“What’s fascinating about the Enneagram is if you go deep down into it, each number has a deep core fear. Many times, we are motivated by that fear.”
I’m back again for another Enneagram episode on the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast! Last week I covered Enneagram numbers 1, 2, and 5 on the show. (Listen here if you missed it)
This week, I’m talking all about Enneagram numbers 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
In case you missed what this series is all about, here’s the scoop again.
One of the personality assessments I love the most is the Enneagram.
It certainly wasn’t always this way though. When I first came across the assessment in 2014, I found it confusing so I ditched learning more about it and focused on other assessments (like Myers-Briggs and CliftonStrengths) instead.
Then, around 2018, the Enneagram became hot on social media and in everyday life. Workshops were popping up everywhere to learn more about it, including one at my daughter’s school. I jumped at the chance to finally figure this assessment out.
What I learned during that workshop opened my eyes to a deep understanding about myself that was mind-blowing. I was sold on the Enneagram’s power.
So, from there I had all of my clients take the assessment so I could better understand how their number(s) impacted them.
It’s been two years now since I started that project and goodness, do I have some Enneagram understandings for you!
I’VE BEEN ABLE TO LEARN SO MUCH. INCLUDING THINGS LIKE…
- What the Enneagram is REALLY testing (that very few people know about)
- Specific patterns each Enneagram number has and how once someone sees these patterns, they can overcome their problems with a lot more ease
- How each Enneagram type shows up in coaching, including the Enneagram types that thrive the most in my practice and what types I DON’T typically see. (Spoiler: There’s one Enneagram number I’ve NEVER knowingly had in my coaching practice!)
- How my Enneagram number causes me to view other Enneagram numbers in different ways
…and so much more
If you love Enneagram, this episode is for you. Listen now via the link at the top of this page.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Enneagram Numbers Explained
This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 109,
My Enneagram Understandings – Part Two.
Welcome to the Become An Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting,
fear-facing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston.
I’m a wife, mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world.
I’ve lived through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better.
We can’t fear the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to
do just that. Join me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient,
and powerful woman you were meant to be. Let’s do this.
Hi there, Ms. Unstoppable. Okay. Real quick, today’s a part two episode. It’s a twoparter. If you have not listened to part one, stop this episode, go listen to part one.
Otherwise this part is not going to make sense because I’m jumping right into basically
where I left off last week. Now, if you need a quick refresher of where I started last
week, maybe go in and listen to the first few minutes of that last one.
Otherwise we are moving this train forward. Last time I talked about Enneagram one,
Enneagram two, and Enneagram five. Today I’m covering all the other numbers. My
understanding of those numbers, as I have been studying the Enneagram now, for a
couple of years and with my clients now for about two years. Now, quick disclaimer,
just in case you need a refresher, I’m talking about generalizations today. They may not
apply to you, and also these are my understandings of my life. I have very limited scope
with just the clients that I see and then my personal life.
If something doesn’t apply to you, or you feel misunderstood by something I said, and
you feel like you want to clarify something for me, great. I talked about, in the last
episode, I’m an Enneagram five. I don’t like being shown that maybe I don’t know
something in essence. That’s a core fear of mine, but I’ve also learned to work through
it and realize that I’ve loved learning. If you see something that maybe I didn’t spot, tell
me. I would love that discussion with you of, “Hey Lindsay. You missed this about this
number, that I think is really important.”
Awesome. Bring that to my radar, and it may actually already be on my radar. Who
knows? Today, I’m just talking about overall summaries of each one. Either way, take
what you love, leave the rest as I always say. You ready to keep going? Last time we
finished on Enneagram two, now I want to talk about Enneagram three. I love
Enneagram threes. You would think I would have more Enneagram threes in my
coaching business, because Enneagram threes are very much the definition of a go
getter. They are out there. They’re wanting to make achievement happen.
They, many times, are the ones that are in high action all the time. One of the
Enneagram workshops I took, the one I mention often is the one at my daughter’s
school, because that’s just opened my eyes to so many things. I’ve actually taken many
Enneagram workshops. I even took an Enneagram workshop for marriage, and then I
took a whole course on Enneagram of marriage, which is a whole another topic, and it’s
so cool. I’ll link it in the show notes. It’s by Beth McCord. Now, she is Christian based
and so if that’s not your thing, you may not like it.
