“Don’t let disappointment discourage you from your dreams.”

Last week my daughter, Izzy lost a tooth and I forgot to “text the tooth fairy” for not one but TWO nights to come pick it up.

For the past 4 years, the tooth fairy hasn’t ever missed a night.  Missing one night was hard on her, but TWO was heartbreaking.

I didn’t realize my text error until Izzy busted in my room the next morning with the tooth in hand.  I immediately apologized and said I’d forgotten to text.

She then said, “I just want to throw the tooth away!”  

When I asked why, she said, “I hate feeling disappointed!  I don’t want to feel this way again.”

Her response got me thinking about disappointment.

To our brains, disappointment is the WORST.  

Feeling it is avoided at all costs so much so that we’ll “throw away” things we truly want just so we don’t have to feel it. 

Knowing this about the brain, I then walked my daughter through a few steps to allow her to process the disappointment.  

It took just a few minutes that were uncomfortable for her but had I NOT done that, the feelings of disappointment (and other things) would’ve likely stayed with her for days (if not a lifetime until she processed it).

Those few minutes of processing got her back on track to keeping the tooth for the tooth fairy to arrive the next night (which she did – whew) and feeling more like herself again.

It’s crazy what our brains avoid and tell us to give up just so we don’t have to feel a FEW MINUTES of pain.  

It doesn’t have to be this way.  You can deal with disappointment in a better way.

Today you’re going to learn that way.

Today you’re going to learn how to properly process disappointment so YOU never throw away your goals and dreams (and feel like crap in the process) ever again.

Listen to this impactful episode via the link at the top of this page.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

→ Apply to coach with me

→ Continue the conversation in my free online community

→ Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training 

→ FIND THE RIGHT APPROACH episode

→ INNER MEAN GIRL episode

Full Transcript

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 66,
Dealing With Disappointment.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hi there, my friend, welcome to the podcast yet again. Hopefully, you’re not new around
here, but if you are, welcome, so happy to have you. Today we’re going to be talking about
disappointment. I have a funny story for you that inspired this episode here in a minute. I
just want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone leaving reviews for the show and
sharing the episodes on social media and with their friends and family. I know at times it
can be a little uncomfortable to share some of these episodes, to admit we are improving
our lives. I don’t know why we still have this stigma with that, but it can be this thing,
right? So, thank you for being brave and for sharing these episodes with others. It’s been
so amazing to watch new listeners come in on the show. The numbers have almost
doubled over the past month or so. Thank you.

I’m here in Texas, if you don’t know where I’m located and it’s, gosh, September 15th, the
day I’m recording this, this episode’s going live September 23rd, which I believe means it’s
officially fall. It certainly feels like it here in Texas. The weather is getting just a little bit
cooler, the sun isn’t rising as early, it’s setting earlier, and I’m getting into this groove of
more of a fall mentality with my energy. I’m going to record a whole podcast on this, but
we typically have seasons throughout the year, just like nature does. We have a Summer,
when we’re really blossom and bloom. This is the time when we’re in typically the most
action and we have the most visibility, just like a flower blooming.

Then the fall comes, and we start to shed some layers and start to slow down a little bit, I
always think about snuggling in. Then winter comes for me, it feels like this cocoon or I’m
hibernating, and I’m just releasing layers of myself. Then spring comes and I start to
blossom a little bit more again, and then, it leads me up to summer when I bloom. For me,
the seasons go with the seasons of the year. In summer, I’m in summer, fall in fall, and so
on and so forth.

It’s just so funny how I’m already starting to feel that shift. Even though I’m really wanting
to push and stay into the amount of action that I have been in the past few months, my
body is like, “Okay, Lindsay, let’s slow it down a little bit.” Just know that. I know this
podcast isn’t about that per se, and as I said we’ll do another episode on it, but if you’re
finding yourself starting to slow it down, you may be like me, and you may follow the
seasons a little bit, and that’s okay.

