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NUMB VS. NEUTRAL

Do you know if you’re in a numb or neutral mindset? Let’s break down what both look like so you can determine which you’re in and start to stay in a neutral place.

Feelings of Numbness vs. feelings of neutrality

“Not many people strive to be neutral, but it’s highly underrated. When you’re neutral you’re fully present. Because of this presence, it’s easier to be authentically YOU. You’re not thinking about the past or future, you’re thinking about just enjoying the moment now.”

This may come as a surprise, but hands down one of the most common questions I get asked from my clients is, “Am I numb or am I just neutral?”

This question comes AFTER they put in the work to heal the blocks from their past that are holding them back. But after starting this work, I see clients get so used to feeling neutral that as new up-levels come up for them, numbness and neutrality can start to feel similar and they feel unsure of which mindset they’re in.

It all goes back to that Inner Mean Girl (the negative inner voice in your head) who will come up time and time again to self-sabotage you and gently push you back into numbness.

But today’s episode is going to help you spot EXACTLY when you’re falling back into numbness so you can prevent it and continue to stay in a beautiful neutral place. 

YOU’LL ALSO LEARN:

  • The key differences between numb and neutral feelings, thoughts, and emotions
  • How thinking about your most authentic memories can help you spot exactly what neutrality feels like
  • Why neutrality is such an underrated BEAUTIFUL thing
  • The key way to shift from numbness to neutrality

…and so much more

You may not realize yet how wonderful neutrality truly is, but I promise after this episode, you’re going to want to shift to a neutral place, and you’ll have the tools to get you started.

Make sure you’re present while listening to this one. Tune in at the top of this page.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

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Full Transcript:

NUMB VS. NEUTRAL

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 126, Numb vs. Neutral.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fear- facing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife, mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]


Hi there, beautiful, unstoppable woman. So happy to have you for another episode. I swear I start every episode saying that, but I can’t help it. I’m always so grateful that you’re here. Today, we’re going to be talking about numb versus neutral. This is a question I get often with my clients. “Lindsay, am I numb or am I just neutral?” [chuckles] I’ll get into all the logistics as to why they asked that because it may not be a question that goes through your head, but it is for them and I’ll, again, tell you why in a bit.

Before I get into all of that, first off, if I sound a little different, it’s because I’m recording on my phone. I have had so many tech things just go wrong today, between cords not working, not finding headsets. It’s been a very, very busy few weeks for me. Just to give you a little insight, last week I had my very first live event for some of my clients, so I got to meet them in real life, which is so much fun. I haven’t met many of them and some of them I have known for five, six years. It was just incredible to have them right in front of me for a few days.

We got to celebrate them. What we did is we created recap videos of their growth this past year, and we started those videos with their consult call because even if they were renewing, there was a consult call of, “Okay, what do you want to gain this next year to say this is the best investment?” We have clips of that consult of what they said they want to gain, then we have clips of them getting coached throughout the year and making progress. Then, we showed the final product. Each video is about 8 to 10 minutes long.

Then after we showed their video, they had about a 20-minute hot seat where they just talked about maybe things they missed in the video, how they felt watching it. We went around the room and all the different women shared what they learned from them throughout the year if they were in my group program called Living the Dream, which is my program for ongoing clients. If they were one-on-one clients and they just happened to meet them, they shared what they gained most from their video. It was a beautiful experience because it’s just so powerful, I think, to seeing the community of these women.

I’ve had online communities now for years. Ever since I started my business, I had an online community. The online world is noisy, and we pop in and out. It’s different when you’re in person with people. What’s so cool is that these women have been online buddies for a while now and witnessing one another in group coaching calls, again, if they’ve been in my group program, and then to meet one another in real life and to tell them in person words of affirmation and inspiration and just their feelings about that person was so powerful.

There were lots of tears, there were lots of hugs. [sighs] It was just a very wonderful experience. I’m still soaking it in now that it’s only a week later. I feel like my self-concept as a coach has completely changed to a whole new level of, “Holy crap. Look at what I’ve helped these women do this past year during a global pandemic when I had a two-year-old mostly on my hip all year with very little to no childcare.” I’m just feeling so proud of myself, of course feeling so proud of them and all they’ve accomplished.

