“When you learn how to trust yourself, you learn how to show up. It’s a priceless skill.”
If you find yourself in a place where you want to up-level your life, yet struggle with making the investment in yourself (be it coaching or something else), this episode is for you.
I know first hand it can feel scary to spend money on yourself, but the results can be HUGE. Deep down you likely know the results can be huge too, yet you still shy away from it.
The reasons why you don’t invest are typically because of three deep-seated fears inside of you. These fears keep you from going in the direction of your dreams so it’s important you’re aware of what they are so you can turn those fears into opportunities instead!
So, tune into this week’s episode where I’m covering these three deep-seated fears in-depth on the show.
FEARS WE’RE COVING IN-DEPTH INCLUDE:
1) The fear that you’ll waste time and money by not getting the results you want
Specifically, fears like…
- The person/company they invest in will not deliver on the results they claim to deliver
- Not having enough time to maximize the investment
- Not trusting yourself to complete something you start
- Looking like a fool for investing in something that doesn’t work out
- Doing long-term financial damage from your investment
The OPPORTUNITIES here when facing these fears by investing in yourself are:
- Learning the tools on how to show up for yourself regardless of what else is going on (during the coaching experience AND in your future)
- Learning how to trust yourself due to the questions you’re asked in coaching
- Experiencing unconditional love by having a coach hold space for you so you could then show that love to other people (and yourself!)
- Looking like a fool for investing in something that doesn’t work out
- Experiencing trust with someone else who can deliver what they promise and MORE
..and so much more. Be sure to listen to the episode at the top of this page!
2) The fear of facing your deep fears in general
Specifically, fears like…
- Facing the crap from that past that feels really scary to think about again
- Believing that opening up the wounds from the past will only make it worse because you haven’t experienced healing before and/or you’ve tried other forms of personal development/mental health before to heal and it didn’t give you the results you wanted
The OPPORTUNITIES here when facing these fears by investing in yourself are:
- Getting to experience ALL of your emotions because you didn’t realize how the fears/traumas were numbing you out from experiencing good stuff that makes life super sweet
- Getting to live a distraction-free life (a life where you are intentional instead of wasting time and money numbing yourself out with things like shopping, gossip, drinking too much, eating too much, being on your phone/tv too much, etc)
- Living life in all the ways you want to because you weren’t weighed down & feeling stuck anymore
..and so much more! Be sure to listen to the episode at the top of this page.
3) The fear of getting the results you want, and that in turn, everything will change
Specifically, fears like…
- Changing so much that your relationships with people you love will no longer work
- Realizing your career isn’t a good fit and accepting you’ve “wasted” time and money on the “wrong” thing
- Fearing the unknown in general
- Fearing you won’t be relatable anymore because life is so good
The OPPORTUNITIES here when facing these fears by investing in yourself are:
- Relationships that get more INTIMATE and AUTHENTIC
- Having a career that gets even BETTER (including more money and less time working)
- Realizing that change isn’t as scary as you once believed it would be
- Breaking family patterns so your children don’t have to deal with the same struggles
- Living the life of your dreams!!
..and so much more! Be sure to listen to the episode at the top of this page.
I hope this episode helps you decide if coaching with me is right for you! If you feel called to take the next step, take my free assessment. In just a few questions, you’ll know if you’re in the right place. TAKE THE ASSESSMENT HERE
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
→ Continue the conversation in my free online community
→ Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training
→ DISTRACTION-FREE LIVING episode
Full Transcript
This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 34,
Investments Opportunities.
[music]
Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.
[music]
Hi there. Welcome back to the Unstoppable podcast, or if you’re new around here,
welcome, welcome. I am so grateful to have you here today. Today, we’re talking about
investments opportunities. If you are someone who is like me, you get really scared at the
thought of investing, especially in yourself. I see it week after week, day after day with the
women that I coach. So many times, I get on the phone with somebody who is interested
in coaching, and we talk about their life now and what they want to change, and I’m very
clear with them of what I can deliver and how I can get them there.
A lot of times people still get cold feet about working with me. It goes back to that fear
that we have about investing in ourselves. For many people, it’s a variety of fears that are
in there, but when they are combined, it makes it even worse and even harder and even as
much as we want to change or we want to uplevel our lives and we want things to be
different, it’s still very scary to make that kind of investment in yourself.
