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STOP BEING JUDGMENTAL

It was hard to admit that people who were different from me (like those of the opposite political party) were still amazing and worthy of love, despite me not agreeing with their behaviors. It was SO much easier (initially) to just judge them instead but I knew judging others wasn’t representative of the best of me. I vowed to stop and have. It's so freeing. I’d love to help you stop too. Join me on today’s podcast as I teach you how to stop being judgmental in your life.

STOP BEING JUDGMENTAL

Nov 23, 2020 | MINDSET | 0 comments

“If you judge other people, you have no time to love them.”

How to Stop Judging Others

I used to be a judgmental GOSSIP QUEEN in my high school and college years.  

(So much so that it bit me in the booty big time in college with how much I gossiped.  I went from being a contender for President of my sorority to having no friends and quitting.)

I grew up around judging others.  I thought it was normal and acceptable behavior.

I realized in time how much it felt like crap to judge others.

Yet, it was hard to stop.

Judging others to my brain felt like a safe thing to do.  

If I judged others then I wouldn’t let them in close enough to hurt me.

It was hard to admit that people who were different from me (like those of the opposite political party) were still amazing and worthy of love, despite me not agreeing with their behaviors.  

It was SO much easier (initially) to just judge them instead but I knew judging others wasn’t representative of the best of me.  

I vowed to stop and have.  It’s so freeing.

I’d love to help you stop too.

Join me on today’s “Become an Unstoppable Woman” podcast episode as I teach you how to stop being judgmental in your life. 

SPECIFICALLY, I’M TEACHING YOU…

  • Why judgment happens (Spoiler: This is going to blow your mind)
  • How to shift out of judgment in a way that feels authentic to you
  • How to intentionally program your brain to be less judgmental 

…and so much more

Listen on your favorite podcast player or on the link at the top of this page.  You can also watch the training video below.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Apply to coach with me

Continue the conversation in my free online community

Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training 

Watch this training as a video here

Full Transcript

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 83, Stop
Being Judgmental.


[music]


Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.


[music]


Well, welcome to another episode of the show. Always so grateful to have you here. This
episode goes live as we are approaching Thanksgiving week here in the US and so, again,
it’s just a moment that I want to give thanks and gratitude for you to show up and listen to
this show. It means so much to me that you turn to me to help you improve your life.
Thank you for allowing me to do this work. Thank you for making yourself better so that
you spread that into your family and into your friends because when you work on yourself,
there’s a trickle effect with that. Everybody gets better because you help yourself. Again,
thank you, thank you, thank you.


All right, so today we’re going to talk about stop being judgmental. Now I think this is a
great episode to talk about right now or a great topic to talk about blah, blah, blah. A great
topic to talk about. I’m getting tongue-tied today, but because we’re approaching a lot of
family time when judgment can really come out because we don’t always think like our
extended family. Also, we just wrapped up an election here in the US and we are a very
divided country, basically like right down the middle almost. That half of the people voted
for Trump and half of the people voted for Biden.


There’s a lot of judgment going on both sides. It’s really important for us to analyze
ourselves as to why we’re feeling so judgmental. I have to catch myself in this a lot in my
personal life. In the coaching world or when I’m in my coach position or have my coach hat
on, I’m not judgmental at all, just been trained that way. Honestly, when people are
coming to me for help, how could you be judgmental? They’re coming and they’re wanting
to fix their problems. It’s when we see a problem in somebody and they’re not asking for
help. They just love the way that they think and feel and act and all of that, that I intend to
get a little judgmental especially in my personal life again because I just think, “Oh my
gosh, how could you think that or how could you act like that?” It just feels like crap,
doesn’t it, to be judgmental? I hate the way that it feels. I’ve really had to do a lot of work
with myself of not being judgmental because it doesn’t serve me, and it certainly doesn’t
serve the world or my causes that I am passionate about. I’ve had to do, like I said, a lot of
work on this and I want to teach you today some of that work that I’ve done on myself to
help me not be so judgmental in my life.


