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INDULGENT EMOTIONS

Indulgent emotions keep us stuck in life. It’s important to know what they are so you can overcome them to get what you want even more in life.Join me today as I teach you what indulgent emotions are, what they feel like, and how they can show up in your everyday life without you realizing it. You’ll learn to process the depth of the core 5 emotions instead in order to own your power to become even more of the leader you want to be (and feel great in the process).

INDULGENT EMOTIONS

“If you’re lacking the traction, growth, and forward movement in your life you want, you definitely aren’t feeling the depth of your emotions. When you feel, you heal. Healing is how you create change.”

5 Core Emotions

I’m all about feeling the emotions of life. It’s part of a healthy human experience to feel the good AND bad. But, did you know that feeling some emotions are more important to feel than others?

In fact, we have 5 core emotions and everything else we feel is just a result of feeling one (or several) of those core 5.

Take for example the emotions of jealousy, overwhelm, self-pity or doubt. When you dig down deeper, these emotions are so much more than what’s being felt on the surface level.  

They lead back to emotions like fear, anger, sadness or disgust and THOSE are the emotions someone needs to feel to process an experience and move on in order to grow and feel better.

Yet, most people don’t know this.  

So, they indulge in those emotions and then they turn to distractions (ie: things they don’t want to do but do them anyway) to make themselves feel minimally better in the process. These are things like gossiping, overacting, overthinking, technology, shopping or overworking.  

They then start feeling like crap more and more every day, feel stuck, and because of the distractions, they move backward on what they want to accomplish in life.

They just need to get out of their indulgent emotions and feel the depth of the core 5 emotions instead.

So join me today as I teach you what indulgent emotions are, what they feel like, and how they can show up in your everyday life without you realizing it. You’ll learn how to process the depth of the core 5 emotions instead in order to own your power and become even more of the leader you want to be in life (and feel great in the process).

Your brain may want to skip this episode (because the brain hates to feel), but this episode is a MUST LISTEN. It’s that important.

Listen now via the link at the top of this page.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

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Podcast Book Submission

Power vs. Force book

Full Transcript

Episode 117: INDULGENT EMOTIONS
This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 117,
Indulgent Emotions.


[music]


Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.


[music]


Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. So happy to have you on this episode. I’m going to deem it
now this is going to be one of my favorite episodes to date, and it’s going to be an episode
I send for clients to listen to over and over again. I have been wanting to put this episode
out into the world for months, if not years now. It’s been one that’s played in my mind over
and over and over again, trying to get the wording just right and really making sure I’m
explaining what I’m about to explain to you about indulgent emotions well.


Before we get into all that though, I just have to give a shout-out to those who are leaving
a review for the show be it on Apple Podcasts, or maybe on my Facebook page, or
wherever you listen. Remember that when you go and leave a review for the show, take a
picture of it, and then submit it to the link that’s in the show notes. It’s also
lindsayepreston.com/100. You just put the 1-0-0. Then you get a free copy of my podcast
book that details all the first 100 episodes of the show. Each episode has a one-page
summary about that episode.


Then you can just go and look at that one-page summary and take the step-by-step details
of that episode and start to implement it in your life even more. If you’re experiencing
something like disappointment, you go to that episode, look up the steps, go implement it.
If you’re making a career change, go look at that episode and implement it. There’s so
many amazing resources in that book. You get a free copy when you just go leave a review
for the show and then submit a picture to the link I just mentioned that’s also in the show
notes.


Thank you, thank you, thank you. A couple of reviews I want to give a shout-out to. One is
from Foul Fighter, and she says, “This podcast has been so helpful to me. I’m encouraged
every time I listen to it. What Lindsay teaches is well researched and also personal stories
she shares about how she makes changes, has worked in her life. Listening to this podcast
is much like having lunch with a dear friend who understands what you are going
through.” So nice.


Another review from– I’m not even going to attempt to say the name. You know you get
funky names on your Apple Podcasts. She says, “I found Lindsay’s podcast last year and I
found every episode I’ve listened to be super honest and informative. She breaks down
advice and makes it easy to understand so you can put it into practice. As someone who is
looking forward to starting her own business, I really appreciate the openness Lindsay
gives.”


