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CARE LESS WHAT OTHERS THINK

Let’s face it, we ALL care what others think about us. But did you know you don’t have to? I’m chatting with Julia Wells today about how to stop caring what other people think.

How to not care what people think

“When we get so consumed by checking off the boxes or pleasing other people, we forget what we even want. It can take a lot of work and a lot of space to give yourself room to even explore, ‘Who am I? What are the things that bring me joy? What am I really good at doing? What do I love doing? What do I want more of in my life? What do I want to create?'” – Julia Wells

BIG truth moment, friend. I’ve got some questions for you. Answer honestly please.

Do you ever find yourself thinking things like…

“I can’t do that! I would disappoint ______” (fill in the blank with: my parents, my friends, my partner, etc.)

“I wonder what _____ thinks about me” (fill in the blank with: a new friend, an ex, people from high school, a family member, or even a total stranger)

“Will I get judgement or negative feedback if I speak up in this moment?”

“Will people like this photo if I post it?’

Do you ever find yourself consciously or unconsciously trying to change yourself to fit the mold of what OTHER PEOPLE want for you?  

I hate to break it to you, but if you said yes to any of the above, you care what people think of you.

The good news is, you are far from alone here. I haven’t met a single soul who doesn’t care about what others think of them….until they learn otherwise. 

Because caring about what others think of us is part of our DNA.

The bad news however is that caring what others think about you is weighing you down. You’re likely focused on pleasing others and holding yourself back from being the person you were meant to be. This is costing you precious time, energy and fulfillment in your life.

This unconscious (or conscious) fear of being judged, talked about and unliked by others is primal. We need connection to survive and thrive in our world around us.

However, when does that need for connection go too far? When does that fear start to consume our life and make it miserable? Today on the show you’ll find out.

In this throwback episode from my previous podcast, Life Luvers Radio, I interview the incredible Julia Wells about how to stop caring what other people think about you.

Julia is a Women’s Business Coach who helps women create and build businesses in their feminine power. In her once popular “Zero Fucks” challenge, she taught women how to live a life where they feel free from the misery of what others think of them. In this Become an Unstoppable Woman episode, she’s giving you a taste of how to do that for yourself too.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR:

  • The difference between not caring what others think and just being selfish
  • How to be aware of when you’re caring what others think of you
  • How your life can change when you care less about what others think of you
  • Why caring what other people think may be holding you back
  • How you can take action today to start caring less about what others think of you 

…And so much more

Not only is this a fun and entertaining episode, but it’s oh-so-important (so much so that I am airing it for a second time). Until you care less about what others think of you, creating the life YOU love is going to feel hard, if not damn near impossible. 

Listen at the top of this page.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Apply to coach with me

Continue the conversation in my free online community

Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training 

Julie Wells website

Julia Wells on Instagram

Visible AF Facebook group

Full Transcript:

Episode 131: CARE LESS WHAT OTHERS THINK

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 131, Care Less What Others Think.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fear-facing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife, mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hey there my friends. Today I have a special treat for you. I am re-releasing one of the old episodes from my former podcast called Life Luvers Radio that I did between the years of 2015 and 2017. The episode today, as you heard in the title, is about caring less what others think about you. I actually interviewed a women’s business coach, Julia Wells, for this interview years ago. You may know her because I interviewed her on my podcast now Become an Unstoppable Woman.

She was actually my very first interview guest in 2019 when I started this show. I was just at a place right now where I’m like, “Let’s tap into some of these old episodes that haven’t been out in the world for a couple of years now.” As I re-listened to this episode with Julia, I’m like, “Yes, this stuff is really good. I got to go put this back out in the world.” I reached out to Julia to see if I could put it back out, and she said, yes, and so here we are. Just know some of the stuff that we talked about with Julia’s business is, obviously, outdated since this was from a few years ago, but I’ve updated all her links in the show notes so that you can go find her and follow her. She is amazing to follow.

She really helps women happen tap into their feminine power, especially as they’re building businesses. I will say, for some people, she may be a little bit out there. She does use a lot of colorful language for some people. I don’t mind it. I find it refreshing, but that may not be your thing, but regardless, what Julia shares here today on this podcast, the episode is gold. I hope you enjoy it.