We talk about taking action all the time on the podcast, and making decisions and staying
with those decisions, and all that stuff, but just know too, we do go through these periods
where we bloom and blossom more, and we’re in a lot of action, and then we don’t. The
problem that I see with a lot of women, or one of two things, it’s like two ends of the
spectrum, one, they’re not taking advantage of when they can bloom and blossom. They
have the energy for it. Then two, they’re trying to bloom and blossom all year. This is
typically how the world works for a lot of men, especially is they don’t necessarily go into
seasons as much as women do. We’re just more intuitive beings, more earthly beings.
Maybe that’s why we call it Mother Earth, I don’t know. Just know that, okay? I’m feeling it.

Disappointment. Let me tell you the story that inspired this episode. My daughter lost a
tooth recently. She lost it in the evening of a weeknight. Pretty late. I want to say like
seven or eight o’clock, right before bedtime for her. She’s nine, by the way. She’s getting to
this age where she’s not necessarily a little kid anymore, she’s becoming this tween.
Anyway, she lost this tooth and at our house, we text the tooth fairy when we lose a tooth.
That’s just the story that we tell. I said, “Okay, I’m going to text the tooth fairy but I’m not
sure, it might be too late for her to come tonight.”

What happened is, I didn’t. I forgot to text the tooth fairy, and so she woke up the next
morning and she’s like, “Mommy, the tooth fairy didn’t come.” I said, “Oh, I’m so sorry,
sweetie, I forgot to text her, but that was because I really didn’t think she would be able to
make it.” There was no big deal. Then the next night, I forgot again, and then I had no
excuse because I had a whole other day to text the tooth fairy. I wasn’t past her cut-off
time. My daughter comes in my room the next morning, and I’m thinking in my head like, “I
don’t really know if she still believes in the tooth fairy anymore.” She came in my room,
she had her tooth in a bag. We used to have a little tooth pillow but now she’s at this point
where she’s too big for the pillow. [chuckles]

She brings it in this bag, and you can tell in her face that she’s upset. I said, “Oh, my
goodness,” when she came in with the tooth. I was like, “Oh my goodness, Izzie, I am so
sorry, I forgot to text her. It’s totally my fault.” You could just tell she was kind of mad.
Then she came to me and she goes, “I just want to throw it away. I want to throw my tooth
away.” Then I got curious, after I apologized, I said, “What makes you want to throw it
away?” She goes, “I just don’t want to feel disappointed anymore. I hate feeling this way.”

Then, I started thinking about disappointment, and I realized a couple things about it. First
off, typically, disappointment is a cover for sad. Typically, when we’re feeling
disappointment, we’re really, deep down, feeling sad. Yes, think about that. That makes
sense, right? Two, anger and sadness kind of go hand in hand. Anger, a lot of times is the
emotion we’ll turn to when we’re feeling disappointment or any other emotion, really, but
disappointment, especially because sadness can feel weak, and we can feel out of control
in sadness, but the reality is, is when we’re going to anger, we need to turn to sadness
instead.

I also know that disappointment happens most with those who are most passionate
people. My daughter’s one of those. She is somebody who just wants to live life to the
fullest. She feels high highs, she feels low lows. I think she has high empathy. When she
feels something, she really feels it. Then, I also know that when our expectations aren’t
met, that’s when we can experience disappointment the most. This is going through my
head pretty quickly, like within a few seconds, as she is standing there mad, telling me she
wants to throw away her tooth.

I looked at her and I said, “I know you’re feeling mad right now because you didn’t get
what you wanted, but the reality is, is that you probably feel sad because the tooth fairy
didn’t come and you’re used to her coming.” Then all of a sudden that opened up the tears.
She started crying for maybe like two or three minutes, if that. I held her and I just said,
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I know how it feels to be disappointed, you didn’t get what you wanted.”
Then it just blew away. She felt the feelings of the sadness for a few minutes, and then she
moved on about her day.

When I could feel her coming out of an emotion, they teach us that in coach training too, is
that you take your clients down– I forgot the analogy they used, but like down a
rollercoaster and have them feel the depth of something. Don’t worry about that as a
coach, because people know how to naturally pick themselves back up. Allow them to
really go down into the depth of it. That’s what I did with her, I got her down in the depths
of it, and then, she just naturally pulled herself up. That’s the thing, as human beings,
we’re so scared of going into the depth of those feelings, but the reality is this, we start
picking ourselves back up.