For me, I’ll just tell you my least is, my daughter actually goes to a Christian school,
believe it or not, but I’m not super Christian. I’m spiritual. Many times when somebody
goes into a Christian thing that I’m like, don’t totally resonate with, it goes back to what
I tell you a lot of times. Is, I take what I love, I leave the rest, and her stuff is really
good. Even if you aren’t a Christian, just leave out some of the Christian stuff you don’t
resonate with and focus in on the core content of the Enneagram because, man, it
really rocked my world with me and my husband.
We did, gosh, I think like three months of marriage coaching, which was helpful, but
then I found her course and I went to that workshop. I got more out of that than I think
I did in those three months of coaching. Really, what our problem was, was how our
Enneagrams were coming together, and Beth calls it, your dance. It was so funny,
because that’s what I would tell my marriage coach. I would say, “I just feel like we’re
in this dance and he’s stepping on my feet in the same spot over and over again. It’s
driving me crazy.” In that course, it all made sense.
I’ll link it in the show notes, but that’s Enneagram threes. They’re the go getters, right.
They’re always focused on, let’s get stuff done. Let’s make stuff happen. Going back to
what I was saying earlier with the very first Enneagram workshop I took. She talked
about, if the United States of America had an Enneagram number, they would be a
three because that’s just how they are. They’re like, “Look at us, look at all the things
that we’re doing.” They love to appear like they’re very successful. That’s peak for a
three, of how they’re appearing.
I’m going to talk a little bit more about this type here in a minute. Now, the thing I
have a lot with Enneagram threes is burnout. Whoo. Burn out because they go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, and then they can crash and burn. Especially, as I’ve learned
more about women’s cycles, this is a topic I’m going to talk more about on the show
here soon. Fingers crossed, I’m going to have a very special guest to talk to you about
this book that has blown my mind with that. As women, we can’t just keep going and
going and going and going.
That’s typically a man’s way of doing things, and granted yes, in our society, it is a
patriarchy and we are taught way, but as women, it’s just not how we work. We’ve got
to slow down at certain points in our cycle. Have you followed the moon? There’s
certain different parts you’ve got to slow down, otherwise burnout is big and threes,
whoo, they can burn out. Now it’s tricky for me with threes when I’m coaching them, is
because they’re so focused on external achievement, working in a coaching setting,
especially for the first three months when we’re doing a lot of internal work.
Even just ongoing, there are times when you’re going to slow down and then you’re
going to speed up, and you’re going to slow down as you’re working through new
blocks. Threes sometimes don’t have the patience for that, and they don’t see the value
in them. Even if they get results from it, they can then just be so consumed with what
they’re achieving on the external. It goes back to their image and because their core
fear is being looked at as a failure, and unimpressive or unsuccessful.
That’s really, what they’re motivated by is like, “Oh, I don’t want people to see that
deep down I’m unsuccessful, but I’ve got to work to change their mindset on that.” As
I’ve started to understand it more and more, I tell my threes that kind of coming in the
gate of like, “Hey, here’s what I see with threes. Let’s just clear the air now. Can we
make an agreement that when I start to see this in you, of, you’re not doing the internal
work that we’re going to start to have conversations about that.
I have a couple threes still in the process that I’m still making my way around, to have
conversations about this. If you’re one of my Enneagram threes, just know this
conversation may be coming and this may be just our way of having that conversation.
If you want to acknowledge that via email, we can talk through it, but the mindset
works, sometimes they just don’t put value on it. Then what happens? Then, they get
into what I call frantic action and they just achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve.
They’re in this high state of just trying to achieve all this stuff, but they feel like shit.
I’m just thinking about another client that I have right now, she actually was the very
first client I had, that signed up for my nine-month coaching process. It was this huge
up-level for me of like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I closed the client at this process
and this rate and all the things.” She’s paid all of her payments. She is maybe midway
through the coaching process because after we got through the first three-ish months,
she just went back to her old ways of outside achievement and has totally blown me
I’ll even email her and I’ll say, “Hey, you still have these sessions left. Just want to
remind you.” Nothing. She’s lost thousands of dollars. It’s crazy to me, but she just is so
overly consumed with the external achievements. It’s like something I’ve really realized
with my threes of right out the gate of like, “Hey, we need to be in an agreement with
this that, if you’re going to sign up for this, then X, Y, Z needs to happen.” Meaning you
need to prioritize the mindset work, as part of the process, and you need to see the
What can we do to make sure that you don’t get into this burnout? The other thing too
is, sometimes with my threes, because let’s think about it. I said the United States of
America is like a three, and so everything around them is exemplifying external
success, external success. Look at the external success. Then two, if you look at me as a
marketer, I have to put my external success out there a lot, of like, “Look at how much
money I’m making.” If I’m talking about my coaching business or, “Look at the success
I’ve had with this client.”