Then the final review is by Val0123. She says, “Lindsay brings in stories from her own life,
how to demonstrate, how to actually change your mindset and get the results you want. I
love that she shares techniques and also how she’s applied them, it makes it easy to do the
same.” Commonality on just those three reviews there, you guys love how I’m honest and
open. [laughs] It’s hard really not to be honest and open. I can’t filter myself sometimes. I
really appreciate that you all love that, and too that you went and left a review for the
show, and then got your book. Now too, if you’re a client of mine, you also get a printed
copy of your podcasts’ book as well. We ship it to you even if you’re International.
Super exciting, right? Indulgent emotions. As I said, this is going to be one of my favorite
episodes. Let me give you a backstory about how I came to know what indulgent emotions
are. I closely follow Brooke Castillo’s work at The Life Coach School. I’m not certified
through them, but I deeply listen to her work and I’m also in her Self Coaching Scholars
Program. Brooke is the one that has talked about indulgent emotions. That was the first
time again, that it was brought to my attention. The way that she defines them wasn’t
quite where I felt with it.


I didn’t even know if I really wanted to call it indulgent emotions. I really played with
some other terms like authentic or non-authentic, helpful or not helpful. It sounded like by
putting it in those terms, it was making it very black and white of it’s helpful or not helpful
when really all emotions are helpful. Really I went back to this indulgent emotion term
because as I, again, just kept thinking about is this the right term, I came to what it was
because what I see with clients and what I see in my own life, and what I see just in my
everyday world are people who are experiencing emotions that they do indulge in,
meaning they just stay stuck there.


It’s like if you were too indulged in some food. You open up a tub of ice cream, and it
would be different if you went and just got a couple of scoops, and you ate a bowl that
was an appropriate serving. If you were to sit there and consume the whole half-gallon of
ice cream, you would be indulging in that. That’s the same with our emotions. There is a
way to go in and feel something in a way where it’s helpful, and it’s an appropriate way to
feel it. Then there’s a way to go in and just indulge in that feeling to a way where you
don’t really emotionally process the depth of what you’re truly feeling, and so you end up
having a lack of traction in your life, a lack of growth and a lack of movement.
That’s really what I’m defining as an indulgent emotion is something that you are truly just
indulging in that is just not allowing you to emotionally process, and so it’s keeping you
from moving forward in your life.


What are indulgent emotions versus non-indulgent emotions? I did a lot of research on
this. It comes back to what a lot of different researchers say is that we have a core few
emotions that we experience. Some say it’s as little as five core emotions. Some will say
there’s seven core emotions. It’s so funny because one of my favorite movies is Inside Out
from Pixar. It came out in 2015. When I went and saw that movie with my daughter, I was
just in love.


I was already a life coach at that time, but I was new in my business and new to
understanding this whole emotional world, I guess, in many ways even though I had been
a psych major and all that. I just felt like in that movie they had really described and
brought to life emotion so well and emotions in our head so well. It was just such a
powerful movie for me. It’s funny because with COVID this past year, my kids and I have
been watching a lot more Disney+ than I will ever watch in my future, that’s for sure. One
movie my son, who’s now age three, has been really into the past few weeks is Inside Out.
He will watch that movie over and over and over again.


It’s so funny as I’m finalizing this episode knowing it’s getting close to when this episode
is going live, and me doing my final research and finding, again, what the core emotions
are. It goes back to those core emotions that they had in that movie Inside Out. As I said,
some research say there’s just five core emotions. Those core emotions are anger, fear,
disgust, joy, and sadness. Again, if you watch Inside Out, you know those are the five
emotions living in Riley’s head in the movie. Some researchers say there are two more
than that, and there’s surprise and contempt.


As a fun fact for you, when they were putting together the movie Inside Out, the director,
Pete Docter, he reached out to a psychologist, Paul Ekman, and he said, “Okay, Paul, tell me
about emotion. I’m wanting a couple of characters here.” Paul came to him and said,
“There are seven core emotions.” Again, he listed off anger, fear, disgust, joy, sadness,
surprise, contempt.


