“Discomfort is part of the game of going after our dreams.”
Discomfort is part of growth. It’s part of the game of going after our dreams. Fear is part of success.
Yet, many don’t know this.
(I sure didn’t years ago.)
And many don’t know what the feeling of discomfort truly feels like.
So they let discomfort be “too much” for them.
They decide that feeling discomfort or afraid means that they’re doing it wrong or that they aren’t meant for their goals and dreams to happen.
It’s all a lie.
Your brain is just wanting to keep you safe.
It thinks it’s HELPING you by talking you out of discomfort.
Your brain would rather you experience the safe discomfort of where you’re at today (without your goals being done) than the “unsafe” discomfort of expansion.
You HAVE to learn how to be bigger than your brain to overcome this innate pattern.
You must learn how to find comfort with discomfort otherwise your brain will sabotage you every darn time.
Join me today on the “Become an Unstoppable Woman” podcast as I teach you how to create this comfort.
I walk you through what it feels like to be uncomfortable (so you can spot it in yourself), how to get through the feeling of discomfort with ease and what’s waiting for you on the other side of this feeling. (Spoiler: It’s awesome.)
If you want growth in your life (and I know you do), this episode is a must-listen. Listen via the link at the top of this page.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
→ Continue the conversation in my free online community
→ Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training
→ FEELING YOUR FEELINGS episode
Full Transcript
This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 70,
Comfort with Discomfort.
[music]
Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.
[music]
Hi there, my friend. Welcome to another episode of the show. So excited to have you here
yet again. Every time I have the opportunity to be in your ears, I am forever grateful. I
know you have many choices on who to listen to. It’s such a privilege that you turn to me
for advice and teachings and if you coach with me, coaching, so thank you. All right, today
we’re going to talk about comfort with discomfort. We did a podcast similar to this many,
many months ago.
It was one of the very first episodes of the show, actually, and it was called Embracing
Growth’s Discomfort. It’s one of my favorite episodes to date because, in it, I talk about
how when we grow, it’s very uncomfortable. For a lot of people, that was mind-blowing.
They didn’t realize, “Oh, the process of growing, even if it’s good growth is going to be
uncomfortable and things are going to come up for me.”
I know, Lindsey, many years ago, would have thought, “I must just be doing this wrong.
There’s something wrong with me. Maybe this isn’t a right fit.” Just because I felt
uncomfortable. I didn’t really quite understand what discomfort felt like. It just felt off,
right? We’re told in society most times that we need to be happy all the time and feel good
all the time, when things fall off, or are uncomfortable, we deem that as bad a lot of times,
right?
I love that episode. I’m going to link it in the show notes if you haven’t listened to that one
because this episode today is going to build upon that one. I even went back and I listened
to it. It’s so funny because as I said, I recorded a while ago, almost two years ago, and you
can tell my energy’s changed a bit. In the earlier episodes, I’m just so excited, like, “Oh, I’m
back in the podcast game, and I’m coaching again,” because I had taken some time off to
have my son, and I talk really fast.
Now I feel like I have this more chill vibe to me, too. Yes, it’s just interesting to hear the
difference in that. Just to give you a rundown, if you don’t want to go listen to it. Again, I’m
just talking about in that episode, how discomfort’s part of the game, and when we’re
growing, you can expect that you’re going to get uncomfortable because you’re going to
be growing and growth is uncomfortable to the brain. We’re stepping outside of what feels
safe to us. Any time something feels unsafe, the brain sends these signals of usually, fight
or flight or freeze kind of thoughts.
We bring up all the crap that our brain has really held on to keep us where we are today.
The brain thinks it’s doing an amazing job at that, like, “Oh, yes, we’re not going to go out
and meet people, because remember when we were young, and we went out and met
people, and so and so made fun of us, and then this guy did this to us. We’re not going to
do that anymore.”
Again, our brain builds these beliefs, keeps us stuck with, tend to call them limiting beliefs
in the psychology world. With my coaching clients, we call them bullet holes a lot of time
because sometimes they’re really wired in that brain with a lot of pain. It feels like
somebody, in essence, shot us at times, many times, emotionally or mentally. Then yet, we
just put a bandaid on it and keep going about our lives, and think, “Okay, I’m just going to
get past that.” We have no idea what’s holding us back, and what’s keeping us stuck and
making us feel like crap most days.
