“We can control ourselves, we can control how we show up, and we can control what we think and how we feel about it. That’s where our power lies.”

The quality of our relationships with others is the most valuable asset in our lives. Yet, we don’t necessarily know how to improve our relationships.

Our relationships can be tricky….if not down-right hard at times. Those we’re closest to are the ones that typically hurt us the most (…and vice versa). 

Our relationships are meant to be a reflection of the growth we have to do most, but many of us don’t realize the opportunities we have in our hands.

Instead, we blame others for our problems rather than looking at how WE are the ones contributing. 

It’s not easy to admit that we are the ones potentially at fault, but it’s when we take ownership of the results we have in our lives; that’s when EVERYTHING changes in HUGE ways.

If you want to improve your relationships (and I know you do), join me for today’s “Become an Unstoppable Woman” episode.  

IN IT, I’M TEACHING YOU SPECIFICALLY:

• My #1 tool on how to solve any problem in your life
• How to find the core of your problems in your relationships (so you can solve them with more ease)
• What NOT to do when solving your relationship problems

…and so much more

Your relationships are worth it. YOU are worth it. Let’s make your ideal relationships happen.

Listen via the link at the top of this page or watch the video of this training here.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

→ Apply to coach with me

→ Continue the conversation in my free online community

→ Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training 

→ SOLVE ANY PROBLEM episode

Full Transcript

How to improve your relationships | Solving relationship problems

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 71,
Improve Your Relationships.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hi there, my friend. Welcome to another episode of the show. Today, we’re talking about
relationships. I feel like I don’t talk about relationships that much directly on the show.
They’re always in all the episodes, it seems, but today is all about relationships specifically.
That means friendships, any love interests, be it’s someone you’re married to, or you’re
dating, it’s friendships, it’s people at work, it’s parenting, really anything in your life.

Today is really going to rock your world. You’re going to see how important it is that you
are taking ownership for the problems in your relationship. Yes, I said it. It’s so easy for us
to blame others that our husband’s not doing something, or our kids need to behave, or our
boss is an a-hole, and some of that may be true but we can control them.

We can control ourselves, and we can control how we show up, and we can control what
we think about it, and how we feel about it and that’s where our power lies. It’s so crazy
cool that when we change our thinking, and how we feel about it, and how we show up
differently, it’s amazing what happens with the relationship. All of a sudden, things just
start working out. The marriage seems to get better.

The boy that you thought was maybe not a good fit for a long-term mate starts looking a
little bit different to you. Your kids start behaving better. Your boss isn’t as much of an a-
hole. The people at work that drive you crazy, don’t drive you crazy as much. It’s pretty
incredible how this works, my friend.

Today, I’m sharing with you this live training that I did recently. It’s the audio from that
where I’m teaching the number one tool to solve any problem. If you’ve heard the Solve
Your Problem episode, you already know this tool or many of my other episodes, and to
spoil it for you it’s the self-coaching model. We’re going to go over that again, just real
brief.

Then we’re going to get into relationships and talking specifically about using this tool
with relationships. You maybe think, “Okay, Lindsay, I’ve got the self-coaching thing.
You’ve taught me that are already. I don’t need to listen to this one.” No, hold your roll my
friend. You absolutely need to listen to this one. I’m coaching people all the time using the
self-coaching model. I’m even getting coached all the time on the self-coaching model and
I am finding still things that they can improve upon. That’s just the way our brain works.
We’re always learning. We’re always growing.

The coaching model helps us very clearly and easily see how we’re the ones who are
creating results in our relationships, in our lives. How we don’t want them to be. Get ready.
This is going to be big. Now, I just want to give one last shout out before we get into the
training, is that the first time I ever got introduced to how I could be a problem in a
relationship was when I was going through my divorce.

I went to this class called Divorce Care, many churches, it’s a free thing. It’s awesome. If
you’re going through divorce, and you just feel really numb. It’s really like a support group
but then you watch some videos and you do a workbook and stuff. In one of the classes
they said, “Maybe your spouse had more to blame. Maybe they were a cheater or dishonest
or whatever.” You also need to look at yourself and say, “How did I contribute to the
downfall of my marriage?”

I remember when that happens, thinking like F you, because I had been like this cheated
on woman. It was like, “Screw you.” You may feel that too as you listen to this training a
little bit of defensive of, how can I be the one at fault when this person is so toxic? Or this
is this other person’s problem. Just open your mind. Because I remember after I heard that
that day, I started to just get curious and say, “How could I have been the one?”