Pete the director was like, “Okay, I hear you. There’s seven core emotions, but we’re really
just wanting five. If you had to just pick five, Paul, what would you pick?” That’s what he
chose; anger, fear, disgust, joy, and sadness. More researchers have come out I believe
since the Pixar movie and said, “Okay, if we’re going to pick five then those are the five.” I
would agree with that. I would agree that those five are the core emotions, and then we
have on those bonus ones of surprise and contempt, because contempt to me is really
neutrality. That’s where I’m trying to get a lot of my clients to as we’re working together.
Looking at this face of indulgent emotion, and me as a coach trying to get my clients out
of indulgent emotion and get them to more of their core emotions, when I’m trying to get
them to a core emotion, I’m trying to get them to anger, fear, disgust, joy, and sadness.
That’s where I’m trying to get them in those moments, especially when they’re
experiencing what’s called a low-level emotion. If you’re like, “What do you mean by lowlevel emotion, Lindsay?” There’s this emotional frequency chart I give my clients and it’s
an image. I won’t put it in the show notes just because I think it might confuse you too
much.
It’s the research from I believe David Hawkins in his book Power vs Force. I believe I’m
citing that correctly. Anyways, he researched that each emotion has a frequency. The
emotions that feel more “negative” to us have a lower frequency. It goes back to what I
talk about with clients and what I talk about sometimes on the show where your energy
has a be around you. Think about when someone’s in a really positive energy, and they’re
in a giving space, you want to be around that person. You’re attracted to them. If
somebody is feeling very angry, or they have a lot of sadness, there’s some process, you
tend to not want to be around them.


Their energetic feel is like, “I don’t even know that person, but I just know based off what
energy they’re putting out in the world is something I don’t want to be a part of.” Again,
we each have these emotions and these frequencies when we’re feeling emotions. A client
will come to me sometimes, and you can just tell they’re in a “negative” headspace. They’re
likely feeling those negative emotions like shame, humiliation, blame and guilt,
hopelessness, or apathy, sadness, regret, disappointment, fear, greed and addiction, anger,
or hate. Those are what is on our emotional frequency chart as the low-level emotions.
We have a bigger feelings’ chart where there’s so many emotions tied into those primary
emotions on that feelings’ chart. They may come to me and be like, “Lindsay, I’m not
necessarily feeling ashamed but I’m feeling foolish,” or “Maybe I’m not feeling sad. I’m
really feeling gloomy.” It’s just potayto, potahto. The words still go back to some of those
core. I promise, all this is going to make sense. Follow me. When a client is coming to me,
and they’re like, “Lindsay, I’m just feeling really angry today,” or really jealous. That’s a
good one. “I’m feeling really jealous today of something that happened at work, a coworker got promoted, and I didn’t.


As we’re coaching together, I’m trying to get them out of what’s considered an indulgent
emotion. It’s an emotion outside of those core five emotions of anger, fear, disgust, joy, and
sadness, and getting them to feel more of the core of that feeling. For jealousy, it may be
anger, like, “Oh, I’m so mad this person got a promotion over me.” It may be fear of, “Oh, I
fear that I’m not going to move forward in my career.” It may be sadness of, “What’s wrong
with me? Why am I not getting promoted.” It may be a mix of all of those. Again, as we’re
coaching together, my job is to help get them out of that indulgent emotion.


Anything that’s beyond those core five emotions and getting them more to that core to
feel the depth of whatever they need to feel so that they can move forward in their life. If
we go back to my example, somebody comes to me and says, “Lindsay, I’m just feeling so
jealous of this person that got promoted over me.” What I will do then is to say, “Tell me
more. What does this feel like?” “It just feels like I’m never going to do dah dah dah.” I’m
like “As you say that thought, what do you feel?” “Actually, I feel anger.” “Tell me more
about the anger. Tell me about the core. What’s driving this anger behind them?”
They may say something like, “She wasn’t qualified. I was a lot more qualified. I’ve been
here more, I’ve been putting in the hours and she doesn’t, but she’s just better friends with
my boss. That’s why I believe she got promoted.” It’s like, “Then let’s process that, tell me
more.” I’m getting them to really feel the depth of that anger as we’re coaching together
because that’s what’s going to allow them to feel the depth of the emotion to emotionally
process it, versus saying what I call the tornado of emotions, and just feeling this jealousy
or maybe just the surface-level anger over and over again.