What I teach you today is the audio from a live training that I did. If you are just totally
new around here, then you’ve probably missed the message that I typically go live every
Wednesday on my Facebook page at 11:15 A.M Central Standard Time. Take that and make
it whatever time zone you’re in. If you’re on my email list, you get email reminders about
this and you get a private Zoom link too so you don’t have to go on social media to watch.
You can just go privately and watch on Zoom the trainings. This is just the audio from that
training that I did actually last week. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you learn a lot. I know it’s
been super helpful for me to learn how to not be so judgmental in my life. It certainly feels
a crap ton better to not be so judgmental. Without further ado, here’s the training.
Hey, y’all. I never really like to give you a shout-out from these free trainings because I
never know if you want privacy or not but so glad to have y’all. As I said, we’re going to
talk about how to stop feeling judgmental today. If you’re on my email list, you already
heard this story, but if not, I used to be a very, very judgmental person. It was so bad, in
fact, that in college, I was in essence like blackballed from my sorority because I got in
trouble in essence for gossiping so much.


It was just something that I grew up and I was around gossiping. In high school, I spent
hours upon hours on the phone with friends talking about other people, and granted in
society, we tend to give teenagers a free pass on that behavior and especially girls. We’re
just like, “Oh, that’s just a normal teenage girl.” I’m a mother of a daughter who is 10, and I
do not allow that behavior now looking back on it. It was just so much time that was
wasted talking about other people and consuming my brain with that. Then two, it didn’t
feel good at all to sit around and talk about people.


Then also, it created a lot of tension and in essence, harm in my life to be negative like
that. As I said in college, it really bit me in the booty. What happened was, as I said, I built
these behaviors in high school about talking about other people, and then when I went to
college, I was in a sorority. I was deemed one of the responsible ones from the very
beginning. I even got these really cool awards from the very start. I don’t remember what
the award was called but it was like sister of the year or something like that. It was like an
award they had just started and I won the first one. I had a big sorority. We had hundreds
and hundreds of people.


In essence, what happened then is that I just took that and I totally blew it. I just started
talking about my friends, and then I would go and talk to other people about other things.
It was just so bad in the way that I handled it. It all came up and blew in my face.
Everybody figured out how I was talking bad about everybody and I was about to be
president of my sorority because I was VP at the time. Then, in essence, I left and I had no
friends, and I ended up dropping.


I learned in that moment and in that experience of how detrimental it is to be judgmental
and then to take that judgment and to talk about other people. It was still a habit that I
had to cut many years later. It wasn’t until I went into coaching as a client did I really go in
and say, “I am tired of talking about other people. I am tired of thinking judgmental
thoughts about other people.” It was something we worked on a lot together in coaching.
It’s something that the coaching process in itself we work on because you’re learning some
of the stuff I’m going to teach you today of why we have judgment and why we do things
like gossip.
If you’re at that place too where you’re like, “I’m just so tired of judging other people. I
know it feels like crap, but I just don’t know how to stop it” because we’re in a society right
now where there’s a lot of judgment. We’re a very divided country here in the US
politically. We just saw this with the election. It was basically like a 50-50 split almost
with the votes, and even with the state-by-state. I’m in Texas. Texas was very, very close. It
was nearly 50-50 in regards to how Texas voted, which has never happened.
It just shows, again, we’re very divided and we take that division and we throw rocks at
one another. It certainly hasn’t helped that we’ve had leadership that has done that as
well. We’ll remodel that and it’s being taught as like, “This is normal behavior and yet
we’re all sitting around feeling like crap.” Today, I just really want to teach you some tips
on how to not feel this way anymore because as I’m on the other side of this, self-granted I
still have my moments, I feel so much better as a person and my headspace is going to
things that are helping the world. I’m achieving the goals that I want instead of just
spending in all of this drama.


Then two, I know that the day that I leave this earth, I am more the person that I wanted to
be versus somebody who was judging others and putting others down and talking about
them and things of that sort. Stay tuned. Today’s going to be good for your soul, all right?
As I said, we’re going to talk about stop feeling judgmental. Before we get into all the
how’s of how to do that, let’s talk about why. Why does judgment happen? Well, first of it’s
a form of protection. If we judge somebody, then we’re building up this wall around us.
One of my favorite quotes is by Mother Teresa who said something along the lines of, “If
we’re too busy judging people, then we don’t have time to love them.” That’s what we’re
doing is that we’re not letting them in close, we’re just building this barrier around ourself
as like I’m going to judge you instead so I don’t have to, in essence, be vulnerable with you
and get uncomfortable with you and have feelings with you. Because so many of us find
feelings to be uncomfortable.