Today, I’m going to talk about the top three fears that I see with people who are interested
in investing in themselves, be it with me as a coach or any other area of life. Then we’re
going to talk about the opportunities that can come when you face those fears and you do
invest in yourself. Today’s episode is going to be jammed packed with a lot of great
information. I am so excited to share it with you. I didn’t even know what I was going to
record today until just about maybe an hour or so ago. When I have these podcasts
episodes with interviews, it is a long-drawn-out process.
Usually, they are recorded maybe two or three months in advance, and then there’s a
process of reaching out to that person and finding that person and then getting them on
our interview and recording it and so much is involved with that. Those episodes tend to
be on the schedule for a long time, but when it comes to these solo episodes, usually, I’m
not deciding until that day or maybe a week beforehand what I’m going to talk about.
Today, I really struggled with where should I go? What should I talk about? I was actually
on a walk with my son, just about ago. It’s absolutely beautiful here in the Dallas, Texas
area today. We’re starting to get Spring, and I think the high today has like 80 degrees,
which is going to be so nice. I was walking with him and I thought, “This is where I asked
for direction from the universe.” God, whatever you want to call and say, “Where is it that I
need to talk about today?” The biggest thing was talking about investments. It’s so funny
too because these past few weeks in the stock market have been crazy. I know because my
husband is in that world; he’s a wealth manager. All I hear is about the stock market all the
time and investment this and investment that.
Also, in my own business, my February month was a little funky. It threw me off. January, I
actually exceeded my financial goal within the first few days of the month, which shocked
me because I normally don’t market that much in January because I don’t really like to take
on clients in January; because there tends to be a lot of excited energy about goals, and I
love that, but I want people who are there for the long home. What I’ve found over the
years is starting to market more in February, March even is– I get a more grounded energy.
I was not expecting to go in January, but I did. I thought, “Wow, this is great.”
Then February rolled around, and I had some people who were in the coaching process,
and they were engaged. What usually happens after that first month of coaching and when
they’re engaged is that it’s a no-brainer, and they keep going on. For whatever reason in
February, it did not happen that way. It has thrown me off for such a loop. It has been such
an opportunity for me too because I’m starting to realize– What are the fears these people
are facing? It’s making me up-level my game a little bit of being able to talk to them and
being able to teach them how investing in yourself can be such a benefit because a lot of
them got cold feet.
Two, the other thing that’s going on in my world is I’m starting to do more intentional
marketing. This past year, I just got really lucky. Clients just came my way in a very natural
process, but this next year, I’m going to be doing more ads and investing in marketing
again. I’ve had to really sit down and say, “Who is it that I’m wanting to track? Who is it
that I’m wanting to work with?”
I’ve realized that a lot of the clients I’ve had this past year who have been amazing. I wish
for a lot of them, I had worked with them sooner. Maybe five, 10 years, some even 15 years
or sooner because they just experienced more suffering than what they needed to,
whereas I have this other batch of clients who really need to work with me, but they don’t
quite see yet how where they’re at now is going to lead a progression of where most of my
clients this past year have ended up. For a lot of them, then they just let their weight
snowball of it. A lot of them have had relationship troubles, some even divorced. Some
have left their careers or just had big career shifts. They were rocking it in life for a while.
Then late 20s or late 30s, they just start to feel a little funky. They ignored that and just
kept going with the flow. Then by the time the late 30s or early 40s hit, it was just shit hit
the fan. Them investing in coaching was a very big no-brainer because it was like I’m in
this deeper pain point, and I need this help, whereas some of my typically younger clients
are like, “Yes, I’m feeling a little bit funky, but I just don’t really know yet if investing in
myself, especially this big scary investment of coaching is right for me.”
Again, it just got me thinking a lot about investment opportunities and the fears people
have around investments. It just made me laugh too because I’ve been investing in myself
with my own coaching, and I still face these fears. Every time I go in and I invest in myself,
I still think, “Oh, Lindsay, do you really need this? Are you really going to see an ROI on
this?” I start getting really anxious about it. I’m like, “Oh, here we go again.”
