“To own your power means to stand confidently in your authentic truth. So when I’m working with a client and I say, ‘I want to help you own your power’ what I’m saying there is I want you to find your soul again so you can find YOUR truth.”

Leadership Coaching

Over the past 6 months, I’ve been receiving some transformational coaching as a client. I’ve been working weekly 1-on-1 with an anti-racism coach AND coaching TWICE a week with an embodiment coach (who you know from other episodes named Kaycee Joy).

This work has changed me deeply. So much so that it’s allowed me to tap deeper into what I do best in life and in my business, what clients I give the best results to and why, and my deepest desires about what I want to give most to this world based on what I love to do.

What’s come together for me has been a powerful shift in my business. That shift is now encompassed in this one phrase:

“I am a leadership coach who helps driven women own their power to accomplish their dreams in business”

If you’re an avid follower of mine, you know there are some big shifts there. They are…

• I’m shifting from life coaching to leadership coaching
• The phrase “own your power” is new
• A focus on business vs. all of life’s goals is different

Now, despite these changes, the coaching process I deliver to clients (that currently has a 100% satisfaction rate) is NOT changing at all.  

This shift instead is about the women I work with best and the results I love to give most to clients, and that’s women who want to own their power in business as leaders.

It’s simple and yet SO big.  

SO JOIN ME ON THIS WEEK’S PODCAST WHERE I SHARE WHAT THIS MEANS EVEN MORE AND WE DIG DEEP INTO…

• What owning your power means
• How to own your power
• Why owning your power is the key to a deeply fulfilling life

…and so much more.

Get ready, this episode is going to challenge you to transform.

POST EPISODE RESOURCES:

Full Transcript

Transformation Coach

Episode 121: OWN YOUR POWER

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 121, Own
Your Power.
[music]
Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. jWe can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.
[music]
Hi there, my friends. I’m so happy to have you on this episode today. It’s a big one, so
buckle up. We are going to talk about owning your power. Now, I already had an Own Your
Power episode. It was Episode 5 of the show, way back when, over two years ago, and I
interviewed Julia Wells. At the time, she was an empowerment coach. She’s now shifted to
a business coach for coaches and she is thriving. Whenever I interviewed her, she was at
this tipping point where I could see that she was about to thrive, and so it’s been such a
joy to watch her fully own her own power in her own life the past few years.
If you remember that episode, I talked about how Julia’s words during my pregnancy with
my son in 2017/2018 really spoke to me. I was going through a hard time with that
pregnancy. I just didn’t feel well, to be honest with you. Julia just kept putting out these
posts that were intriguing and that made me think, and that really had me step into a new
version of myself, even though most days I was lying in bed feeling like shit. Julia’s words
just really resonated with me, and so that’s why I brought her on the show at the time I
did, two years ago, to just honor her and just say thank you for what you did. By you just
showing up and, in essence owning your own power, it sparked something in me.
What it sparked was me starting this podcast. As you know, it’s called Become an
Unstoppable Woman. Before I had this podcast, I had another one called Life Luvers Radio
and it was successful. It was on the iTunes’ New and Noteworthy Charts, which is a feat
only a few attain. It hit like number 30 on the self-help charts at the time. I loved that
podcast a lot, but when I became pregnant with my son, I stopped working completely
because again, I felt so sick.
When I decided to come back to my business in early 2019, I just knew I wasn’t the same
person anymore. Since I had taken about a year and a half off to have him and then get
settled with him after he arrived, that I didn’t feel like Life Luvers Radio embodied who I
was anymore. I always had a course called Become an Unstoppable Woman, but I felt like I
had shifted more into that energetic being, and so I wanted to start this new podcast that
you’re listening to now, which isn’t so new anymore, in a different energy space of talking
about being more resilient and how – when we have things that are hard – how we
overcome them.
I just felt like Life Luvers Radio, although we had talked about some of those things, it
reminded me a little bit of this airy-fairy rainbows and daisies, butterflies kind of life. I joke
even the pictures at the time of my business, I looked like a Barbie doll, to be honest.
That’s how I felt at that time. I had just discovered coaching and then became a new
coach, and I was just on cloud nine. But then after having my son and experiencing some
hardship with that, mentally and physically, and just some other things that were going on
with my life, I was like, “Man, this work is so much deeper than that. It creates such a
resiliency.” Again that’s what sparked me to really do the things that I did at that time.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, I’m telling you because I wanted to come back to this
Own Your Power topic because I’ve been doing even more shifts these past few months in
my life and in my business. If you’re an avid listener of the show, you know in January of
this year – and it’s 2021 – I hired an anti-racism coach after I had posted something online
that while was really true to my heart and I still stand behind it, it really was a bit tonedeaf and it didn’t fully think about my women of color clients. I realized in that moment
that they were not at the forefront of my mind or just women in color in general.
I was like, “Oh my gosh, how did I not catch those blind spots?” Although I had been
reading the books and the articles of all this anti-racism work, I knew I needed to take it
deeper. I kind of, in essence, had my butt to the fire to go and hire her because I had seen
such this blind spot of how did I not catch that I was, in essence, tone-policing them. I
really wanted to make sure I was holding a very safe space for them, not just in my
coaching practice but in life. I also knew one of my big goals for life is to be an anti-racism
activist. It was this call for me to step into that more.
I hired her, and I really didn’t quite grasp what was in store for me by doing that work.
We’re now in June of 2021 as I record this, and so it’s been about five, crossing six months
here soon, of me doing that work every single week and it has deeply transformed me. Not
only as a person or as a coach, but as a leader and who I am and just my everyday way of
being. Two, I’ve also been doing a lot of work, as you may know, with Kaycee Joy. I’ve
brought her on the show now several times to talk about that and really getting into my
body. As I’ve experienced both of their very, very powerful coaching week after week after
week, it has made me shift into a new version of myself.
With that shift, I’m starting to really sit down and think even more about what I do best in
my life; and especially in my business, what clients do I work best with, and which ones
get the most amazing results from my work? What do I love the most to do? Then before
my one tagline was, “I help driven women accomplish their dreams, all feeling better than
ever,” and I love that tagline and that’s still what I do today, but really the missing piece in
that was this phrase; own your power.
I had been kind of dancing around it for a couple of months of what do I call this? Is it I
call it I want a driven feminist woman? I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it until one
day I sat down, and I actually was getting coached, and I said, “Hey, hold space for me,” to
this coach. I was like, “I really need to figure out what it is I need to change in my one line
that I do in the world.” He was amazing, and he held space for me to find this own your
power thing.
Today, I just want to dig deep into that, of what does own your power even mean? What
does the process look like for you to own your power? I should tell you, too, that now I’ve
shifted with my one-liner of what I do is I coach driven women to own their power so they
can accomplish their goals and dreams in business. Really what I do, again, has not
changed. The coaching process that I’ve been doing now for seven years in some version
of that has not changed.
What has changed is what I’m really honing in on as what I want to teach you most in my
lifetime, and that is helping women own their power so they can accomplish their dreams.
I don’t want women who just want to go accomplish their dreams and do it in a way where