Two, we’ve grown up in a world, as I said, where judgment is just a normal behavior. We’re
modeled that, and of course, then our brain is built just like what we’re modeled around.
Also why judgment happens is it focuses our own inner critic that we have in our brain on
other things and people. This is a huge one about why we judge and why we, especially,
gossip. As I said, this inner critic lives in all of us. Sometimes I refer to this as our inner
mean girl, it’s really just the voice of the ego in the psychology world.
This is just a normal part of the human brain. So many people think, oh, what’s wrong with
me? That I’m really critical of myself. That’s just the way the brain works, unfortunately.
It’s always trying to keep us safe and secure. The way the brain does this, a lot of times, is
by criticizing ourselves and others so that we don’t put ourselves out there and get hurt,
even if that’s just emotionally hurt because of the brain getting hurt of any kind, equals
death. Yes, it’s that dramatic.


We build this form of protection again for safety and security, and then it gets the inner
critic focus in on something else. I know for me, when my inner critic was really high,
especially during my teenage years and my college years, it felt so nice to just talk about
other people for a little while. In essence, turne that voice on somebody else and take the
edge off of myself because when I wasn’t talking about other people or having judgmental
thoughts about other people, then I was judging myself. That feels like crap, doesn’t it? Oh
gosh, it’s the worst. Just realize that that’s why you do it.


Then the third reason, and this one is the one that’s going to blow your mind a little bit, is
we see ourselves in what we judge. This is a hard pill to swallow. There’s an exercise I do
with my clients about admiration. I have them sit down and I say, tell me all the things
that you admire in other people. They spend some time and they really sit with that
question and they write all these qualities. Some that I hear a lot is I love it when people
are confident or when they’re go-getters or when they’re kind or dah, dah, dah.
Then I tell them, all those things that you admire in other people and you see in other
people are the things that you see in yourself, how exciting, how amazing is that? Because
those are qualities that are little babies inside of you, these little buds that just need to
bloom a little bit more. It’s so relieving and exciting to realize that of what we see in
others we see in ourselves. Also, there’s a flip to that of when we’re judging others it’s
really those are the qualities that we see in ourselves that we don’t like. I know when I get
in a judgmental headspace, and I’m like, “They’re this”, or “He does this”, or “She does this.”
I will stop myself and I will say, “Okay, how am I seeing that in myself?”


Something that I’d bring up here often on these trainings on the podcast is with my
husband because it’s COVID and we’re together almost like 24/7 and all the things.
Something that I find myself being judgmental with him about is how uptight he can be
especially around cleanliness things. He likes things a certain way and things of that sort.
It really annoys me sometimes.


I find myself, in essence, wanting to judge him because it’s a form of protection in a lot of
ways of, instead of just feeling the feelings of the discomfort of us not being on the same
page about something. Then two, not focusing my own inner critic of when he says, “Oh,
XYZ is messy, Lindsay.” Then I’ll start criticizing myself instead. I’ll be like, “Oh, I’d rather
judge you instead.”


Then two when I’m judging him and I’m saying, you’re uptight, I ask myself, “Okay, how am
I seeing that in myself?” That’s where it blows my own damn mind because I’m like, oh my
gosh, I see so many ways in which I’m uptight, and I’m really projecting that on him
because what he’s asking for is just what he wants and what he needs. There’s nothing
wrong with that per se.


Now sometimes the delivery could be a little bit better with him and we talk through that
but me judging him is just totally not helping the situation at all. It’s pushing him away
versus bringing it close and saying, okay, what is this really about? How can we problem
solve this? How can we make this better? Hopefully, that one makes sense because that’s a
big one.


I really want you to soak it down and I’ll say it one more time, we see ourselves in what we
judge. Just take that one in, sit with it. If you have any takeaway from today, this is a great
one because again, anytime you’re judging somebody else, it’s really something in yourself
that you see in yourself that maybe you don’t want to admit to and you’re trying to project
it on somebody else. That alone will cut judgment so much for you.