This is again, something I talk about on the show from time to time, and I definitely talk
about with my emotions of the cycle of emotions is we feel a feeling, typically a negative
feeling that feels crappy. Instead of feeling not feeling and really getting to the core of the
emotion like anger, fear, disgust, joy, and sadness, we’ll say, “Oh, I don’t want to feel this.”
They turn to a distraction to numb it out. They’ll go have a glass of wine, they’ll go eat a
cupcake, they’ll go and go out with their friends. They’ll go shopping, they’ll turn on
Netflix and zone out, they’ll go gossip about somebody.


They’ll turn to these things that they don’t really want to do, but they do them anyway in
order to not really feel the depth of what they’re feeling. Then they may feel a little bit
better like, “I didn’t get that promotion, but I went out, had a couple of drinks, and zoned
out on Netflix all weekend and bought this really cute outfit. I feel a little bit better
because of that.” Then what happens is they didn’t feel the depth of the emotion. Two,
they did behaviors that didn’t really help them on their growth in life, let’s be real. Maybe
they added a little bit more debt because they went shopping, or they just spent money
that they really could have spent better elsewhere.


They maybe have some extra calories to burn off now that they didn’t really anticipate.
They may have wasted a whole weekend that they could have been spending on
something more productive. It’s very variant here. I’m not saying those things are
detriments to your growth. Obviously, we all need time to go and zone out on Netflix at
times. It’s not bad to have a drink or sweets or any of those things. I’m just saying, again, if
you’re going to do things that you don’t want to do, but you’re doing them anyway, that’s
called a distraction. That’s called you avoiding your feelings instead of feeling the depth of
it.


What happens is then you repeat the same cycle again. Something else comes up, you feel
jealous, or whatever you’re feeling, it’s a negative emotion, and you repeat the cycle over
and over again. What needs to happen again is you get out of those feelings. Meaning you
feel the depth of the feelings of crappiness. Again, if that client is coming to me and
saying, “I feel jealous,” we really need to feel the depth of that jealousy, which is probably
anger, sadness, and fear, and maybe even a little disgust. Feeling through that to then feel
neutral about it so then they can go and move forward in life and continually grow and
prosper and change and get what they want.


Again, if we’re looking at this term of indulgent emotions, and what specifically is an
indulgent emotion, I’m just going to say it again, it’s any emotion outside of the five core
emotions that you are just indulging in, meaning you’re just spinning and not feeling.
You’re using maybe distractions to avoid feeling that feeling and it’s not allowing you to
move forward in life. Again, you may still be indulging in anger, fear, disgust, even maybe
some joy, and sadness because if you’re overly joyful– I have clients that come to me and
have the Clifton’s strength of positivity high. What happens is, they can get into toxic
positivity. We’re seeing this a lot in some of the coaching world too.


Rachel Hollis has been called out about this all the time, is like, “Oh, let’s just be positive
all the time and not look at our crap and not feel our feelings and just like go, go, go,
achieve, achieve, achieve, be happy, be happy.” Then all of a sudden, it’s like you have
been indulging in joy when you didn’t truly feel authentic joy. Now it’s you got all this shit
to clean up with anger and all that. I’m saying all this, and hopefully, you’re still following
me because this is so important that it’s so, so vital, my friends, that you don’t indulge in
your emotions. No matter what they are, if it’s that core five or not.