they don’t feel good and in a way, in all honesty, where they’re not fully stepping into their
most authentic selves. For me that word, own your power, really just encompasses, again,
women who want to step into that authenticity – which is what I’ve always been about –
and it does shed away some of the women who aren’t ready for that.
I’m going to go through all that and what that means here in a bit, but I do want to really
start to help you understand what own your power even means. What I did is I sat down
with a journal and I said, “Lindsay, what does it mean to you to own your power?” And I
came up with this definition. It means to stand confidently in your authentic truth. I’m
going to say that again, to stand confidently in your authentic truth.
Now, being the coach that I am, if a client came to me and said, “Hey, Lindsay. I want to
stand confidently in my authentic truth,” I would say let’s break that down even more. First
off, what does stand even mean? I started to look up words and definitions for the word
stand. What I came up with is that stand means an attitude toward a particular issue. Stand
means an attitude toward a particular issue. When I sat down and I thought, “Okay, I love
that definition, but what is the attitude and what is the issue that I’m really wanting in the
women that I work with?” And that’s that I want them to be fully committed to want out of
life what they want and to be authentically them in the process.
In essence, it’s this term I’ve talked about here and there on the show, and I definitely talk
a lot about with clients, especially my ongoing clients in my Living the Dream Program, it’s
called being all in. You’re all in on life. You’re like, “I am here to live it out. To be the
fullest expression of myself, to get everything and more I want out of life, and to fully give
life my all.” Again, when I look at that word stand, and I look at the definition and attitude
toward a particular issue, that attitude is, “Lindsay, I’m here and I’m all in. I’m ready to do
the work so that I can be my absolute best self and get exactly what I want from life and
more.”
Then when we go back to my original definition of stand confidently in your authentic
power, the next word I’d want to break down with a client is confidently. What does
confidently mean to you? When I did this work on myself, I said, confidently means you’re
sure of yourself and your abilities. It really means that you’re certain. When I’m looking at
this with women that I want to work with and then women who, after their coaching with
me, what I want them to say they gained from me, is that they know who they are. They
know what they want. They know what shit is theirs to take on and to heal and deal with,
and they know what shit is not theirs.
Because so many women are putting so much on their plates that’s not their shit. They are
taking on things for their kids, they’re taking on things for their husband, they’re taking on
things at work that’s not theirs, and they have to be open-minded enough to say, “What is
really mine and what’s not mine?” That really is shedding a lot of people-pleasing layers
and being brave enough to put yourself out there, especially as a woman. Because in our
society, we tend to look at women as bitches when they stand up for themselves, and so
you’ve got to be willing to shed those layers. Which we’ll get more into in a bit about how
we do that in my coaching process.
Again, if we’re looking at confidently, it’s you’re saying, “I know who I am. I know what I
want. I know this is my shit and I’m going to take on my shit and deal with it, but I also
know what’s your shit, too.” Now, we go back again to that definition of what own your
power means, and I said stand confidently in your authentic truth. The next word I’d want
to break down for a client is what does authentic mean to you? When I looked at this
definition, it’s true to one’s spirit. I also saw definitions that said true to your spirit,
personality, or character, but the word spirit is what really stood out to me because that’s
what I’m wanting my clients to gain is they know who they are at their core.
To me, my belief of who someone’s core is their spirit, who they were meant to be in this
world. Even if they’re not a spiritual person, I am and so for me, I say this is the God-given
you or the you that the universe wanted you to be. Again, you can interchange whatever
word you have – in their divine or whatever – but that’s the version of you that you were
meant to be in this world before shit happens. Before society programmed in shit and
maybe you experienced some trauma and all the other things. When I’m working with a
client and I’m saying, “Hey, I want to help you own your power,” really what I’m saying
there is I want you to find your truth and your spirit again.
Now, going back again to that definition of what own your power means, and I said stand
confidently in your authentic truth. The last word I’d want to break down, if this were a
client coming to me with this, is the word truth. When I broke it down, I found that truth to
me means a fact or belief accepted as true. When I’m thinking here of what is it that I
really want my clients and listeners – thinking about you, too, as listeners of this show –
what do I want them to really gain by working with me? Even if it’s just in this podcast or
on social media or whatever, all my free content.
That’s that they just have this belief in themselves. They know their truth and they believe
it, and so they are willing to stand up for that. It goes back to that stand word I already
used. They’re willing to put it out there in the world and stand firm in that. I spend some
time on that because again, when you hear the word own your power, you may intuitively
know what that means because I definitely do, too, but I wanted to really break it down for
you of what does that truly break down to in the world? That is, again, talking about
standing, being confident, being in your authentic truth.
As I said, I’m starting to really shift into this phrase that I’m putting out there in the world,
and that I do and that I’m the subject-matter expert in, is that I coach driven women to
own their power to accomplish their dreams in business. Now, you may notice that
business line there at the end is new. Before, I called myself a life coach and I would coach
on anything and everything. Again, as I started to really question what is it that I love to
coach most, and what do I feel I give the best results in for clients, it always went back to
business. It didn’t matter if it was somebody’s own business, or a business they want to
start, or a career.
If it’s something business-related, I just light up, and I feel like where I’m heading in my
journey is that I really want to focus in on business. Now, does that mean that I don’t
coach on other things with clients? Of course, not. If somebody comes to me and they say,
“I want to double my business revenue in the next year,” I would say, “Great.” And as that