Now, a little bit about Julia is Julia is a women’s empowerment coach and the founder of the Conscious Compass. After years of working her way to the top in the corporate world, she realized she was living per someone else’s definition of success and had completely lost track of who she was, and what she wanted. In 2014, she quit her job, moved across the country, and started from scratch. She now helps women all over the world discover what they want, and how to get out of their own way so that they can create it.

She has led hundreds of women through her free five-day Zero Fucks challenge. It’s all about equipping women with the tools, support, and community they need so they can stop waiting and start living. She has been featured in the Huffington Post, in the Fearless Footprints and This Journey Called Life Podcast.

Hey, Julia. I am so excited to have you on the show today to talk about one of the biggest blocks that both of us see with women, and that’s caring what other people think of them. I told the listeners, in the intro, about your Zero Fucks challenge, and how, when you came up with it, I found myself thinking every day, “Who gives a fuck?”

I knew you were onto something good because I felt so inspired just by that title alone. I thought that other listeners would really get inspired by what you’re starting here with us, and how freeing and fabulous it feels to truly walk around saying, “I don’t give a fuck what anybody else thinks about me.” I know you were a girl who wasn’t always as empowered, and you probably cared what people thought about you at one point. Can you tell us about that?

Julia: Yes, totally. Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to have this conversation. In full disclosure, I still am a girl, [chuckles] a woman that gives a fuck what people think about me, but it’s definitely changed dramatically. Backing up, I think I was a more carefree kid. I was really encouraged to beat on my own drum. I got to dress myself and express myself however I wanted to. Then, slowly but surely, I would pick up on little comments from friends, people at school.

They’re like, “That’s weird,” or “You can’t do that.” It’s the funniest example, but one of those things that really sticks out in my memory was I lived in the woods in the middle of nowhere when I was younger. We’d run around our yard, half-dressed, not caring. I think it was fourth or fifth grade. I was a wild child, but my friend was like, “You know that we go to sixth grade next year, and we can’t do this anymore. We will be judged.” I was like, “Oh, okay. Judging? What’s that?

[laughter]

I don’t want that. That sounds terrible.” I think that was the age for me that I really started to pay attention to what other people were saying and how other people behaved in a way to please others or fit in and be cool in middle school, especially. In high school, it was pretty hard for me to still be myself, but also, just me to fit in and to be cool, and follow trends. I definitely found myself getting caught up in it. Even though, if you look back when you ask anyone that knows me, they would probably tell you, I come off as someone that gives the least amount of fucks ever. I internalize a lot of it and I’m constantly in my own head, and it’s really hard to see.

As an adult, as I started paying this whole game of, “Go to college, get a good job, check all the little boxes off,” I realized how trapped I just felt in my own mind of all the fucks I was giving all the time. Nobody talked about it around me so then I felt even more isolated. It was always this game of how to look the best. Who has all the material possessions and going on vacations and promotions and yadda yadda. It was just this all-consuming thing that I was constantly battling. It wasn’t until the past couple of years, especially with running my own business, that I was like, “If I keep living like this, I’m never going to get anywhere because it’s crippling.”

I cared so much what people thought about me. Then to make it worse, I had this created persona from people around me of saying like, “You’re so inspiring. You give zero fucks. You do all these crazy things.” I’m like, “Oh my God. What if they find out I give all of the fucks? [laughs] I’m doomed.” I finally declared that I was done doing it. Since then, I’ve been on my journey to stop caring.

Lindsay: Well, so many of us can relate to this story, Julia. My story too is, you know those middle school years, we start figuring this out of like, “Oh, I guess people talk about me. I guess I should fit in a certain level.” Then we spend the rest of our lives sometimes still trying to escape that stuff that came on in 13 and 12 years old, which is crazy. Until we can consciously step back and say, “Wait a second. I’m checking off all these boxes for somebody else, and I’m not happy.

I’m not happy doing this. How can I live for me?” That’s where the freedom comes. I know both of you and I have been on this journey as we started our businesses and found coaching and all that jazz. It was like, “Oh my gosh. Now I can’t imagine ever living the other way.”