Again, comfort or discomfort is part of the game. Today I really want to teach you how to
feel comfortable in that discomfort because right now I’m in a huge growth period. I’ve
talked about on many of the recent episodes. My business is growing very rapidly, and
there’s some other areas of my life where I’m growing. I’ve talked about some of them, like
with my marriage and stuff. Today I want to just show you and talk about all the areas in
which I’m growing and how I’m feeling through that.
You can, A, recognize what discomfort feels like because again, a lot of times we think
something’s wrong with us, or, we judge how we feel. I want you to just recognize what it
is you’re feeling, and accepting that instead of judging it. I have a batch of clients right
now who I’m working this theory on with them. They’re coming to me and they’re like, “Oh,
Lindsay, I feel this, I feel this, I feel that.” Then they have so much judgment about how
they’re feeling on top of that.
They may say, “Oh, I just feel so angry about this thing going on at work. I’m just urgh, so
over feeling this way. I hate that I’m feeling this way, and I thought I was past this, I don’t
want to be this.” Then they just layer on all this judgment about it. Then it’s like, “Okay, not
only do we need to deal with the anger piece, but we can’t even get to the anger piece,
because you have so much judgment on top of that.”
I’ve really started to take in as I’m doing these episodes for the podcast, especially, is I
want to be as open and authentic as possible with you. I’ve done that more and more on
this show in the past few weeks. Like I talked about being emotionally triggered, and I
talked to you through an emotional trigger. There’s going to be an episode coming up
talking about women’s rights, where I’m going to get very vulnerable with you.
Specifically, we’re going to talk about being authentic and what that looks like.
Rachel Hollis, you may know her, she is a best-selling author. She wrote, Girl, Wash Your
Face. I have followed her journey for the past few years. The first reason why is because it
seemed like she came out of nowhere. I was like, “Who is this Rachel Hollis girl, and why is
her book so popular?” At the time, I was really interested in what are the things that are
making people so popular, because at the time I really wanted that kind of success.
I’m looking at her, I’m reading her book, following all the things, and I just keep thinking, “I
don’t get it.” I don’t get what is so popular about this girl. There was a part of me that was
like, “Fit into that mold, Lindsay. This is what people are wanting, so go and be that.” I just
kept resisting, and resisting, and resisting it. Finally, luckily, I had a coaching session with
my coach. We talked about it and I just said, “You know, I feel like I want to have this big
career, but yet when I see people who are “Doing it big”, I just don’t feel like that’s for me.”
What we determined in that coaching session was, that was totally right. That that path is
not for me. My big career is right now what I envision, is just being this practitioner, and
working a lot one-on-one with people. That’s my zone of genius. That’s what I love more
than anything. Then having small groups as well, especially for my more advanced clients.
That’s why in this past year, I’ve structured my business in that way. It’s really gone away
from trying to be this big personality.
Again, going back to the Rachel Hollis scene, I’ve been watching her grow, and now I’m
watching her go through a divorce, which seemed to come out of nowhere. The reason
why it seemed to come out of nowhere was because a lot of people were saying, “Well, you
weren’t being authentic with us, Rachael. You kept talking about your marriage and how
great it was, and how we should be doing all these things in our marriage.” Then all of a
sudden, out of nowhere, it was, “Oh, Dave and I are getting a divorce.”
Again, I’ve just been watching, observing this whole thing go down, realizing a couple of
things about Rachel. One of the biggest things is that, like her followers are saying, she
hasn’t been authentic. She hasn’t truly shown what this journey looks like to growth. It’s in
essence what I’ve seen and what other people are saying too. It’s just this plastered fake
authenticity, like, “Oh, I’ll talk about these aspects of my life, but I’ll talk about them in a
way where everything’s wrapped up in a pretty package.”
There’s not a lot of her feeling her feelings in that, it’s a lot of, “Let’s hustle our way out of
it.” Whereas some of that is good, I think for some women, they need that to jumpstart
them to get them out of spinning in a lot of doubt and lack of confidence and probably
spinning in unhelpful emotions. There comes a point where that stuff becomes really toxic,
and people are starting to see that.
