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CONQUERING INFERTILITY w/ Kristin Dillensynder, Infertility Coach

Regardless if you’re going through infertility or not, someone you know will. Listen in today as infertility coach, Kristin Dillensnyder describes what infertility feels like for many women so you can conquer this journey (or support someone) with JOY.

CONQUERING INFERTILITY w/ Kristin Dillensynder, Infertility Coach

Aug 15, 2019 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

“Don’t lose the joy in your life in the wait for what’s next” – Kristin Dillensynder

 

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Survey of Family Growth, 1 in 8 couples reported having trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy between 2004 and 2010. 

Worldwide it’s estimated that 48.5 million couples are impacted by infertility.

That’s a lot.  

Yet so many women are suffering alone in silence because if/when someone happens to bravely share they’re struggling with infertility, many find others aren’t as supportive or understanding as they hoped.

The truth is…many of us don’t know what to say or do because the infertility struggle is one that’s not yet commonly understood. 

I want to change that pattern.

I don’t want women who are going through infertility to feel alone and misunderstood anymore. 

I also don’t want anyone to feel at a loss of words when someone shares with them they’re going through fertility treatments in order to conceive.

I want us all to feel like we’re conquering infertility together.

So, when I noticed a friend of mine, Kristin Dillensnyder started sharing her infertility journey on social media and then became an infertility coach, I took notice.

She was teaching me a lot about what the infertility journey looked like and I was in awe. 

Although, I only heard bits and pieces of her story and how she was helping her clients through the infertility process, I knew I had to have her on the podcast.

I wanted to shine a light on what the infertifility journey looks like so we ALL can become better humans together regardless if we’re going through infertility or not. 

Of course, if you happen to be someone who is actively trying to conceive and experiencing infertility, this episode is for you too as this interview will allow you to understand things about your journey you may have never realized is going on.

IN THIS INTERVIEW, KRISTIN AND I COVER:

  • Kristin’s infertility journey including what support she didn’t receive and how that lack of support inspired her to become an infertility coach 
  • An overview of what the infertility process looks like for many people 
  • The biggest struggles of those going through infertility 
  • How relationships can change due to someone experiencing infertility 
  • The best things to say (and not say) to someone who’s going through infertility 
  • How to support those going through infertility

This interview opened my heart in so many ways. I hope it does for you too.

Be sure to listen to this interview in the player at the top of this page.

 

POST EPISODE RESOURCES:

 

Full transcript:

Episode 15: CONQUERING INFERTILITY

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 15, Conquering Infertility.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fear-facing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife, mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hi there, my friend. Welcome to The Become An Unstoppable Woman Podcast. I’m so glad that you’re here. Today, I’ve got a very special interview guest, her name is Kristin Dillensnyder, and she is an infertility coach. Now you may be somebody who is not going through infertility, but I brought her on the show specifically to make us all better humans, regardless of if we’re going through this or not. I think it’s very important we understand some of the struggles that women are facing. Did you know that one in eight women will struggle with infertility in her lifetime?

That’s a big number. That’s a lot of women out there who are going through the struggle, and a lot of times silently going through this. We’ve got to learn how to support our ladies as they go through this. This is not an easy journey. You will hear all about it from Kristin today, about what the journey looks like. I know I was completely in the dark at just how hard this journey can be until I started to understand some of my friends and family member who are going through it. It really opened my eyes to seeing a struggle that I needed to be more educated about so that I know how to, again, be a better person.

I hope you listen to today’s episode, especially if you’re going through infertility, this episode, I think, is going to help you a lot to see you’re not alone out there. Kristin is going to walk you through some of the things she sees with her clients. Two, it just gives you some ideas to help your own mind as you’re going through this, because as somebody who has gone through pregnancy, that alone was really hard. I cannot imagine pumping in those hormones, going through all those appointments after appointments just to get pregnant. My heart is out there for you.

Again, I want you to know you’re not alone in this. Kristin, I really think, will help you understand how to bring back some of the joy that can be sucked out throughout this journey. Without further ado, here is my interview with Kristin Dillensnyder, infertility coach. Kristin, I’m so excited to have you on the podcast today. I told listeners just a little bit about you in the intro and why I wanted you on the show today. I want to hear all about you from your mouth, specifically your story with infertility and why you decided to become an infertility coach from that experience.