It’s not easy to do this work sometimes and we lost some friends along the way who just couldn’t keep the momentum going for whatever reason, different self-sabotaging things that were going on. I’m just so proud of them making it to that room. We even missed a couple of friends because they just couldn’t make it that weekend and so I’ll be sharing their videos with them one-on-one soon.

Anyways, it’s just been an amazing few weeks. It’s been a lot too to manage that with my personal life and just the energy of meeting them in person and holding that space for them all weekend. I must admit, there were times I was really tired over that weekend. Next year, I need to manage my energy better. I told them, I was like, “You’re going to see how introverted I am and how Enneagram 5 I am.” Again, it was such a beautiful experience. Then tomorrow, I fly out to Mexico for a few days with my husband.

I’m actually recording this on a Friday night at ten o’clock at night in my master bedroom closet, as I said, on my iPhone, making this happen. I am at the absolute end of a due date of getting this episode out. I’m just here making it happen before I fly out tomorrow to go spend some time with him. We haven’t had a trip alone in a long time, I think since our honeymoon, which was five years ago because then, we got pregnant and had my son. [sighs] Just a lot going on. Two, I’m in a launch right now, launching to my ongoing clients to join Living the Dream next year.

Summer is ending. I’m transitioning to fall with my kids, they’re going to school, just all the things. I just wanted to share all that with you to– [chuckles] Who knows why? Warm it up, I guess. Oh, my gosh. Today, I’m talking to you about numb versus neutral. As I said earlier, this is a very, very, very common client question, especially for my ongoing clients. Here’s why. Because when they go through the coaching process, the first three months of coaching, we get into what I consider the blockwork. What are the things that are holding them back from success?

We’re looking at primary thoughts that I call bullet holes that are keeping them stuck from moving forward. Most of these bullet holes are things that are in the sub or unconscious, so it’s things that’s happened from their past, they had thoughts that they took away from those experiences about themselves, the world, and others. Then from there, they just started to, in essence, recreate those experiences over and over and over again. It goes back to– Example given often is you tend to date the parent that hurt you the most over and over and over again.

I used to tell my therapist, when I used to see a therapist, that it was like I was dating the same guy over and over again, they just got better-looking. [chuckles] It wasn’t until I did that work did things start to shift for me. That’s typically what we do the first three months. In that work, they typically feel a little funky. It doesn’t feel so great. What’s so eye-opening about that work is it’s not just the work that feels a little funky, they realize, “Holy crap, I’ve actually spent most of my life feeling funky but I didn’t realize it until I’ve gone into the depth of it.”

I will tell you this happens at any level. I’m dealing with this with my own growth. I’ve done this work now for, gosh, six, seven years. I’m at a new level right now doing this work. Just last week, I had a call with Kaycee Joy, who I’ve brought on the podcast before, she coaches me, and we were talking about things in my marriage. As we dug deeper and deeper, I’m like, “Oh, this feels so uncomfortable. I’m seeing now how I’m holding myself back. I’m seeing now the depth of the sadness and feeling the sadness of how I’m holding myself back.”

That feeling has always been there. I just didn’t have the time, or the space, or the awareness, frankly, to really go deeper into that and to pull that out. Right now, it feels really funky. It’s just like when you go and you get a boo-boo. You go and you skinned your knee. At first, it doesn’t feel so bad, but then when you’re going and you’re treating it, I think of a kid, now they have all these Neosporin things that doesn’t hurt. At the time, it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, that hurts so bad,” before things would start to heal.

In a psychology role, they call it the Herxheimer effect, things get worse before they get better. That’s how my clients feel the first three months, it’s like, “This isn’t feeling so great.” Now, I have some clients, I have one right now I’m thinking of, she’s doing really well on the first 90 days. We’re getting through stuff. She is applying it really fast. She’s like, “Damn, Lindsay, I feel better than ever. Now, I know how to shift out of these thoughts.” Everybody is different. Typically, the first three months, you’re feeling icky because you’re going and feeling the depth of what needs to be let go.

Then the next three months of coaching, people are feeling really good. Typically by the end of those first three months, I’ll ask them and I’ll check-in and say, “How are you feeling lately?” I show them this emotional chart of the frequency of emotions, and that chart goes from the lowest frequency emotion, which is shame, goes up into guilt and sadness, and then it goes up a little bit more and goes to anger, and goes to empowerment. Then in the middle of that chart is neutrality, so neutral. Typically at the end of those first three months, they’re like, “Lindsay, I feel pretty neutral now.” I’m like, “Great, that’s awesome. That’s exactly how I want you to feel right now in the coaching process.”