Anyways, as I’m watching this whole Rachel thing go down, I’m realizing that again, it’s
like, “Wow, you know, I have something different to offer here on the market.” My big thing
has always been being super authentic. I just feel like, with the transition of seeing that
with Rachel and some other people that are out there, and I think too people are really
craving more authenticity with the corona stuff.
We’ve all been exposed in a way. I’ve seen some of the things we need to work on by
being at home so much and being exposed to a lot of anxiety, provoking things at one
time, be it corona, work things, health things, racial things, that now we’re all looking at
ourselves like, “Wow, I had more work to do than I realized.” Again, it’s really showing out
in the world of what is authentic and what’s not.
Again, I just feel like I’m at this place, not only with my own development, but what I’m
seeing in the market of, okay, it’s time to just shut all the layers and be so super authentic
with you, and tell you all the things, tell you all the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful,
the brags, every single piece of me so that you can get a full picture of what is life like “on
the other side”? Meaning what does life look like when you– I don’t know the right word
to use.
A lot of times we use the word evolved or authentic because I think a lot of times people
think, “Once I get coaching, or once I have my dream career or my dream guy or whatever,
then I’m complete, and then life is good.” For my husband, I catch him on this all the time.
“When I have a ton of money,” he’s the money guy. Like, yes, those things are going to
make life better, but it’s not the end game. We’re always evolving. We’re always growing. I
always say new level, new devil.
We’re all in this game, and my biggest goal now is just to be super authentic with you.
Again, I’m going to share with you all the things I’m growing in, and how I’m feeling
behind the scenes with them because a lot of times it seems like on the surface that
everything is peachy keen and maybe that I look really confident, but behind the scenes, it
may not always be the case.
Very long story to tell you just my intentions on these shows of just being super raw and
vulnerable with you, and on that too, if you ever have questions about anything, be it my
life, how I’m feeling things about your life, that’s one of the things my clients say most
about me is, “Lindsay, I just feel so safe with you, and I feel like we just have this trust that
I can tell you anything and you just hold a really good space for that.”
That’s honestly, one of the best compliments anyone could ever give me because that’s
one of my biggest goals is to have a space for women. Be it just with me and you, or in a
group of women where we can just fully be seen as ourselves and be authentic. I know if
I’m wanting that in you, then I need to lead the way. I need to go first and say, “Hey, here’s
all my stuff,” so you have the opportunity to do it too.
Back to today’s topic, comfort with discomfort. As I said, I’m going to talk you through what
it feels like for me right now in certain areas of my life or where I’m growing, and then I’m
going to talk you through how you can implement that in your life. Let’s start to just talk
about why discomfort happens. I mentioned the brain itself doesn’t like discomfort
because it feels new and new to the brain feels scary, even if it’s good stuff. Even if you’re
in a new relationship and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I love this guy or girl. She’s amazing.”
Maybe you’ve never had a relationship like that before. Maybe it’s even totally different
than what you’ve experienced in a love relationship with your parents. I know when I met
my now-husband, it was totally different. Even though I knew I was heading in the right
path with him, and I knew deep down that he was a safe person, my brain was freaking
out. My brain still freaks out. I’ll talk about it here in a minute of growing to new levels
because I just had never experienced that kind of love with that kind of person before.
Again, the brain just going to freak out no matter what. Nothing’s gone wrong, it’s just the
way the brain is. Now, the other thing I want to point out here is that we experience
discomfort with this, not because of the actual circumstance per se, but because of our
thoughts about this circumstance. In the last podcast episode, I talked about how to solve
any problem. I talked about this tool called the model, and I’ve talked about it on many
episodes. That’s a big tool that I’ve really implemented in my life and I’m helping
implement in clients’ lives. It’s an amazing one.
What that tool shows is that circumstances don’t create our feelings nor do they create our
actions or results. If we think Coronavirus is causing the results we have today, or if we
think it’s because of X, Y, Z, that happened in our childhood or because of this whole thing
that we have or whatever it is, that has not created what we have in our life today. It’s our
thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings, then we take action based off those feelings,
and then based on those actions is how we create the results that we create.