All right. Now how do we shift out of judgment in an authentic way? I say in an authentic
way because I don’t want you to just ignore these thoughts and feelings that come up for
you when you’re judging somebody. Because again, it’s a level of protection and our brain
wants to keep us safe and secure. Sometimes it’s authentic and it’s good for our brain to do
that because we may actually be in danger.


Say, for example, I have this office here that I work in. Sometimes I’m working here on the
weekends and in the evenings. I happen to work here last night. I’m leaving the office and
it’s dark out. I’m feeling a little bit scared with that. I’m getting to my car and all that stuff
and so my brain is just like, “Hey, look at all your surroundings. Listen for all the sounds
and make sure you’re safe and secure.” In those kinds of moments, the brain is doing its
job really well. It’s keeping me safe and secure. If somebody were to come out like a few
weeks ago, this happened, some kid was like skateboarding at 9:30 at night near my office.
The sound of it scared me. Initially, I have this judgment reaction after I figured out what it
was.


I was like, “Oh, why is that kid freaking running his skateboard? What the hell?”, kind of
thing. Some of that is really good, to realize, okay, this is a trigger, this is a safety security
thing and that’s okay. We don’t want to ignore what comes up for us, but we do want to
really question ourselves of is this really what I want to think and really how I want to feel
in the world and how I want to show up in my actions and create the results that I want
to?

In that moment, if that kid on the skateboard had come up to me, how would I want to
react to him? Would I want to be really judgy and rude and say “Dude, why are you
skateboarding so late at night? You scared the hell out of me.” No, probably not. I would
just say, “Hey, how you doing? What’s going on?” I would want to make sure that I shifted
my thoughts and my feelings in a way so I could be authentic and show up the way I want
to. Got it?


All right. The way that we do this is we run models and we do thought downloads. If you’re
a client of mine, you’re like, “Got it, Lindsay,” because we do this stuff all the time. They’re
always coming to me with problems and I say, “Okay, did you run through your models?
Did you do your thought downloads?” If you’ve done a lot of my live trainings here or you
listen to my podcasts, you know what I’m talking about probably. Regardless, we’re going
to go through this tool really quick. Let me grab my paper here.
Just in case you don’t know what a self coaching model is, first off, this is not my zone of
genius. This is created by Brooke Castillo with the Life Coach School. Love Brooke’s work.
She even says, “Yes, I came up with this model but this is really just the way the world
works.” Here’s how it breaks down. We’ve got circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions,
results. Circumstances are things that we have no control over.


If we go back to my example of the kid skateboarding, the circumstance, a kid is
skateboarding at 9:30 at night. Then we have thoughts about something that happens to
us. The first thought of my mind was, of course, what’s that? Then when I figured it out,
the first thought was kind of judgy. It was like, what kid is skateboarding at 9:30 night, was
my thought. That scared the hell out of me kind of thing. Then the feeling was scared, then
judgmental. Trying to think what else?


I think it was just really scared and judgmental if I really think about it. Those are the
feelings that I had. Then you think about, okay, what actions did you take next? The
actions that I took were then I just, in essence, checked in with myself and say, okay, here’s
what I’m thinking and I’m feeling. Then my result was I felt more at peace and then I was
able to move on with my day.


This tool is, one, if you have never been introduced to this, take notes on this really quick,
maybe screenshot it. Or just maybe look this up after you’re done with this training to
really make sure that you get this because this is a tool you’re going to use time and time
and time again in your life, not just to stop feeling judgmental but for anything that comes
up for you because in essence, what you can do is take any circumstance that happens to
you. Then what you want to do is you want to analyze your thoughts about that
circumstances because your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings then drive your
actions, and then your actions, of course, create results.
What happens eventually is the thoughts that you think become your results. I’m going to
show you how this happens here in a minute. I’m going to break it down for you even more
about a model that I did recently with a client about how their thoughts became their
results and how they were judging and all that stuff. I want to touch on the other thing
that I said here, which is how to shift out of judgment in an authentic way. I said, run your
models. Then also do thought downloads.