Luckily, I’m aware of it enough now, and I can talk myself through those fears and really
make sure I’m making authentic and intentional decisions when I’m feeling those fears. For
a lot of people, they’re not that aware yet. I want to open your eyes today. If you’re
someone again, who may be wanting to invest in yourself, and you’re just not quite aware
yet of why you’re not pulling the trigger. You may have logically justified it as like, “I just
don’t have the money.” Or “I just don’t think that I needed enough.” But I want to explore
maybe digging a little bit deeper and saying, “Are you experiencing these fears? If so, let’s
talk about it, let’s overcome it.” I’m going to talk about the three biggest fears that I see
with people, and then we’re going to flip it and talk about the opportunity when you
overcome those fears.
Fear number one that I see with a lot of people, and this one is going to seem obvious, but
it’s that they’re going to waste their money and their time by not getting the results they
want. This is a completely legitimate fear. This is typically my number one fear when I’m
going in and investing myself. I think, “Is this person legit? Is this person really someone
who can deliver on the results they’re saying they can deliver?” Then I think about myself.
“Do I really have time to give this my all?” Because when I invest in myself, I want to show
up. I want to make sure I’m giving it everything I got, especially if it’s a higher-end
investment.
Let’s face it. Life is busy. Life has a lot of things that are coming at us, especially if you’re a
mom. Every day is like a new adventure. You never know if someone’s going to be sick or
moody or whatever. It’s just tricky. Those fears, as I said, are very legitimate, but here’s the
thing. When you face those fears of thinking, “I’m going to either waste my money, or I’m
not going to show up, or this person’s not going to deliver what they say.” When you face
them and you do invest in yourself and you get to the other side of that where you have
really given it your all and you have allowed this other person to help you in a way and
they have given you the results and more that you could ever want, man, is it a beautiful
experience.
There is an opportunity there to build trust in yourself by showing up because hopefully,
that person is teaching you some habits to say, “Hey, here’s how you can start to show up
for yourself every single day. If someone’s working with me, for example, let me walk you
through the coaching process. Somebody finds me at this podcast, social media, something
else. Then they’ll likely get on my e-mail list, and when they get on my e-mail list, it’s
usually because they’ve taken my free coaching assessment, so this assessment has
deemed, “Hey, we’re a great fit to work together.” Then you can book a free consultation
call from them.
Then they get on the free consultation call. We spent about 45 minutes talking about their
life, what they want to change, and we really make sure that we’re a good fit to work
together. Then from there, I say, “I can absolutely help you with these results of what
you’re wanting.” The next step is to invest in my Life Lover’s 21-day Challenge program
where they’re spending 21 days, about 30 minutes a day, give or take on learning just the
basic tools.
What I’m teaching them there really– Is it the tools? I’m teaching them, “Hey, you can start
to show up for yourself in little bitty ways every single day or at least within a 30-day
window.” That really gives a lot of people a momentum, and it gives them again that trust
of, “Hey, I can do this.” Because for so many women, they have not shown up for
themselves either for a long time or ever because of just different things. It might be that
their mother never showed up for herself and modeled what self-care looks like. She was
just giving, giving, giving all the time. Maybe it’s that they’ve just given so much to her
work that they can’t give to themselves, they’re giving so much to other people.
Again, whatever it is, this little baby program teaches them. “Hey, you can show up every
single day, and do a little work.” From that, they usually get huge results. They start to see,
“Wow, by me just doing that little bit every single day, I’m already feeling so much better.”
Also too, that course is only $97 as of the time of this recording, which is March 2020, and
so it’s a small investment for most people. They’re like, “Hey if I can show up for this $97
investment, get these kinds of results, then I’m ready for the next step in coaching, which
is a three-month process. It’s a bigger investment.” Again, it’s like they already have that
momentum and enough trust to keep going. It’s a very intentional process on my part to
have that 30-day or 21-day window, in essence, to get them to show up.
Then two, we’re building a trust in that process of, “Hey, look what I’m delivering to you for
just $97.” Not only that, they get three free coaching calls, which a coaching call with me
for 60 minutes is $250. They’re getting these little 15-minute windows in there; again, just
for $97 with the course, and I am showing up for them. I am building that trust
intentionally of saying, “Hey, I’m going to be here for you. You can trust in me.” Because I
know, especially in the online space, there is a lot of talk going on out there. I do that
intentionally again to show people, “Hey, I walk my walk. I just don’t talk a talk. I really am
going to show up for you.”