The depth is what our brain avoids the most, it’s like, “Oh, I don’t want to go down there,”
and then it just starts resisting, it starts pushing away. That’s why too, we turn to anger
because that feels more powerful, versus just admitting, “Oh, this feels sad,” and going into
that, right? Anyways, she starts pushing herself or pulling herself out of the emotion. Then
I asked her, “Well, do you still want to throw your tooth away?” She said, “No, no, I don’t
want to, I want to keep it. I’ll just try again tonight.” I said, “Great, awesome. I’m so glad
that you’re seeing it from that perspective, because really, you were just feeling
disappointed and you just needed to get the sadness out.”

It got me thinking, because I have been thinking a lot about disappointment and studying
disappointment a lot. I realized that so many of us are taking our goals and our dreams
and treating it like my daughter did the tooth of, I just want to throw this away because
I’m tired of feeling disappointed, but the reality is, is we just need to feel the
disappointment and we too need to learn how to quit having this cycle of disappointment,
which is what I’m going to teach you today, so that we can continue to go after our goals
and dreams and not want to just throw them away.

That’s what we’re going to do today. I’m going to teach you, when you feel disappointed,
how to lean into that and feel the depth of it, which you may have already gotten a taste
of what I do with my daughter here. Then two, I’m going to teach you how to not continue
this cycle of disappointment. Gear up with me, my friends, today’s a good one.

First off, let’s talk about what disappointment feels like. For me, I sat there and I thought
about it and I thought, “Okay, how do I know when I feel disappointed?” The first phrase
that came to mind, and it was the only phrase that came to mind was feeling let down.
Think about for you. What does it feel like for you when you feel disappointed? You may
have a different word phrase, I don’t know, feeling to describe it, but for me,
disappointment is this feeling of [sighs] like let down, I didn’t get what I wanted. That’s
when I know I’m in disappointment.

It’s really important that you start to recognize what your feelings are because our world is
moving so quickly, our brains are moving so quickly with our thoughts, that many times
something happens and then we move on so quickly, and then it’s like, we have this
lingering funkiness that we’re feeling, and we need to slow down every so often. This is
why I have my clients journal on a near daily basis, so they can reflect on the day prior
because otherwise, these things just start to pile up.

For my daughter, she took that moment to pause. She saw the tooth that morning and was
like, “Ugh,” and then came to me. That was great and awesome. Versus her just seeing the
tooth and moving on with her day. Now that would have been fine if she had no feelings
toward it. If she was just like, “Oh, the tooth’s still there. Oh, well. Great,” but if she had
these feelings of disappointment, like she did and the sadness and anger, then she did the
right thing of coming to me and saying, “Mom, what’s the deal with the tooth?” kind of
thing. She approached that, instead of avoid it, because otherwise, she probably would
have felt funky all day, if not longer until she was able to address it.

I see this happen with her often. If you know my story, her dad and I are divorced, and
she’ll go over there. Many times, she’ll come back from the weekend, and you can tell she’s
just on this funky mood, because she doesn’t necessarily have the space at his house or the
resources to process emotions there, and she typically feels a lot of emotions over there.
She’ll come back and she’s just moody with me, and she’s lazy even. I don’t mean that in a
bad way. It’s just like, she’s not herself.

That’s what happens with us is we feel something and we don’t go into the depth of it.
Then that’s how it comes out. We’re just moody, and we’re not action oriented, and we just
feel funky, and you can just tell you’re not yourself anymore. Again, first tip, if you feel
disappointment or really any emotion, take a pause and reflect. For my clients, I have them
journal four days a week, at least, so they can reflect on the day prior. That habit alone
helps them start to analyze the day prior and really get down on paper, “Okay, what was it
that went on yesterday?” As they start to build that habit, then they don’t even need to
wait until their time to journal, they’re just becoming so self-aware, that when something
happens, they’re like, “Whoa, this is what I’m feeling. I’ve learned what this feels like.”
Then they’re able to process things more in the moment.