Julia: Right.

Lindsay: Like you, we’re still human. We still care. Especially with our businesses because you and I talk about this. Online sometimes people can be mean that our business is just so personal to us, and so as much as we say, “We don’t care, at the end of the day, we still do. We just now have the tools on how to overcome it.”

Julia: Totally. That’s something that I really focus on in my coaching practice, and whenever I’m talking to people, is that you’re never going to just stop caring. You’re never going to stop feeling fear. It’s just, how do you create the toolset and the awareness around it to actually move through it? I personally just don’t like the word fearless. I understand the intent behind it, but if there’s no more fear in your life, then you’re playing a very small game and odds are, you’re probably not satisfied. [chuckles] It’s just, how do you cultivate, the tools to move you through all of that. It’s totally possible, and I practice all the time.

Lindsay: Break it down for us, Julia. How can we start doing this in a way that’s balanced, where we feel that fear, but we’re still not stuck in it?

Julia: Totally. One thing that I think is really important to make clear around giving zero fucks is that. We’re not talking about being selfish, or reckless, or careless, and just writing people off. It’s about giving a conscious zero fucks. To me, that’s being very clear on what you do value and what are those important things in your life. How to do more of that without getting stuck in the fear or caring what other people say. Having that distinction because some people just want to be like “Zero fucks. I’m going to do whatever I want.” No. That’s not what it’s about.

I think part of it is starting by getting really clear on what matters, what do you even want, what’s important in your life? For me, and a lot of my clients, when you get so consumed by checking off the boxes or pleasing other people, we forget what we even want. So it can take a lot of work, and a lot of space to give yourself room to even explore, “Who am I? What are the things that bring me joy? What am I really good at doing? What do I love doing? What do I want more of in my life? What do I want to create?”

Getting some clarity on your values, your vision, all of that, can be really helpful. Then I think the first part to really dive into after that is awareness. Just watching yourself, where are you giving the fucks because a lot of times, we do this so mindlessly. It could be the littlest thing. It could be saying, “What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?” or when you get dressed in the morning, it could be as big as your career, or romantic relationship, or friendship.

If you really start watching how you’re doing this, you’ll see that a lot of your action is possibly driven by what other people are going to think of you. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just awareness, and it’s learning how to have that awareness without judgment, and then from there I think you can start to take more meaningful action. When you catch yourself doing it, that’s when you can start having tools, coming back to the vision, the values, everything that you actually do want to create.

I also find it’s really helpful to have accountability around all of that so someone else that knows you declared you’re going to give zero fucks, that you’re going after these bigger dreams, and then just people to keep it real with when it comes up and then working through it. I know both of us are obsessed with journaling, and you can use affirmations, and all kinds of stuff to move through it. I think there’s that process of like, “What do you want?” getting the awareness, and then how to move into action around all of it.

Lindsay: That’s where it’s a lot. It seems so complex if you haven’t done it, but once you start that journey, and you start doing it, I just want to reiterate to anyone listening, it can become so easy. It just starts going back to, “This is what I’m good at.” To give a personal example here that Julia knows about is, a couple of months ago, my business, I did a launch, it didn’t go very well. I posted in this group that Julia and I are in, and I was like, “I followed these steps, step by step this person told me to.” I was so pissed. I was so flipping pissed at the end of that launch because I was promised, “Oh if you follow these steps, you’ll get these results.”

The reality was I was following what they wanted, what worked for them, and I had to go back up, “What are my strengths? What are things that are of value to me?” Just like Julia said there. Then I was able to say, “Now, how can I use that to make me successful? Like Julia said too, we can all get caught up in this stuff because we just follow around us, and we don’t even think consciously, and we have to then watch ourselves and say, “Oh, okay. Now I know where I’m doing this, and let’s go back to what I’m good at so I can do that instead.” Would you agree, Julia?