I’ve only heard bits and pieces of that. I’m just as excited as probably everybody out there listening to hear this, and I cannot wait. Kristin, just go on in and tell us about you.

Kristin Dillensnyder: Okay. Thanks, Lindsay. Hey, everyone. I’m Kristin, and my nickname is Kiki. I really feel like my story is not that unique. I laugh and I cry. I’ve a good family and friends and an awesome marriage. I chase my dreams and my beautiful daughter who really is the light of my life. Honestly, it hasn’t always been that way. There were times when there was more tears than laughter. I felt like even the closest people in my life didn’t understand what I was going through.

I’m a big sister. I’ve always done things first, but when it came time to becoming a mom and getting pregnant, that’s where I really struggled as I suffered with infertility, and it took us years to conceive my daughter. Fast forward clearly, we’ve been successful, and I do have a daughter who will be two this week. Yes, she’s awesome. It’s really surprising that she’s been around this long. Going through infertility was one of the hardest struggles I’ve been through.

I decided, once I was successful, and once I had my daughter, that I really wanted to be the person who provided the support that I felt like I really needed and I couldn’t find. That’s why I decided to become an infertility coach, to be able to use my experience and help other women who are going through infertility, because I think that if you want to be a mother, unfortunately, it is a challenge for some, and it’s a quiet challenge, and I am now using my experience and turning that negativity into a positive to try and help. If that’s you listening, it’s to help you get through to get your baby.

Lindsay: Yes. The other reason I wanted to bring you on today, and I mentioned this in the intro, is, people who want to support people going through infertility. What to do? How to do that? I can’t wait to dig in today and talk about that, Kristin. I want to go back to something you said in your story about you now are giving the support that you didn’t get when you were going through this. Tell us, what was that like? What was that support that was missing?

Kristin: I have awesome friends, but none of them had trouble conceiving, and so they just didn’t understand. One of the challenges of going through infertility is- like I said, it’s a little bit of a silent illness, a lot of people will not speak about it until they’re successful. I think the conversation is changing, people are being a little bit more open these days. I love that because that just helps everybody around with just education and awareness, but also funding.

I wasn’t that public about it, I was public to my close-knit network of friends and family, but they just didn’t get it. When you are going through infertility, and all you want is to become a mother, you see pregnant people everywhere, you see families anywhere and everywhere you go, and whether that’s on TV shows or at work, or just walking around and you see a woman with her bump, it’s literally in your face, and you have a constant monthly reminder that it’s not working.

It is failing over and over and over again and picking yourself up. One of the struggles as you start to not like your body, you’ve been told that this is what your body can do naturally. I was really hoping to find other women who understood and who got it. Because talking with my best friends are like, “You’ll do this, it’s great.” They didn’t understand how much went in to going through infertility financially, and even just the level of hormones you’re putting into your body.

I didn’t have people around me who’d been through the experience to say, “I’ve been there before, I know how hard this is, you’ll get through it,” and also, who could understand when I was jealous. Jealousy is a huge part of it. As most women, I think we get mad at ourselves when we’re jealous of other people around us, especially when it is your best friend. I struggled with feeling jealousy with other pregnancy announcements, especially for people I loved around me. Of course, I want them to be pregnant and have the success, but I then hated myself for not being 100% genuinely happy. Those were some of the biggest areas on where I felt like I didn’t have that support and help.

Lindsay: Yes, I can just imagine it’s a lose-lose situation in your mind of, you want to be happy, but then you just can’t and you think, “Why can’t I just be happy for them?”

Kristin: Correct. What I’ve learned through all of this is that you actually can feel both emotions at the same time and that being jealous is okay. If you beat yourself up about it, you’re actually making it worse. I like to say that if you feel it, you can then heal it, and so you can move on from that point. It’s okay to be jealous for yourself and for your own experience, and then move on and be happy for that person.

Lindsay: Yes. Oh, so Kristin, I must know, do you know the stat on this, how many women are going through infertility, that they know about?