period went along of us coaching together, everything would be brought to the surface, all
these things, because life is so great. It’s like the stuff that happens at home then passes to
business and vice versa, and so we’re coaching on everything under the sun to help them
reach that goal of doubling their business, in this case.
When I’m wanting a client to come to me in the door, I’m wanting them to say, “Hey, I’m
really hungry to do something different in my career.” I know for some clients that is a
little bit saddening because, especially for a lot of my teacher clients – who I adore and I
love – for a lot of them, they’re like, “Yes, I’m a teacher and that’s what I want to do in my
life.” So, I know I’m kind of shutting the door there, but I’m also opening this door of, again,
really honing in on that I’m going to focus in on women who are wanting a shift in their
career.
The other thing I just want to put out there is there is one goal that I’ve realized as time
has gone on that I just don’t really like doing. It’s not saying that I won’t do it, and I think
it’s going to require me and the client to really talk through this goal, but it’s weight loss.
I’ve alluded to this on other episodes. I have even an episode that says Lose Weight. Last
time I checked, unfortunately, it was my most popular downloaded episode, which kills me
that that many people are searching for that sort of thing.
It’s not that I’m against losing weight at all. I want everybody to, again, be the fullest
expression of who they are authentically. If somebody is coming to me and saying,
“Lindsay, I’m 40-pounds overweight and the best of me is 40 pounds lighter,” again that’s
going to really take us doing some coaching on that to really ensure that they are coming
from a place of authenticity with that. Because, as we’ll get to here in a minute of what has
to happen for someone to really own their power, there’s some shedding of some societal
bullshit in there.
I really want to make sure if I’m taking on a goal like that with a client, that it is from their
authenticity and it’s done in a healthy way. I’m almost getting to a point, too, where the
actual number of a weight loss isn’t the goal. It’s that they are, in essence, making
healthier choices. They’re not overeating and that’s how they’re dealing with their feelings.
They’re prioritizing their health and their wellbeing. Those are the kinds of things that I
really want to work on with clients. Not necessarily, “Hey, help me lose this kind of
weight.” Again, we’re still getting to the same result. We’re just getting to it in a different
way, and I promise you it’s in a more authentic way.
Now, I will also tell you that if you happened to listen to that lose weight episode, there
were some strategies on there that I shared that I used from Brooke Castillo, and I said this
is not my work, it’s from Brooke’s at the Life Coach School. Now, looking back on that, that
stuff did work for me. At that time, I was trying to lose the last of my 10 pounds of baby
weight, which I did and I’ve kept that off, but they’re just not strategies I’m in alignment
with anymore. Even though that was only a year ago when I recorded that. It’s just, I’ve
shifted. Again, I keep telling you that I’ve done so much transformational work the past six
months or so, and I’ve changed a lot, and so this is just where I’m at right now on my
business.
Let’s talk about now, what’s the work. What do you have to go through to really start to
own your power? As I mentioned earlier, my coaching process hasn’t really changed at all
because having somebody own their power is what I’ve done the entire time. It’s really
interesting because the clients who I feel like have still been successful in the coaching
process, they’ve accomplished their dreams, but they didn’t necessarily come to me signing
up to own their power.
For example, one client that’s coming to mind that I worked with last year, she wanted to
accomplish a couple different goals. One was a financial goal. She didn’t want to
overspend anymore. She wanted to start saving money instead, and she wanted to figure
out what her ideal work career would be. Again, goals that I love, but even from the
beginning, you could tell in her marriage dynamic that she wasn’t interested in really
doing the work to own her power there. As we worked together, it just became more and
more difficult for her to thrive in the work.
www.LindsayEPreston.com | © Lindsay E Preston Coaching LLC 8
Even though she got great results, she was super happy, she figured out what her ideal
career is, she stopped the spending, she started saving, her husband was happier because
of it because he was very concerned with it; I’m not quite sure she’s going to really be able
to go and thrive in her life. That goes back to, again, of she wasn’t really signing up to own
her power. I even intuitively knew that before I even honed in on this own your power
word, and so the coaching just wasn’t as powerful. As I said, even though she got the
results she wanted, I’m not quite sure she is going to be able to be long-term successful
with the work because of that shift.
Now, when I have clients coming to me on free consults, I’m filtering that out. Again, I
didn’t really have the words yet to really know what I was doing as I’ve been filtering
people out in 2021 more and more, but now it’s like, “Okay, is this woman really ready to
own her power?” For example, I had a consult a couple months ago where the girl was just
super-driven, such a go-getter. You could tell there was some things she needed to heal,
which I love being able to see that right away of like, “Oh, yes, here’s what we can do to
shift that and heal that for you and get you into your power.”
Then when we started to– Again, I’m saying own your power, now at the time I didn’t
know that. Then we started talking about her intimate relationship with her boyfriend –
and I guess, fiancé – and she was like, “Oh my gosh, I just feel like I need to leave this
relationship and it’s not healthy. I even worry that he may be a narcissist.” Again, I was like,
“Okay, cool. Here’s a woman that’s waking up and she’s ready to go, and I can totally help
her get through this.”
Then it gets to, “Oh, yes, we’re getting married in a couple of weeks.” I’m like, “What?
Whoa, you just got engaged a month ago.” “Oh, yes. Well, he really wants to get married,
and so we’re going to get married.” I immediately stopped the consult and said, “Listen, I
cannot work with you because you know this is not right for you and yet you’re still making
this choice, and it’s just not going to work in the coaching process.”
Again, I’m really getting firm about that now as I’m taking clients in. I will tell you, the
clients I have taken in in 2021 are freaking hot, they’re on fire. It’s just very naturally –
again, even before I knew this word of own your power – the clients who aren’t ready to
fully step into their power are dwindling away.
Going back to, what does somebody have to do? What do they have to go through to own