What are thought downloads? A thought download is basically you take out a piece of
paper. You can open up a note doc on your phone, really doesn’t matter. You can just do it
mentally if you want. You were thinking about a circumstance and then you write down all
your thoughts about it. This is one that I have done a lot with clients and some of you may
be triggered by this. I’m just going to let you know that if you think differently, but this is
good stuff. We’re all friends here. I’m just letting you know that we’re going to go into
politics right now for a second.


For a lot of people, they are really triggered by Trump supporters. Again, if you’re a Trump
supporter, great. I have clients who are Trump supporters. That’s totally fine. This is just
one I’ve done a lot with clients. I think it will help a lot of you. We’ve got Trump
supporters. The first thing I want you to notice is I will have clients that come to me and
say, Lindsay, I have so much judgment around, what they say is, angry Trump supporters.
They say that is their circumstance. I want you to catch something here. Putting something
like anger or any details like that are really thoughts. Really you’re putting your thoughts
and you’re trying to make it as like this neutral circumstance, but really you’re defining
them as angry when really the absolute neutral circumstance is basically somebody who
supports Trump or we call them Trump supporters.


Then again, if we just take that out of it, because that’s not truly the circumstance, but I
wanted to do this here because it’s really tricky. I catch this with clients all the time. I get
caught from coaches all the time too. I recently came to a coach and I said, “Oh, I got a
hate email.” He’s like, “Okay, you’re making that the circumstance, Lindsay, but really you
got an email that said X, Y, Z, and then you defined it as hate email.”


Again, super neutral here, Trump supporters. Then you write down all your thoughts about
that person or that in those people or whatever happens. Especially when we’re talking
about judgment here, all your judgmental thoughts. Things like they’re racist or white
trash, they’re disgusting, they’re stuck in the past. They’re victims is how I’m judging them.
They think they’re victims, they’re angry. As we said, they’re toxic. They’re uneducated.
Just let yourself like brain dump is what I tell my clients. Write all the nasty things that go
on in your minds because if you’re trying to deny it because so many of us do that, we have
a judgmental thought and then we’re like, “Oh, that’s like inappropriate.” That’s bad. That’s
not what good people or good girls do or good Christians or whatever, all the good stuff.
Instead, I want you to just recognize it and be like, “Okay, these are the things that are
coming up for me”, because avoiding it is going to do no good and denying it instead lean
into it and say, “Wow, I’m having these thoughts. First off, what are they?” Here’s what they
are. Write it all down on paper. Just doing that alone can be very, very helpful and
therapeutic to the soul of just acknowledging it.


Because what happens is when we’re having thoughts like this, they swarm around in our
brain. Even if we’re trying to deny it, it’s still swarming in our brain and it becomes, what I
call, a tornado of emotions. It’s just like swarming in our brain and that’s causing a lot of
clutter and it’s making us feel really crappy and off and all the things and moody and blah,
blah, blah.


Instead, when we’re writing it down on paper, we’re giving it an outlet. We’re taking all
that stuff in our head. We’re saying, “Here, I’m going to dump it out on paper.” Again, that
alone can just be like, “It’s gone somewhere. It’s out of my head, out of my body, and down
on paper.” This is what a thought download is. This can be your first step. Anytime you’re
feeling judgmental or anything, it’s just write down whatever it is. It could be my uncle,
Bob, because I know we’re coming up on family stuff with the holidays, any family person, I
just got off a client call actually. We were talking about her mom and her sister and
something happened with them and she felt very triggered by what happens.
In essence, what we did was a thought download is I said, “Okay, this situation happened
with your family and they said, X, Y, Z, what are all the thoughts? My mom doesn’t care. My
sister doesn’t listen to me. I’m weird. I’m different. She had so many thoughts, but that’s
what I’m wanting you to do here too, is just get all those thoughts down on paper. Because
then we know what they are and now we can problem solve it.


Let me give you an idea now of how to start to problem solve it. You’re going to go back to
that model tool, and you’re going to break it down even more. We then have our C, our
circumstance is Trump supporters. Remember you want to keep this as neutral as possible,
just Trump supporters. [laughs] Then the thought is initially, you had these thoughts of like
they’re racist, they’re uneducated, blah, blah, blah. All those negative thoughts.
I want to go back here for a second because I didn’t touch on something. When you have
all these thoughts down on paper and you’ve got it out of your body, which again, can feel
good to do that, ask yourself then is this really what I want to think? Sit with that for a
minute. For some people, when they do that, they get a little emotional. Because the
reason why we judge goes back to what I just said earlier is it’s a level of protection from
us.