That’s why it’s so important we do things like manage our mind, which I will link in this
episode too, for that podcast, because I specifically go in there and I talk about how to
manage your mind. Because when you’re growing, as I said, those sirens are going to go off
in your brain, and if you’re not aware of what thoughts your brain is telling you, it’s going
to feel like crap, and you’re likely going to do self-sabotaging behaviors without knowing
it. Let me give you some examples of how this is happening for me.
One area that I’m really growing in is coaching in the style I’m coaching at, with my Living
the Dream Group. Quick synopsis, the only way to coach with me now is one-on-one for
the first, in essence, like six to nine months, we go through three months of my Become an
Unstoppable Woman program, three months of Become Authentically Awesome. After that,
we do some one-on-one sessions here and there with a little bit of action trainings, and
then people have the option to continue to get support and coaching through Living the
Dream.
That group, as I said, is new, and right now the people that are in it have been past clients
of mine. We’re going through the new versions of unstoppable course, my authentically
awesome course, and then they’re getting support along the way. The way that I’m
coaching in there is different. I’m using heavily the tool called The Model which I
mentioned, my style is different.
I’m a lot more direct with them. There’s not as much handholding because when we first
started coaching together, especially one-on-one, we are going in deep and we’re looking
at things from the past and typically things from the past that hurt. There’s a lot of me
handholding, a lot of comfort I’m creating with that. Then after that, we get into more
action. Then at the end, it’s like a butt kick. It’s like, “We’ve done all this work. You’ve said
this is the vision you want for your life, now you’ve got to get to work.”
Anyways, with that style of coaching, it’s just me constantly putting myself out on a limb, it
feels like, of telling things very directly. I’m even doing this a lot more with one-on-one
clients of– they’re coming to me and they’re saying something and I’ll stop them, and I’ll
say, “Wait a second. Now you realize, you just said, blah, blah, blah. You think that’s a fact,
but that’s not really a fact.” I had a client recently who said, “Yes, well, women just aren’t
respected. They’re not respected and they’re not respected at work.”
I said, “Whoa, stop it for a second. You just said women are not respected especially at
work. You realize that’s a thought, right? That’s not a fact. Sure, we could pull statistics
here, but by you thinking that thought, it’s only going to perpetuate the problem of using
disrespect everywhere. Is that something that’s truly serving you?” Me just doing things
like that and calling people out, especially when I’m having consults with people, they’re
telling me what they think their life’s problems are, and sometimes they’re right.
Sometimes they have great awareness and it’s like, “You’re absolutely right. This is the
problem,” but nine times out of 10, it’s something so much bigger than what they ever
thought. I’m having to bring that to awareness for them on that call. Most times it’s met
with a lot of relief and a lot of appreciation and gratitude because they’re like, “Oh my
gosh, I’d never seen it that way. You’re absolutely right.” I’m doing it with a lot of love, but
sometimes it’s in a way where people don’t like it.
I have a client right now. Before I restructured my coaching programs, you could do my
Unstoppable Woman Program self-study. She was the absolute last person that signed up
to do a self-study. She reached out to me recently and said, “Lindsay, I need to pause my
payments. I just don’t have the money.” I wrote her back and I was very direct. I said, “In
the six years that I’ve done this, I’ve never had anyone pause their payments, so I just want
you to be aware of that.”
I said, “This pattern that I’m seeing with you is the victim mentality and it’s come up here
and it’s come up here and it’s come up here. I just want you to be aware of it because this
is not serving you. You’re self-sabotaging like crazy.” She had missed a one-on-one call
that we had, and so she lost that. Then it’s just like this perpetuating problem. She was not
happy at all with that kind of email. It was not taken well.
I think she’s still really upset with me and a part of that is just, that’s why I don’t do selfstudy anymore. It works for a very small handful of people but the program just requires a
lot of hand-holding. It’s hard work. You have to go deep and your brain actually doesn’t
want to do that stuff. It’s very easy to just skim through that work and then be like, “Okay,
yes, I got so-so results or I got the results I needed.” It’s just they’re just not that great.