That’s the first thing, know what disappointment feels like, acknowledge it, and then you
want to start feeling it. Goes back to what I said just a bit ago, disappointment is usually a
cover for sadness, and sadness is a primary emotion of your inner avoider. If you heard that
inner mean girl episode, we have this inner avoider in our minds. We all have it. Our brain
naturally wants to avoid emotions, does not like to feel those things. What will happen is
we’ll want to avoid that sadness at all costs, because again, it doesn’t feel powerful either,
makes us feel weak. Our brain thinks that weakness means we are opening ourselves up to
getting hurt physically for depth. Just know that.

If you just know from a biological standpoint that that’s why the brain does it, it’s just like,
“You’re silly, brain. It’s okay for me to feel a little bit of sadness.” Lean into that and feel
the feelings of it. Journaling is a great way to do this. It’s also great if you have somebody
that you trust to go to your sadness with. A few months ago, I did couples coaching with
my husband, and part of our coaching process was me turning to him when I felt anything,
really, but especially sadness that he would be the person that I could turn to. It was very
uncomfortable for me, I must admit, because again, I like to– I don’t know if I like to
appear a certain way, but I do like to feel powerful. Hello, I have Become an Unstoppable
Woman podcast.

Turning to sadness was something I typically did privately or with a professional, like my
coach, not with my husband, but it has been so great for our relationship. I can think of
one moment in particular that we have a past few months where I just turned to him and I
said, “I’m processing something. I realized something today,” and I talked it out. I realized
it was related to something in my childhood. The tears just started flowing. He held me for
a few minutes, and it was just so amazing.

What happened is it was just like my daughter, I just needed those few minutes to cry. I
remember saying while I was crying like, “It was just so hard. It was so hard when I felt
that way as a kid,” and him just saying, “I know. I know it was.” Then a few minutes later,
it’s just like, “Ooh, I got that out of me.” It was like, I had been holding onto that since I
was a little girl and I just needed to let it out. this is why with my clients, we’re doing a lot
of feeling, dealing, and healing the first few months we’re working together because
there’s likely a lot of stuff they just haven’t processed. They want to get all these amazing
goals and dreams in their life, but if they have all that weight, that emotional weight on
them, it can be very hard.

Once you get it off, it’s just like, “Ooh, that feels so good,” and you’re able to move on. Feel
it after that, turn to a journal, write ‘I feel’ statements, turn to somebody that you trust that
can hold space for you without wanting to pull you out of emotions. For men, a lot of
times, they feel uncomfortable in an emotion like sadness, and they’ll want to fix things
and they won’t want to pull you out. My husband, in our coaching, he had to be trained a
little bit on, “Okay, you just sit there and you hold her. You don’t need to fix it.” I’ve even
told him too, it’s like, “Do not fix this for me. Just, all I need you to do is just hold me.
That’s it.”

Too, somebody who has the emotional depth to be able to do that. Like for me growing up,
I didn’t have that in a parent. My mom just could not hold that space for me. My dad
definitely could not hold that space for me. He couldn’t even hold space for himself. My
mom just had a lot of emotions she needed to process, and so anytime I had an
uncomfortable emotion, she couldn’t handle it because she hadn’t dealt with her own
uncomfortable emotions. I was just on my own. I just learned to completely avoid
emotions altogether, and I just turned it into like this little achieving robot.

Anyways, find somebody who can hold that space for you. That’s why, again, it’s so great to
have somebody like a coach who can do that for you. This is really great if you’re in
therapy and you’re dealing with a lot of back emotion. The thing with therapy though, and
this is just generalizing, is that sometimes it’s just like one thing they want you to jump
into after another of staying in the depth of that emotion. Whereas in coaching typically,
we go to the depth of the emotion, we figure out whatever the core things that you
needed to deal with from that. Then, you pull yourself out of it, we get into action, and
then we heal.