Julia: Totally. Again, you will get better over time with it. It’s just a practice like anything else you’re going to do. As you move through it, start small. Maybe pick a couple of things you want to focus on, an area of your life where you feel stuck, and then just work through this. You’ll quickly realize that you are doing this process in your head all the time eventually as you practice more and more, and don’t beat yourself up. I’m telling you, you’re human. You’re never going to not be human as far as I know. You’re going to get stuck in this stuff. Society is designed that way, marketing is designed that way. It’s never going to go away. It’s just having the tools, and practicing, and practicing, and practicing.

Lindsay: Julia, I’m curious. Why the heck do we care about what other people think of us, anyway?

Julia: I think it goes back to what I was just talking about, is we’re trained. I find, especially as women, there’s so much messaging that we receive whether people say it to us consciously, subconsciously, directly, indirectly. We pick up so much from such a young age about how we should look, how we should act, how we should dress, everything that we’re supposed to do, and then we start comparing ourselves to people.

Nobody teaches us any other way to do it. We don’t talk about it, and so all of us are over here, spinning out in our own worlds. [chuckles] It’s not bad to care what other people think, necessarily. You do have to be a considerate human being. It can be very important to have that skill, but it’s become so out of whack. It’s swung way too far on the pendulum of really letting what other people might think of you– Guess what, most of the time people are not even thinking about you. We’re all thinking about ourselves and oh, it’s so insane.

Lindsay: I had a therapist tell me that once, when I first went to therapy way, way long ago, and she’s like,” Lindsay, most people are just thinking about themselves.” I’m like, “What? They’re not sitting around thinking about me?”

Julia: Isn’t that like a revolutionary thought, when we’re sitting here like, “Oh my God, what are these people going to think if I publish this article, or if I write this post, or if I put this picture on Instagram, or if I make this career move?” Newsflash, people probably won’t even notice, and most people, 99% of them, will probably be proud of you, supportive of you, neutral, and, maybe, occasionally, someone will have something not nice to say.

Lindsay: Yes, but that’s their own shit, anyway.

Julia: Yes, exactly.

Lindsay: That’s what you realize too. When you wake up, and you’re like, “A, people aren’t thinking about you. Then if they are judging you, that’s their own shit. Nothing to do with you, nothing.”

Julia: When you can release that, and just know that they’re also on their own journey of learning how to– Or probably giving all the fucks, but they haven’t even maybe started their journey of learning how to give zero fucks, we can be a lot more compassionate, and let them deal with their shit and not make it mean anything about us. Again, you’re going to get caught in this trap, but you come out of it, and you catch yourself a lot faster when you start to make a conscious effort to do it.

Lindsay: Oh, totally. I just caught myself doing this yesterday. I went to the bank, and when you go to the bank, it’s all money-focused. They’re looking at the odds and ends of my business, and this lady said, “Why are you doing this if you’re not making more money?” It wasn’t even a question that she had to ask, it was just out of her own curiosity. I found myself getting defensive with her. I was so offended because she was trying to put me in her box of what she valued, which is funny.

I just sit there and repeat what my values were, and I instantly felt myself wanting to start to please her and start to say, “Oh, I should be making more money, or I should be focusing on this, or focusing on that,” and I realized, “I don’t care about that shit, you do. That’s your crap, and I’m not going to take that on.” If we’re not aware of that stuff, like Julia said, we’re doing that all day long, where it’s constantly, “I’ll fit in your box, I’ll fit in your box. I’ll do your thing” That’s why we’re exhausted at the end of the day, and we’re wondering, “What am I going to get out of life? I’m not getting what I want.”

Julia: Yes, it is exhausting and we do it all the time.

Lindsay: All the time. Like Julia said, we’re surrounded with it all the day, every day. It’s never-ending. At the end of the day, it’s just because we want to belong, we want to be a part of something, but, in the process, I heard a quote recently it was like, we become boring. We lose our fun, what makes us authentic and unique, and we all become robotic. We’ve got to figure out what makes us unique and special, and that’s where we realize, “Oh, my gosh, A, people aren’t thinking about me, two is their own shit, and three is they actually really think I’m cool because I’m doing my own thing.