Our brain is trying to keep us safe and secure. When we see things that our brain sees as a
threat, which to a lot of people, Trump supporters can feel like a threat, especially to
people of color. They feel threatened by this because if they’re thinking they’re racist and
then it’s like, they’re going to hurt me. People of color have been hurt. Here’s all the
reasons why. Of course, the brain is going to wrap itself around that. It does feel like a
legitimate threat to the brain.


Then you have to just step back and say, “Is this really what I want to think here? Is this
really serving me? Is it serving the world?” I know I’ve gone through these questions just
on the last week of training of processing politics, of talking about some of those
questions. Again two, you can also ask yourself, is it true? Your brain may say, yes, well, it’s
true. Here are all the reasons why these things are true. Then also ask yourself, how could
it be untrue?


That’s where it’s going to blow your mind a little bit too, of like, okay, yes, they’re racist
but they could also- here’s some proof that. They’re not racist. Oh, yes, they could be
disgusting. Well, here are the reasons how they’re not disgusting. That just opens your
mind to saying, okay, if there are reasons how these things are untrue, is it really
something that I want to move forward with?


You are welcome to continue to think whatever you want to think. If you feel like these
kinds of things serve you, go for it. For me, 9.9 times out of 10, when I’m doing a thought
download, especially when I’m having judgmental thoughts, I think this is not serving me
and it’s not serving them and it’s not serving the world. There are elements that are untrue
here, and I just don’t want to continue to think this because, again, it doesn’t feel good to
hate.


It doesn’t. Or sometimes is it very justified to feel anger and to feel hate, abso-freakinglutely. This goes back to something I was talking about last week with political triggers is
if you are triggered for more than seven seconds about something, just seven seconds,
then that means there’s deeper healing that needs to happen. Sometimes, it’s not about
what’s happening right now. It’s about what’s happened in your past that has made this
feel so triggering for you.


If we look here at Trump supporters, maybe a Trump supporter hasn’t necessarily done
anything to you or maybe anybody else per se, but you had instances where other people
have been racist to you. If we look at the whole epigenetic thing, which I’m not going to
go down that, but basically epigenetics is saying that we pass trauma through our DNA.
What you inherit is obviously not just the way that you look and how you act, but also
trauma. Say if you are a black person here in the US, you have likely inherited through
epigenetics, the trauma of slavery, where obviously racism was rampant, and abuse, and so
many other things. That’s in your DNA.


Of course, when you see something that sparks any kind of racism, it’s going to be a huge
trigger for you. That’s where you’ve got to do some deeper healing, that’s stuff that I do
with my clients, and it’s not as bad, an awful feeling as you think it is. It’s so freeing and it
feels so amazing to go and do that work. Again, this is why a lot of people are having these
judgmental thoughts. It’s like they just want a layer of protection.
Again, you’re asking yourself those questions, “Is it serving me? How can I change these?”
Now what I want you to do is go back to that model tools I said, write in your circumstance
of Trump supporters or whatever it is for you, of what you’re feeling judgmental toward.
Like my uncle, Bob, my mom, my dad, my sister, whoever, and then ask yourself, “What do I
intentionally want to think here?”


For a lot of my clients who I’m working through, their triggers of Trump’s supporters and
feeling judgmental towards them, they’re coming to thoughts along the lines of things like
they have different ways of thinking and that’s okay because again, they have decided for
themselves that thinking those other thoughts, wasn’t serving them. Now, for some clients,
they want to hold on to some of that stuff. Not just about Trump supporters, but anything
in general.


It’s like, “No, I truly want to just keep thinking that.” Again, that’s fine and great. Most of
the time, they’re like, “I don’t want to feel this way. It’s causing a lot of anger and
judgment in me and so many things that make me feel like crap and instead, I want to
think this.” There’s a part of their brain too that believes that just enough to say, “Yes, I
think I can believe this. I may not fully believe it yet, but I believe it just enough to put in
the thought that maybe this could be true.” You don’t want to go from, if we’re doing the
Trump supporter example of their racist to, “They’re amazing people and I can’t wait to be
with them.” If that’s where you’re at. Those are way too extreme thoughts.