Some clients are like, “Oh, that’s so great, Lindsay,” and I’m like, “I guess, it could have
been so much better.” With her, she’s been doing that. She’s been avoiding the work and
then it’s just, she’s not applying the work. That’s why she’s not changing her life especially
financially. I called her out on it. Yes, and it was very uncomfortable for me to do that stuff.
Every time doing it, I have this inner pleaser in me that’s like, “How are they going to take
it? They may be mad at you, Lindsay.” My business coach, Stacie, always says, “You always
have to be willing to risk that relationship with the client every single time you’re meeting
them because what they’re paying you for is honesty and truth. You know what their goals
are and if you see what is keeping them from their goals, you have to call it out. That is
your role as their coach.”
They can go to their friends, their partners, whoever and get cheerleading and get support
and all that, but you as a coach is to show them, “Hey, have you noticed this is what you’re
doing?” That’s uncomfortable. Not only if you’re the recipient that as the giver of that. That
has been something that has really made me feel in control.
Now, I’m in these a couple months now of stepping into this role as a coach and taking
this on, it’s like it’s my responsibility to tell people this but the first few weeks of me doing
that, I felt like my body was in a constant state of a vibration, like this low level anxiety
because I just kept calling it out and calling it out and calling it out. Because I have so
many clients right now, it was constant. It was just every call was like do-do-do, do-do-do.
Again, 9 times out of 10, it’s received very well.
For example, I had a client last week who we did something called an intermingle
interview. In that, it’s typically very emotional for people, it’s very eye-opening. A lot of
things come out of what they’ve been telling themselves and every once in a while, I’ll get
a client where we’re going to do the interview, and it’s just very surface level. It’s like they
didn’t really go that deep emotionally. I call it out now and to that client, I said, “Listen,
this interview, it just felt really surface level. We didn’t go deep. I really think you’re
struggling to feel your feelings.
I encourage you and I challenge you this next week to just sit still little bit more and just
to think, ‘Okay, what am I not feeling?'” Because with this client, she’s– we’ve all gone
through crap, but I brought up some of that crap and I said, “You just talk about this like
it’s nothing and this is some hard stuff.” I always worry in that moment because many
people could be like, “Peace, I’m out. I’m not doing this.” Especially the brain doesn’t want
to do that kind of stuff.
They can easily feed into the story that their brain is telling them there but instead again,
9 times out of 10, they rise to the challenge. This client emailed me a couple days later
and she’s like, “Lindsay, I’m feeling all the feelings I have. The flood gates are open and I
was sitting there and I was staring at my to do lists and I just started crying and then I
ripped it up. It’s just like you unleashed this thing inside of me.”
That’s where I was like, “Yes, here we go,” because I’ve pushed her to a new level, she
didn’t even realize that by her not feeling her feelings, it’s been holding her back. I had to
go out on a limb and really do something that I knew she was going to be uncomfortable
doing because she’s– for her whole life, or most of her life, she’s been just like, “Okay, next
thing I’m just going to go get her and achieve my way out of this hardship instead of
sitting back and feeling the feelings.” All right.
It’s really uncomfortable for me to do that but again, I just felt the vibration of my body. I
know logically what’s going on. It’s like, “Lindsay, you’re just feeling uncomfortable right
now. You’re growing as a person and as a coach. Nothing’s gone wrong. Just allow that
anxiety in your body and in time it’s going to get easier. ” That’s what it has done. It’s very
rare for me now to feel anxiety when I call something out. That’s just been in a few weeks
that I’ve been able to take that on. It’s just not a part of me. Another area in which I’ve
been growing is asking for more help.
Typically, I’ve just been like, “I got this, I can do this on my own but as my business has
grown,” I’ve had to hire out. Now, I have an assistant, I’ve had a podcast editor but I’ve had
her for a while. Hi Erin, by the way. She’s editing this episode. Then to my Facebook and
Instagram ads person, and I’ve had a designer. Just letting go of the control of some of
those things and seeing– like my assistant, Rachel. She’s still learning. She, gosh, three or
four months in at this point. She sent a client email and there is a boo-boo in it.