My threes can take that, and it’s almost like they’re in competition with me, of like, “Oh,
well, I need that one up Lindsay. I need to prove how successful I am to her.” Even, I
see this with my twos, with a wing of three, they’re trying to impress me a lot. Granted,
yes, we’re going to cover wins and we’re going to celebrate the hell out of their wins
and stuff like that, but to a point where I have to lean them back of, “Okay, are you
achieving for you, are you achieving for me or somebody else?
Let’s make sure this is an authentic choice. Okay, and two, they can just get really
uneasy if somebody else is achieving, especially, if they’re in a group program or if I’m
achieving at that time and talking about it, they can get uneasy around me. It’s like,
“Ooh, this is just going back to your core fear of you feeling you’re going to be
unsuccessful, when the reality is it’s like, you are massively successful. Massively to a
point where–” Their brain’s not going to see that and I’ll have to mindset coach them
through that if they’re open to it, but they’ve had to calm that down.
Okay, and really just [sighs] take a deep breath and be able to enjoy their life, and not
get into that more, and more, and more, and more, and more mentality. I must admit, I
have a lot of three in me. I’m the most of five, the second most is a three. I totally get
these threes. I know where you’re coming from. I know how it feels. I think even the
coaching industry is, if it had its own Enneagram would probably be a three, in a lot of
ways. “Look at all this external success,” dah, dah, dah. I think it might have a four wing
because it’s like, “Look at yourself.”
Yes, just take that in threes of the internal work is just as important, if not more
important, actually, it’s way more important, let me be frank. Then the external work,
okay, that calm it down. The other thing too, I have to work out with my threes is, we’ll
find their authentic self and we’ll grow their authentic self, but it’s like, they then just
become consumed again with, achieving again. They forget what they authentically
want and slowing down. They just have to build a lot of practices to make sure they’re
bringing out their authentic self all the time.
Okay, last thing I want to say about threes before I move on is, threes growth path is
being more like a six, meaning, they become more loyal, cooperative and committed,
and focused on others’ wellbeing as much as their own. This, if we go back to the
threes that I see in my coaching practice, especially, once they get into the group
program, they can just be so solely focused. Like, I have one three right now, I’m
working on this with, that they’re not participating in the community lessons to go in
there and talk about themselves.
Then they get back out and I’m like, wait, wait a second. You need to be here to support
other people. Then, what I’m getting onto them about too is like being cooperative in
the coaching practice or the coaching process of, I’m here to support you. You need to
lean on me because otherwise, you can get to this place where you’re out of your
authentic self and you’re just achieving to achieve. You’re so focused on external stuff
that you’re going to get to this place where you’re burnt out and unhappy. Okay, whoa,
hope that made sense.
All right, that’s Enneagram threes. Let’s talk about enneagrams fours, right? You’re
going to hear me shuffle as I turn pages. I think my daughter is in Enneagram four.
Now, granted she’s 10, she’s got some room to grow, so I have a special place in my
heart for fours. I actually think, well, because I’m a five wing four, and maybe at one
time I was a four, primarily. I’ve just kind of moved, who knows, but I definitely pull in a
lot of fours. Here’s what I know about fours. They’re emotional. When I have a four, they
are going to cry. They are going to feel the feels.
In one of my group programs, we have a four and every time she gets coached, it’s like,
all right, when is she going to cry? When’s she going to get to it? Because that’s just
what fours do, they feel, and they feel deeply. It’s such a beautiful thing as a five. It
could be up in my head. I love leaning on my four wing and using that to help me feel
because I need it. Otherwise, it can just be all up I had all the time.
Something else I love about fours, they are super creative. These are the creative
geniuses of the worlds. They are many times the artists, the musicians, they’re just,
augh, beautiful creative people. Many times when I get fours too, and they’re coming to
me and they’re like, “I just feel unhappy.” We look at their life, they’re not utilizing
Integrating that into their life is very, very important. I’ve had some fours come to me
who are accountants and in the stiff corporate worlds and a man-oriented business. I’m
like, “Ooh, your fourness is not going to like that.” Now, something that can happen
with fours is, if I go back to the very first workshop I took about Enneagram at my
daughter’s school, it talked about the image that pops up for a four is the mirror.