Kristin: The stat is actually that one in eight women suffer with infertility, and one in four women have had a miscarriage. Unfortunately, I can count myself into both of those statistics. Those are not numbers I ever wanted to be included on. There is definitely a sisterhood of women who have gone through infertility, where once you do find out somebody you know has gone through it, you’re like, “Do we just become best friends? Oh my gosh.” It’s a whole new level, but it is that prevalent, one in eight are suffering from infertility, and one in four suffering from a miscarriage.

Lindsay: Wow. Kristin, you talked about there too, about some of the inner things that are going on with a woman as she’s going through infertility with her mind. How does it impact her relationships, especially or her marriage?

Kristin: Oh, that’s a huge one. A lot of women– One of the challenges of infertility is that it’s so consuming. It is something you think about all the time because you start questioning the foods you’re eating, you start deciding that maybe you should be eliminating caffeine because you might get pregnant soon. There are old wives tales and things about certain foods to eat at certain days within your cycle that help. There is thoughts about, you have schedule with your doctor based on when you’re going to get your monitoring appointments and when your meds are going to arrive and when they’re going to start, and you have to take vitamins orally, and you have to inject yourself, whether in your stomach or in your booty butt, and it’s consuming.

There are a lot of women who then put their relationships with their partners on the back burner, partly because this is something they want. A lot of women, they want to be moms their whole lives. The other part is, your husband or partner is not taking the medicine. They’re not doing the injections and they’re not at every monitoring appointment. They don’t have to think about their caffeine intake or sugar intake, that kind of stuff. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages do struggle and get challenged through this.

One of the things that I talk about with my clients is the importance of keeping your relationship with your partner a top priority, because once you do have the baby, that relationship will get challenged again and you guys need a good foundation of a relationship to raise a baby in a happy, healthy home. I think it starts with the couple.

Lindsay: My heart just like bleeds for this in so many ways, because I know how hard it is just doing it the natural way, whatever you want to call it. How hard that has been on my relationships over time because of the hormones and just the impact of the workload on the woman, and to know that there’s so much more involves with women who are going through infertility, I can’t even imagine, Kristin, what that goes, what that is. Oh my gosh. You’re such a godsend to put your story out there and then to help women through this, because I know I would need so much support during this time. Do women too feel like they thrive by getting the support during this time in their life?

Kristin: Yes, the women that I work with definitely benefit from getting that type of support and help, I think. One of the challenges is, when you– Just to just go back a little bit, usually you go to your OB, and you say hey I’m ready to start trying. Then they tell you to stop birth control if you were taking it and monitor your cycles and maybe get ovulation test kits that you can buy over the counter. Then, technically, if you’ve been trying for over a year without success when they can start doing some tests and recommend you to a reproductive endocrinologist and that’s the specialty doctors that you would go to see to help with your infertility.

Usually people start with an IUI, which, the easiest way to put it, is it’s like a Turkey Beyster. It’s getting the sperm from closer to the eggs, but you do take medicine to help your follicles grow and they watch you to make sure the timing as well, just to make the probability a little bit better. Those are called IUIs. Those are pretty reasonably priced. They’re a couple hundred dollars, but the medicine you do take is a hormone.

I came up with the term “hormotional,” because that is when you just start crying at anything and everything. Giving you the name, it’s so helpful to calm that level of stress. When you go and you increase and upgrade to the IVF level, it’s just a whole another level of expenses, and the number of monitoring appointments that you have to go to. It is just all encompassing. Back to the relationship part, sometimes men feel like they’re only being pursued by their spouses during their peak windows. They don’t feel the love other times of the month. It’s important for women to make sure that they’re showing their appreciation, their love to their husbands throughout the whole month.

Lindsay: What are some of the issues that men go through, other than the one you just mentioned, Kristin, what do you see with couples on that end?

Kristin: The men, one of the challenges that they feel like, they become a sperm bank, because they’re only being pursued by their spouses during their fertile windows. The other thing is, they don’t like to see their spouse unhappy. They want you to become a mother if that’s something you want too. It’s really hard. I think most men want to be like you’re superman and rescue you, and when they cannot fix this, it’s really hard on them too because they most likely want to be problem solvers.