In therapy, what typically happens again, is like you go into this pool of this emotion and
you just stay there swimming. It’s like, “Well, what the hell do I do with this?” Many times
too in therapy, it’s just like focusing on what’s wrong, and then staying in that. It’s a slower
moving process. Whereas for me, I just want to feel it, and then I want to move the F on. I
want to heal it and not have to deal with it anymore. Either of those can be great options,
but just find somebody that can hold space for you. If you don’t have that, turn to a journal.
Okay?

All right. Again, you feel what disappointment is or whatever feeling you’re feeling, then
you go into the depth of it, and then, I want you to analyze what happened. This goes back
to even the last episode that we had on the show just two days ago, and it was called Find
the Right Approach. It talked about, in that episode, taking an approach. In essence, you
dream what you want to do, you decide whatever it is you’re going to move forward with,
you do it, and then you decode it at the end.

This is what you’re doing here, in essence, is something has happened to you and then you
need to decode it afterwards of, “Okay, why did that thing happen? Why did that thing
disappoint me so much?” For my daughter, this is something I did not do with her when
she came to me with the tooth and said, “I want to throw it away.” I didn’t say afterwards
like, “Okay, why is it that this tooth fairy represents something to you?” She’s just not
intellectually there yet, but I’ll give you an example in my own life. I’ve been using this
example a lot on the show, [chuckles] so stay with me.

I’m getting to this place in my life, for the most part, that when something hits me, it’s
pretty rare something really gets me because I’ve just done so much work around things,
that it’s rare if something really impacts me. Recently, I had a consult call and on the call, I
felt like I knew her problems very well. I painted a very clear vision for her about what
coaching would look like. I felt very connected to her. Then when we get to the point
where we talk about if coaching is right for her or not, I said, “Okay, so what do you think?”
Before I even deliver the price, and she goes, “I don’t even care. I want to do it.” I said, “No,
no, no. Let’s talk about the price,” and so I brought it up and she was like, “Perfect. Yes, I’m
all in.” Even scheduled her first call and we were on our way.

The only question I did not ask on that call, which I typically do, is when do you plan to
sign up? Then I just thought in my head, “Well, who cares?” Because most times, when
people say they’re all in and they’ve made their first call, then they’re all in. In fact, every
time somebody has done that, that’s what’s happened. I have this expectation, that’s what
she’s going to do.

After a few days and she didn’t pay, I reached out to her and I said, “Hey, I never asked,
when do you plan to sign up?” Didn’t hear from her, few days later, email again. “Hey, have
you changed your mind? If you did, no biggie. Let’s talk through it.” No response. Never
heard from the girl again. I felt this wave of disappointment because of two things. This
first thing, I want you to really pay attention to, the expectation. Just like my daughter with
the tooth, she expected, she puts a tooth under her pillow, the tooth fairy comes, because
that’s what she’s had for, gosh, like five years now, since she was in kindergarten. She puts
the tooth, the tooth fairy comes, never been late, but didn’t happen.

For me, somebody says yes on the phone, they book their first call, it’s a done deal. The
payment is just like, it makes it even more done. To me, it was done. The expectation did
not happen, and that’s where the disappointment tends to occur. This is why we feel let
down, because we expect something and it doesn’t happen. We’re going to come back to
that in a minute.

Then, when I’m analyzing, “Okay, why did I feel such a wave of disappointment with this?”
Because as I’ve mentioned on the show, things are going extremely well in my business. In
the month of August, when I had these consults, it was my best month to date. In fact, I
think I made more in a month than I had made in a whole year. I made like $60,000. It’s
huge, but I just could not get over this. It just kept playing in my brain. I just felt this wave
of disappointment with the whole thing. Even though I knew logically was like, “Okay,
she’s got something going on and that’s her own thing. It has nothing to do with me.”
I took it to a coach and I said, “Here’s what I’m feeling. What’s going on?” She’s like, “Do
you feel like you’re missing out on something?” I said, “Yes, I feel like I’m missing out on

her journey. I knew I could really help her.” Then we dug even deeper. The big thing was
not that she didn’t sign up, it was, she didn’t even reply to me. We pulled that I was so
upset because I said, “Am I not even worthy of a reply?” She said, “Ah, that’s it, you’re not
worthy.” I was putting in essence, my need of worthiness onto this woman. I realized I do
this with a lot of things in my life, especially my business. If my clients are getting results
and they’re happy, I feel great and I feel worthy.