Then after that, they start to have an upswing, typically, and so they start to feel more feelings of peace, and joy, and love, and gratitude, and courage, and all those yummy things. They’ll fill those for three months, and then they’ll take action. The last three months are in this massive action, they’ll feel some discomfort lightly because they’re taking that massive action and maybe some other things will come up for them, but they’re still pretty much on that high.

If they dip down, they dip down to that neutral feeling and if they dip lower than that neutral feeling into what’s called “low-level emotions” or “negative emotions”, then they can pull themselves out pretty quickly back to neutral because we’ve just recently done a fresh clean-out of the blocks that have been holding them back for them to be able to get this upswing in this up-level.

What happens after that if they don’t continue to work with me, especially, I’ve seen this– I’ve mentioned often, I have this Living the Dream program for my ongoing clients. After those nine months, just depending on when they end and when Living the Dream is open, because it’s only open every August, I will then ask them if they want to join Living the Dream. For the clients that do, then they just continue this upswing. They continue feeling neutrality, but they also dip down into the low-level emotions too because typically, they’re then ready for their next up-level. I’ll give you an example.

I have a client who she came in and she said, “Lindsay, I really want to find what my life purpose is. I have a taste of what that is because I have a day job and I have the side job and I really, really love my side job. I really want to make the transition to that, but I want to make sure I’m really focusing on what my life purpose is.” I was like, “Great, awesome.” We work together, we find the life purpose. She’s really then very clear about where she wants to go next in her career, which has elements of her side gig in there, but we were able to expand that into her building this really authentic business for her.

We’ve done that and she was somebody that I celebrated this past weekend of her doing that. Not only that. She got a new job in her day job, and then she has already gotten promoted at that day job, and she’s increased her income many times over to now make six figures plus in her day job, and this is somebody I wish I could tell you her whole story. I need to bring her on the podcast, because she came from making next to minimum wage and has worked her way up to now being an executive. Just a beautiful story, but anyways, we accomplished that goal. We got her really firm on where she wants to go next in her career.

We were even able to up-level her current career, which is a bonus, and we did so many other things in there. Now, she’s at a place of, “Okay, now I want to build my authentic business even more and I want support doing that.” She’s just at her new level. She’s now ready to get more visibility to really put herself out there as a business owner more to make the transition this next year from basically full-time corporate person to full-time entrepreneur. Luckily, she was very smart and she said yes to Living the Dream. This next year, we’re going to be able to continue her upswing in her momentum.

Now, had she not said yes, I don’t know what would have happened, but I’ve seen this happen with some of my clients, is they’ll say no for whatever reason, and I respect that, and then what happens is that yes, they have the coaching tools, and yes, they can still keep the momentum. I talked about this on other podcast episodes. I did this as a client, I worked with my coach for nine months. After nine months, I was like, “Okay, I’m good. I’ll call you if I need you.”

I called her every once in a while for a session here or there, but then I had an upswing and I continued that upswing for maybe about a year after we were done coaching, and then I started to flatline, and then I started to move backwards, and then I just couldn’t keep the forward momentum going. I just started spinning for a couple of years, and it wasn’t until 2019, so a couple of years even after that– To just give you a timeline. I know you’re like, “2019? How many years?” It was like a couple of years I was kind of like that. I called her up and I was like, “Hey, I need coaching again. I need some help.”

It wasn’t until I said yes to myself at that coaching and she started to show me blocks that I just couldn’t see. Even though I had all the tools for success and I’m a coach myself, I’m just too close to my own brain, and I was able then to get back up into that massive action place and get to my next up-level. If you’ve heard my story, you know 2019, my business started to really have some momentum, 2020, even more momentum, and 2021 has been even more. What I’m about to do this month in my business in one month is what I did all last year, to give you an idea. Things are really picking up for me, and especially because I’m getting more and more and more coaching. I’ve been coached a lot this past year.