The other thing is, when you are going through infertility a little bit more silently and you’re not open with other people, a lot of the women have so many emotions and thoughts about it that they are dumping it all onto their husbands. Often a husband might say, “Let’s just stop after this point because it’s too much,” or they’ll want to give up sooner because they’re seeing it didn’t work, and then they’re seeing how much you’re going through. They just don’t want to put you through that anymore.

Where the people I work with my clients, one of the benefits is that they’re saving their husbands from a lot of those conversations. Most women speak to their girlfriends about what’s going on in their lives and share a part and a piece with their partners because men and women, I think, are just fundamentally different in the number of words we speak and our levels of emotions. When you do have a safe, confident place to talk out all of your emotions, with somebody like me, a fertility coach, it does provide a lot of relief to the partners.

I say a lot of them say that their relationships have become better and stronger because of that.

Lindsay: I can only imagine. I wish I would have had a pregnancy coach, and it wasn’t even as hard. My goodness.

Kristin: It’s definitely not a competition. Nobody wins on having the biggest struggle. I do believe that once you get through it, we all have our storms to get through. Some are short and fast and some take longer. As long as you do get to the other side, you can recognize and see the growth. I definitely think there’s benefits. I’m thankful for some of the lessons learned going through it. I also think it would have been a better experience had I had the support that I now provide to my clients.

I’m so happy to hear them say that, that they’re not losing the joy of their life in the weight. That’s one of the struggles that really happens, is a lot of women put their lives on hold while they’re waiting for their positive pregnancy test.

Lindsay: Gosh, that’s so true. It’s so true. I feel like that’s a mic drop moment right there.

Kristin: Boom.

Lindsay: I know this, for me, is a lot of times before I hire a coach or any kind of support, I think, “Do I really need it? Is it really going to benefit me?” Then, after you do it, you think, “I’m so glad I did that,” because, like you said, it brings the joy back in those moments that can be challenging.

Kristin: One of the challenges that I noticed when I’m talking with women is, I was giving you the procedure on how it goes with the OB to the IUI to the IVF level. When you get to the IVF level, it is such a big step. You feel like you’re calling in the big guns and you’re like, “This is it. This is going to work. This is the answer.” A lot of people don’t think it’s going to be hard. Most of the clients I work with have actually gone through it and it didn’t work on their first time.

They realized how hard it was, and then they won’t recognize that they are at the point where they’re like, “I will do anything. I’m not leaving anything on the table. I want to have no regrets.” Those are the people I tend to work with the most just because they do know how hard it is. First time people are almost blissfully unaware of how challenging it will be. It’s maybe the people who’ve been knocked down, who need a little bit more extra hand-holding. Fertility coaching, it is not for everybody. There are lots of women who can go through and don’t need that. I do make the parallel a lot with a doula. A doula is not necessary.

You see your OB and you have your point with your OBs. They’re the ones who are going to be there when you have your baby, but some people raise their hand and say, “I want a little bit more support. I want somebody rooting for me, who’s by my side, who understands, who’s been through it, and who is not like the medical doctor who will translate it maybe in language that I can understand and that’s how I am.” I work alongside your doctor. If you’re seeing an acupuncturist or nutritionist, I work alongside all of that. I’m not replacing any of it. it’s all in tandem because I really. believe in the connection between your heart and your mind and your body being successful and reaching your goals, whether it’s fertility or not, I think it’s all really connected. That’s where I see myself in the whole spectrum of support.

Lindsay: What a great comparison. I love that doula comparison, it’s so true. I think that goes with so many other things in life too, Kristin. Coaching isn’t for everybody, not everybody thinks that they need that, but the people who do need it, “Oh, my goodness. What a blessing, what a gift.” Right? I think that’s true–

Kristin: Oh, sorry. I’m usually thanked by all of my clients every time I’m on the phone. They’re like, “Thank you so much.” That just makes my day, hearing that, because they do, they just want that safe environment to be able to talk about it and just let the feelings go. It’s so rewarding for me to take in my challenge and turn it into a positive to help impact other women around me.