Again, I really see anything beyond that core five is definitely an indulgent emotion.
Instead, you just feel your feelings in it. Have you ever had a time in your life when you
feel you’re just spinning in something? Like you’re overthinking it, you just don’t feel like
you’re processing it. I know, for me, before I learned the tools I learned in coaching, I felt
that way all the time. I had feelings for people who I felt “wronged me” decades later.
There was a boyfriend I had in middle school that I just felt like I could never fully get over
it. Even when I was in my late 20s, again, this is right before I entered coaching, there was
still a piece of me that just held on to how that ended with him and I just couldn’t move
on.


Then when I had my ex-husband, and he did all the things he did with his double life and
the lies and all that, I was like, “Oh my gosh, how in the world am I ever going to get over
this? I feel so angry and just so bitter and resentful.” I know I have to get over this in order
to move on with my life and to not let it impact our daughter because I need to have
somewhat of a healthy relationship with him. That’s where luckily, I just happened to
stumble upon coaching and learn the tools. That’s what it’s like to be in indulgent
emotions, is to just not be able to process emotion.


I’m going to give you a couple of other examples here of how I’m seeing this with clients
I’m working with right now so that you can start to see this more in your life. The first
example is a client of mine, she has wanted to have a business now for years. Her and I
worked together many, many years ago. She was one of my first clients in my group
coaching. Her and I parted ways for a bit and then she has re-entered a coaching
relationship with me this past year in my Living the Dream Program for my ongoing
clients. She’s had businesses here and there along the way.


They haven’t really picked up because she’ll start something, and then she’s like, “I don’t
really want to do this anymore,” and she pulls away. This past year we’ve been working on
what is the business that you really want to start? You have this calling, you want to be an
entrepreneur, what is it? As she’s going along, she’s taking action, she’s realizing what
she’s wanting more of, what she’s wanting less of, and it’s a beautiful thing. That’s the
beauty of living life is you take action, and you figure out what it is you like and don’t like.
You, in essence, fail forward.


As we’re doing this, there are times when her brain really likes to indulge, and overwhelm,
and doubt. She will come for coaching, or she will even email me and say, “Oh, Lindsay, I
just don’t know where to go next in my schedule. I just don’t know what offer to make
next,” or, “I just don’t know what to do. Should I do this or should I do that?” Many times
I’m telling her, “If you had to decide right now, what would it be?” You can tell her brain
does not like it when I do this. I’ll even ask her sometimes when she says, “I don’t know
what to do.” I’ll say, “If you did know, what would you need to do?”
You can tell she gets a little defensive because her brain loves to indulge, again, and
overwhelm, and indecision, and doubt because what’s happening for her deep down is this
core of fear. She is really fearful to go out there and make more decisions toward her
business and in essence, fail along the way. Then have to feel more emotions, probably
some sadness, probably some more fear, probably some anger, and a whole spectrum of
other things as she is building this business.


To her brain, it’s like, “Oh, let’s just stay in this overwhelm, in this doubt, in this confusion,
because that feels more comfortable for me even though it’s pretty uncomfortable. It’s
more comfortable than going out there and failing and so I’ll just keep spinning in this.”
Constantly, I’m having to coach her on, “Again, your brain is indulging in this. You’re having
an indulgent emotion, let’s really get to the fear.” Then we get to the fear of, “Whoa, I’m
just scared of failing.” I’m like, “Yes, here it is again.” We fail through that and then we do
the mindset work we need to do in order for her to intentionally program in her mind so
she’s not as scared of failure anymore. Then she’s moving forward. Then it’ll pop up again.
It’s so funny because the brain gets really sneaky. It’ll present it in so many different ways,
she’ll be like, “It’s not exactly like it was last time, it’s a little bit different this time.” I’m
like, “Yes, the brain’s just sneaky.” The brain is just like, “Hey, here’s another way that we
could potentially keep her safe by not putting herself out there.” Really, you’re going to be
fine. You’re going to have to put yourself out there. You’re going to make an offer, some
people are going to say no, some are going to say yes. You’re going to experience wins,
you’re going to experience losses along the way. You’re going to feel all the feelings, but
you know how to feel through that. That’s okay, you just pick yourself up and you keep
going.