Alright. Anyways, just wanted to give you all the story there. Going back to numb versus neutral, why is this a question for them? Because they’re so used to feeling neutral that sometimes when new up-levels come up for them, numb and neutral feel similar or so they think on the surface, but what’s really happening is this inner mean girl voice. That negative inner voice in your head that puts you down, also in the psych world is known as the ego, will come in and start to self-sabotage and very gently start to just make you numb and numb and numb and numb and numb.

First off, what I want to do is I want to just break down what numb looks and feels like and what neutral looks and feel like. Then, we’ll start to break down how you can start to determine when you’re in either mindset. Let’s talk neutral first. When you’re in a state of neutrality, you are emotionally and you are physically present. If you’re in a room, you are fully in that room, you’re not on your phone, you’re not thinking about other things that you have to do. You’re truly embodied in that room, taking in the sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, what you’re looking at. You just feel very, very present, and you’re engaged with life because you’re so present, but you’re not attached to anything.

I have so many clients, I’ll ask them a question at one point in the coaching process, “Tell me a time when you felt most authentically like you,” and every effing time, when they tell me a memory, it’s about a time they were really present. Again, they’re just really engaged with life. One example I’m thinking of is a client who was sitting on a lawn and she was just sitting on a lawn, talking to her friends, they were just having some drinks and having some tasty food, and they were just connecting, and she was totally present at the moment. Such as simple moment, right? Yet, that’s the first thing that came up to her when I said, “Tell me a time when you felt most authentically like you.”

She wasn’t attached to the day, wasn’t attached to the conversation or how anything would go. She was just in the moment. Because you’re in the moment and because you’re so present, it’s so easy for you to just be fully authentically you. It’s just like you’re not thinking about the past or future, you’re thinking about right now and you’re thinking about just enjoying the moment. Of course, the best part of you comes out or the most authentic part of you comes out, because that’s just what happens when you’re present. Many of us can’t get to that neutral state because our brains, without us knowing it most times, are so stuck on programming from the past.

That’s why with my clients, we spend those first three months clearing out the past stuff, clearing out those blocks, and then at the end of those three months, they’re feeling neutral because they’re not in the past anymore. If a client has anxiety, I’m one of them, I definitely have anxiety as well, then what we’ve done is we’ve taught the mindfulness techniques to guide their brain back anytime they have an anxious thought so again, they can be really present and so that’s why again they’re feeling very neutral. Making sense? I hope so.

Typically too, when someone’s neutral, they feel pretty spiritually connection. Let me say that again. They feel spiritually connected if that’s their thing. For most of my clients, if not all of my clients, they have some sort of spiritual belief. I’ve had clients before who don’t have a spiritual connection and I will tell you, I’m starting to realize that those that don’t don’t thrive as much in my coaching process as the ones that do.

Just to give you a little background, my coaching process is highly based on the coaching school I went to, which at the time was called the Gardner Institute and now has been rebranded to the Divine Intelligence Institute. When she rebranded, and she, I’m referring to a woman named Dr. Jane Gardner, she made it a very spiritual process. She’s like, “This process will allow you to be more spiritually connected.”

At the time when I learned the process, it wasn’t like that, it was very scientifically based, but then she’s evolved to it being a spiritual process because people who go through this process, they just grow their spirituality practice. Again, if they’re not a spiritual person, the work just doesn’t sink in as much, and they don’t have that higher upswing of those high emotions. I can get them to neutral, but they tend to just stay in neutral and they tend to stay at low-level emotions.

In fact, I actually had to let a client go recently who wasn’t spiritual at all because when we got to the second part of the coaching process, she would have an upswing, but then she would immediately have a downswing again, and then we would have an upswing, and then another downswing. Anytime she had a downswing, I would ask her questions for her to see the bigger picture of life, but because she had no spiritual connection, it was really hard for her to get there.

Anyways, going back to neutral, what it feels like, you feel really spiritually connected. For my clients, they know this to be true too, because we’ve done a lot of work on who their authentic self is, and their authentic self is in essence, for lack of a better word, like their God-given them, so the version of them that they were meant to be before society programmed in things and before they experienced things that hurt them.

Because of that, then they’re like, “Oh my gosh, this is who I’m meant to be in the world, not this other version of myself,” and so you just naturally feel very spiritually connected. You also feel really energized when you’re neutral, but it’s not like this [giggles] kind of energy, it’s a grounded energy. Again, it’s like you’re very embodied, so you’re in your body, you’re present, and you’re just in the moment.

