little tiny sliver.

She was on the cutting edge of really taking some of those therapy practices and putting them in a coaching process where it was forward moving and allowed her clients to start to solve their own problems. She looks at them from a lens of you were complete and whole exactly as is. She was working with people in jail who were diagnosed as schizophrenic.

This is like intense stuff but she was teaching them these tools to start to understand their own mind. One of the principles that I learned while I was there was this principle we’ll call it of messages, lessons, and problems. I’m going to say it again, messages, lessons, and problems. What does that mean? It means if we’re not listening to the messages in our life, they create lessons. If we’re not listening to the lessons in our lives, then they create problems.

I remember hearing this and thinking, the first thought that came to mind was about my former marriage. There were so many messages in there that I needed to get out of that relationship, but I didn’t listen to it. Then there became lessons and I didn’t listen to the lessons. Then it became this big problem in my life of this high conflict, divorce and double life and all that fun stuff.

That was the first thing that came to my mind when I encounter that but ever since then, this is something I’ve always thought about. I’ve always looked at my life through a lens of, is this a message, a lesson, a problem?

The idea is that you want to catch the things in your life early on when they’re messages because messages are a lot easier to clean up than lessons and lessons are a lot easier to clean up than problems.

Now I have a lot of clients who come to me and they just got out of a problem. Maybe they were let go of a job. Maybe they didn’t get a promotion they wanted, maybe they’re having health problems that they’ve got a control over enough to be able to do the forward-moving work of coaching. Maybe they just came out of a divorce or a breakup or some financial thing.

A lot of times those problems are big, wake-up calls in our life. I’m raising my hand because that’s when I signed up for coaching. I came out of that divorce, that big problem, and I thought, “Okay, I can’t go there again.”

The idea again is that I don’t want you to have to have all these problems in life. I talk about here on this podcast, or if you follow me on other channels, Instagram or whatever, I talk about, I feel like I’m living my dream life, this life that I love and it’s not just some hooky thing to get you to buy something from me. It’s truly; I feel that in the deepest core of my soul.

A big reason, I’m able to do that is because I’ve learned this process of messages, lessons, problems. I learn and I listened to those messages, so I’m able to clean up things before they explode.

Let’s start breaking it down. What are messages? What are lessons than what water problems?

Now, this is me just putting my own spin on it. I haven’t really

looked up, anything beyond just learning this basic principle of other research that’s been out there. I wanted to just pull what I observed in my own life and with my clients and give you some insight there.

Messages to me are level one problems. I know we’re calling it messages, lessons, problems, but it’s just level one issues. Let’s call it that. A message believe it or not is a seven seconds or longer “negative emotional trigger.” The example I always like to give is if you’re driving and you get cut off by somebody and you may feel like a little charge, but it goes away in a couple seconds, no big deal. If you’re just sitting there and you’re continuously angry or sad or whatever toward this person who has cut you off, that’s saying there’s a message there like that is to me, your brain, the universe, God, whatever you want to call it saying, “Hey, there is some unhealed trauma here or unhealed emotions that you need to be dealing with.”

A lot of people, they think, “Seven seconds? Really, Lindsay, that’s it?” “Yes, that’s it.” You may just hear that and get frustrated or feel sad, angry, whatever, by saying, “Well, Lindsay, I feel seven-plus second, emotional triggers all the time. I must have so many problems I need to solve.”

I want to just tell you that your problems are so much easier to solve than you ever thought possible. Is going to take work? Yes. Is it going to take a time investment on your part and a money investment? Yes, but it is so much easier than living in the state you may be living in right now.

A lot of times what I find is I have clients that come to me and just say, “Oh, I’m so angry all the time, Lindsay. My kids trigger me and I’m at work and they trigger me.” We go in and we pull some of the biggest memories from their past that they view as the worst of the worst. After we heal those, those were the big ones that were triggering all the anger or whatever it was so many times in their life.

You may think, “Oh my gosh, again, there’s so much there.” It may just be a couple of big things that need to go away, believe it or not. Don’t allow your mind to go there of, “Oh, I’m so messed up or so this or that,” it’s just not true. It’s just not true at all. I was somebody who used to be highly, highly reactive when my period came around, especially every month, it was awful. I became this demon in essence of, especially in a day or two, before I started, I would just have these huge emotional outbursts.

This is what happens a lot with people who are getting messages. They have those seven-plus second triggers and they blow it off as, “Huh, that’s weird.” “Why do I get so mad when they cut me off?” “I’m just tired.” “I’m hungry.” “I’m about to start my period.” That’s what I did. I would always say, “Oh, I’m just really hungry today.” Or, “I’m tired.” “Yes, I’m about to start my period. I’m so sorry.”