Lindsay: In Brené Brown’s work, she talks about shame a lot, as many of you probably know, she’s out there a lot and she talks about that women feel shame in two areas the most, our bodies and with motherhood. I can only imagine how it must feel when your body isn’t working the way you want it to, to be a mom, because I know on the other side of that, all the mindset, things that go in with, actually being a mom, to then know, “What is going on with my body, why can’t I do this?”

I can see how there’s such a need for this, Kristin, because in our just deep-down biology, our brain just can’t compute in a lot of ways of why isn’t this working. They need people to express their emotions through that. So many reasons why someone would want an infertility coach and what you provide, Kristin. Tell me, what can we do, as women, to support our friends who are going through this process or couples that we know going through this? I know a lot of times it’s a silent thing, but if we really know that this is going on, what can we do to make sure that this process is great for them?

Kristin: One, thank you for asking the question, because I can’t tell you there’s so many people who just share all the awkward things that have been said to them or the inappropriate things that are said to them. It’s one of the things I actually work on with my clients, is to recognize that when somebody does say the inappropriate comment to not take it for that, to recognize that their person is really trying to show that they care, they just don’t know how to do it better.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to give you guys the right way, the way that will help and is welcomed by your friend who is going through infertility. The first thing is, do not give any advice whatsoever, unless you’ve been through it specifically, your advice is just- it’s not helpful. It usually comes out, especially you’re dealing with a woman who is injecting herself with hormones. Like I said, the term before, she’s hormotional, even like a very simple statement can be perceived the wrong way, so just stop with the advice.

When you start saying a sentence, “Why don’t you just–?” you should pause and change the subject because anything after “just,” “adopt,” or “relax,” or “go on vacation,” or “stop trying,” none of those are the right answer. When people do go through the stages of infertility, I think of it a lot as moving the mark, nobody thinks they have to invite a doctor to try and conceive and have their baby. You think it’s between you and your spouse, and then when you realize that you do have to raise your hand and call for extra help, you have to get to that point. It takes some time.

Then we have to get to the point of, “Okay, we’re doing IUIs,” but then it’s like IVF and the big guns. That’s a whole another level. For some people they have to get through all of those stages to then feel comfortable and ready to accept, adopt, or surrogacy, or embryo adoption, but they have to get there on their own time. There’s no benefit to rushing them. That’s the first thing, no advice. If your friend is open with you about going through the journey, there’s a couple of things you can do.

You can keep track of the dates that they share with you. When their monitoring appointments are, when the next step is, there are so many steps in this journey. We refer to it a lot as a roller coaster because there’s so many ups and downs. I know not one person who has gone to the doctor said, “I will do IVF,” does their first round and has no bumps in the road. It just, there’s so many opportunities where something bad is going to happen, so just keep track of all those dates and send them a text the day of, or the day before and say, “Hey, thinking about you, good luck.”

Invite them to showers, invite them to birthday parties for your children, but do not take offense if they don’t go. Sometimes what us and fertiles have to do is, we have to put our own needs first, and sometimes that means missing a baby shower if it’s too triggering. Just please give them the space to recognize that, but do not not invite them.

Don’t exclude them, because it might hurt them, give them the opportunity to choose whether or not they attend. Another thing is, if you are going to announce your pregnancy, please do your friend a favor and send them a text individually, just to them to say, “Hey, I wanted to let you know we are about to share this news. I wanted you to know firsthand.” That’s it.

That’s all you have to say. That gives them the space to probably cry once receiving that text, but give you the response that says, “I’m so happy for you,” because, like we said, earlier, they are so happy for you, but it hurts them just a little bit. Those are some really good things. If you are a gift giver or the person’s love language is gifts, one of the best gifts that I received was a necklace that was an anchor with a quote that says, “Hope anchors the soul.”

I think, if you could give them a bracelet, or a ring, or a necklace that has a phrase of just some hope and inspiration, it is a long journey. It takes a lot of time, a piece of jewelry, like that they would wear over and over again, with that inspiration, hope from you, I think is a really thoughtful way to be present even when you can’t be at the appointment with them, or you’re not there when they find out the bad news. I feel like that’s the best basics. Does that all make sense?