That’s what opened up the whole thing. This huge door into my opportunity for growth
and it just snowballed. Everything started changing in the direction of my dreams, just
from that moment of somebody saying, “How could you have been at fault here?” It really
started to solidify how I had things to work on, when the guy I dated right out of the gate,
after my marriage, then I was the other woman in his relationship, and I thought, “There’s
definitely something with me here.”

Again, so it’s really hard sometimes to accept faults, and to see how we’re contributing to
results that we don’t want our life. Man is that powerful once we take that ownership and
that’s when we really can get in control of our lives and control of what we want, and
everything changes. Again, get ready, today is so powerful. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it
changes you to the depth of your core, and I hope it changes your relationships.
Here’s the training. Hi, everybody. Feel free to use the chat as much as you want, if you
have questions as I go along. Let’s go back here. I’m a little disheveled. I just had a call
that went a little long and then I have to jump on another call. Excuse me for a second
one, while I’m pulling myself together.

I’m so excited you’re here. Today, we’re going to talk about relationships. How to solve any
problem in your relationships. Last week, was the first video in this training where I just
taught you how to solve any problem. If you went to that one great, you didn’t have to, but
this is the second one in this series, where today we’re just going to talk specifically about
relationships.

If you don’t know who I am, I’m Lindsey Preston. I’m a multi-certified life coach, to goalgetter women who have good lives, and they want to create great lives.

Most of my clients, they have had success in their life, and they just keep having this
feeling of this, “Got to be more to life than this. There’s got to be something out there that
just makes me feel a little more fulfilled.” They may have checked off all of life’s boxes, be
it career wise, or personally or both and they’re just like, “Is this really it to life?” I help
them feel really deeply fulfilled, and then go after bigger goals and dreams, time and time
and time again. That’s me in a nutshell.

As I said, today we’re going to talk about how to solve any relationship problem. If you are
watching this live, feel free to use the chat box. If you’re watching on Facebook, I can’t see
over there but feel free to leave a comment and I will get back to you if you have any
questions.

Who’s excited talking about relationships? Quality of our relationships is so important. If
we’re having good relationships, then it just feels life feels a lot better. When they feel
hard, it just seems things tend to feel really heavy, and almost to a point where life feels
stuck, or it feels we’re moving backwards in regards to wanting the life that we want.
The reason that relationships can feel hard is because we’re taught that other people and
things make us happy. However, our boss treats us, however our husband treats us or our
partner treats us, how our kids behave, how much money we have, all these external
things, we base that off of, “That means I have a good quality life.”

I just got off the phone with somebody, and we were talking about her career. I said, “What
do you rank it one through 10 right now for the quality of your career?” She’s like, “Right
now it’s a zero, but if X, Y, Z happens, then it’s going to be a 10.” I’m like, “Whoa, oh my
gosh. You’re giving so much power away to getting this one career opportunity. You know
you could be fulfilled in your career right now, and instead of looking to this external thing
to fulfill you.”

We’re taught this from early on if we just think about the Walt Disney days. When I was
little, I loved Disney princesses. I just always thought it’s like, “One day I’m just going to be
meet prince and he’s going to sweep me away.” Granted later, I knew better than that, but
it was still playing in the back of my mind of, “When I meet my dream guy, then I’ll feel
better. When I get X in my career, then I’m going to be more fulfilled.”

This is why, again, when things aren’t going the way we want, we judge the quality of our
lives. We need to quit giving our power away. We need to take it back. We need to quit
looking to the external things to fulfill us. Granted, that stuff works for a long time for a lot
of us that’s why we have some of the success we have today, but that’s why we start
feeling unfulfilled, we start feeling empty. We’ve got to start looking at ourselves and
what’s going on with us, instead of looking to other things to go the way we want it to, for
us to feel better in our lives.

Circumstances are really anything outside of us. Circumstances do not equal to results in
our life at all. Our thoughts are what equal the results. Right now, one of the big things is
coronavirus. We’re all blaming coronavirus for however we feel and what we have and we
don’t have in our life.

Granted, statistically you could say, “Oh, let’s think for a gym owner, for example. They
haven’t been able to be open for a while and some of them are just starting to open.” A
gym owner could say, “Coronavirus is the problem that’s created this result of not having
as much income.” Again, it’s not wrong but if they went in with a thought of, “I’m going to
make this the best thing that’s happened to me. I’m going to make money even during a
global pandemic.” They may very likely have very different results.