That is a way in which I’m seeing that one client experiencing indulgent emotions over
and over and over again. For another client of mine who is experiencing indulgent
emotions, it is with another ongoing client too because what happens I’m seeing too is
that when I’ve worked with a client in my nine-month one-on-one simple success system, I
know we’re making so much massive change in those nine months. Their brain is pretty
open and receptive to change because it’s a new relationship with me, and they’re learning
these tools, and they’re spotting these things that once they didn’t spot.


What happens if we don’t continue to work together in my ongoing coaching process and
they go away for a while, like I said earlier if you have a client, the brain gets stinky. It
presents things in new ways and I’m not there to guide them, and to coach them, and to
spot things that they’re not spotting in themselves because again, the brain is sneaky, I’ll
keep saying. Then, all of a sudden, they get back into these indulgent emotions, or they’re
just not fully processing the feelings they need to feel, and then all of a sudden it’s like,
“Boom, oh, man, why am I not making more progress in my life? I did so well when I was
with Lindsay.”


It’s like, “Yes, girl, you just need a coach in your life be it me or somebody else to help you
continually manage your mind, feel your feelings so you can continually move forward in
your life.” So many people just think, “Oh, I’m just going to have coaching, one done, move
on.” No, having a coach in your life is for people who are growth-oriented, and really want
to keep going. This is a way for you to just, in essence, have the support in your back
pocket, in essence. It’s just like having a dentist who cleans your teeth every so often and
going to the doctor every so often. You need somebody to look at your life and your mind
in a different way that you’re not necessarily seeing.


Going back to this other client, she’s an ongoing client of mine as well. When we worked
together those first nine-ish or so months, she made a lot of progress. Then we took about
a year or so off, and then she’s come back to me and now she’s having these new
problems. One of the big things is that she has not allowed herself to really feel the depth
of her sadness. Granted, she always had the sadness there even when we were coaching
the other first time but it’s like what I say, often is new level, new devil. When she came to
me the first time, we processed what needed to be processed at that time in her life based
on the goals and dreams that she had.


Then she achieved those things, and then she up-leveled. Now she’s just gotten to a point
where the brain is like, “Hey, listen, if you’re wanting to have–” For her, it’s a very, very
deep relationship with her husband, where she is just very vulnerable with him, and she is
very authentic with him, and really putting herself out there. Her brain is like, “Oh, listen,
we can’t go do this quite yet because we have all this shit in your past that we need to
process about sadness.” It’s getting to a point for her where if she’s not dealing with the
core of the sadness, and really processing through that, she starts to indulge in part of the
sadness.


Then she indulges in other emotions that it comes out in sneaky ways because the brain
hates feeling sad. Let’s think about it, sadness does not feel fun, it doesn’t feel powerful.
Instead, she’ll indulge in anger. It’s not really a healthy anger, it’s resentment kind of thing
of like, “Oh, he sucks,” or, “This person sucks, I don’t like this.” She’ll have these anger
outbursts. Again, she’s not fully processing the anger, sadness there. Then it’s like she’s not
really moving forward sometimes. She’ll even regress a little bit, she’ll end up gaining
some weight. She’ll make a little bit of money here, and then it’ll go backwards.
As we’re coaching together, and I’ve even brought in another coach for her, Kaycee, who
you guys have met on the show. You girls, I don’t know why I say guys. There’s likely no
guys here. Anyways, I brought in that other coach for her so she can really just finally go in
and feel the core of the emotion she needs to feel, which is really for her a lot of sadness
and processing through them. Of course, it feels uncomfortable. Of course, not something
that’s highly enjoyable for the brain. What happens as she’s processing that, she’s moving
forward again, and she’s moving forward with more ease because she’s no longer sitting in
these indulgent emotions.


The weight is starting to come off of her slowly but surely, she’s connecting more in her
marriage, she’s fine-tuning her career even more to get more in alignment. Again, it’s like
she doesn’t quite feel excited to go in and feel the core of these emotions, but she’s seeing
enough results so far of like, “Oh, yes, I see how this is. These are emotions that are
indulging, and not really helping me. Here’s where I really need to feel.” Again, it goes
back to sometimes too what I was talking about with that toxic positivity. She’s one that
she would come to calls many times and be like, “Oh, I have nothing to coach on,
everything’s great,” or be a lot of surface-level stuff.