Just, whoa, the discomfort of that but just working through that with her and saying, “Okay,
we need to resend this. This thing happened. Let’s send it again and try again,” and
knowing too she was sending a client email to a brand new client who I know is very
uneasy about starting coaching with me. Not because of me just because she had a bad
experience in the past. Again, I felt that level of discomfort of, “Okay, not only am I
releasing the reins but I know how she’s feeling right now,” and I’m just like, “Okay, just
going to sit back.
I’m feeling uncomfortable right now but I’m just going to feel it, know it’s part of the
journey. I know we’re going to get through it.” Something else I tell myself and you’re
welcome to think this too if it fits for you, but I just tell myself, “Everything happens for a
reason.” I trust the universe. I trust something bigger. I think about that email flub, I think,
“Okay, if that client is going to quit because of this email flab,” and it was something really
minor, by the way.
I know that the client is really nervous, and so her brain is looking intentionally for things
to say, “Don’t trust this because of her past experience.” I just have to say, “Everything
happens for a reason. Another thought that’s really helped me out with that feeling of
anxiety is, “All is well in my world, I’m at peace. All is well in my world, I’m at peace. All is
all well, right?”
That’s another way of growing, is asking for more help and even asking my parents for
help. My son’s not in school right now and that’s just a choice that we’ve made because of
corona. They took my son on Wednesdays. I’ve even reached out to them to watch my son
on some date nights, which is super vulnerable for me because my parents, they’re not
people who value fun. Me asking for a date night seems to, in their eyes, very extravagant
and unneeded.
Even though they have the time, I just know some of the thoughts that are going through
my parents’ mind as to why is this important? They probably may feel a little burdened,
but I also know deep down that they love the time with my son. It’s just– again, I can feel
their feelings off of it and I know what some of their thoughts are. Yet I still do anyway
because I know for two reasons. One is that I really want time with my husband. We have
not had alone-time for a long time.
We had a date in January, we had one night out, just here recently a few weeks ago. Then
prior to that we didn’t have nights out because we had my son, and it’s taken a toll on our
relationship. It’s like, “Okay, I need to ask for help for this.” We’ve made the boundary,
we’re not going to bring in babysitters right now. It’s like, “Okay, my parents are in our
little bubble. Let’s bring them in.”
Again, it’s like that low level of discomfort of, “Oh, feels really vulnerable right now for me
to ask for this.” Not only that but I’m taking the lead on planning dates which again is very
vulnerable for me. If you heard a previous podcast I talked about how I’d really been
throwing the romancing on my husband but then I realized it’s like, “Okay, well, I’m the
planner of us. Why don’t I just do it?”
He had been throwing that on me for a long time. It’s like, “Lindsay, I want to go on dates
but you’re just the person who plans a schedule. Just put it on the calendar and then we’ll
go from there.” Even me just doing that is breaking a lot of thoughts and beliefs I have
around being desperate, and about how I’m leading him on in some way which is so silly,
but our brain attaches to these kinds of stories. Again it’s that low level of anxiety, of that
discomfort. That’s what the discomfort feels to me like. It’s just like this low-level
vibration.
Sometimes it’s bigger. Sometimes it’s straight-up anxiety of a really going into that
discomfort but that’s what it feels like. Again for some people, they may be what’s wrong
with me? Is something going wrong? Then because they feel so uncomfortable and they
don’t know how to manage their mind, all these thoughts are coming up for them. They’re
not aware that there are thoughts. Then they start blaming other people for them.
Like for my husband and me, for example, if I wasn’t managing my mind, I wasn’t aware
that I just feel uncomfortable because I have these thoughts that I’m desperate by doing
them, I could easily just go back to him and just keep blaming him for everything. “It’s all
your fault. You don’t plan dates and dah, dah, dah, you don’t love me,” and it could spiral
out into this whole other thing when the reality is, it’s like, these are just some thoughts
that I’m working to break and I’m just experiencing discomfort, and this is what it is, just
part of the game.