their power? Well, first off, if we go back to that consult call where I start with a potential
client is, first off, they’ve got to show me like, are they driven? Are they self-aware?
Because what I’m realizing, too, as I’m honing in more and more about the women that do
really well with the coaching that I provide, is they know, at least on some level, what their
blocks are.
A lot of them have done therapy or some other form of coaching and they’ve had success
with it. They may even say, “Yes, therapy was great. It started the ball rolling. Some clients
are like, “I love therapy. It was transformational for me. I just want more,” and some clients,
they’ve had nothing. They just haven’t needed it and that’s great, but I’m still looking for,
are they self-aware enough? Are they really catching some of the things that are holding
them back?
Because even as their coach, obviously I’m going to blow up that self-awareness for them,
but I want to see, do they at least have some nuggets here? Because what I’ve found, too,
if a client doesn’t even at least have nuggets, the coaching process just does not work. It’s
a lot of work for me, and I feel like I’m dragging a client along. Not that I don’t mind doing
that, it’s just that I feel like sometimes I’m not quite sure they know what their authentic
journey is yet, and I’m pulling them on something that they don’t even know their own
truth.
Again, if we’re looking at what own your power means, and it goes back to that definition
of stand confidently in your authentic truth, how in the hell are you going to stand
confidently in something if you can’t even find your authentic truth? Yes, I will help you
find that, but you’ve got to at least have just this little bud inside of you of, here’s what I
think this is, and then I just take that and I allow it to grow.
Again, going back to the consult, what am I looking for? I’m looking for that selfawareness. I’m looking for an energy. Now, I do have some clients, they cry on the consult
because that to me shows that I’m holding a really clean, safe space for them. Honestly, I
don’t mind emotional clients at all. Some people think, “Oh, you’re in coaching. You don’t
cry.” I had a client once who was like, “I’m so sorry, I’m crying.” I’m like, “No, that’s part of
the process. We cry sometimes. You’re here to heal, right?” I’m looking for them to be open
and receptive, and also just how coachable they are. How open are they to seeing areas of
improvement and changes in their life?
It’s interesting, too, because even on consults, I’ll sit there and I’ll listen to a woman– I
had a couple last month. I’m sitting there, I’m listening to them, and I’m like, “Okay, I’m
checking off all the boxes. Are they self-aware enough? Are they driven? Are they
coachable? Are they willing to look at their blind spots,” like all the things. Do I like her?
Do I think I can give her the results she wants and more? Because you may not have heard
this, but I guarantee results for clients.
Someone comes to me and says- I have a client recently that says, “I want to make the first
50K in my business by September 2022,” and where her energy was at, I was like, “I think
you can totally do this. Let’s go.” She was like, “Oh my gosh, you think?” I was like, “Yes.
Energetically where you’re at, you just need some little tweaks and some energy focus, and
I totally think you can do this.” I guaranteed that for her, so very powerful, but again I’m
listening and can I make these results happen for this client? Because in essence, I’m
putting my own money on the line there if they don’t get those. Then I’m thinking, “Can I
give them even more?”
There were some consults, as I said, last month, who I was like, “Okay, I think this is a yes
for me.” Then what happens is then the next test comes. Because a lot of them will even
tell me in the consult, “Yes, I want this. I’m a 10 out of 10,” and I’ll say, “Okay, what could
keep you from a 10?” Or if they’re not at a 10, what’s keeping you from that 10? So, we talk
through that. Tell them the price. Sometimes they may freak out a little, but we’ll coach
through that. Then we’ll coach through what the next steps are, if they need to talk to
their husband or figure out the money or whatever.
What has happened, especially in the past month as I’ve really stepped into who do I want
to work with even more, is some women, just the thought of owning their power in the
coaching process – even though, again, I have not been using that word – freaks them the
fuck out. It freaks them out. Because if you think about it, in a consult, my job is to get the
seed open in their life. What are all the things that are going on right now for you? I want
to know everything.
They’re having to really face some shit sometimes in that of like, “No, tell me, really, what’s
going on in your marriage? What’s really going on in your career?” That alone can be scary
to the brain, the brain doesn’t like to feel that stuff; but then, too, I’m like, “Tell me your 10
life. Where do you want to go?” So, we’re really dreaming that up as well. Then I’m being
very honest with them of like, “Okay, here’s what I see is going to be the process like for
you and here’s what’s going to feel hard for you. Are you ready for that?”
Then I’m like, “Okay. Yes, we can do those things and more,” and I tell them about the
money-back guarantee. I’m like, “I’m willing to put my money and time on the line for you
because I think that we can do this together.” Then, as I said, they walk away and some of
them just can’t hold even the power of that 60-minute free call we had together of
somebody saying, “Yes, I believe so much in you and your dreams and where you want to
go and helping you get through the shit that’s blocking you in the way right now, that I
will put my money and time on the line for you.” They can’t hold it. It’s too much. It’s too
big of a call for them to take right now.
Now, I have other clients, they get on the consult and we experience the exact same thing.
I tell them the things that are holding them back, getting the vision, putting my money on
the line for them, all the things. Then that’s the spark of like, “Oh my gosh. Finally, I found
the thing to get what I want out of life,” and it’s so exciting. Even though the money might
scare them or really, again, just investing that they’re really going to make this happen and
they know part of the process isn’t always going to be rainbows and daisies, they get so
excited. It’s such an opening for them that what’s so funny is even from just the free
consult, then they’re already starting to make changes and they’re already starting to make
their investment back before we’ve even started.
Again that’s what I’m starting to look for on a consult is all those qualities I mentioned.
Then how are they handling that between time? Because some clients, too, like I said, I’ll
say, “Okay, when are we going to check-in?” They’ll say, “Check in with me on this date.” I’ll
check in with them on that date, and some of them I don’t ever hear from. After a couple