The reality is there was way deeper stuff in there brewing. I had no idea. I just thought I was this moody emotional person who, if I got hungry, I would go off on somebody or from my PMS, I just had hormones and it was just not true at all. It was that I needed to learn how to go in and discover some of the deeper things that were causing these messages.

A lot of times too people who have a lot of messages, as I said, they’ll blow it off, but they’ll also just say, “I’m fine. I’m just–” and they’ll make up whatever excuse. “I’m just stressed because of work.” “It’s because of my kids. My kids are, what’s making me have all these emotional triggers. I have this one kid and he’s borderline autistic.”

I hear all these things. “I’ve always had this health issue, Lindsay. That’s why I have all of these emotions.” It’s like, “Okay.” It’s like the chicken or the egg kind of thing. It’s like, okay, what’s what? All I know is that–

[dog barking]

I don’t know if you can hear my dog in the background, but somebody just rang the doorbell, but I’m going to keep going.

Okay. All I’m saying here is there’s something deeper and I really, really want you to start to uncover with that is because if you do, you’re going to find that you feel better. You’re going to find that you’re able to live at a higher emotional frequency. What I mean by that is just, you just feel better. I come across as very happy and go-getter. That’s because I’ve done this deep emotional work. The reason I said before is I’m able to have this life I love it’s because I’m not creating problems in my life anymore. I’m listening to the messages more and more.

In this phase, if you’re getting messages of seven-plus second triggers pay attention, steady yourself. Like a scientist. What I used to start to do is if something happened in my life and one of my big triggers for a while, I’m going to just be completely transparent with you was my daughter’s stepmom.

She was the other woman in my former marriage. They ended up getting married. For whatever reason, this woman just does not like me. [chuckles] She does not like me. She has not processed anything for whatever reason. I’m the cause of her– I don’t know. I don’t know, I’m just putting theories around it. I’ve moved on. I process it. I have no ill feelings to her horror whatsoever, but for whatever reason, she doesn’t like me. For while she used to use my daughter as leverage of, “Well, your mom does this.” “Your mom does that.”

I would study myself and I would feel whatever feeling would come up for me. Then I would start to count one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to catch it right away, emotions. They just come and they go they’re fluid. Then I start to think, I’m feeling this feeling of anger or whatever. Then I’d count. If it would last more than those seven seconds, I’d say, “There’s something deeper here.”

Sometimes it would just go away. I would just fill that little brief instant of seven seconds. Then it would be like, okay. Then I’m able to process it and move on. As I said for a while there, it wasn’t that way. What I would do then is I would start to journal. I know for some of you, you’re like, “I hate writing. I don’t like it.” Here’s the deal. If you’re going to want to work with me, if you want me to help you change your life and change your mind, you got to journal.

I used to be a person who did not like to journal. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand it. When my coach had me do it for weeks on end, I wrote the most BS stuff on paper because I just didn’t understand it. Then I kept at it and I kept at it, and suddenly I started to write more on paper. What I’m wanting you to do eventually is to write your feelings down on paper.

Let’s go back to the moment my daughter says something from her step-mom. I pull out that paper and I say, “I feel mad because why does she keep doing this? I don’t understand why she can’t just let it go. I have let it go but you’re using my daughter and my daughter’s going to be so mad at me.” I’m putting all that crap out on paper. Then I’m starting to have a space for my emotions to go versus them being in my head.

Then two, I can start to look at it from a logical perspective of, “Okay, so I’m putting all this out on paper. Okay. My thoughts here are that my daughter’s going to have a messed up life because of this woman.” Then I’m able to see from a logical perspective. “Is that true Lindsay?” “Yes.” “Okay. Maybe this influence isn’t the best for her, but you’re a great mom. You’re a strong mom. These are where–“

Again, I’ve built up myself enough to know these things about myself. If you’re at a place in life where you don’t have even enough confidence to state loving things about yourself, then I want to encourage you to work with me because we’ve got to build up that confidence too but if you’re at a place where you’re feeling pretty good, you can probably start to do this on your own and say, “I’m a great mom,” or “I have a great body, even though part of my mind is beating me up,” or whatever it is.

I was able to start to do that and start to realize, “Okay, I’m just really worried at the end of the day that my daughter’s going to be ‘messed up.'” “Okay, well, how can I combat that?” “Well, whenever she brings that stuff to the table, you can respond in this way.”

Another journaling exercise that can help us to start to script out what I would say and what she would say, and be able to respond to the moment when those emotions take over. Again, journaling is going to be one of your best friends here to start to understand your underlying thoughts and feelings. Let me give you a couple of other examples in my life.