We’re going to walk through this more and more as we go through this in our training. I’m
really wanting you to gather one thing here, your thoughts are what create your results.
I’m going to give you a lot of examples. I’m going to talk a lot about my marriage today
very openly, and just allow you to see how this comes to play and how you’re doing this.

Before we start getting into talking about my thoughts, and how my thoughts and my
marriage create my results, good and bad, we’re going to talk about all of it, I want to just
break down the number one tool to help you solve your problems. If you were here last
week, you already got this training, but if not, let’s do a quick refresher. This is a selfcoaching model.
The self-coaching model is just a really quick and easy way for you to see what your
thoughts are about a circumstance and to see how a simple thought can generate your
feelings, your actions and your results. Again, we’ll break this down more in a minute, but
let’s just learn the basics here. On the model, when I do them here in a bit, you’re going to
see CTFAR on the side of the page. C, stands for circumstances, these are the things that
happen on our world that we have no control over. How somebody else behaves? We have
no control over that.

Coronavirus, we have very little control over that. Again, anything external to us, that’s a
circumstance. Our thoughts are the sentences that run through our brain and I underlined
sentences. I always make a point to talk about this because many times our thoughts feel
very just, they feel very right, they feel like fact but they’re not. They’re just sentences that
run through our brain. Again, let see, that make more sense here in a bit.

F equals feelings. Feelings, when you look at the definition of it, feelings are just
vibrations happening in our body. When we feel decided, that’s the vibration of
excitement. We feel anxious, that’s a vibration of anxiety, if we feel sad, so on and so forth.
Really, that’s all that’s happening. Our brain really hates feeling feelings, doesn’t it?
[laughs] We try to avoid feeling so much that’s why people do things like overspend and
drink alcohol, feeling like they need it, not just out of enjoyment.

Why they overeat, why they work too much, the list goes on and on. Because our brain
hates feeling so much, it wants to avoid it and get that quick endorphin hit and it’s like,
“Give me the cupcake.” Or, “Let me just work because I love the feeling of achieving at
work.” Or, “Let me caretake.” I used to really love caretaking like, “Let me care take on this
little kitten and let me love on this little kitten and not have to think about whatever
feeling I’m feeling.”

Then we have A, actions. These are the behaviors, reactions or inaction that we take based
off our thoughts and feelings. Again, this is going to make more sense, but if you have
never learned this from me, take notes on this, take a screenshot of this, this is so
important. Again, actions are the behaviors, reactions or inactions that we take.
Results are what happens because of our actions. This tool is one that you’re going to want
to use over and over again, as certain things happen in your life. An argument with your
husband, that starts to become your circumstance. Say your husband’s name is Bill, Bill
says, “Blah, blah, blah,” and then you’re going to start breaking it down.

I’m going to start doing it on my life. I’m going to be the guinea pig here, get vulnerable
with you. Because it’s really important, hope you all can see that, okay, I’m going to bring it
up a little bit. It’s really important to see real world examples from a real person of, “How
is she using this? How is it working for her?” We can go into client examples too that I’ve
done with clients, but let’s talk about one that I’ve done recently. I have this on my phone.

A recent circumstance that my husband and I worked through, is he hadn’t planned a date
night in years. Granted, we’re in COVID, it’s a little bit harder. We decided we weren’t going
to have babysitters during this time but even prior to that we had a son, he’s now two, we
weren’t really going out that much. It became this story in my brain of, “You know what?
My husband hasn’t planned a date night in years.” That became my circumstance. Husband
didn’t plan dates. I’m just going to say, two years.

I don’t know. I’d have to really sit down and look at the calendar, but he hadn’t planned
any dates in two years. You know sometimes things will just hit you out of nowhere, you’ll
realize it and then all of a sudden, it’s like, “What the heck?” [laughs] You start feeling
these feelings of something.

This is something that recently happened, it was just like, “Yes, he hasn’t planned a date
night in two years.” Luckily, I have this tool of the self-coaching model and I could start to
analyze what my thoughts are about it. Here were some that I had initially, it was, “He
doesn’t care. He doesn’t find me attractive. Then he’s lazy.” Those are the ones that were
playing through my mind.