You’re just like, “Yes, I’m here for whatever life brings me, but I’m not coming at life with what I often say is like this frantic action energy of, “Where are we going? What are we doing? Da da da, la la la,” and you’re like, “Whoo. Girl, take a breath.” When you’re neutral, you’re like, “I’m just here, I’m open, I’m here to take in abundance, I’m here if things get thrown my way that I will redirect it, and I will make it work for my greatest good.”

Also, you’re not really needing distractions when you’re neutral, and so distractions are things that you do that you don’t want to do, but you’re doing them anyway. For some people, it’s going home every night and having a glass of wine or maybe many glasses of wine and being like, “Oh, I really want to quit drinking,” going home, watching Netflix, being on their phone, or just doing it even when they’re not at home and being like, “Oh, I hate being on this phone, why am I doing this?” or, “I hate watching all this TV, I don’t really want to do that.”

Or, they’d go around and they gossip around people, or they’re overworking, or they’re over caretaking, or they’re shopping when they really don’t want to. Again, a distraction can be any of those things, but really, the core definition is you’re doing it but you don’t want to do it. When you’re neutral, you’re not really doing this, and that’s why, again, with my clients, those first three months, we are testing them on what are your top distractions, and I’m teaching them how to cut them intentionally, and then they get cut unintentionally just by the work that we do together in those first three months to feel, deal, and heal through the blocks and the traumas and whatever words you want to call it that have been holding them back.

Again, when you don’t have distractions in your life, you just feel really free too of, “I don’t really–” because really, what distractions are is you’re using those things so you don’t have to feel emotion. You’re wanting a quick hit of an endorphin, “Ooh, let me swipe that credit card and buy that thing on Amazon.” “Ooh, let me eat that chocolate.” “Ooh, let me drink that wine.” “Ooh, let me say this gossip, because it feels so good to say it in that one moment,” right?

When you’re neutral, you don’t need those quick hits, because you felt through the “negative emotion” and so you don’t need anything to numb you out of that. You’re just like, “It’s not even present for me at this time.” Because of that too, you’re really clear- headed, and so then you can easily start to go into those higher level emotions of being creative and expressive, like showing your love, and being connected, and gratitude, and that’s when you can open up vulnerability and you can hold space for other people with their vulnerability.

If we go back to that one client example, when I asked her the memory of her most authentic self, like I said, it was just her and her friends sitting on a lawn, talking, being vulnerable with one another sharing stories about life, and it was just a very beautiful experience for her because she was able to be vulnerable. All right, so that’s what neutral feels like, now let’s look at numb.

Numb is– Now you might be physically present in a room, but you’re feeling really out of it. I know when I felt numb, it’ll be like, “Okay, I know that I’m sitting here at this room in my daughter’s school right now and she’s getting up to perform, but I’m just really out of it [chuckles] of what’s going on around me. I don’t really feel like I’m in my body. I’m likely probably in my head a lot, likely overthinking things, or I’m just feeling really tired.”

For me and a lot of my clients, when we feel numb, we felt really tired. It’s like you’re a zombie, almost, you’re just so out of it. Even if you’re getting decent sleep, you’re still like, “Gosh, why do I feel so tired?” You feel because you’re so tired too, you’re like you’re a muted or dulled version of yourself of just like, “Oh, hey, guys, what’s going on?” You don’t really even have emotion, it’s just you’re just out of it.

I spent, gosh, a decade of my life at least being pretty numb. I went years of my life without crying, and I would feel happy sometimes but it was kind of just like this fake happy, I would describe it. I don’t know. If you followed me for a while, you can even hear in my voice, as I’ve grown and changed as not just a coach but a human being, my voice has changed over the years, my energy has changed. Now, there are times in certain episodes I’ll be like, “da da da da da da” [blabbers] [chuckles], but for the most part, it’s like I’m pretty chill, I’m pretty present, but again, when you’re numb most of the time and you do feel those high-level emotions, it’s almost like an anxious feeling, like somebody who’s drank too much caffeine.

They’re really not present, and that’s the easiest way for me to feel the difference between them and neutral, is you’re just not present in the moment, you’re likely in the past or in the future in your head so you’re trying to plan through something that’s happening in the future that you want to think through, or avoid, or diminish your anxiety so that it feels better to you to plan in the future. Or, you’re in the past thinking about things that have happened and wishing it would change.