days after that, I’m like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Coaching requires authentic and
open communication, and it requires you to make decisions. I need you to lean on me if
you’re needing help still making this decision. I’m here to coach you to a firm yes or no,
but I’m about to take my offer off the table because again, I need somebody to be
authentic and open and willing to make decisions.”
Again that’s when people really start to flounder, it’s like– I even have women who start to
get mad because it’s like really deep down, they’re feeling sad that, why am I not ready for
this? In essence, it shows to them the work that they need to do to believe in themselves
as much as I believe in them. That’s where it starts, is getting on that consult and having a
transformation from that call and really finding out, are you ready to fully step into your
power here and put your money where your mouth is, and have somebody that believes in
you that much and is going to guarantee that you’re going to get what you want out of the
next nine months of coaching?
Then after that our work begins, and we go through the first 90-day process of the Become
an Unstoppable Woman course. In that we are finding and shutting the bullshit, in essence,
that has been stopping them. We’re looking at what past pain we need to heal. Even for
clients who have done therapy and other work, or haven’t had any kind of trauma, there’s
always something to heal. Always. That’s just the way the brain is. Especially as a child, it’s
highly emotional. We’ve got to go in and find that stuff.
In another episode on the show, I talked about big ‘T’ trauma and little ‘T’ trauma, and big
‘T’ traumas like abuse and war and all of those things, but little ‘T’ traumas are just any
time that you are not able to fully express yourself. For a lot of women, especially if you’re
a woman of color, you’re experiencing that over and over and over and over again, and so
we’ve got to heal that stuff.
I’m also wanting to explore the messaging that you’ve gotten in your world, from society.
What messaging have you been hearing about you as a woman? What messaging have you
heard about love, and religion, and racial messaging, and money messaging? We need to
look at all of those thoughts that are going around in your brain and find them, and then
shed them so that you are no longer, in essence, not your authentic self.
Because again, if you remember, I alluded to this earlier when we were talking about
authentic selves. You come into this world as your spirit and your authentic self, and then
life happens and society puts in this programming. As I said, our childhood brain is highly
emotional, and so it programs in all this shitty stuff in a very emotional way in our brain.
Our brain then uses that to hold us back, even though that stuff no longer serves us
anymore. We know logically some of that stuff isn’t true. It’s just so deeply wired in that
brain. We have to reprogram it.
That’s what I’m starting to look at in the world. I will start to just really want to explore
with a client, just everything that goes on in their mind. Two, what’s cool about this is then
they learn the tools to do this for themselves. Not only are we doing this just in the nine
months we’re coaching together, they have this time and time and time again. Because
even though I’ve been doing this work now for- gosh, when did I start this? 2013, so eight
years – I always say new level, new devil. I’m always finding new beliefs to shed and
change.
I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I did a coaching session with Kaycee. I don’t
remember what we were coaching on specifically, but we found the belief that I’m too
much. So because I think I’m too much, that is a huge belief that’s been stopping me from
owning my power, and because I haven’t been fully owning my power in certain areas
because of that belief, it’s costing me money. It’s costing me my wellbeing. It’s costing me
depth in some of my relationships because again, if I’m walking around thinking I’m too
much, then I’m not going after things in full force.
Again, this is ongoing work, and then you have that process to fully shed that stuff. Then
after that we’ve really got to get you to a place where you are holding loving and firm
boundaries, so you stop tolerating bullshit. I have a client that I’ve been working with for a
long time now. She called it recently, “where is my energy leaving me?” in essence. That’s
the way that she had worded it, even though we’ve done boundary work and stuff, but it’s
so true.
When we don’t have loving and firm boundaries in our life, our energy just leaks out all
over and then we wonder why. Why am I so tired? Why am I not fully getting what I want?
Why do I not fully feel like myself? Well, that’s because you’re putting up with bullshit in
your life that you really know that you don’t want to but yet you are anyway. A part of that
goes back to, again, programming as a woman, and so we’ve got to really just shed that
stuff.
What I give my clients is a list of boundaries that they should be setting in their lives and
should- not coming from obligation, but just like it’s okay to set these – I think it’s a list of
20 – 20 boundaries in your life. Some of them are more obvious ones like nobody hitting
you, nobody verbally abusing you kind of thing; but smaller ones like nobody talking you
out of your truth, not having conversations that linger on longer than you want them to,
and things of that sort.
Just having that list is powerful of like, “Wow, I can actually set these in my life and I’m not
a bitch for doing so?” No. This is just actually how we all should be living in our lives
because it feels so much better. Then allowing them to get really specific about the
specific tolerations they’re putting up with and what that’s costing them. Them able to see
that is very powerful, too, in allowing them to start to shift that. From that they’re really
starting to use their voice even more.
Now, what we’re doing next in the coaching process for them to own their power so they
can accomplish those dreams in business and all the things is for them to take care of
themselves. Again, this is a big one for women; give, give, give, give, give; do, do, do, do,
do; it’s my responsibility to make sure everybody’s happy and healthy.
It’s so funny because I was just talking to my anti-racism coach, Alyssa Hall, and we were
talking about the Hispanic culture. You may not know this, but my ex, so my daughter’s
father, he’s Hispanic. I had a recent incident with him involving our daughter. How should I
word this? I’m trying not to give away details because it wasn’t a great situation. We were
talking about the Hispanic culture and she’s like, yes, that machismo kind of lifestyle is like
the man and the boy can do no wrong, and it’s the girls’ and the women’s responsibility to
make sure that everything’s okay.
I was like it’s so interesting because when him and I broke up, I loved his family. I loved