Julia: Totally and I think you hit the nail on the head is, yes, the reason we care at the end of the day is because we do love humans, we value connection. Oneness is very important in living a fulfilled life, but it’s just going about it a healthy versus unhealthy way, and learning how to flip that script is critical. I know. I was reading another article yesterday– Can you tell I’m obsessed with reading things about personal development? [chuckles]

It was the old in-house therapist from Google, and she was saying the number one things people talk to her about are the seemingly ordinary things that they either love about people or miss about people or that are driving them insane about people. We try so hard to be so great, and so special, and so either different or fitting in, but it’s those ordinary, unique, little things about us that make us so human and so lovable and we don’t spend any time really highlighting them or emphasizing them. Instead, we’re always trying to pile more stuff on top of them, or whatever that looks like, to have this Instagrammable life or whatever.

Lindsay: Then we lose what we’re here to do. Then we get sad and depressed, and anxious and oh, it’s just not a good thing. That’s why Julia I wanted to bring you on because the speed so many people that they’re just living for somebody else. What I love with Julia is all about too, is that her philosophy is not “Oh, let’s just not give a fuck. Whatever, I don’t care about anybody,” it’s “I care about other people, but I care about myself too.

I’m going to do what I want in the process too.” That’s what’s so freeing about it. Julia, I’m curious, what are the biggest differences you’ve seen with your clients and yourself by not caring as much or really applying, this process of knowing yourself and applying it? What’s been the biggest changes?

Julia: I think probably number one is just peace of mind. We make so many decisions every single day, and when you start making them for yourself, and from your values, and for your vision, in service of your vision, there’s so much peace in not worrying, like, “Am I going to make the right decision? Did I make the right– Am I going to make blah, blah, blah?”

That constant dialogue, that’s so exhausting. When you can just let that go, it gives you so much more serenity, and time to focus on other things, and just be with yourself or doing things that make a difference in the world. Then, also, just getting into action. Most of the women I work with are purpose-driven, they’re here to make an impact in the world, whether it’s their community, or on a really global scale. That peace of mind then allows them to go up against these big things that maybe feel insurmountable without the tools.

They just start breaking through things or doing things that otherwise they would have never done because they were so scared what people might think of them, and so cool. They’re literally redesigning their entire lives. I did the same thing. Sure it may not look logical to make some of the decisions or to someone else, they’d be like, “Why would you ever do that?” For example, I’m moving out of a house that my family owns, I have a great hookup, I live in the bay area. It’s the most expensive place in the country, but I’m not happy, and I’m going to go start paying rent somewhere.

I battled myself for so long, like, “This isn’t logical. This doesn’t make sense. What are people going to think of me?” I was like, “If I focus on my values and what I’m trying to create in the world, I need to be in an inspiring environment, I need to be doing my own thing, having my own space in a community around like-minded people.”

Then it was so obvious, and there’s just that peace of mind that came from making decisions for myself and nobody else. It’s already then leading to breakthroughs in my business, and my relationships because I’m doing those things for myself. I’m showing up in service of my vision, and what I’m actually creating.

Lindsay: That’s just so much goodness right there. I just want to reiterate what Julia said. Basically, what she was saying is that she’s not stuck in her head, or her clients aren’t stuck in their heads because she said it’s exhausting. I wish y’all could see me when she said that. I was nodding my head like, “Yes, it is so exhausting.”

I’ve had so many client calls myself. I had one recently where a client got on and she’s like, “I’m obsessed with what my brother thinks about me.”

As we were coaching through it, I just kept saying, “What makes you care? What makes you care?” She’s like, “Well, he’s my brother. I love him.” As we kept going and going, I just kept saying, “How is this valuing your life to care about this?” She realized, “This is ruining my life, in essence, in many ways.” Then that opens up the space to get what you want instead. That’s when you can create a life you love. It’s like, “What is it that I want to do?” Julia, I’m curious. You mentioned in your story that there was just a point where you had a shift, and you started to not care as much, or just make these conscious changes. What was your inspiration with that?

Julia: I was actually on a retreat in Maui with my mastermind. It’s like a group of other coaches that I work with. We were there, and our coach that was facilitating the experience asked, “What would need to happen for this to be a life-changing week for you?” I immediately had tears in my eyes. I never, ever raised my hand to speak first in any type of group setting. I usually am a total body processor. It takes me a longer time. I have to think through what I’m going to say.