Then after that thought, you want to start to figure out what are my feelings based off
these thoughts? Really, ideally, you want to do one thought at a time, and just generate
one feeling but we’re going to try and put all these together. Some of the feelings that I
had were, “I was sad, annoyed, pissed.” I even put, duped on here because when we were
dating, he planned amazing dates. That was something that I loved about him, and
insecure.

What happened is we enter a circumstance and then thoughts start running through our
brain many times in the backburner, in the unconscious mind. Then all of a sudden, we
start feeling feelings. We don’t really know where the feelings have come from, again, we
automatically think, “Oh, it’s the circumstance. Oh, my gosh, I just realized you haven’t
planned a date in two years.” It’s like, “Now, I’m fricking annoyed.” Versus, “It really isn’t
about this. It’s about my thoughts about him not planning the date in the past few years.”

Then what actions did I take off of this? This is before I did the model too. [laughs]
Because I’m a human being my friend. Yes, I’m a life coach and I know all this mindset
stuff, but sometimes things just hit you out of nowhere. The actions I started to take is, “I
would complain. I would spin in my emotions about it.” Because when you’re thinking
thoughts, like, “I’m not good enough.” Or, “He’s not into me, or whatever,” it plays in your
mind.

Then I started to pull away, because these thoughts are running through my mind it’s like,
“He doesn’t find me attractive. He doesn’t care.” I started pulling away from him. Then,
what happens, because this played out for a couple weeks of us going through this little
cycle, is “Hubby had even less motivation to plan dates, and less desire to be with me.”
Because if I’m sitting there being bitchy, in essence, which, sorry, I know I’m on Facebook,
but if I’m sitting there and I’m just being annoyed and complaining all the time, who wants
to hang out with that? Not many people.

What happened here, and this is what I want you to see, your T line of what you’re thinking
most times becomes your R line. It becomes your results. If I’m thinking, “He doesn’t care.
He doesn’t find me attractive. He’s lazy,” then that’s what I started to, in essence, manifest
and have come true for these things. I started to see this happening after again a couple of
days, maybe it was a couple weeks. Sat down, finally did a model on it. I’m like, “Oh my
gosh.”

This is where I want you to start to ask yourself, “Is it really serving me to think these
thoughts? That he doesn’t care, he doesn’t find me attractive, he’s lazy. Does that serve me
to think that?” My brain even comes back at that and will say, “Maybe he doesn’t care,
Lindsay. Maybe he doesn’t find you attractive.” Maybe but then I start to ask it back, I say,
“Let’s find proof otherwise. What are ways in which he does find me attractive? What are
ways in which he does care?”

Then what’s so crazy is your brain will start to find proof for the other way around, it’s like,
“He’s helping around the house so much. He’s always wanting to hug me and kiss me. I’ve
been really the one that pulls away.” Then the story starts to change. Because what
happens too is many times when we’re having these thoughts, our brain just goes out and
looks for proof of that. It’s like, “Once again, he doesn’t care. Another weekend, no date
plans. He doesn’t really want to be with me. Another night, he just lays there. He doesn’t
really want to cuddle with me, whatever.”

Then when you shift the script, and then you say, “How could this be wrong? How is it that
he does care?” Or flip whatever your thoughts are, “How is it he does find me attractive?”
You start to see, “This is just a story my brain is holding on to and it’s not serving me.”
What I did then is I started to change the thought line. This is what you want to do. When
you realize what your thoughts are and how they’re not serving you, ask yourself, “What
could I think in this situation in order for this to serve me, and in this case, to serve us?”
Then what I went to was, I went to him and I said– I was curious. What did I say here? I
want to make sure I’m not just saying something.

I went to him from a different angle and I said, “Listen, we haven’t had a date in a long
time, one that you haven’t planned. I’m just curious, why? Why is that happening?” Versus
me just nitpicking, complaining about it like, “I’d really love a date, it’d be really nice.”
Instead, I came to him and I just said, “What’s the deal here?”

He said, “Lindsay, you’re the planner. You’re the one that makes things happen around
here. You just plan what the weekend is and then I’ll take it from there.” And all that stuff.
Then I sat with that and I’m like, “I don’t want to be the planner. I want you to take the
lead. I want you to do this stuff.” Then I started to realize, “He’s right. In regards to our
family schedule and stuff, I’m the one that plans everything and all that stuff.”