Somebody just staring at themselves in the mirror. That can happen with fours.
They can be a little self-absorbed, and just overly consumed with their own worlds and
their own emotions and their own life and let it be this tornado of emotions they talk
about a lot of times, where they’re just spinning at it, to a point where sometimes it can
even get to a place where they’re diagnosed with something like depression, because
they just, they feel deeply. They tend to have empathy really high too. They can just
spin in that, and then they’re all consumed with our whole worlds because they’re–
and they’re deep emotions and they’re lacking connection otherwise.
On the flip of that, once they’re able to manage those emotions, and I get to see this
with fours as they go through the coaching process, that’s a beautiful thing of
managing those. They bloom and they blossom. They’re just showing those creative
geniuses because they know how to manage their emotions, and then they’re showing
their intuitive side because many times they’re extremely intuitive. The big thing with
fours is, they want to be unique and they want to be special, because the big fear about
fours is not being those things and just being ordinary.
With my daughter, for example, she has to wear a uniform everyday to school, but ever
since she was young, I’m talking first grade, maybe in kindergarten, she always did
something special. She’s always worn a special necklace, and she’s always on the
cutting edge of what she’s going to determine for the whole grade, is cool. Like, in first
grade it was kitty ears and she’s like, “Oh, I’m going to wear my kitty ears.” Then she
wore chokers for a while, and then she wears a certain bracelets and she does her hair
a certain way, or she wears funky socks.
She’s always trying to show her individuality. I love that about her. Again, she can be
very much in her feminine energy. I see that with fours, which is something I so admire.
It’s like with my twos, stuff like, oh, you’re so beautiful because you’re in this creative,
beautiful feminine space. Yes, it’s just a beautiful thing. The big thing for them again is
just managing those emotions and not letting that core fear take over, a feeling, plain
or ordinary, or even inadequate, or mundane. A lot of times too they even fear being
Think about it, like abandonment for a lot of people is a very, very deep feeling and
fours because they can feel so deep, they’re going to go there. They’re going to go to
those spaces. For my fours too, I’ve got to manage their rollercoaster of emotions and
get them more to a neutral place where they’re still feeling, of course, but their median
feeling they’re feeling every day, it’s more neutral so that they’re not having these
high-highs and these low-lows. It’s something called a Vacillator voice that I’m
managing with them.
The other thing too is not letting their emotions mean something, which again, is
something we’re working through in the coaching process and letting it kind of
snowball. Instead they’re just like, oh, I’m just feeling a feeling. I know my feelings
come from thoughts. I think, look in that logical place, especially if I have a four with a
wing of a five, I can have them pull some of that logic of a five in. If I have a four with a
three wing, it’s a little bit trickier because, okay, think about this. Four is all about deep
They’re going to feel really, really big, but then they’re going to have this three wing
that’s like, “Oh, go achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve.” It’s hard for me to get in,
even more of the value of, “Hey, let’s look at your mindset.” Okay, I have to be very, very
strategic there with that of getting them to see the value of that. It makes sense of like,
we go back to what I talk about, where I see the most of my clients or Enneagram ones,
twos. I would think probably the third would be a five. Those are all– Twos come to me
and they know like, “Lindsay, I’m burned out.”
“I’m giving way too much. I need to balance this because I want to be able to give and
serve more.” It makes sense for them to invest in coaching. Ones, they’re like, “I want to
be even a better version of myself. Let’s go.” I’m like, “Great. It works.” Five, they’re like,
“I want to know more. I want to be able–” It’s really like, a lot of the motivation is, I
want to know more. They come to me and they’re like, “Man, this girl knows her stuff.
She knows more.” Let’s go, awesome.
Threes, come to me, “I want to achieve more.” Fours they come to me and they’re like, “I
want to feel better.” Now, granted, all of these numbers are coming to me with various
things, but for four-wing three, I don’t see that a lot because again, it’s like, I want to
feel better, but I have this huge need to want to go out and achieve. I don’t know if I
really see the value in doing mindset work, which is unfortunate because they’re one of
the big ones who need it the most.
If you are a four with a wing three, you need to reach out to me, my friend. I will help
you a lot in your life, but anyways, just going back to the fours on the tone. The last
thing I want to say here is, sometimes too they can be very clingy. I see this with my
daughter, and this is a big thing with fours that I’ve learned is when they’re feeling
insecure, they can overly attach to somebody and just be like, “Look at me, look at me,
look at me, look at me, look at me.” It goes back to that mirror thing of them looking at
themselves, look at me, look at me, look at me.