Sometimes it may not even be about you. It may be about somebody else. Especially if you’re a parent, this is important to know. My daughter, as I said, she goes between my house and her dad’s house.

Well, I ended up having a baby about what a year and a half ago. Her dad did as well. It happened at the same time. That was a lot for her emotionally to take in. I was very, very aware of how this was impacting her. I was watching her demeanor, listening to her. She tends to stuffed feelings in. I was just being very attentive, as I said, about what was going on.

I started to get some messages that she was having more anxiety than normal. I, in that moment, used some of the ways that I could get more information out of her by asking questions and stuff like that, and it just wasn’t getting better. What happened was, as I started to then get into action with the messages, because I could see the writing on the wall. If I didn’t tackle these messages, I was getting about her anxieties about being a big sister at both houses and all these other things. I knew it was going to perpetuate into a lesson and into a big problem where she could pull away from everybody and she could have, of course,

my mind catastrophize, but I knew I needed to tackle that at the moment.

Again, I want you to start to understand not only yourself, that’s also the most important thing of all, and understand yourself. Then, if you’re a parent, start to see those things going on with your kids as well. Or if you’re a teacher, whatever, your partner, all those things. Okay, my friends. That is messages. Those are the seven-second triggers we tend to blow off and say, “That’s weird,” or “We’re tired, hungry, PMS,” whatever. We say we’re sorry but deep down or not as fine as we may act like we are.

One of my favorite quotes is by Christine Hassler and she says fine, really to her when she hears that from somebody is saying, these are feelings inside not expressed. It’s just so true. We’ve got to start to learn what is going on deeper here.

Now let’s talk about Level Two and those are the lessons. If we don’t listen to the messages in our lives, they tend to slap us from time to time consistently. Sometimes its four days, for months, years, even decades, we can just consistently be hit with messages. Sometimes it’s an intuitive hit to of, “Ooh, I shouldn’t be in this relationship,” or “Ooh, this job isn’t right for me.” Or, “Ooh, I need to let go of this friendship,” whatever it is but we don’t listen to it.

Then it moves on and it goes to the bucket of lessons. This is where we have bigger emotional outbursts with anything biological to blame. We just burst out of nowhere with things of our kid, for example, doesn’t use a coaster, I don’t know.

Then you just burst out or your kid has a little attitude and you burst out, somebody at work looks at you in a funny way, you burst out, whatever that is. It just becomes this bigger thing. That relationship starts to suffer because of your behavior and you just can’t shake the emotional trigger as much, it’s lasting longer and feeling heavier. You’re feeling more stuck. You feel you may need some external help.

This is the phase when most of my clients hire me, they’re in the phase, “I’m just having these bigger emotional outbursts, Lindsey,” or “just these ongoing feelings that this job isn’t right for me or this isn’t right for me or my anxiety’s increasing,” or whatever. “I’m just starting to realize that I can’t solve this problem myself, and I need your help.” This is a great phase to hire out to be honest with you. If somebody comes to me and they’re in the problem phase, which is the next phase, most times they have to go deal with a doctor or a lawyer sometimes, or even a therapist. In the lesson phase, it’s still doable. We can still work through this.

Let me give you an example in my own life. This is one that just happened a few weeks ago, and this is the one that kicked my butt. As I mentioned, I had a baby, at the time of this recording he’s 14 months. It’s been about a two-year process of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and then having the baby. Granted, we did not have to do a lot, really to get pregnant. We were very fortunate in that way. We didn’t have to any hormone or IVF or anything of that sort. It was still a lot of my body.

Taking out my birth control and regulating my hormones, then being pregnant was one thing after another and all that stuff. It was a lot on my body, a lot of my emotions. I was focusing more on myself during the past two years and the baby and my daughter versus my husband. There were stresses in there of the hormones and everything else, I started getting more snappy at him.

At first, let’s think about it again, a message I’m blaming it on, “Oh, I’m just tired honey,” or, “Oh, it’s just my hormones honey.” The thing is starting to get a little bit more and I started to get more snappy at him and he started to get snappier at me too to a point where we just couldn’t shake it. About a week or two ago, we got into a really big argument. One of the biggest we’ve ever had in our relationship.

From there, we started to have a lesson on our plate of, okay; we’ve got to work through this. It felt really heavy and hard because we just both had so many emotions involved. We started to get to a place of, okay, do we need to hire outside help here, a coach, counselor, whatever to help us through this? Now, luckily we were able to talk through it after many days. Yes. That’s how big it was, days of arguing. We’re still at a place where I still feel okay, could we hire a coach? Could we do something else? Because again, we didn’t necessarily listen to the messages in this case so it’s turned into a bigger lesson of maybe we need somebody to show us our minds or teach us new tools to deal with some of the issues that we’re dealing with in our marriage.