I’m like, “No, leave all your surface-level stuff for casual conversations you have in your
everyday life. Give me the good stuff. Give me the core of what’s going on. I really want to
know.” She’s like, “I don’t even know what’s going on.” That goes back to, again, if you’re a
coaching client of mine, you need to know what’s going on, you need to be coaching
yourself enough to know by journaling. You know that with me. If you’re not a client of
mine, you’ve got to be feeling your feelings. You’ve got to go in and look at that stuff. So
many of us as driven women, again, we think, “Oh, feeling our feelings are going to slow us
down, we don’t have time for that.”


We have other things and it makes us feel powerless and weak when we want to feel
strong and confident. Really, that’s the secret sauce, my friends. Yes, does it slow you down
sometimes to go on and feel? Absolutely. I’m feeling there’s some stuff in my own life
right now with my mom that I just danced around for a while and thought it wasn’t that
bad. I’m getting to a level in my life now where I’m taking the amount of joy that I want to
feel in my everyday life and I’m amping that up.


My brain is saying to me, “Okay, Lindsay, you really want to feel that much joy in your
everyday life? You need to finally process the depth of the sadness of you not having the
mom that you deserve to have and how that really was an abusive situation. Even though
you’ve tried to logically dance around that, that was really shitty,” and really feeling
through that. There are times that I’m like, “Oh, I don’t have time for my session today with
my coach. I don’t want to deal with this.” Then after I had that session, I actually do feel
better. Some moments I don’t quite feel better, it’s like, “Oh, man, I’m really like feeling
through this.” I know enough to know that on the other side of this, it’s going to be a
beautiful thing.


I hope you’re following me. Anytime I’m teaching something new, I must admit that I’m
like, “Are they getting this? Does this make sense? Am I explaining this well?” Give me
your feedback on this episode. Do you feel like you know the difference now between an
indulgent emotion and a non-indulgent emotion? Do you feel like now you know the
importance of going in and feeling your feelings? You’re seeing that in order to have this
greatly successful, massively amazing feeling life, you have to process through your core
feelings? You have to go in and feel the depth of those things, which as I said, the core
emotions are anger, fear, disgust, joy, sadness. You’ve got to go in and feel that.
It goes back to if you’re a coaching client of mine, this is why we do the release that we do
in the coaching process where you’re going and you’re spending that time. They go away
for two days, they disconnect from the world. That may freak some of you out if you’re not
a coaching client of mine of like, “Holy shit.” They go away for two days and disconnect,
they do and they go in and they feel through all the things that they have brought forth of
like, “Here are the things that playoff in my mind and that’s the shit that needs to go.” They
need to just go and cleanse, they need to do, in essence, an emotional detox.


Again, if that freaks you out, that’s totally normal. It freaked me the F out too when I did it
but then afterward, man, does that feel better. You start to not worry about those things
anymore, think about those things anymore. You show up in your world in a different way
and you just feel better, you get this glow about you. That’s when you start to again lose
weight if you want to lose weight, and just get promotions and get the job offers you want.
It’s so funny as I was getting on this podcast, I have a coaching client right now. She’s at
the point where I guess she’s a month or so post-release.


She wrote me and she said, “Hey, Lindsay, I just want to let you know that I had such a
good day today at our event showing up as my authentic self. It was so amazing to not
have my IMG-“ My inner mean girl, being that negative inner voice in her head, “-running
through my head and being authentically me.” She said, “Then a boy with Down syndrome
came up to me, came in as a new patient. I told him all about my experience, and that
special needs is my specialty and they rebooked to come back. On the way out, he gave me
a hug manifesting that and it’s showing a glimpse of what God has for me. Anyways, thank
you.”