What happened is I realized I’m putting this need of worthiness externally to me. Now for
some of you, you may be lost right now, or my clients are like, “I got it, Lindsay.” Because
what we learn in coaching is that we don’t want to put our needs on other people or other
things. We want to fulfill all of our own needs within ourself. For me, I realized, “Okay, I’m
putting worthiness outside of me. I just need to realize I’m worthy no matter what
happens.” I started just programming in that belief in my brain. Just building that brain
wire and saying every day, “I am worthy. I am worthy.” I even started saying like, “I am
worthy no matter what happens. I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.”

This is what’s happening to you. You’re putting some sort of need external to yourself, and
that’s what’s causing disappointment. I’ll give you another example here. Recently, my
husband and I got in an argument. It was because I felt like we just were not romantic with
one another since this whole corona thing hit, and even before that, we had a son. It’s just
like, we haven’t been maximizing our romantic life.

It wasn’t that big of a deal to me until I just saw him spending a ton of time on genealogy.
It seems like every day he was talking to his mom. Again, I was just like, “Okay, whatever, it
is what it is.” Then one day, I go to the doctor, and when I went to the doctor, it was a lady
doctor, which already makes me nervous, and it was because I’ve been having irregular
bleeding. That makes me nervous too. I come back from the doctor and I’m like wanting
him in that moment of being able for him to be present with me so I can unwind what
happened at the doctor today, which everything’s fine by the way, but his mom kept calling
and she has her own special ringtone. It’s like the most annoying ringtone ever. She’s just
calling and calling and calling, and I lost it. [chuckles]

I don’t lose it often anymore, but I lost it. I said something like, “I am so tired of you being
on the phone with your mom all the frickin time and doing this genealogy shit. We don’t
even have a romantic life anymore. Is it that you don’t even want me? What the f–” I’m
going off. I’m listening to myself as I’m going off, and I’m thinking, “Lindsay, you’re totally
throwing your need of romance on him. Totally.” This is why you’re constantly feeling
disappointed because you’re just like, “Come on, Jason, come on. Are you going to give this
to me? Are you going to make me feel romance? Come on.”

Again, I took it to a coach and I said, “Okay, I’ve had this aha moment. I realize I’m
throwing all the romantic needs on my husband. He keeps throwing it back on me,”
because the reality is, is I’m just the planner between the two of us. It’s just the way it is. I
realized in that coaching session is I feel desperate by being the one who takes the lead.
That’s just silly. That’s just the thought of feeling desperate. The reality is, is I’m just going
to be the one that does the planning, and I’m going to fulfill my own need of romance. If
he wants to add to that, great.

Again, I know for some of you, you may be over your head with this. If you’re a client of
mine, you’re like, “Totally get it, Lindsay. You found the need, you did a 21-day habit to
start building that wire to put that need back on yourself. Got it.” Just know that you’re
going to put these needs on other people, this is why you’re feeling disappointment. You
need to take that and claim that back for you.

The other thing I want to say here, I want to go back to this expectation thing. It’s to go in
and not have expectations anymore. I remember when I first heard that, I thought, “Okay,
so what? I go in and I just don’t expect certain things. Does that mean I don’t have
boundaries? Does that mean I just take whatever I can get?” No, it means you go in, you
are the best version of you, and then you just say whatever happens, happens. It does not
mean you don’t have boundaries, it does not mean you still don’t have big goals and
dreams, it just means you enjoy the journey, in essence.