Then here’s what happens. I start having a new model based off what he’s told me. This is
where it gets tricky because life happens fast. We’re having conversations with people.
This is why it’s so important. Sometimes we slow down, pull out a pen and paper, open a
notebook or whatever and start doing models and start seeing, “What is driving my actions
here? Because the actions that I’m taking and the way that I’m feeling just doesn’t feel
right. It doesn’t feel the best of me.”

As I said, he came back to me and he said, “Lindsay, you’re the planner.” I’m going to add
that to it, you’re the planner. As I said, I sat with that. Finally, I sat down and I’m like, “I
need to do some models on this. Because it’s still just not sitting right with me.” Then the
thought started coming up were things like, “I’m desperate. I don’t like this,” was the other
one. Then the feelings obviously were desperation, discomfort. It was, from what I
remember, a lot of discomfort like, “I know he’s right, but I’m really uncomfortable with
this.”

Sometimes too, when we do a model and we sit back with it, we may not always have the
action and result line because we’ve caught the model early on. We’ve caught the thoughts
early on, which is a good thing. Because then we don’t start taking action from that
thought. What I ended up doing was, I reached out to a coach friend and I said, “Hey, here’s
my model, it’s going on. Can you coach me through it?”

Yes, you can coach yourself on it all the time, but sometimes it’s really nice to have a
different perspective and somebody who is showing you your brain in a different way.
Because our brain, we’re with it all day, every day. It’s really nice when somebody else can
see what’s going on with you when you can’t see it.

When I reached out to her, I said, “Here’s my model. I’m desperate, I don’t like this.” It goes
to, “Is that serving you to feel that or to think that?” I’m like, “Not really, but it’s still just
feels really uncomfortable.” [laughs] Then we just start talking through the discomfort.
This is what you’re going to want to do for yourself, or go with a coach, be it me or
somebody else and just start sitting with the discomfort.

As I said earlier, our brain loves to avoid emotions so much, that it will turn to these quick
hits of whatever we can find. We call them distractions in my coaching process, of this
distraction to not have to feel these things. The reality is, we just need to feel through it.
We’re not taught how to feel our emotions. This is what we need to be learning in school,
not about the parts of the flower and all of these other things that we learned. We need to
learn how to just sit with it.

What I did with that coach for just 10 to 15 minutes was sit there and the discomfort of it
and just breathe through it. It feels so uncomfortable because it was breaking so many
patterns for me. I’d always been in a relationship where the guy would take the lead.
Because in essence, we’re taught that a lot of times as women, to just let other people take
the lead. Then too, it was comfortable for me, it’s like, “I’ll just let him pursue me and I
won’t have to put myself out there.”

I realized it’s just not serving me anymore to do that. I just had to sit with that discomfort,
so just breathe through it. Just acknowledging it, it’s like, “This is just discomfort. That’s all
I’m feeling. I’m just feeling discomfort.”

Then what happens it’s like a wave. Can we feel it? We think like, “Oh, I’m never going to
get rid of this thing. It’s just going to stay with me forever.” Because what happens when
we don’t fully process our feelings, that’s what happens, we manifest that. If something
triggers us when we’re angry, we can be angry for so long but that’s because we haven’t
fully processed it. All we have to do, as I said, is we just sit with it allow the vibrations to
go through our body. It’s like, “Whoa, this is really discomforting.”

Then start listening to your brain. We call it the inner mean girl voice in my coaching. That
negative inner voice, what is everything she’s saying? She’s saying, “It’s just so desperate,
Lindsay. This is just really uncomfortable. Do you really want to do this? Do you really
want to put yourself out there like that?” I keep just talking it down, it’s like, “Yes,
nothing’s gone wrong. Everything is fine. We can do this.”

Now I know, for some people, when we talk about feelings, it’s very snowflakey. It’s like,
“Do we really have to do those kinds of things?” Yes, this is how the brain works. We have
to be able to feel our feelings. We’re emotional beings. This is part of the human
experience is to feel our feelings.

Many people coming to me for coaching, they’ll say, “I just want to feel better. I want to
feel happy all the time.” I’ll pull them back and I’ll say, “Listen, yes, we can absolutely
create a better life for you. One, where you’re feeling more positive emotion but if you
think you’re going to be happy all the time, that’s not part of being a human.” There are
going to be times when you feel certain feelings, one of which is discomfort. Especially
when we’re doing coaching.