For a lot of times for my clients, we’re taking them from anger and hate and judgment to a
place of neutrality and curiosity. Again, program in the thought that you want to think here
for this person, it was, “They have different ways of thinking and that’s okay.” The feeling
that they’re generating just by thinking that thought is neutrality and curiosity. Then the
actions that they will eventually take from this place of thinking the thought and feeling
these feelings is they’re listening, they’re learning, they’re seeking to understand. Then
eventually, the result will be that people have been brought together and they’re
understanding different ways of thinking and they’re okay with that.


Because remember what I said earlier is our thought line becomes our result line
eventually. If we’re going back to Trump supporters, they’re racist, blah, blah, blah, that’s
all we’re going to see and we’re just going to continue to spin in that. This is the way that
you start to cut judgment. This is the way that you authentically move forward. This is the
way that you can start to show up in the world the way that you want to show up and not
as a judgmental person because as I said earlier in this, I used to be there and it felt like
crap. Now I’m at a place where, especially in my coaching business, people come to me
and they tell me all the things about their life and all the thoughts that they’re having.
I’m able to hold space for them and show them things like unconditional love. Even they’ll
come to me and say, “Oh, Lindsay, you’re going to judge me for this.” I’m like, “No, I truly
do not judge nearly ever in my coaching world, ever. If I do, then I quickly know what to do
to pull myself out of that, and two, I’ve been trained to do that kind of stuff. I will say, I
love being that person. It is so authentic to me. It’s not some show. It’s just truly how I
feel. I show up as my very, very best self in the world is when I’m in a client-coach
relationship.” We talk about it in coaching, it’s like your most authentic self.


I just feel like that’s the very, very best of me. It feels amazing to do that for somebody and
to give that to somebody. I know that that’s the way that I heal people and I help them. I
know that anytime in my personal life where judgment can be harder when it comes up
because I don’t necessarily show up as my very, very best of all the time of my personal
life that I go back to, “How can I be more coach-like in my personal life?” The way that I’m
more coach-like is by having thoughts of like, “We can all think different ways and that’s
okay.” Being more in this neutral place and being in curiosity and being of service of like,
“I’m just here to serve this person.”

Now, of course, this does not mean you don’t have boundaries. I have certain boundaries of
people that I don’t work with. If somebody came to me and said, “Yes, I am a racist and I
love being a racist.” or “I’m a sexist,” or “I’m homophobic.” I’ve recently said this in my
emails and stuff, it’s like, we’re just too far off. That’s the boundary for me that I’m not
going to want to work with you, kind of thing. For a long time too in my coaching business,
I was somebody who was cheated on. My first relationship, it ended with that and it was
very hurtful at the time.


When I started my coaching business, I said, “No, I don’t want to work with anybody who
has cheated on somebody else.” Because I just had my own stuff to work through with that.
I still had to cut the level of judgments that I had about people who would cheat on
somebody else. Now, as time has gone on, that’s not a big deal for me anymore, and I
openly work with people who have cheated on their spouse, especially when they’re at a
place of remorse and understanding and wanting to learn from it, and things of that sort.
Again, I’m just giving you these examples so that you can understand what your
boundaries will be with the way that you want to handle this moving forward of, “When
these lines are crossed, that’s when I say no.” In regards to just everyday judgment and
spinning in the judgment and the anger and all of that to really dig deeper and say, “What
are my thoughts here? Does this really serve me? Does it serve the world to really think
this and what do I want to think instead so I can get to a place of neutrality and curiosity,
and then maybe eventually love and acceptance?”


I tell my clients this all the time, one happens to be live on this training where she’s
talking about people at work and things of that sort. I’ve told her, I said, “Eventually you’re
going to get to a place where you love these people. Even when they’re, a-holes, you’re
still going to love them because, in time, your thoughts are just going to change, especially
as we’re healing more of the stuff that’s triggering you in the first place of why these
people bother you so much, that you’re going to get to a place of truly loving and
accepting them as they are. Faults and all, with all their funny, funky stuff.”