Lindsay: Oh my gosh, Kristin, those are so good. It’s so good to know what to do, because, I think, for a lot of people who listen, I’m one of those, my heart just breaks for this, that women are going through this. I want to be able to fix it and make it better and I can’t. It’s just such a hard thing because you don’t want to stop your life and your blessings, but your heart is breaking for somebody you love at the same time, and just being able to balance that between the two.

Kristin: It’s okay to say like, “I don’t know what to say at this point.” I think that’s the issue with anybody who’s going through any challenging time or grieving. Finding out when it doesn’t work is pretty much the lowest of the low and that those might be the times when somebody would say, “I can’t make it to the baby shower, or the birthday party, or something like that,” but do not dull your happiness either.

I had a friend once who told me eventually that she was really struggling with how to share her news with me because she knew it would hurt my feelings. Sorry, that hurt me knowing that my struggle was dulling her joy. It’s okay to be joyful. If you are pregnant and successful, thank God, great, wonderful. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Be thankful and have the joy that growing and raising a child brings to you, but, like I said, some of the advice I gave shows you how to be a little bit respectful of the person who is struggling at the same time.

Lindsay: Kristin, I have to know, now that you’re on the other side of this journey, what were your biggest learning lessons looking back that you’ve learned through these hardships?

Kristin: That’s a really good question. My mom was a flight attendant. She was always preparing for the worst in the hopes that never happened. Every time you’re on a plane, they talk about where your life vest is for when they land on the water, and planes very rarely, luckily, land in the water. I learned at every step to prepare for the worst.

When I prepared for the worst ahead of time, If this is the worst-case scenario at this stage, these are my other options. The biggest lesson I learned was that every bump was not a stop sign. It was more of a yield. It just moved the journey a different way. That’s been a lesson that I’ve used through other challenges in life as well. Does that make sense?

Lindsay: Yes, absolutely. I teach this in a similar way to my clients, is not getting attached to the outcome. You go in with high intention, you give it your all, but whatever happens happens. You said it so beautifully there of, it doesn’t mean you have to stop when it doesn’t happen the way you want it to either. Even when you’re not getting attached. I’m just saying, “Okay, how can I shift? How can I pivot?” As you said, “How can I yield, change direction?”

Kristin: The other thing I learned out of this was just how to be– I’ve always been pretty empathetic, but to recognize that we all handle it a little bit differently. I think I’m just a better friend because of it.

Lindsay: It sounds like you’ve got some depth from it, Kristin, emotional depth.

Kristin: I totally do. A little trivia, get to know you is, when I was in high school, I was at EMT. My town, the ambulance where I grew up, the ambulance is run all by high school students who volunteer, so totally free. If you call 911, a 16-year old EMT is going to rescue you, but they’re also not going to charge you. It’s wonderful.

Lindsay: Can we just pause there? That’s just crazy.

Kristin: I know. Nobody ever believes me, but I swear it’s true. [laughs] You can google it, or we can put a link in the show notes about it. It’s true. Actually, when I was 15, I delivered a baby. I played catcher because I was the only girl on duty. I got to play catcher. That was one of the highlights. I’ve always been a helper after college. I went into business. I was totally driven and successful doing business stuff, but I’ve just always felt this calling or need to do more to help others.

After going through this, I finally felt like, “Here it is. I know where I can make my mark in the world and where I can help people.” While going through infertility was, like I said, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I honestly believe that I’m better because of it. My daughter is clearly in my mind perfect. I’m thankful that it brought me her. One of my big things is trying to help, because infertility is really expensive and it’s not covered by everybody’s insurance. It’s a state by state thing. My dream of dreams is to be able to make an impact to try and help fund a way to help other women who can’t afford it.

Lindsay: Wow, Kristin. I loved hearing your story today. I loved it. I love what you’re doing in the world. It’s so beautiful. Tell us, where can everybody reach out to you? Walk them through the process of what it is or what it looks like to work with you too.

Kristin: You can find me on Instagram. That’s where I’m the most active. My account is T-T-C_K-I-K-I. That stands for TTC Kiki. TTC is the internet way to say, “Trying to conceive.” That’s what that’s for. You can find me there, send me a DM and let me know if you found my account through this podcast. I would love to hear that. A couple different ways that I work with people, if you are going through infertility yourself and going through IVF, I do a monthly IVF sisterhood virtual support group.