I was just like, “Oh my god, I need to stop caring what people think. I give so many fucks, and it’s just trapping me in every area of my life.” It was just crystal clear. We were like, “Okay, that’s it. We’re done.” The declaration, I give zero fucks. I practiced in that setting in the safest space with women who really see me, and they know what I’m trying to create in the world. It was like, “Just show up for these four days as the Julia who doesn’t give a fuck.”

It was so freeing, and it was the most incredible experience. I really got to watch myself. I was like, “Wow, this has to come back with me from Hawaii. I have to integrate this into my everyday life. What is this going to look like?” As I did it and I saw what it was doing for me, I was like, “I’ve got to teach this to other people too.”

That’s all. It may just be a simple declaration. If you’re listening to this and you’re realizing, “Oh my god, this is me,” congrats. Now let’s turn around. Have a breakthrough. That’s it. That’s all you needed to realize, and just declare that you’re ready to do it a different way.

Lindsay: I’ve known you just for a few years, Julia, and it’s so interesting that that was that moment because, after that moment, listeners out there, that’s when Julia’s business started to take off, and her branding became really spot on. She knew what she was doing. Before that, she was trying to figure it out, like “Where am I going? Am I going to be a health coach, life coach, business coach?”

Now she’s incorporated it in a really cool, authentic way, that of course is branded very beautifully, which you guys know. I love that. Now she’s free to be herself from that. I just wanted to know that, Julia, because I know my situation, when I stopped caring, it was after my divorce when, basically, I felt like everything was exposed. Everybody knew I wasn’t perfect anymore.

I was like, “Dang it.” I was like, “Well, what am I going to do? Now I can live life for me. Now people know I’m not perfect Lindsay,” and that was so freeing. I have this coaching business. I would have never done that if I cared what people thought about me. I would have just stayed in the corporate world, I would have kept a fake smile on my face.

That is not a way to live. I know you can agree with me, Julia. Where we are now is so much better. It’s so much better. It just goes back to realizing that people don’t really care at the end of the day. If they have judgments, it’s not about you, it’s about them.

Julia: People are going to have judgments, whether they’re good or bad. We’re all human, we probably sin, judge other people. Again, it’s our own shit, so just let it go. Let her roll, and carry on with what you’re here in the world to do and if you don’t know what to do, it’s like, “Let’s go figure it out.”

Lindsay: Exactly. Gosh, yes. So much easier said than done, right?

Julia: I know.

Lindsay: Our mind is just like programs to care. It’s like Julia kept saying, it’s a conscious choice. You’re constantly saying, “How can I make more authentic or conscious choices?” Because, otherwise, we just have to go back to that.

Julia: Yes. My business is called Conscious Compass because once you figure out your true north, your north star, whatever you want to call it, “This is my vision. This is where I’m headed, my goals,” again, this can change and evolve, but the more clear you get on that, the more you know where you’re headed. Like anything else in life, you’re going to veer off track, and sometimes you just have to realign that little compass and come back to your North Star. You’re doing that all the time, and that’s never going to change it, but it’s like, “Let’s enjoy life while we’re doing it, and let’s have a really good time.”

Lindsay: Julia, how can we catch ourselves? How can we know when we’re getting off course?

Julia: I think for me, the more you practice, it’s just the awareness of watching yourself. Sometimes if I say things out loud, or if I’m journaling, I’ll ask myself, “Where am I holding back? What’s something that I want?” or “Where am I feeling stuck and why? What’s behind it?” If you really keep digging, it’s usually like that fear of what people want. I think the first step is start looking at the things where you feel stuck, or where you’re not fulfilled, and you’re not getting what you want, and just start slowly asking yourself why.

They may be really big things, but they may be little things. I don’t know. It’s hard because I feel like you just have to make this declaration, and then you’ll start watching yourself do it. When I do the zero fucks challenge the first day, we tally up all the fucks we give all day long. Usually, it doesn’t take but an hour or two to realize like, “Oh my god, I’m doing this all the time,” so just start watching your thoughts.