I think, I put out a podcast today, or maybe it’s later this week of Finding Comfort and
Discomfort. If you’re new to me, I have a podcast it’s called Becoming An Unstoppable
Woman, you can find it on any podcast player. I’m talking about hard feelings a lot of times
and how I experienced them and how I feel them.

Discomfort is the primary emotion you’re likely going to feel when you’re growing. No
matter what it is, if it’s relationships or anything else, and so many of us, we think
something’s gone wrong when we feel something like discomfort or anything else that we
considered negative. It’s just what we have to feel. We have to allow ourselves to feel
those things.

Hopefully, you all can still see me, it says my internet is unstable. Can you confirm in the
chat that you guys can still hear me and stuff? We want to be able to feel the feelings.
Once we feel the feelings and we process through, it’s not like that’s just going to go away.
Randy says she can hear me. That’s clear now. Awesome.

As I said, you want to be able to feel the feeling of the discomfort. It’s not like it’s just
going to go away but it’s going to lessen. Then that’s where you can come from the logical
part of your brain and say, “What is it that I really want to think here? What is it that will
really serve me to be able to think about the situation?” For me, I decided, “I’m going to
start to intentionally think that this is really fun. This is exciting.”

I even thought, other thoughts like, “This is an opportunity for me to grow. This is an
opportunity for me to spend time with my husband. How exciting is that? That’s what I
want.” Then, I started generating some feelings of excitement. Because really, at the end of
the day, it’s just I want to spend time with him alone. What does it matter who initially
puts it on the calendar or not? It doesn’t really matter. My brain really wanted to hold on
to the story that it was desperate, and it was bad and wrong, and all this other stuff.
Then from there, I can intentionally start to put in, “This is fun, this is exciting,” and then
take action from that place. Then I’m going to get the result that I want, which is that “It’s
really fun and exciting to date my husband again.” You guys seeing how this model works,
and are you seeing how everything comes back to our thoughts?

For some people, they think really all I do is programming the thoughts that I want to
think. Yes, that’s really it. [laughs] Our brain just feeds us all these different sentences all
day long. As I said earlier, we just take them as fact, it’s like, “Oh, this is just the way the
world works, so this is just how this person is.” Or, “This is just how I am.” It’s just because
you’ve had that story for a really long time, you’ve likely even been passed down that story
from your parents or whoever helps raise you.

We even get into epigenetics here. Sometimes a lot of our beliefs and stuff just come from
our DNA, which is crazy. It doesn’t serve us at some point in our lives. You’ve got to go in
and say what’s going to serve me instead.

I think about a lot of my clients who are working on career stuff. As I talked about earlier,
they give so much power away to however they’re performing at work and how people at
work are viewing them. Or even just people, in general, how people are viewing them. It’s
like, “Okay, we’ve got to take that power back.” You can always think that you’re rocking
your job. No matter what your performance review says, or whatever your boss says, or
whatever your coworkers say. Because, in essence, everybody else’s has their own models.
They have their own thoughts.

When you start to realize that they’re just going through their own models with their own
thoughts, it really has nothing to do with you at all. No matter what anybody thinks about
you, it’s all about them. Wow, that just opens up so many doors. I work with so many
women who care so much about what other people think of them. When we start to
change that script, and they realize that it’s not about them, then it’s just so empowering.
They’re able to do all the things that they’ve been wanting to do for so long.

I just talked to somebody who has an Etsy store, and she’s like, “I love my Etsy store so
much. I’m bringing in sales and all this stuff, and I love what I do, but I just have all this
fear about sharing it with my family and friends and my immediate network.
Because I just think they’re going to think, ‘Man, this is stupid, or this or they’re going to
critique my work.’” It’s just so sad.

It’s so sad to let the other people, other people’s opinions or how they treat us to define
who we are. We can take all of that back at any time and the way that we do that is with
our thoughts. Go use a self-coaching model. It’s amazing. It’s so much fun. It’s so
empowering, as I keep saying to see that we always have the power. We can always
change our thoughts.

Does anybody have any questions or want any specific coaching that we can work
through? We’ve got maybe just a minute or two left because I got to jump off and go on a
client call, but really start to use this tool. If you have any questions as you start to use this
tool, feel free to email me. My email is Lindsay, L-I-N-D-S-A-Y, @lindsayepreston.com. I
would think most of you who are watching this video are already on my email list so feel
free to always email me questions.