them deeply. I felt like once we broke up – and you may know that story, he had a double
life with another woman and all the things – I expected them to have my back. Yet, in
essence, I felt like I was completely left and nobody wanted to call out what had
happened. Part of me just thought, “Oh, that’s just his family,” and she’s like, “No, Lindsay.
That’s typically how the Hispanic culture is. It’s like they were probably secretly sitting
around thinking about how you were still at fault for what had happened.” I’m like, “Holy
shit.”
It just opened up my eyes to even- I’m thinking about my Hispanic clients and what they
have to really overcome in the coaching process for them to even find that because that
culture is just so accepted. Even though logically we know some of those things of like
that’s macho-man and all that stuff, but it’s still just- like these little things still seep in,
and for a lot of women, they still think, “Oh, I must have done something wrong or I didn’t
do enough.”
That’s a big one with my women clients, of course. It’s like, I’m not doing enough kind of
thing, and so I have to really get them to take care of themselves. That alone is
transformational to having someone own their power. Because when you’re worn out,
you’re not going to go after your goals and dreams. You’re not going to feel good in the
process. You’re going to be moody. You’re going to be tired. I have to really teach them
self-care and, like I said, boundaries and all the mental health tools, have them take care
of their physical health.
I had some clients recently who I kind of had a come to Jesus talk with – is what we say
here in the South – is, “Hey, you’re not getting the results you want right now because
you’re not eating and sleeping well. If you continue to do this, I can’t continue to have you
as a client,” these are ongoing clients, too, “because the coaching is just not going to work.
These are just physical needs that we need as humans, so what changes are you willing to
make in your life to make this happen? For one of them, it was standing up to her husband
and it was like, “Hey, I need more child care. This isn’t cool.” For another client, it was her
standing up to her boss and saying, “Hey, the way that you treat me and the hours you give
me are way too much.”
It ended up being that she actually quit that job, didn’t have another job lined up, and I
was like, “Holy shit, what have you done?” Was part of my mindset. A week later, she gets
another job, making double the amount of money, has an amazing work-life balance,
taking care of herself, starting to lose weight. I mean, this was just a couple months ago
that we had this conversation – this come to Jesus talk. Now, she’s going after goals like
rocket fire, especially her financial goals. It’s incredible. Just that one conversation of that
one shift of the basic needs of her getting sleep and eating, allowed her to own her power
and make this huge shift in her life.
This stuff is powerful, my friends. The other thing too that I’m really helping a client do to
own their power is I’m teaching them to be bigger than their brain. In essence, our brain is
here just to keep us safe and secure. We have to go in and intentionally program it for
happiness. If we want to feel good in this life, that’s intentional work we have to do.
It’s funny because I’ve had some one-on-one sessions with some old clients recently and
they’ve come to me and said, “Well, Lindsay, what’s going on with me? What’s wrong?” And
I’m like, “Nothing. You just haven’t been managing your mind. You just have a bunch of
cobwebs in there and that’s why you’re not feeling well.” I was like, “You’ve got to go back
and start using the tools.” The tools that I teach them are things like wins, and so they’re
intentionally looking at every day, what went well the day prior. They’re counting their
gratitude.
Because if you look at the research of gratitude, gratitude is the highest emotional
frequency that you can feel. If you’re just holding space for gratitude for a few seconds
every day, that has a trickle-down effect in your world. There’s been longitudinal studies
about gratitude and how it has changed people’s lives by them just briefly expressing
gratitude every day.
They’re doing something called a brag, where they’re really owning their power and who
they are and what they want. I’m teaching them how to journal, and mantras, and how to
do habit programming. Again, they can really instill anything they want in their life, so
their brain doesn’t self-sabotage. I’m teaching them something called the Inner Mean Girl,
about that voice that they have in their head that brings them down and how to, in
essence, overcome that voice and, again, be bigger than their brain.
Then after we do all that, all that shit that we have, in essence, found and started to shed,
then they are at a place of, okay, now that we’ve shed that shit – and granted, the work is
always going to be there – we’ve shed this big layer for you in the past three months in
that Unstoppable Woman program, now let’s spend three months just figuring out who you
really are.
We’re doing something called the Puzzle of You, I’ve mentioned it many times on the
show, but I’m looking at their admirations, their destiny, their child self, their needs, their
strengths, their values, their motivation, their way of thinking, their top 10 happiest
memories, so many things, to really figure out who is it that you are authentically in this
world. What is the soul of you?
That we’re, again – if we’re going back to that own your power definition, standing
confident in their authentic truth – this is where they’re getting that authentic truth. The
stand confident is coming from the first three months, the authentic truth is coming in the
next three months; and I think, too, the more you learn about yourself, the more confident
you feel. You’re like, “Yes, this is my truth. This is my belief. This is what I know to be as
me,” and so it’s just solidifying even more that stand confident piece of that own your
power.
Then from there, we are just getting very clear on what they want. Now that they know
who they are, there’s less shit in the way of getting it, so I’m teaching them how to do a
10-year vision, how to create life manifestos about what they want in their overall life. I’m
teaching them how to do some bodywork, to really feel in their body, how to make
decisions from that place and trust their intuition and to build that. Then from there, how
to get whatever the hell they want with ease.
We’re talking about something called Manifesting, which I know sounds woo-woo to some
of you, but manifesting is just getting really clear on what it is you want and desire and
then going after it. Then we’re doing things even more to trust your intuition and getting
them into something called Massive Action, which is a term I’ve talked about on the
podcast. I don’t want them in frantic action of doing all the things. I want them in this
deep massive action.
Then from there, they just keep repeating the process. They just take that process – new