Again, that’s such a great place to be eventually. Takeaways today, I hope you see how
judgment happens or why it happen. A lot of times, it’s that we see ourselves in other
people and what we’re judging them for is really things that we’re judging ourselves for
deep down. It’s just a level of protection. We’ve got to dig deeper and say, “What is it really
about here? What are my thoughts? Do I want those thoughts? What do I want to think
instead?” Then you move forward with this model tool and you start to pass these out. If
you leave this training and you’re like, “This is just too overwhelming or too much.”
Just know that the model tool will get easier for you, but also too, it helps so much to have
somebody like a coach who sits down and does these with you. Every single week, I get
coached as a coach and in essence, what I’m doing with my coach are models. It’s so
interesting how I will even run models about certain things that happen, but my coach will
see something I didn’t even see because we’re so close to our own brain and our own
patterns of behavior that sometimes we don’t even spot our own blind spots. It just helps
so much and it helps when we’re in a very emotional state, as triggers can happen for us
and we get those judgmental feelings that were out of our logical brain.


It helps to have somebody else be in that logical space and be trained to hold that space
for you to be able to emote and then get you back to this problem-solving place. All of this
is to say, I hope this helps you move forward to stop being judgmental in your life. As I
said, it’s a journey to get there and you’re not going to be perfect. You’re going to have
slip-ups and moments and triggers, but just know this tool is the first step to get you on
that place. Then if you want deeper healing and you want to be at a place where you’re
just showing up as the very best version of you in your life, this is what I do in my coaching
practice.


I help go-getter women accomplish their goals and feel better than ever in the process.
This stuff is the feeling better than ever in the process work of like, okay, we are going to
accomplish all these goals that you came in to coaching with because that’s really what
your brain is saying, “Hey, if I get these goals, it’s worth the cost of coaching.” What we’re
doing throughout the process is getting them to feel better than ever and doing this kind
of work. Two, it goes back to what I said at the beginning, I spent so much time and energy
for so many years sitting around talking about people, judging people, that I could have
been out there accomplishing a crap ton of things in the world.


I wondered every year, for a long time, it’s like, “Why am I not hitting all of my goals? Why
is this so hard for me. Oh, it’s because I was spinning in all the emotions of judgment and
my feelings and all the things that I needed to fully process from childhood because we all
have stuff from childhood.” Even if we had a really great, amazing childhood, our
childhood brain is just highly emotional. At some point, we have to go in and have to heal
all that stuff. Otherwise, we just spin in the crap all the time, that tornado of emotions as I
talked about.


It’s just so amazing to go in and do that kind of work with coaching and really explore that,
heal it all, and then, again, show up as the person you want to be and accomplish the
things you want to accomplish in life. It’s amazing stuff. I would love to work with you, if
you feel like, “Okay, I’m ready for more help, I’m ready to accomplish my dreams, and feel
better than ever.”


The first step is to just go apply for a free consult call, lindsayepreston.com/apply. Lindsay
is spelled L-I-N-D-S-A-Y and then “E” Preston, P-R-E-S-T-O-N, dot com forward slash apply.
Just fill out a couple questions and then from there, we’ll get on a free consult call. On that
hour that you and I will have individually together, we’ll talk about your goals and we’ll
talk about your vision for your life. I’ll ask you so many questions so that we get a really
clear vision of where you want to go. Then, I’m going to be very frank with you on some of
the things that are blocking you from getting that.

Most times, people have no idea what’s blocking them or they think it’s certain other
things that are blocking them, but nine times out of ten, they’re wrong. It’s very eyeopening to see just from that call alone of like, “Wow, these are really the things that are
stopping me.” Two, be able to have a really clear life vision and then from there we can
decide if we want to work together or not and accomplish those goals.
Again, I hope you learned so much today. If you feel inspired to take that step and start
coaching together, I would love, love, love to have you and create amazing results in your
life. Go out there, use this tool, go cut that judgment in your life, and I hope to see you
again soon on a training. This is our last live training that we’re going to do for, at least,
the rest of 2020, and then I’ll decide in 2021 if we’re still going to still do this. You can
always listen to my podcast, it comes out every week. It’s called Become An Unstoppable
Woman if you don’t listen to it and that’s it. Thanks for tuning in, and I hope to see you on
a consult call soon. Bye.


[music]


Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.

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