You go in and you say, “How can I show up as my best self, do my best work, and then
whatever happens is just, in essence, the cherry on top?” Let me give you an example in
my life of how this shows up. If I am doing something for my business, like I recently
recorded a free training called Accomplish Your Dreams. It’s a four-day video training. I have
a link in the show notes, if you haven’t watched it. In that training, as I’m recording those
videos, all I’m thinking about as I’m going in and recording is, “Lindsay, just show up the
best version of you today, give them the best Lindsay you can. If people decide to coach
with you after watching these trainings, great. If they don’t, no big deal.”

Now, I know again, this may be like, “Lindsay, don’t you need people to sign up? Isn’t that
how you make money?” I know it can really throw you off. [laughs] Because in essence, yes,
at the end of the day, I still really need people to sign up. Money is how the worlds work
and we all need money. What happens is two things. First off, when you go in and you’re
your best self, and you don’t attach to the results, you end up typically getting those
results that even better. Now they may not be in the timeline you want, they may not show
up in the way that you want. For example, I will send out emails to my lists at times about
like applying for a free consult call and I will get no responses. Not one person will reply
out of my 2,000 person list.

Then, all of a sudden, I’ll get somebody who’s not on my list. They’ll come to me and say,
“Hey, so-and-so has been talking about you. She’s talking about how she’s getting great
results working with you. I would love to work with you too.” Or, I’ll get somebody from
social media who’s not on my list at all and will sign up for a consult. It’s just like this
magical thing in the universe sometimes, that you just put this intention out there, you
show up again as the best version of you, and you’re not attached to how the results come
to you.

Now, again, I know this may be over your head. This took me a while to grasp this concept,
but this is something I’m consistently teaching my clients over and over again, is let’s
figure out how to be the best version of you. We spent, in essence, three whole months on
that work of figuring out who they are at a very deep level. Then, I teach them how to get
into massive action and not get attached to the results. It is hard stuff, but in time, you get
it. Once you do, you quit feeling as much disappointment. Okay?

Again, high intention, low attachment. This goes back to when I was dating too. For a
while, when I was dating, it was like, “Oh my gosh, I’ve got to meet this guy. I want him to
do dah-dah-dah, and be this kind of person. I really want it to happen at this point in my
life.” Because I was so attached to the results, I ended up making not so great dating
decisions, because I was really attached that I really wanted to find my person in a certain
timeframe. Burr says, when I met my now husband, I went in and I’m like, “I have no
attachment when I meet this person or if I ever meet this person, but here’s what I want in
somebody. I’m just going to go in and be the most authentic version of me possible. If they
liked me, great. If they don’t, great. Do not care.”

It was crazy. I met that person within weeks of changing my mindset around them. Too,
even when we were dating the whole time, there were points when I thought we were
going to break up because I had no attachment to him being the one. I just went in saying,
“Okay, if this is meant to be, it will be, and we’ll work through it. If not, then we’re done.”
Again, I know this may be over your head. If I was listening to this a few years ago, it
probably would have been over mine, but I just want you to see that this cycle of feeling
disappointment, because I used to feel disappointment a lot. I’m a very passionate person
like you may be. As I said, disappointment happens to the most passionate of people and
the people who value connection the most too, and so when we feel that disconnect or we
feel something that’s “negative”, it can really be hard on us.

We’re people too who have big goals and dreams. When we have a setback, it can hurt
really bad. The thing is too, is that we likely had childhoods where we had a parent who
have been on and been “great parent”, and then all of a sudden, he or she would switch off.
This is what happens when we develop this vacillator inner mean girl. If you don’t know
what the vacillator inner mean girl is, go back and listen to that episode. If you’re a client
of mine, you’re like, “Yes, got it, Lindsay.” Because we’re just so used to, in our childhood,
having a lot of disappointment of, “Okay.”

For me, it was, “My mom’s on today.” “Ooh, my mom’s not on today.” I just constantly felt
this wave of disappointment when she wasn’t on. I was constantly questioning, “What did I
do?” I felt a lot of sadness, but I had nobody to turn to with that sadness. I was just very,
very attached to my mom and however she was feeling, because how she was feeling
determined my day a lot. Because if she wasn’t feeling good, watch out, it was a little bit
scary. Just know, it may be some deeper stuff here. That’s why it’s so important to go in
and feel, deal, and heal, but you can overcome this stuff, okay? If I can overcome it and I
can help some of my clients overcome it, you can do it too.