level, new devil – and clear it up and clear it up and clear it up. They’re doing things to just
continually feel good and to let go of the shit that’s holding them back by using the tools,
doing self-care, doing more healing work, really tapping their body more, attracting better
things in their lives, so they have less shit to clean up. They’re feeling intentional feelings,
so I’m teaching my clients how to feel intentionally.
If they want to feel more joy, I’m teaching them how to intentionally feel more joy. Again,
it goes back to that be bigger than your brain concept of if you want to feel certain things
other than low-level emotions because that’s just what the brain naturally wants to feel,
you have to intentionally program them in there. Then they have ongoing coaching to use
time and time again to just continue to uplevel.
It’s so funny because I realize every week I get coached about three and a half hours a
week. I get coached twice right now and two one-hour sessions with Kaycee every week.
On Monday and Thursday, we coach. I coach with Alyssa, my anti-racism coach, on
Wednesdays typically. Then I spend about half an hour coaching just with some random
coaches in Brooke Castillo’s Self-Coaching Scholars program, which is a program I may end
up shedding as I’m going- I’m not going against her work, but just feeling fulfilled with
what I’ve learned there.
Anyways, people were like, “Holy shit.” Even my clients or even other coaches, like, “You
get coached three and a half hours a week?” I’m like, “Yes, baby, because I know that I’m in
a state of massive transformation right now and the way that I know I’m going to get that
massive transformation even more is to experience it through coaching, and to clear out
all the shit that’s holding me back, getting even clearer on what it is I want, and then
getting really, really in a place where I can get that stuff with ease and not having to be
frantic, or hustle, and all that bullshit male culture.”
That’s, in essence, my friends, what it’s like to own your power and what the process is to
own your power. What are the benefits of owning your power? Is, first off, you feel really
freaking good. You just do. That doesn’t say that you always feel good. I must admit, I don’t
really like stirring the pot. I don’t really like having to speak my truth sometimes when it’s
uncomfortable, but I know by me knowing my authentic self and what I’m here to do in the
world because I have things like my manifesto, that I know when it’s time to speak up and
when it’s not.
It goes back to when I said I invested in anti-racism coaching, that was one thing I knew I
wanted to create in this world. I know that I want to be an activist for anti-racism work. I
want to be an ally to all marginalized communities. Not just people of color, but for people
who are LGBTQ community plus – it feels like every time there’s a letter added – and
beyond, and people who have less neurotypical brains. Which is something I’ve shared
briefly on the podcast because I’m starting to discover that I may have ADHD and it may
even be on the autism spectrum, and so I’m really taking in the ableism that I’ve
experienced in my life without even knowing it. That goes back to that societal bullshit we
don’t even question.
You feel a lot better. Again, you know when to speak up, you know when it’s time to get
uncomfortable and it really makes a difference and it really matters. I think for me, the
biggest thing is before I would wake up, before I do coaching, and I was just like, “What am
I living for?” It’s not like I was suicidal. Even I had my daughter. After I had my daughter, I
was like, “Okay, I guess I’m living for my daughter,” but it wasn’t like, what am I here for?
What is my purpose? What am I meant to do in this world?
Even on days when I wake up– I did not get good sleep last night, I must admit. I tossed
and turned all night. I still woke up this morning like, “Yes, another day.” If you look
through my journal, almost every day my gratitude is I’m grateful for another day and the
opportunity to live it. It’s so true because I know what I’m here to do in this world, I know
what I’m here to create and that creates ongoing motivation for me. It’s so exciting. I also
know what relationships I’m here to cultivate. Of course, it’s always an ongoing process
like I’m doing right now with clients of like, who do I work best with? What do I love the
most? Et cetera, but I have this work to always fall back on and just get better and better.
That’s why when clients experience big money shifts with me of making– I have one client
that was making like 60K, that’s now making 100K in a corporate job. Just over the past
few months that’s made the shift, and she did not have a shift in her salary for years. It’s
not like her industry is booming right now. It’s just a normal old industry. It’s just she’s
owned her power in that.
At the end of the day, really what you gain by owning your power is- what I always say is
like the deathbed experience. You’re on your deathbed and you have no fucking regrets.
You’re just like, “I fucking did it. I fucking live this life, and it’s incredible and I’m so glad I
did what I did. Yes, I made mistakes along the way, but I had the tools to really process
those mistakes and not beat myself up for it, but I lived the life,” and you can die with
peace, and you have made such an impact in this world along the way. You’ve changed
lives just by being you. It doesn’t mean you have to be in an industry like mine where
you’re intentionally trying to change lives, just by being you and your energy has shifted
the world. It’s incredible.
[exhales] I feel like I talked about a lot today with owning your power. Thank you for
tuning in and for listening to this whole thing. I hope you’re as excited as I am about this
shift that’s happening in my business. I hope it really sparks something in you to really say,
“Yes, I want to do this work. I want to own my power so I can accomplish my goals and
dreams in business,” and beyond, of course. We do all the beyond stuff, too, but if you
really have a business goal that you want to change, and you want to have a deep
transformation in your life, I’m your girl.
At this time of this recording, which I said is June 2020, I’m looking at my client chart for
the year– I’m sorry, 2021. I’m looking at my client chart for the year, there are 25 more
women I want to work with this year. 25. I’m holding space for those 25. Maybe you’re one
of them and if you feel called to, the next step is to apply for a free consult. You go to
Lindsay – L-I-N-D-S-A-Y – epreston.com/apply to apply for that consult. There’s always a
link in the show notes as well. I’d love to have a consult with you and to give you a
transformation just in an hour of your time for absolutely free.
Thank you again for joining me on this episode today. As always so grateful to have you,
and I will see you next time. Bye.
[music]
Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.