We have to calm that nervous system down. That’s a big thing I’m doing with my fours
is, not just understanding emotions and feeling the depth of them and processing them,
but then regulating their nervous system in the process. The reason why I think my
daughter is a four is, yes the beauty of the fours, of the creative side and being unique
and stuff but she feels way deeper. “She,” meaning my daughter. She feels way deeper
than I ever do. I remember thinking like, “Holy moly.”
“What is this?” She can go to the depth of sadness and the depth of anger when she
feels. That’s a four quality right there, baby. They can feel those feelings which is a
beautiful, beautiful thing. Once they know how to process them, mmm, they’re feeling a
lot better in life. That’s Enneagram four. I’m actually going to skip around. I’m going to
skip six, seven, eight. I’m going to go to nine. You’re going to find out why here in a
minute, you’re going to hear me flipping pages. Enneagrams nine is, actually, I’m
getting a lot more nines lately which is really cool.
Out of the last few clients that I’ve signed, I would say about half of them are nines.
They’re nines with a wing one. Remember, I talk about one is most popular even with
the wings but nines I’m falling in love with. They’re like twos in a way of, they can be
amazing service professionals. Once they start to understand who they uniquely are
because the big thing with nines is, they can forget who they are. Many times they grew
up with really strong parents or caregivers to a point where they just didn’t feel safe to
fully be seen, and so they they went into the shadows.
Once nine start to get some self-awareness, which we do in the coaching process or
maybe they get it somewhere else, and they step into their power and they’re able to
have that self-awareness, whooi, I love watching nines go out there in the world and
serve the world and give to the world. Many people on my team are nines. Shout out to
Erin, who I know is editing this podcast right now and shout out to Rachel who’s my
admin, both nines.
Amazing support professionals because I tell them what I want, and they’re so good at
being able to sit back and to observe and to understand others and they’re able to go
out there and deliver them. Even the coach that I’ve recently hired that you’re going to
meet in a couple episodes, Casey, she’s a nine. Again, it’s like I tell Casey what I want.
She listens very deeply. She understands that it’s like, almost she can mesh it as me
and like take me in. Then it’s like, okay, I know it’s delivered to Lindsay.
I love nines. Now, of course the big thing in that is they can lose themselves. It’s very
important that nines are making time for themselves, checking in with themselves and
doing things to build their own self-awareness. For nines, it’s very hard for them
sometimes to be asked questions. What do you want? Who are you? Learning about
themselves, like something through the Enneagrams can be helpful. Then of course
getting coaching to gain more and more and more self-awareness can be really helpful.
They’re the ultimate harmonizers too.
You throw a nine in the room and they’re going to bring people together. They’re just
going to solidify any things that are going wrong in the world, or in that room or
whatever. Again, I love nines. I know when I’m coaching nines, I’m going to ask them a
question and then they’re going to pause for a while, and they’re going to have to really
think about it. Sometimes in the coaching, it needs to be a little faster or especially if
I’m in a group setting, I’m like, “Come on nines, let’s go. Let’s go, let’s go.”
I have to just sometimes give them homework and say, “Okay, I want you to reflect on
that for a while because it’s going to take them a while.” Pull that awareness forward.
Now, for nines, they really need an intentional focus for them because they can
immerse so easily with others. They need to understand, where am I going in my life?
What it is that I want? Who am I? Otherwise, it’s like they can just lose themselves.
Actually, my mom may be a nine in some ways.
My mom has a strength high called adaptability, which I’m pulling in Clifton strengths
here that assessment that I see a lot with nines is, they can just be so adaptable and
want to just create harmony so much that then it’s like, “Oh, where do my goals and
dreams go? I don’t really know what I want.” Then once they do, whoo, man, I love
watching them go out in the world because, what is it like? It’s like, okay, nines, you’re
probably going to think this is a really bad analogy but it’s– Part of me is thinking this
is not a good one but like the ugly duckling a little bit.