You don’t have to continue to live in this wave of disappointment over and over again, and
in essence, be like my daughter with a tooth and want to throw away your goals and
dreams. Whatever you’re dreaming of, you can absolutely achieve. It may not happen the
way that you want it to, but don’t throw that stuff away. Keep going back to it, feeling that
feeling of disappointment, which is really sadness, then go in and say, “Okay, what is the
need that I’m putting on somebody else that I need to claim for myself?” I gave you some
examples there of worthiness was one, romance was the other. I give that to myself now.

What happens then when you give that need to yourself, if you fulfill it within, like you just
start getting even more abundance. Like my husband, for example, a few weeks ago, when
we had that argument, I was like, “You know what, you’re not responsible for our romantic
life anymore. I’m just giving it to myself.” I just tell myself all these amazing things all day
long, like, “Lindsay, you look so amazing, and oh my gosh, you’re so sexy, and dah-dahdah-dah, and I just can’t wait to hang out with you later today.”

Because I’m telling myself that, as silly as it sounds, and some of you may be like, “God,
that’s kind of desperate,” but why? I don’t want to have to wait for my husband to tell me
that. What happens is he’s way more playful with me. He ended up planning this weekend
for us a few weeks ago. That was great. He’s realizing like, “Oh, she doesn’t need this from
me, now I want to give it to her.”

Think about people who are needy, they’re like, “Please, please show me attention. Please
do me this.” Nobody wants to do that. People want to be around other people who are just
fun to be around and who feel like they don’t even need anything from you. I feel like this
way with my business coach, Stacy. She has so many clients and so much demand that I
find myself being like, “Stacy, look what I did. Stacy, look what I did,” because she’s just not
needy at all. She’s not in this convincing energy. She’s just there like, “Oh, awesome. You’re
doing so-and-so this, great, this, awesome.” She just gets so much abundance because
she’s not looking to her clients to fulfill any of her needs.

Then fulfill the need within, and then break that cycle of disappointment and realize, just
show up as my best self. I’m not attached to the outcome, not attached to those results.
I’m just going to go on and do my best. I’m just going to keep believing that this goal or
dream is going to happen for me. It may not happen the way I want it to, but I’m just going
to keep showing up, keep showing up over and over again. I will process my feelings
anytime I feel disappointment along the way, and just keep it going because I believe in it
so much, I keep that strong belief in my mind. Like for my daughter, the tooth fairy is going
to come and you better believe that tooth fairy did come. [chuckles]

For me, my husband and I are going to have a 10 marriage. I just keep that belief alive.
Keep it alive. Right now, we’re probably at like an eight. We have moved up that chain in
the past year. I will tell you, we were like at a five, six for awhile or an eight. I just keep
that belief, 10. We’re going to have a 10 marriage. Here we go. But I’m not attaching to
him and how he shows up. I’m just giving myself a 10 marriage. However he shows up is
awesome, but it’s just the cherry on top.

I hope all that made sense to you. I know some of it may be over head, but just realize, this
is one that may just need some time to soak in. This is why, again, I talked about in the last
episode of the show, it’s not just content that changes your life, it’s content plus coaching
that equals change. There are so many times we have patterns of behavior, or something
happens to us, or we feel something, and we don’t even realize it until somebody else
points it out.

There are many clients that I have that I’m coaching right now every week and they come
to me and they say, “Well, this, this, and this happened.” As we dig a little bit deeper, we
find something much bigger than they ever thought possible. I even gave the example
here of, I turned her coach, about the husband thing, and about the consult call thing, and I
said, “Whoa, this is what I’m feeling. Let’s dig deeper.” We were able to find so much more
goodness out of that. Just keep that in mind if you’re like, “How am I going to change my
life here?” This content is just part of the puzzle. All right, my friend, that’s all I have for
you today. I hope you have a lot of great takeaways. I can’t wait to see you on the show
again soon. Bye.

[music]

Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.

In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.