This is also a really great opportunity for you to start to trust your intuition. So many
women have amazing intuitions, and they have cut it off. They just don’t even know how to
listen to it anymore, and so they do make really crappy investments. They go out and say,
“Oh, I thought this person was going to help me and they didn’t.” Then when they look
back on it, they say, “I knew it from the start. There was something just fishy about it, and I
wasn’t trusting it and–” Then I’m like, “Ugh.” It kills me because then you’re just building
in more beliefs that, “Hey, I can’t trust myself. People out there are fishy.” Whatever it is,
making a really smart investment of someone who can really help you even harder.
That’s one of the things again, that I’m trying to teach my clients by working with them is
that they can trust themselves, and in the coaching process itself, I’m teaching them how
to ask questions to themselves to trust themselves even more so that they’re building that
strong intuition. They’re building that strong trust, so when they’re done working with me,
they can go out into the world and make better choices for themselves because they know
how to trust themselves. Those are some of the opportunities that come with that fear of,
“Oh, I’m not going to show up.” “Oh, this person’s going to screw me over.”
On the flip of that, when you trust yourself or you learn how to trust yourself, you learn
how to show up. Those are skills that are priceless really. Again, this is why I have my
process the way it is because I just know how women’s brains work for the most part, and I
make it very gradual of, “Hey, just pay me just a little bit of money, and let’s just do this
little bit of work and see what happens from there.” Now I will say one added opportunity
in this fear of, “I’m not going to show up, or I’m not going to be able to trust in another
person.” Is that when I am working with somebody, I am showing them too what
unconditional love and connection looks like.
For a lot of people, myself included, I had never experienced unconditional love before,
and it wasn’t until I hired my very first life coach, and she held a space for me where I
could tell her all things, including my deepest darkest fears or things that I had done in my
past that had felt shameful. She met me with so much love and compassion in those
spaces. From there, I was able to show that love and compassion to, of course, but then I
was also able to go out into the world and show that to other people, including my
children. That is a huge part of parenting in my eyes of being able to meet my children in a
space where I can show them love and compassion.
Since I hadn’t been modeled that, I didn’t know how to give that to them. That was
something my coach gave to me, and it’s something that I hope to give to my clients of,
“Hey, how can I be more like my coach was when I’m dealing with this difficult situation,
be it with a child or a partner or a work situation or friends or whatever it is?” Just to recap
here. Number one is always my money and time and not getting the results I want either
because this person won’t deliver, or I just can’t trust myself to show up.
Now fear number two is actually just facing the fears. It is scary sometimes to say, “Wow,
I’m actually going to go, and I’m going to dig deeper and face whatever these fears are
that are inside of me. For a lot of clients, they realize I’m going to have to face some of the
crap that happened to me in my past and maybe even what’s happening to me in my
present, and that feels really scary. This is just basic human DNA. Our brain is wired to
avoid pain. It’s a basic survival mechanism.
Here’s the thing is that, yes, do we want to avoid being chased by a bear or a truck coming
at us 80 miles per hour, of course, we want that in our brain. That’s what keeps us alive,
but when it comes to emotional well-being, we don’t necessarily need that basic human
DNA of fight or flight survival mechanism, whatever you want to call it as much. If we’re
avoiding all these emotions all the time, which we naturally are, then we’re doing things
like distracting ourselves with alcohol or going out or shopping or scrolling our phones for
hours on end.
If you listen to the Distraction-Free Living episode, that was Episode 32. You know more of
what I’m talking about here, but we’re doing things instead of facing our emotions and our
fears, we’re instead just numbing out all the time, so that’s making us live a life that’s not
very fulfilling. Doesn’t feel very good, getting us in a lot of trouble sometimes either with
debt, with shopping, or our weight because we are eating or drinking too much or we’re in
relationships that are crappy. We just feel numb in general.
It’s really important that we learn how to face those fears, even as scary that feels and
uncomfortable as it feels. Again, this is something I still face today when I’m going in, and
I’m investing in myself especially with coaching. I’ve mentioned on recent previous
episodes that I recently invested in marital coaching, and I really did not want to invest in
that at all, but I was so tired of having the same fights over and over with my husband,
that the pain of those same fights finally outweighed the pain of. “Ugh, I know it’s going to
be painful to go and look at this crap.”