Again, it could be first thing when you wake up, like, “Should I go to the gym, yes or no? Should I get dressed? Should I wear makeup today? Am I going to show up at this meeting a certain way? Am I going to get on this call?” If you’re watching your thoughts, you’re going to realize how much of it is driven by how you look to other people.

Lindsay: It’s so true. There are times when we just put out that intention of, “I don’t want to care anymore, or care less, or just see what I’m thinking about,” then you’ll just start, I swear it’ll hit you real hard like, “Okay, now I see.”

I know, for me, with my life now, anytime I start feeling resentful, or anxious, that’s when I know, “I’m getting off course here. When do we go back a certain way?” or if I start judging myself. Oh my gosh, that’s the worst.

Julia: Judging myself, judging other people. I’m like, “Hold on. There’s something going on here.”

Lindsay: Yes, none of that. That’s not fun. Julia, I want to ask you some fun questions. First off, are you a dog or cat person?

Julia: Dog. I’m super allergic to cats. They are not my friends.

Lindsay: Are you?

Julia: Yes. [chuckles]

Lindsay: Do you have any animals?

Julia: No. My mom has a little long haired chihuahua named Tarzan. He’s my little buddy, but no animals. I travel too much. I can’t.

Lindsay: I figured. This is a loaded question, but what’s your favorite book?

Julia: Oh my God. I’m so bad at stuff like this. I don’t consider myself a favorites person, but I was thinking about and I actually just read The Alchemist for the first time this year, which blew my mind that this wasn’t required reading my entire life. That book, it’s something I’m going to read every year for the rest of my life. I can’t say that about a lot of other things.

Lindsay: Oh, man, I have this on my to-do list, is to read this book because so many people have said that.

Julia: I know, and it’s so easy. I consumed it in a couple of days. It’s not personal development, but there’s so many insights that you’re going to have from reading, and just like, “Wow.” You know that every time you read it, you’re going to get something new from it. Oh, it’s amazing.

Lindsay: Oh, cool. I got to read it. What’s something you love to do and can’t imagine life without it?

Julia: So many things. I think I’m torn between eating and traveling, or maybe a combination of the two. Traveling to eat.

Lindsay: That’s awesome. What does having a life you love mean to you?

Julia: It really means living in alignment with my values, like freedom, that connection, and making an impact in the world in whatever way it looks like, and knowing that that’s going to be pretty seasonal, and it may change, but always showing up in service of those things that are most important to me.

Lindsay: Yes, living values is the best. Favorite setback in life?

Julia: Honestly, starting my business. I had no idea what I was doing, and I don’t recommend doing it this way when I jumped ship from corporate. It took me a really long time to figure it out of what I was doing. It was really frustrating. It still can be extremely frustrating. It feels like this slow ascent to, I don’t even know what the end game is going to be, but I really did. I had to like start from nothing.

I had to come give myself a completely blank slate, which is terrifying and felt like a huge setback at the time for someone that was so used to having their life figured out, and looking really good. Then dropping to zero, zero income, zero idea what I was doing, and yes, just building from that.

Lindsay: Yes. I love it. Last question. How can women start to support each other even more in life?

Julia: I love this question. Sisterhood is my jam. Talk about the real shit that’s going on. A lot of the time, that means that you have to start the dialogue, and you have to be willing to be raw and to be vulnerable. I promise you, whoever is sitting across from you in that conversation has their own struggles and their own stuff that they’re going through. It is just part of being human.

Once we start talking about it, you’ll realize whether you have the same issue or something else. We’re all going through it, and all we want is connection, and the way to get that is to be real and get vulnerable. Do that with your mom, do it with a sister, do it with a stranger. I don’t care. Sign up for a workshop where you get to go do that or something but start these real conversations. It’s so important, and it’s just missing.

Lindsay: There’s something like vulnerability is the birthplace to change or something. I think that’s a Brené Brown quote.

Julia: I just was watching her on Oprah yesterday and she said, yes, vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity and innovation.