That’s what I’m talking about here, friend. This is a client of mine, Amanda, she’s amazing. I
wish I could tell you all about her. I hope she comes to a podcast sometimes. She is
finishing up med school, in essence, and she’s about to step in her role as a doctor. She
came to me and she’s like, “I want to make sure as I’m stepping into this new role in my
life that I’m not cutting myself short, I’m really fully embodying myself.” For the first threeish months of coaching, we were going in and feeling the depth of her feelings.


Granted, she didn’t have that much fear. She’s had a pretty awesome life but there’s just a
couple of things like things that happened in school, a couple of things with a couple of
different boyfriends, which happens to all of us. A couple of little things with her parents.
Again, it happens. Now she’s like, “Man.” I get to fully step into this new version of herself.
She got a glimpse of that today with one of her first events that she’s having as being this
new version of her and stepping into this new role in her life.


We’ve been developing her authentic life plan too. When she’s talking about working with
special needs kids, that’s what she’s talking about because she’s realized this even more so
as that’s who she’s really wanting to help. It’s just so cool that she’s able to, she said,
manifest it. She’s gotten really clear on what it is she wants. Now she’s seeing more and
more of what she wants because her brain knows what to focus on. That’s the growth you
can experience, my friend, when you’re not indulging in emotions. You’re not just, in
essence, feeling a negative emotion, and then you’re just like, “Oh, let me go tend to a
distraction and sad.”


Granted, I know we all do this. I catch myself doing this all the time. Even this weekend,
because I’m recording this on a Sunday, I was laying down on the couch. I could just feel in
my arms a low level of anxiety, and how I really wanted my phone. I was like, “Oh, I just
really want my phone and I really want to grab it.” I was like, “Whoa, Lindsay, you’re having
anxiety. I can see you’re wanting to turn to a distraction” which, remember, is something
you do but you don’t want to do, which is my phone. “What is it that you’re trying to avoid
feeling?” I sat there and I was like, “Oh, I’m trying to avoid feeling the sadness that I’m
processing through about my mom.”


I just laid there on the couch and I’m like, “Whoa, I just feel this layer of sadness right now
as I’m bringing forth the depth of the sadness that I’m working through with my coach
about my mom and what’s that going through.” I just took some deep breaths, laid on the
couch, just allowed myself to feel instead of turning to that distraction to numb me out so
then I’d feel a little bit better. Then I’d have to deal with the sadness even more in
indulging behaviors, in essence, or distractions. Again, hope all this made sense to you.
The bottom line is we want to feel our feelings as much as our brain needs to feel it and as
much as our brain thinks we’re not going to pull ourselves out of it because that’s a big
fear I have, I know for myself. It’s diminished over the years, obviously, because I know
how to pull myself out with the tools I have. I hear that from women who’ve never
experienced coaching with me or having tools to pull themselves out. You just don’t have
the right tools yet, you will pull yourself out of it. You will, you just need the right tools.
Okay, my friends. Thank you for joining me on this episode where we’re talking all about
emotions and feelings. I know it’s not always the most pleasant thing but I appreciate you
being here because not only are you changing your lives by doing this work and listening
to these kinds of things, and maybe you’ve been coaching with me, but you’re changing
everyone around you.


I see the impact of the work that I do every single day in my kids, I see it with my husband,
and then they go out and they make an impact in their world, especially my daughter, The
way that she is with her classmates, she is able to help them process feelings. Like
something happened on the playground the other day where, unfortunately, and this may
be a trigger warning because there was a dead bunny and it looked like someone had
abused the dead bunny on the playground. Some of the kids were crying and my daughter
went up and was like, “What do you need to process right now? What do you need to feel
through?”


The reason my daughter is like that is because I do that for her. The reason that I do that
for her is because of the work I do on myself. It’s a big trickle effect. So many women think
it’s selfish to invest in their own work and to take their time to do that but it’s actually the
least selfish thing that you can do. It’s the best thing you can do for your loved ones and
for this world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That’s all I have for today, my friends. I’ll
see you next time. Bye.


[music]


Lindsay: Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you
enjoyed it, share it with a friend and send them a picture of this episode via text, via email,
share it on social media. I’m sure there would be so appreciative to know these strategies
and tips on how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to
accomplish your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.


[music]


Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.

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