You know that story where it’s like, they’re in the corner and they’re ugly but then they
turn into this beautiful Swan. I don’t think nines are ugly, obviously, but it’s like they’re
in the corner so much. I guess I relate to it because I’m a five. I’m thinking about how
fives can be in the corner sometimes, just taking in the content. Well, nines can just be
in the corner because they don’t really know themselves and once they figure that out,
then they go and blossom and it’s just, ooh, I just love it. I love it so much. It’s so much
That’s the big thing with nines. Now, nine’s growth path is to three. Remember threes
are the achievers. The paths, again, why I love nine so much in seeing them grow is
because once they understand who they are and they know what they want, they go
and they achieve it, and they pull that part of them. So many nines are in the coaching
profession. It makes sense because that’s what they’re pulling off of, is that three
growth path. Now, what nines can get to sometimes when they’re way, way in overdrive
and I haven’t seen this, that much of my coaching clients is anxiety.
I do see this with my mom a little bit actually, but they get to the unhealthy type of a
six where they’re just worrying all the time and might go to worst case scenarios, and
they have a lot of anxiety. Again, it’s like, they don’t have that– Oops, if you heard that
noise, my binder rustle. They don’t have a lot of self-awareness. That’s something we
have to build. I keep saying it. I’m like a broken record. That’s a big thing with nines.
Now, let’s talk about sixes, sevens and eights. Let me just touch on sixes really fast.
To my knowledge, I have not had a six in my coaching practice in the last two years,
not one. I don’t even think I’ve had many, six wings. I think of maybe one that I’ve had,
that’s a six wing. It wasn’t confirmed but that’s just my assumption. Sixes, and I think it
makes sense. A lot of sixes can be very consumed by anxiety. I know if you’re a six,
you’re going to be super offended by that. I get it but I think sometimes too if a six is
going to come to coaching, they probably just need therapy first. They need to go
through and manage that.
My dad, I believe is a five wing six. I see this in him too. All of a sudden he could just
go to these really weird catastrophizing places. I’m like, dude, you’re so logical. Where
did you go? That was really dark. As he’s aging, it gets to be these conspiracy political
theory things, I’m like, “What in the world?” Maybe it’s just like my vibe doesn’t mesh
with sixes. I don’t take life as seriously as they do. Even if we think about Corona, I
think my ex may have a six-wing. He was texting me this weird stuff of how I needed
all this food and all these weird, again, catastrophizing things.
I’m like, “Dude, I don’t even relate to this at all. Everything’s going to be fine.” I was
listening to a podcast recently too. She was talking about how they have different kinds
of cars, electronic and gas. They’ve done all these things. They can always just be off
the grid if they need to and I’m like, “Man, that’s a very sixth thought of like, we need to
prepare for worst-case scenario.” My brain just really doesn’t go there. I don’t know if
that’s why I don’t mesh with sixes or they’re in therapy, or they’re just not in first of all,
I don’t know.
I’m just going to be honest and open with you. If you’re a six, I’d love to work with you
and love to figure out this whole thing. To my knowledge, I haven’t worked with any
Now, let’s look at sevens. Sevens I have worked with sevens, I’ve had a lot in my
personal life because sevens are social butterflies. They know everybody and
everything and they’re out and about. They tend to have the Clifton strength of woo.
Again, everybody knows them. They love to win others over. I think my ex is a seven or
has a seven-wing, one of these two.
That’s how he was. He was just out there all the time and putting us all out there. Now,
the thing with sevens is they know a lot of things and a lot of people but they don’t
know a lot of depths. As a five, because remember I’m a five, sometimes, I love sevens
and I love to be around them but then I get bored of them. I know that sounds bad but I
get bored with them, especially if it’s in a learning environment because I’m like, “Okay,
you don’t really quite know the depth of what you’re talking about,” and then I move
Remember that’s just me as a five. This goes back to even somebody I’ve partnered
with a few years ago with marketing. She’s a seven, I’m a five. This is what I love about
sevens, they put themselves out there. They’re doing all the things that as a five, I’d be
super uncomfortable doing because I’d be like, well, I need to do my research first. I
just got a little even annoyed of like, okay, you need to have your shit together first in
some ways. Again, that’s my own vibeness.
The sevens I have worked with once I can get them in the door, I think sevens, they can
lose interest in me because I do go so in depth with some stuff, especially if they were
to get my coaching process, it’s like, it’s in-depth. Some of my fives love it so much. It’s
like, I did my shit on that and I learned from people who knew their shit. Once sevens
get in the door and they see the value of it, sevens are actually really good clients
because seven’s growth path is to a five, which remember, is me. It’s really taking in the
depth of things and I can grow them in that way.