I also have a free online community. You just go to lindsay, L-I-N-D-S-A-Y,
epreston.com/community. You can DM me there or post anything you want. Because I
really want you to start to understand this. Because once you understand this, this is when
you can become flipping unstoppable. That’s why I have Become An Unstoppable Woman as
my podcast name. It’s the first three months of the coaching process. I take my clients
through because we’re just constantly looking at their thoughts of teaching them how to
feel their feelings.

We do a lot of feeling, healing, and dealing from things of their past. Again, as I’ve said,
really the way you’re thinking now is just because of past experiences that your brain has
built these stories around, and has said, “We’re going to build these stories about whatever
happened to you to protect you moving forward.” The brain thinks it’s doing an amazing
job at protecting you.

If we look at my example, “Don’t reach out to Lindsay. That’s way too scary.” It’s serving
you to just sit back and let them come to you. At some point, those stories don’t serve us
anymore. We’ve got to change it. The way that we start to change it is by analyzing our
thoughts, allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, and to doing some healing around past
stuff so that those stories don’t hold as much power. Because remember, every thought
that you have is just a sentence in your brain. That’s it.

It’s just a sentence that feels like more than a sentence to you. It just has some vibration to
it, just some feelings to it. Just allow yourself to process it. If we work together in my
coaching, you’ll really learn how to process those feelings throughout those first few
months of working together. Then that’s when the external results just start coming like
crazy.

Know that too, just because you change the thought, don’t expect it to show up in your
result line right away. You may even be working certain thoughts that you have, for years.
The example I gave you the last training was about when I had a divorce. I was 28. I found
I had a double life and all this other stuff. I didn’t have a job at the time. The thought that I
intentionally put in there during that time was, “This is the best thing that’s ever happened
to me, the best.”

There were times that were really freaking hard. There were times when I didn’t have a lot
of money. There are times when I had setbacks and so the result line didn’t equal the
thought line of “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” but I kept thinking that
thought no matter what until it became the result line.

They say the number one skill for success is resiliency. You got to just keep getting back
up, and keep believing enough until it becomes your result. You just keep going after. We
call this massive action in coaching. You just got this focus intense action, it’s not frantic
action. Most of you are probably saying your frantic action were just like, “Let me do all
these things and get whatever I want.” You start to just really ground yourself, believe
whatever thought you want to believe just enough, and start taking action on that and
resilience no matter what happens and keep getting back up.

Let’s me see what you got in the chat. Patricia, how can I find the Facebook group? It’s not
a Facebook group, Patricia. It’s outside of Facebook because many of my clients aren’t on
Facebook anymore, so it’s Mighty Network is the community. Here, I’ll put it in the chat. It’s
lindsayepreston.com/community. Yes, go over there if you want to ask me questions.
Let’s talk about coaching real quick, if you know, you want to coach with me, I only have
three spots left for the rest of the year, so use it. I just had four, but I just got off a consult
call and she has signed up. Now I only have three spots for the rest of 2020.

If you want to massively change your life. If there are certain things you want to attain in
your life, and you want to guarantee that they’re going to happen, because I guarantee
results for people. That’s why we have that free consult. I really get clear on what it is you
want, and make sure we can achieve that in the next nine months. You want to make sure
you’re going to get those things, it’s time to coach with me.

As I said only three spots left. The first step is to go to lindsayepreston.com/apply. We’ll
just answer a couple of questions. I’ll put this in the chat too. You’ll answer a couple of
questions and then I will reach out to you and let you know my schedule for consults.
Right now, I’m two or three weeks booked out. You want to get on that quick if you want
to start in 2020. So many people think, “I’ll just start in 2021. I’ll start in January make it a
fresh start.” Why? Why would you wait to get results?

I have clients that get so many massive results just in the first 30 days. People who would
cut their anxiety by 30%. People who start making more money, doing all the things.
There’s no need to wait. If you are really ready to make change happen and you’re like, “No
more. Let’s do this.” I encourage you to apply.

Otherwise, if you so just want to sit with this, go use this coaching tool, start to see how
your thoughts, or the thing that’s impacting your feelings, actions, and results, and reach
out. If you need me, I’m here no matter what. If you work with me beyond free trainings or
not, I’m here to empower women and help women no matter what that looks like.
Go rock it, my friend. You can do this. Just know I’m here to help you whenever you need it.
I hope to see you again soon. Bye.

[music]

Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.

In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.