Lindsay: It’s so true. There’s been times with just a little private Facebook group, Julia and I are in, where I go in there and I’ll say something that feels really vulnerable, and I think, “Oh my God, maybe they’re going to judge me now. They’re going to know something.” It’s always, “Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you started this conversation.” It’s like, “Oh, thank you,” because now I can finally get some help, and we can connect on a different level because we are more vulnerable with each other. It’s so freeing.

Julia: It’s like a huge exhale for whoever gets to share. Then it’s also this moment of connection that we don’t usually get in our day-to-day life. That’s so special.

Lindsay: I think it’s an exhale too for those listening because they’re like, “Ooh, I’m not alone.”

Julia: Yes. Oh my God, yes. [chuckles]

Lindsay: “She’s not as perfect as I thought. This is great.” It’s not in a judgmental way. It’s like, “Wow, we’re more alike than I ever thought. This is awesome.”

Julia: Yes. Oh my God. Totally.

Lindsay: Julia, what’s something that someone can do today to start caring less about what other people think about them?

Julia: For one, you are more than welcome to come to join the five-day Zero Fucks Challenge. Part of, basically, what we do in that is a mixture of the awareness and the action piece. Maybe just start watching yourself today, and see where you give a fuck, or if you really want to go balls to the balls, if there’s something that you know that you really want to do, and you have been completely stopped by fear and like what other people might think of you go do it, find someone to hold you accountable to doing it. Sign up today, post it, I don’t know, share it, have the conversation, whatever it is, go out there and do it.

Lindsay: Yes, get into action.

Julia: Yes.

Lindsay: Julia, I’m curious, how can they sign up for the Zero Fucks Challenge?

Julia: The easiest way to do it is just join my Facebook group. It’s called Stop Waiting, Start Living. I’ll add you to it, and then I’ll share. I have links in there to do it. We’re actually going to have a live round coming up in the next few weeks where I guide you through it, but right now you can totally take the journey on your own and use the Facebook group to share whatever comes up for you.

Lindsay: Awesome.Is there anything else you’d like listeners to know, Julia?

Julia: I just want to remind you that you’re human, and you may be thinking listening to this, like, “This is so great, but you’re still judging yourself.” Just let it go. I’m human. Lindsay is human, we just shared with you. This doesn’t change, but the tools are available to you, and it’s totally my mission, and my honor to share them with you. What do you have to lose? Just take the first step, come talk to either one of us. There is a better way. There’s more peace of mind. I promise. It just takes practice.

Lindsay: Yes, and just like Julia said, we’re both human. We’re not superhuman. There are so many people that I meet, or I can just feel their energy, and they feel shame, or guilt, or feel intimidated sometimes even by me. I just want to wash that away and say, do not be intimidated by me. Please. I am human. I am not some like super person. I just have been on this journey, and maybe a little bit longer, and Julia too. That’s why we share these tools. We want other women on this journey with us. We’re wanting more of a party, and so come join it.

In some way or fashion, just get to a place where you can feel the freedom that it feels when you care less and you’re living more in alignment, like Julia kept saying, with that compass of what your north star is, where you’re heading. This purposeful living, it just feels amazing. Amazing stuff. Julia, thank you so much for being on the show. I guess the best resource for everyone to reach out to you is in the Facebook group?

Julia: Yes. Stop waiting. Start living. There’s a link too, if you go to juliacwells.com, my website.

Lindsay: Cool. Then in the show notes and on the blog, everyone I’ll have links to her website, and you can find her on Instagram and Facebook too. Of course, I’ll put the Facebook group in there. Julia, this is awesome. It was so great to talk with you.

Julia: Thank you for having me. This was amazing. Hopefully, it was very helpful to your listeners as well.

Lindsay: There it is, my interview with Julia Wells about how to stop caring as much what other people think of you. I hope you found this episode to be helpful and didn’t get too offended by the cuss words that were coming at you. I wanted to keep this conversation really raw and authentic, and that’s just the way Julia is. That’s the way I can be too when I’m not doing this whole life coaching thing. Thanks so much for tuning in this week. Until next week, all my love and blessings. I’ll see you back next week on the show.

[music]

Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.

In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can be, so believe in yourself. You got this.

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