The time I was definitely the most numb in my life was when I went through my divorce. I would just sit in the bathtub for hours and stare at the wall and do nothing. I would sit in the bath for so long that I got irritated on my back, the skin of just like sitting against the tub. Whoo, it was a lot. That was just because I could not be present to fully take in yet the trauma I was experiencing and the trauma of my daughter going with her father and how scary that felt at the time.

I was really out of it, I was using distractions often. There were times I would go out and I would just get super drunk. There were times too when I started dating again, I’m just like, “Oh, give me the quick hit of a hot date,” or meeting this guy and him wining and dining me and feeling that and trying to keep my mind off of how I really felt, which was really shitty. I didn’t have the tools either to feel the depth of that, and so so many of us are walking around like, “Oh, I’m just going through a hard time,” or, “It’s because I had a hard childhood,” or this or that.

The reality is, is yes, do those things impact you? Absolutely. I’m not diminishing them, but you just don’t have the tools either to feel the depth of them. I was just talking to one of my clients who’s actually a budding new coach, and she was talking about this with one of her clients, how her client comes with a call, and she is happy, and she really doesn’t have anything to coach on. Yet, you can tell by her quality of life just some of the behaviors she does, it’s like she’s not as happy as she appears.

I was coaching my client on it and I said, “Listen, you’ve got to either get her into the depth of her feelings, or she needs to shift her thinking and move on,” but what she’s doing right now is she’s putting this fake Band-Aid on things and she’s sort of swimming in her feelings but sort of not. It’s either let’s get to the depth of this and heal the shit out of it, or let’s shift it and move on.

Where my motto always is it’s let’s go to the depth of it. I mean, if we need to put a Band- Aid on it for some immediate reason because you’ve got something coming up at work and you just need a quick mindset shift to be able to perform or you’re just not at a headspace where you want to go into the depth of things, that’s fine, but the way to really heal it is to go into the depth of it and feel the depth of whatever is going on inside of you to then be out of that numb feeling and likely some other feelings that don’t feel so fun.

And too, you’re probably using distractions a lot, I already said that, and you just feel foggy. You’re just, again, very zombie-like. It’s so interesting because once I got out of the state of mind of being numb, I realized all of my friends at the time were like zombies. Now, I can’t help but see it when I’m just walking around. I’m like, “Oh, that woman’s numb. Oh, that woman’s numb. That woman’s numb. Oh, he’s numb. [chuckles] That’s numb.” It breaks my heart, to be honest with you, because it’s not a fun feeling. You want to be fully present for life and experience the depth of it, even the shitty things. [chuckles]

There are even times, even this week, I was again coaching with Kaycee and we’re getting into some depth of things, and it’s so uncomfortable at times and my body reacts to it in certain ways. I’m dealing with really owning my feminine power right now. The feminine parts of me are reacting to that, believe it or not, it’s crazy. That’s really uncomfortable. I don’t like feeling like crap [chuckles] physically, mentally, emotionally, but I know that this will lead to change. I know the process enough. Thank God that I will feel the depth of this and then I’ll have a breakthrough and it will change.

I just experienced this even just a few weeks ago. I talked about it I think a little bit on my body episode, or I think I talked a lot about it actually. I think it was the episode right before this one of I just went into the depth of one of my sessions with Kaycee about the thoughts that’s going on in my mind about my body, especially my breasts. I just really went deep in that with her of letting all the thoughts on how frustrated I feel and how sad and mad and all the things, and then I challenged myself to go bra-less and really just face it like, “Okay, I’m going to face the world authentically as me. Here I am, world.”

I felt so bad. I felt horrible. I really wanted to go to that numb state of mind because it just felt so crappy that day of like, “Oh God, give me something to get me out of this,” because too, I had stuff I needed to do that day. What happened then is that I had a breakthrough that night of like, “Wow, Lindsay. You survived a whole day bra-less, showing yourself authentically to the world. You didn’t die,” because our brain loves to think that we’re going to die from anything even if it’s not a physical death, it’s a death of the whole, in essence, tribe shunning us and so nobody will ever want to love us or be with us. Back in the caveman and woman days, if we were shunned from the tribe, we would die. Our brain goes there.