Because the reality is, it does make sense for me to put the dates on the calendar. It does
make sense for me to plan the babysitters. If I’m wanting this to happen in my life, if I’m
wanting date nights, and this is what I need to do to get that, even though it feels
uncomfortable, same with coaching the clients, I’m coaching them. If I want to be one of
the best coaches that ever was, because that’s a belief I’ve started to tell myself. It’s like, “I
want to manifest this.” Part of that is calling stuff out with people, not dilly telling around.
It’s made me such a better coach in the past few months. That’s why the demand has been
higher. So many people like, “Oh my gosh, Lindsay, I’m telling all my friends about you.” I
think last month, I’ve counted almost every single person that I signed was a referral from
another client because it’s just people are getting results, they’re getting results faster,
they’re getting better results and they’re just telling their friends, and it just got growing
and growing, but that requires me to feel uncomfortable in the process.
Another area that I just realized here in the past week is, I set this goal that I want to a 10
marriage. For whatever reason, when I set that goal I thought, “Oh my gosh, this is going to
be rainbows and butterflies. We’re just going to have so much fun together and we’re
going to work on connecting physically more and that’s going to be so much fun,” and yet I
know how goals work.
When you set a goal like that, especially if it’s a stretch goal like that one, your brain then
starts to show you all the things that are stopping you from having that goal, because
otherwise, you’d already have the goal. If you set the goal of a 10 marriage like mine, well
why don’t you have it already? It’s because there’s these things that are stopping you, and
so this past week it was all this crap came out in regards to why I don’t have a 10 marriage
right now?
Of course, at first it’s like, “Oh, it’s all on him. He needs to work on this, and he needs to
work on that.” Then as I dug deeper, it was like, “Whoa. No, this is all on me. This is my
stuff, this is the stuff I have to work on.” Again, it’s this level of discomfort of, “Here we go.
Here’s what it is, Lindsay,” and knowing it’s like, “If I’m wanting a 10 marriage, then not
only do I have to work through these beliefs and kind of do some feeling, dealing and
healing, which again is uncomfortable but then I have to take action on this.
I have to be the one that’s more emotionally vulnerable, and I have to find more peace
with some of the things that he does instead of finding judgment. I have to really put
myself out there and start to unconditionally love him, even though he may not be able to
give that back to me, which I think he does, but I don’t know what’s going to be on the
other side of this, because right now it feels really scary of doing some of these things and
because I feel so vulnerable, if he “hurts me” in that process, it could hurt even deeper.”
I was just like, “Okay, but this is the work. I have to get uncomfortable. I have to put myself
out there. I have to keep growing in this direction if I’m really wanting this to happen.”
Again, I hope you’re starting to see here is, this is part of the journey and realize it’s just
vibrations in your body. When you’re feeling this for me again, it feels like a low-level
anxiety, so I’m just like breathe through it, take some deep breaths in and out. I just kind of
acknowledged and just say, “You’re just feeling a little scared right now, or a little anxious.
It’s okay, it’s part of the journey.”
I kind of just talk myself down, I do a lot of self-care to recharge because any time we’re
growing, as I said, it’s uncomfortable. We’re going to feel more feelings, so it’s important
we recharge ourselves with more self-care and just give ourselves a lot of grace. We’re
going to make mistakes, it’s going to feel uncomfortable, but not to judge ourselves, and
instead just say, “Okay, this is what I’m feeling. This is what’s happening, here’s what
mistakes I made, but tomorrow I’m going to show up and I’m going to get better. I’m just
going to keep showing up and I’m going to keep going after this stuff.”
Because the worst thing that we can do is decide something’s too uncomfortable, or really
it’s like, “Oh, it must not be meant for me because it’s so uncomfortable when the reality is,
is it probably is for you. You have some sort of vision that you wanted this goal to happen,
and it’s not going to be easy to get there necessarily, especially at first when you’re, again,
breaking all these barriers, all these thought patterns, doing some things that are healing
from your past,” but that’s part of the journey.
You have to just work your way through it. I tell my clients a lot of times this analogy. I
say, “When we meet you’re living in this town in essence, and I’m going through your town
and I’m like, ‘Hey, there’s a different way to live. You want to live differently? Come follow
me.'” You probably start to follow me through your little town, and we get to this point
where I say, “Okay. Well, if you want to sign up, it’s really exciting and it’s going to be
really fun, but we’re going to have to travel through this really dark forest together.