We do it over Zoom, over video conferencing. There’s different ways to keep your privacy, if that’s something you’re really concerned about, where you can either not have video or you can use a nickname, so you can keep it private if you’re still at that stage in your journey. I invite anybody who is listening and going through it to join us in that monthly call. My website will be in the show notes. If you go there, you can sign up to register for the next one, and then you’ll get notified every time we have that call. That’s totally free.

Please, if you know a friend, you can send them that way. The first thing I came up with before I decided to become a coach was, I lost a lot of sleep. I’m trying to think of a way to give back to the infertility community to help them in the hardest moment. The hardest moment is the two-week wait. That is the moment when it’s two weeks between when they transfer the embryo back into you and when you find out if it worked. You can’t do anything and everything’s on the line and time seems to stand still, but you’re just waiting for this date to find out.

I came up with a two-week wait challenge, where every day, if you sign up, you get a daily email with some encouragements and positivity and a daily activity to keep you busy and to keep your mind positive and to keep you focused on a positive outcome. That is $17. You can sign up a friend. That would be a fun gift to give to somebody, or if you are going to have a transfer coming up soon, you can sign up. I have to be clear. You do need to know your transfer dates to sign up to make sure the emails come at the right time.

Then, I do work one-on-one with clients. It’s usually for six months, where we do Zoom calls, there’s Voxer access. We go through what I call the “IVF warrior method,” and it’s based on three pillars to focus on. We talked about saving and maintaining your relationship. It’s about keeping joy in the moment while you’re waiting still. It’s a lot of mindset work related to a lot of what Lindsay talks about, especially in this podcast. It’s a lot of mindset work to stay positive and hopeful, because there will be moments when it doesn’t feel that way, and I, as your coach and your big sister standing right beside you, holding your hand, letting you know that you will make it through.

Lindsay: Oh, Kristin. I must want to just go through the struggle, just to work with you.

[laughter]

Lindsay: I’m not kidding.

Kristin: I’m not kidding either. Please don’t.

Lindsay: You have such a really cool energy.

Kristin: Oh, thanks.

Lindsay: Really cool energy. I love it. Thank you so much for coming on today, Kristin. I really appreciate it. I hope anybody out there listening who is going through this, reach out to Kristin, just see what that community even looks like if you’re still thinking about if you need a coach or not. Just see how that works for you, because a lot of times, again, like I said with Kristin earlier, is our mind likes to say, “Oh, we don’t need that,” or, “I’m already investing in all these other things,” but then you find, “Oh my goodness, what a difference this has made.”

That’s why I wanted to bring Kristin on the show today specifically, because I don’t know anybody out there listening that’s struggling with infertility. I just know from hearing Kristin’s story, she’s opened my mind so much to what this process is like, that I had no idea. I wanted to bring her on not only for people who are going through infertility, but ways as women, we can support our friends, our family, our acquaintances out there that are going through this. Thank you again, Kristin, for coming on.

Kristin: You’re welcome. Thank you for giving me the opportunity, because whether you’re going through infertility or you know somebody who is, I think we all need good friends and support around. Giving me the opportunity to share how to specifically help somebody who is going through infertility is just awesome. I wish there were more women out there who were proactively looking on how to be good at that. Thank you for asking.

Lindsay: All right, my friend. Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. Just quick reminder. If you haven’t left a review for the show, please do so now. I would so appreciate it, for listening on Apple podcast. Great. If you’re not listening there, the next best place to leave a review maybe on Facebook. Go find me over there at Lindsay Preston and leave a review on my Facebook page.

I will be back here on September 1st. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to talk about yet. I’ve got a couple different topics brewing in my mind, but you’ll have to come back and see what it is. Until then, my friend, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can be. Believe in yourself. You got this.

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Hi! I'm Lindsay

Hi! I’m Lindsay Elizabeth Preston. I’m a certified & trauma-informed life & leadership coach who has spent the last decade helping successful women create lives that feel as good on the inside as they look on the outside by using my neuroscience-backed coaching process called, Awakened Woman.


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