Anyways, I have this breakthrough and then it was like, [sings] on the other side of, “No, I can just be me. It feels so good.” I realized yet again of, “Whoo,” it feels the shittiest right before the clouds part and the sun shines in. It’s like this really heavy deep rain almost, and then the sun comes out the next day and it’s like, “Yes. Now look at all this nourishment we have on the ground because of that rain.” Isn’t it so beautiful? You allowed yourself to just feel and cry and all the things.

I share all of that with you, again, to fully get you to understand the difference between numb and neutral. Neutral, even though it’s right in the middle of the emotional charts and people really want to get to those high-level emotions of joy, and love, and peace, and gratitude, and those are great, trust me, but I will tell you, neutral, it’s underrated. I really love feeling neutral.

I have to generate neutrality often in my life as a coach. I go into almost every coaching call (I should be going into every one, but I’m human, not every one, am I always neutral.) I go into these coaching calls of just like I’m here to be present. I’m here to help them with whatever they need, fully show up as my authentic self, really stay connected to my spiritual source, so then again, I’m my most authentic self. I’m feeling really grounded like I’m really present, clearheaded, and just holding that space for them, listening intently, asking questions, providing guidance that I feel like sometimes is channeled through me through spirit.

It’s a great feeling. It’s a great, great feeling to have. My clients who have felt it and then they lose it for whatever reason because, again, new level, new devil sometimes. They’re like, “Oh, Lindsay, I just want to get back to neutrality.” I’m like, “I know. We will get there. I promise. You’re just at your next level, but now you know the tools and so it’ll be so much faster to get through it, probably. Then, remember the upswing and you’ll get the goal or goals that you want,” because what’s so cool too is whenever we set a goal or goals, then what happens is the brain will automatically, and even the body too, will start to show you, “Hey, here are the things that need to go for you to get this goal.”

That’s why a lot of times, if we just look at typical society, “Let’s set New Year’s Resolutions, January 1st,” and so they set them. By February 15th, it’s a stat of something like 80% of people give up on their goals and resolutions. That’s only six weeks later. You know why? Because that first six weeks is the shittiest. It feels horrible. You’re pulling all the things that are in the way. People don’t know this and so they’re like, “Oh, I just can’t do it. It’s not meant for me. It’s too hard.”

Also too, they don’t have the tools to push through and really feel the depth of feeling that shittiness to then get on the other side of it, which would likely be for them, even just late February or March. They will be like, “Oh my gosh, look at this momentum I’ve already created in the first three months of the year. Yes,” and then they would hopefully keep going. My friends, neutrality is a great place. Numb is not very fun. If you are feeling numb, hopefully this is a wake-up call for you. Maybe it’s time for you to start coaching with me so we can get through that numbness. Maybe it’s time to see a therapist or seek another coach who you feel called to to help you through that.

I promise you, on the other side is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful place of this neutrality. Again, anytime, I’m really speaking to my clients here of, “Lindsay, neutral versus numb?” I’m going to say, “Go listen to this episode because it’s very, very apparent, the differences between the two.” Now, of course, you can always ask me. We can coach on it and really make sure what you’re feeling is neutrality and not numb.

I will say on that note, sometimes clients are so used to feeling so crappy for so long. We think sometimes it’s like, “Oh Lindsay, are you working with all these people who just lay in bed all day and do nothing?” No. These are driven, successful women who have made success happen even though they have been behind the scenes feeling like crap. Even too, they didn’t even consciously know sometimes that they are feeling like crap because it’s just like, “Oh, I’ve always just felt this way.” It’s just like a part of them. It’s like being born with a headache and not realizing what a headache feels like because you’ve always had it.

For clients, when they get to that neutral place, it can be very daunting of like, “Oh my gosh. You mean I can just go enjoy my life?” It’s like, “Yes, you can just go enjoy your life.” They freak out and think, “Is something wrong here?” I’m like, “No. You’re just feeling neutral. Enjoy it. Go be present. Go live your authentic life, not have attachment to things and just be in the present moment and not worrying about the future or thinking about the past.” [sighs] I hope this episode helped you. I hope you had some insight for it. As I said, I’m staying up on a Friday night to record it for you on my phone. Fingers crossed the audio sounds good. I will see you for the next episode. Bye.

[music]

Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.

In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can be, so believe in yourself. You got this.

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