One of my first clients even is a seven. I still coach with her even. She actually knew
about the Enneagram before her and I coached together. She knew this about herself
of, okay, where I need to go as a five. Now, I didn’t even know I was a five at the time.
She was just attracted to me. I was attracted to her. It was like, yes, we know there’s
something here we can both give each other because at the time I needed– First off I
just needed clients, let’s be real. I wanted clients that were going to be high energy and
be able to share my work with other people, and she was up.
It was a beautiful thing. The big thing with sevens– I’m turning my pages here. I just
want to make sure I’m saying this right. The core fear of them is being incomplete or
just being bored or like trapped. If we go back to my ex, if you know that story, living a
double life had another woman, et cetera, et cetera, this is what makes me think he’s a
seven, not just from what he does, like personality-wise of being a guy who’s out there
but that was a really big fear for him of being trapped, and granted he handled it in an
inappropriate way but I have a lot of empathy for him.
Granted I’ve done my forgiveness work to get to this place but looking to at the seven,
it’s like, “Oh, I totally get it.” I look back on some of my best friends for a while who I
believe were sevens, and it’s the same thing. Like, I’ve heard their stories of how real
that feels to them. Have they just had a little mindset, they would probably make better
choices because even some of my stuff from friends, it was hard for them to stay in
relationships and stay committed in those relationships without cheating.
That’s the thing for sevens, right? Sevens just really need to learn how to be more
grounded and to go a little bit more in-depth with things, and have a little bit more
wisdom and discipline. Not realizing that life is going to be 100% happy all the time
because that’s what they’re seeking a lot of times too, of like next, next, next, next,
next. It’s sad they need to just realize that life’s going to have its up and down, and
those downs are okay. It’s going to be okay to have those downs. You can get through
Doing that at our work like they would be doing with me is going to be a way for them
to feel that, and understand it’s okay and get through it, and actually get through it
faster have they not done the work with me. Instead of escaping their problems or
wanting to avoid them to go in and to face them. The other thing too I see with sevens,
and this is the last thing I’m going to say about it is especially if they’re not aware of,
maybe something like the Enneagram or something else, sevens can be judgy, I’ve seen
of other people who aren’t sevens.
I experienced this a lot in my personal life of people who are sevens, or who I believe
are sevens will be like, “Well, why aren’t you just like go out more? Or why don’t you do
this? Or, why don’t you do that? ” Thinking that everybody’s just like them. Again, we
could go back to my analogy last episode of everyone’s wearing the same colored
glasses. They need to look outside themselves a little bit and realize that we’re all
different and we’re not all going to be sevens. Many times in our society growing up in,
especially in the high school years, everybody admires the sevens.
Everyone wants to be the sevens, and trust me, I’ve wanted to be a seven for so long, in
so many ways but we’re not sevens. If you’re a seven, please, just realize you probably
aren’t like this because you listen to podcasts like this but we’re not all going to be like
you, and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the rest of us. Okay? It’s okay.
That’s my take on sevens.
All right, eights. I’m going to be honest with you about eights.
I’ve realized recently that the clients who I feel like have left coaching with me the
least happy, and I just realized this in the past week, so this is big, have been eights.
Part of an eight is control. That’s their big thing they’re wanting. If you’re aware of the
Enneagram associate period eight, you’re like, here she goes again, everybody talks
about it. It’s like, Donald Trump is an eight. He’s an eight in overdrive in a lot of ways
but he is an eight.
They can get that way and it makes sense. I’ve said in other podcasts, Donald Trump
was very triggering to me. As I’ve realized this over the past week or so, I’ve realized
that my mom has an eight wing. I think my ex may have been a seven with a six wing
or an eight wing, I don’t know, but he had some eight in him. Eights scare me a little
bit. I’m realizing I have some trauma from eights that I need to go and process.
As I said, the clients who have left me that have been the least happy, have been
eights. It became that way because they would come back and they would push me and
push and push and push on certain things. I would coach them through it and coach
them through it to a point where they would just keep pushing and pushing and
pushing. I’d be like, “Listen, if you love your reasons for why you don’t want to do XYZ
in the coaching process, great. Then love those reasons and move on.”
Then many times they happen to fail and then they’ll come back and be like, “Oh no,
no, no, that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to do that. I’m
actually really happy.” It’ll get to a point where then I’m just like, “Well, I don’t want to
continue because I can’t coach you in a way that’s going to be beneficial for the both of
us, because you just keep pushing at me.” I’m doing my own work on eights. I’m healing
my own stuff I’m realizing I need to do.