Again, you may be at this place of, okay, I’m doing everything that I know Lindsay, but for whatever reason, I’m still just feeling mad or sad or this or that. I’m needing some help. Again, lessons are hard to understand, messages I feel like are easy and problems, but lessons are like that middle child. Okay. Is it a lesson? Is it not? And all I can say there again is I’m just going to repeat what I view as a definition of its bigger, emotional outbursts without anything biological to blame for it.

Again, you may just say, “Well, my hormones are completely off all the time.” I hear that from so many women. I think, yes, yes. Maybe they are, but our minds are very powerful as well. Our minds can change our hormones as well.

This is what’s been so funny is I’ve done personal development work. I used to say, “Oh, it’s just my hormones. I just have really bad PMS cycles.” No, it was just because I needed to deal with my underlying emotions. Now, I do think I still have these swings of things, but they are significantly easier since I’ve done mindset work. Again, this is for you. You may be blaming all these outside things, but I want you to start to look at, “Okay, this is me. This is what’s going on in my life. I’m having these outbursts regardless of any external thing, I can blame it on. Even if it’s my health. I need to look at what can I do for my mind here? What can I do to change this? Now it’s getting to a bigger issue that I can solve outside myself.”

Again, your emotions are starting to take over more and more. That logical brain is going to start to just sit in the corner a little bit more, and it’s going to be a bit more difficult to solve your problems, but this is where you can reach out for help.

My friend, just to wrap up the lesson’s definition, I just want to say this. Sometimes people come to me and they feel a lot of guilt, shame, whatever about being in this phase of, “Oh, I just can’t handle it anymore, Lindsay, or it’s just getting bigger than what I can handle.” I have to say to them, “It’s okay. It’s totally okay. I know it’s really hard to take that step to admit that you need help.” At least it is for me.

Like I said I’m in a phase right now in my marriage where we may need some external help. I just think, “Oh, this is so frustrating. Can’t we just solve this on our own? I think I can do this. I don’t want to invest in this right now or invest the time in this. I have other things I want to do,” but it is so much easier to clean up a message than it is a problem. Not to freak you out or scare you, but if you’re just continuously feeling a certain feeling over and over and over again, it may be time to reach out for help. Just something to think about.

Let’s move on and let’s talk about problems. This is what I call Level Three.

This is when you’ve been getting the messages. You’ve been getting some lessons in there and then all of a sudden you’ve got a problem on your plate. This is when hits the fan. There’s drama, usually involved if it’s in regards to relationship, the relationship ends, usually in a bad way or something big happens in the relationship, you’re emotionally very Rocky. You’re, probably, needing help at this stage. Something just bad happens. You get fired, you get a divorce, somebody gets hurt. You may even need medication or something bigger to help you through this. The goal is not to get here, rarely if ever in your life.

This is what I believe– one of the biggest things I give my clients is I’m able to help them from future problems in their lives. They’re able to again just walk through life where they’re not having as many ups and downs. They’re just continuously going up and sometimes go down a little bit. Then they go up again and then up some more. They’re not just having these big, huge moments anymore in their life because they know how to listen to the messages.

Just know, we’ve all been in the problem phase. If you haven’t yet, then you must be some magical fairy or just been very fortunate to have some mentoring or modeling or coaching, whatever you want to call it to not get here. But for most of us, we’ve been here. A lot of clients that I’ve had who have had problems, I mentioned it was the divorce, the firing some health problems. Somebody got hurt things of that sort. Even sometimes big financial things like a house got foreclosed on or, their credit got shot, bankruptcy, whatever.

Again, a lot of times when people are here and they’re in the depth of the problem, I cannot work with them. They need to go work with a therapist, they need to go work with a lawyer, maybe, a doctor to get on some medication. When they’re coming out of the problem, that’s when, again, it may get to the lesson phase. For example,

I have two clients right now who I have put on hold of working with me. One of which is going through a divorce and the other is she’s just at a place in her mind where she’s let her mind beat her up for so long that she doesn’t have the motivation and drive to work on herself. She’s just needing a lot of time and space to heal and gain that confidence back. I referred her to therapy.

I gave you an example of a problem in my own life with my divorce. For a while, there was the messages I was getting these period– what I called period fights with my ex of, “Oh God, you’re driving me crazy.” “Oh, I’m sorry, honey. That was just my period.” Then it became, “Oh my gosh, you’re driving me crazy all the time.” That’s when I went out and hired a therapist.