Don’t worry. I’m going to hold your hand the whole time we go through this dark forest.”
You’re like, “Okay, do I really want to go through this dark forest?” But for whatever reason,
you have enough trust in me to say, “Okay, I think this girl knows what she’s talking about.
I’m going to take the leap. We’re going to go through the dark forest together.” Then that’s
when we start the coaching process, and we go through the dark forest, and even during
the time we’re going through this dark forest, I even kind of pushed you in some water
along the way.
We call it the river of misery, and I’m like, “Okay. I know it feels like you’re kind of
floundering a little bit, but just trust me, we’re going to swim over to this other Island and
it’s going to be so good,” and because you have so much awareness at that point, this is
again, just like a couple of weeks into coaching. You’re like, “I know I can’t go back to my
old town, my old way of living, but right now I feel so damn crappy. I want to get out of
here, but I’m just going to keep going with the journey.”
Then in just a few more weeks time, you’re like, “Oh my gosh, this feels amazing, Lindsay.
I’m so glad I did the work of those first-” typically it’s like the first six weeks of coaching,
“Because now it’s just I can’t imagine going back to any other way.” I’m like, “I know, right?
Now look, you have all this new land with all these new opportunities, and you’re already
starting to paint the vision on this new land of what you wanted. We just had to go
through the forest. You just needed to change some things up.
You were too scared to go through the forest, but the forest is what allowed you to make
all the changes you needed to get to this other side.” That’s the analogy for you, and that’s
why I think it’s so important to have people like a coach or somebody else in your life who
knows this journey, can guide you on this journey. Because again, our brain wants to get
the F out of that stuff. It hates discomfort, it hates change. It’s like, “Wait a second. I feel
really safe right now. Why are we trying to change things up?”
Trust me, every time I make a new goal, I get excited about it at first, and then when I
realized the work I have to do, I think, “Why did I make this goal? Why can’t I just be happy
with what I have? My marriage is like an eight right now. Can I be happy with an eight
marriage? Why is it that striving for more?” That’s why too, it’s so important we have
things like our why, of why we’re doing certain goals because if we don’t, when things get
hard, we don’t have the why. We want to peace out of there so fast, and we miss out on so
much of the growth.
Stay with it my friends, just learn to feel those feelings of discomfort. It’s so worth it many
times, it’s just a few weeks that you’re feeling it, and then it just becomes a part of you.
Then you get to evolve and take on more things and grow even more in your life, but
please don’t fear the discomfort, don’t avoid it, don’t think something’s gone wrong. It
hasn’t, it’s just a part of the process, the more that you can embody it, the more you can
accept those and not judge it, the better you’re going to be in the process.
That’s why it’s so important to have, again, somebody like a coach, like me to just say what
you’re feeling is totally normal. You know, I mentioned earlier the client who I said, “Okay,
listen, you’re going to have to go feel your feelings.” We just had our call last night,
actually, and she’s like, “Okay, Lindsay, I’m feeling my feelings. This feels really
uncomfortable. I know it’s good stuff, but how long am I going to be here?”
I’m like, “Don’t worry. We’re only going to be here for a few more weeks, maybe like two or
three more weeks, but then we’re going to come out of it and this is what’s going to
happen after it.” She’s like, “Okay, got it, Lindsay.” For people who don’t have a coach, it’s
just like, “How long am I going to be here? Get me the F out of here,” because our brain
wants to at least be able to feel some safety and security around that of like, “Okay. We’ve
just got a few more weeks. Got it. I can do this.”
You got this, my friend, go out there, grow experience that discomfort. Start to feel it in
your body, it’s just part of the growth
I can’t wait to see you on the other side. If you feel like you need help accomplishing your
goals, I’m always here for you. I’m always ready to take you on and to help you accomplish
your dreams. The first step is always to get on that free consult so we can talk through
everything together. The links in the bio, and then you’ll also get the link here on the outro
as well. I’ll see you in the next episode, my friend, bye.
[music]
Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.
0 Comments
Trackbacks/Pingbacks