I’m just trying to take in more and more of, how can I best coach an eight? Because,
right now, I just don’t feel like I’ve got a really strong handle on it. At the time of this
recording, I have some eights and I’m going through this kind of process with them
right now. We’ll see if we get on the other side of it, and I may have an update for you
here in a few weeks, even. Right now I’m just like, I don’t know, eights, like I think you
may be better somewhere else. Now, I must say I love eights. Don’t get me wrong about
I think who I consider my business coach, even though we don’t really coach one-onone, is Stacy Boehman. She’s in essence a business coach for coaches. I think Stacy is
eight and for many ways, for many reasons. One reason too is, when she first started
coaching as a client, she said she used to scream at her coach and hang up the phone. I
was like, “Holy crap, like who would do that?” It would scare the shit out of me if a
client did something like that. That’s where eights can go. They can get really, really
I understand why eights are like that because many eights have had a shit ton of
trauma in their lives, and they have every single right to be angry like they are. It’s
justified anger. It’s absolutely something that can process, like what I’m working
through right now with one of my eights is, she’s gotten to the place where she’s
learning how to process her feelings. Typically, after they do this one process, then they
feel better but for her, she has so much anger that she’s not feeling better.
We’re just having to go in and process more and more and more and more and more
anger, and because eights can get a little bit impatient and they don’t like feeling out
of control, then it’s making her even more uncomfortable. I’m having to coach her
through it. It’s just a tricky thing. I’m realizing too, like what do I need to tell my eight’s
coming in the door of hate? Here’s what I’ve seen with eights during the coaching
process, just FYI. When it gets to this place, this is how we need to coach through it.
Even just talking them through what’s coming down the bend because they want to
feel so in control, because again, they’ve had trauma in their life or they have been out
of control. It totally makes sense, and it’s totally justified just giving them of like, “Hey,
here’s what’s coming.” So they don’t feel like something is coming out of left field.
What I’ve realized for my eights is they’re just going to create that story over and over
and over again.
Some of my eights I’ve called out because they’ve given me that opportunity to do that
of like, “Hey, listen, this is the pattern of thoughts you’re doing.” For a lot of my eight,
they push, push, push, and then you’ll push back a little bit and be like, “No,” and then
they’ll go into victim mode. “But it’s– Oh, no, I didn’t do that. I didn’t do that.” It’s like,
“Whoa. Wait a second. Do you see this pattern?” Some of my eights have said, “Lindsay,
I’m so glad you called that out on me.” Some of my other eights have not been happy
It’s just a mixed bag with eights, and that’s where I’m leaving it with eights. Maybe
come back to me if you’re an eight and you heard this podcast and you’re like, “Lindsay
where are you with Enneagram eights?” Maybe I’ll have more insight for you but right
now, that’s a work in progress. Going back, I will say, I have cracked the code on ones. I
have cracked the code on twos. I feel like I’m cracking the code very, very close on
nines, if not already cracked it. I’ve cracked the code with fives.
I feel like I’ve cracked the code with fours. I’m very close on threes. I feel like I’m right
on the edge of cracking it there. Sixes, I just don’t have the opportunity. If I have a six
coming in the door, I would love to figure that out. Sevens, I feel like I need a little bit
more work on just– I think a seven coming into me, they have to have a ton of selfawareness. Like, they’ve had to have done other stuff to get to a place where they see enough value in what I provide, and two they’ve built some self-awareness, otherwise,because many times sevens tend to not have a ton of self-awareness.
There’s just too busy being out there. Then eights, I feel like I’m just being started.
[laughs] That’s what I have for you, my friends. Those are our Enneagram
understandings. Let’s just go back to one last thing I want to say here. Remember, I’m
an Enneagram five. Me admitting to you today of, hey, I don’t know everything about
everyone, is such growth for me. Claps to me. I’m patting myself on the back. I’m
showing myself love, even though part of this is uncomfortable, and giving it all to you.
We hope you had some great takeaways from today’s episode and the last episode, as I
said, I’ve been so excited to give this one to you. I know I’ll think of many things after
this episode is over. I’ll be like, oh, I wish I’d included that or included that or included
that but, you know, it is what it is. This is always a work in progress as always. Thank
you for spending your time with me today to learn about Enneagram, and how I see it. I
cannot wait to see you on the next episode of the show. I will see you then. Bye.
Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you
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