Then we tried to solve the problem there, it just didn’t work. Then that’s when we had the big nasty divorce. That was one of my own life. in a client’s life that I had, she came to me and she seemed to be at a really good place. One of the things she wanted to work on was her friendships and she was in college. She just realized a lot of these friends I hang out with, I don’t want to hang out anymore. Her mom had hired me to help her get through that. She ended up trying to separate herself from her friends, but every once in a while, she would go out and she would have drinks with them.

One night she goes out and she has some drinks and it ends up turning into where she gets raped. Then it became where she had the messages. She didn’t listen the messages. I think she was at the lesson phase when she had hired me. We obviously weren’t at the problem phase, but then this huge problem happened, and had to refer out for a while to deal with all the things she needs to process from the rape. Then when she was able to go back to the lesson phase, we were able to process it. She was able to very powerfully let go over those friendships and then even heal her rape even more. That was an instance of another time.

I’ve mentioned too, I have some clients that come to me and they say, “I have these health problems, Lindsay.” I always take notes of what their health problems are. Then as we work together and we start to heal some of their emotional wounds, traumas, whatever you want to call it, those health problems start to just magically go away. It’s pretty cool how it happens. Our body is very good at telling us. This is a problem and you haven’t been listening to it. I’m going to create it and manifest it in your body.

We don’t want to get there. I’m not saying every health problem is because of our mind, although I lean that way sometimes. I want you to get to a place where you’re not having to deal with any problems ever in your life. If somebody else has problems coming into your life, say, you child of yours makes a big mistake or a parent or who, a friend or a partner, whatever, you’re able to deal with it, where it doesn’t become this huge emotional trauma for you anymore.

That’s why I call this podcast. One of my courses become an unstoppable woman, not only do we heal some of the past things that have hurt them. You hear me say traumas a lot and you may think, “I don’t have these big things in my past, Lindsey.” It doesn’t have to be big, to a child’s mind. It can be as little as somebody making fun of you and that becomes a trauma in your mind, believe it or not.

We heal these postings on the unstoppable course. Two, they learn how to be resilient so that when other things happen in their life, when hits the fan with somebody else hopefully for them, they never hits the fan anymore, they’re able to just process it in a healthy way. They’re not overtaken by it; they’re not worn down by it. They don’t process it as their own, take it on. What’s wrong with me? They have this understanding about how to understand their emotions, so it doesn’t bubble up and become this huge problem.

I hope that makes sense to you. This is something new, I’ve taught in a new and different way of looking at your messages, your lessons, and your problems. I want you to get to a place where you’re just listening to your messages gave you a tip to go and journal. I know it may be hard for you, but just know. This is what I do my friends. If you want to learn how to journal, addressing your emotions, heal anything from your past, again, become that really strong, resilient, powerful woman you were meant to be. Where you don’t have problems in life anymore. You don’t have that many lessons in life anymore. Then let’s work together.

The first step is to come and take my free coaching assessment. Go to: lindseyepreston.com and you will see the free assessment all over my website. Go take it there. It takes a few minutes. If we’re approved to work together, then you’ll get access to my calendar to have a free one-on-one call with me. We’ll talk even more about your life and what you’re wanting and make sure we’re a good fit to work together. We’ll talk about pricing at that time as well. It says, really see if this is the right fit for you at this time financially, time-wise emotionally all those things. That’s about your first step: lindseyepreston.com.

Also too, I have to throw out there. If you have not left a review for the Become An Unstoppable Woman Podcast, please do. If you’re listening on iTunes or Apple Podcasts is what they’re calling it these days. Go leave one there. If you’re listening somewhere else, you are welcome to go to my Facebook page. You can find me over there. Lindsey Preston, leave a review there. I would appreciate it. It just takes a few minutes. It’s free. You don’t even have to pay me to go do that. It would be so nice to see your review. Those reviews help give me the momentum to keep giving you this content. All right, my friend?

Next time on the show, I’m going to be talking to a special guest about “shoulds” in our life and how to let go of those should feelings. I should do this, or I shouldn’t do that, or shouldn’t be this. Instead, become and live the person we want to be. I’ve already recorded the interview. It’s amazing. It’s awesome. Be sure to come back and tune in. Until then, my friend, I hope you love today’s episode. Remember you’re only unstoppable as you believe you can be. Believe in yourself, you got this.

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Hi! I'm Lindsay

Hi! I’m Lindsay Elizabeth Preston. I’m a certified & trauma-informed life & leadership coach who has spent the last decade helping successful women create lives that feel as good on the inside as they look on the outside by using my neuroscience-backed coaching process called, Awakened Woman.


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