Two, I also know; I must admit the benefits of coaching and seeing the other side of that,
but it was still scary. I still did not want to do it. My body wanted to avoid it all the way,
but thank God I did that because now I’m on the other side of it. My husband and I are
connecting in such a better way. I’ve dealt with even more from my past that I didn’t even
know I needed to deal with. It’s just been such an amazing opportunity.
Now another mini fear and this bigger fear of facing our fears. That’s a mouthful. We fear
that we’re going to go back to those “hard places,” and somebody is just going to dig in
deep there and just examine it and then just leave us with these open wounds. I know I’ve
experienced this in therapy, for example, of, “Hey, let’s just go and examine this really hard
time.” And, “Oh, okay, we’re just going to leave it at that and move on.” Then I thought,
“What the heck. I just gave you this information, and now what am I going to do with it?” I
remember thinking in that moment of, “I’m never dealing with this crap again because it’s
so painful to go back here. Then I don’t even know how to flipping heal it. It feels worse,
and I don’t want to do that.”
Now luckily, I experienced the other side of that in coaching of, “Hey, let’s go there real
quick. Let’s pull it, and then here’s how we’re going to heal it.” Those are some of the
opportunities there is that you get to experience how to feel what it feels like on the other
side of healing that stuff and to finally heal that stuff. For so many years of my life and my
clients can attest to this too, it was the same memories we’re on repeat, the same
emotions we’re on repeat, the same thing over and over, day after day. Generalized
neuroscience research shows us too. 80% of our thoughts day after the day are the same
thing and something like, “Gosh, I think 70 or 80% too.” That’s negative thoughts that we
have. It’s just same crap every single day.
After I experienced coaching as a client, I didn’t replay those memories anymore. I didn’t
replay those same feelings anymore. I was living in a whole new way, and I didn’t even
know that I had been on repeat for so long. Then I could experience life in a different way
just because it felt like a part of me. It felt like, “Oh, I guess I’m just a moody person or I
guess I’m just never going to get over these things from my past or that’s just the way I am
that I feel sad and mad and whatever.” That’s just not true. I just did not know how to
process those emotions in the correct way. Again, that was something coaching gave me
by investing in myself.
Now another opportunity by facing your fears is to experience all your emotions, including
the high-level ones. I’ve mentioned this quote often on this podcast over and over again,
but it’s from Brené Brown. She says, “We can’t numb the darkness because we’re going to
numb the light in essence.” It was so true. By me numbing out my fears and my emotions, I
was numbing out the highest most beautiful parts of being a human being, including joy
and gratitude and peace. This is why a lot of times, I say, “I wish I could just give people a
pill and say, ‘Here’s a pill for a day. Go experience what life will be like when you’re done
coaching.'” Then they would come back, and it would be so easy to sign people up because
you don’t even realize what you’re missing out on until you have it.
It’s so funny I had a client call yesterday. We’re wrapping up coaching, and we started just
about a year ago. We had a break in there, so that’s why it took a little longer than the
average seven months. She’s like, “I just feel so different. My birthday is coming up, and I
used to dread my birthday and think, ‘Oh, another year where I’m not going toward what I
want and my goals.'” I said, “Well, how do you feel this year?” She’s like, “I just feel so
amazing. I can’t believe I can get so much done in a year. I just think, ‘Where am I going be
next year?'” She said, “It’s so interesting because coaching has helped me so much, but yet
I can’t really describe how it’s helped me.” I said, “Yes, right?”
This is the problem I face all the time. That’s why I always say, “I wish I could just give
people a pill and say, ‘Hey, here’s the results of it.'” It’s really hard to describe something
that you may have never experienced before. I can tell you when you’re on the other side
of facing your fears, you’re healing your past pain. Gosh, it feels so good. I wish that for
every single person. I will say again, it is scary to go in and face our fears. It is scary to
think, “Is this person really going to handle what I’m telling them and be able to heal me?”
That’s why again, with my own coaching process, when we’re going through certain weeks
in the course, I’ll start that week off in our videos and say, “Here’s typically how people
feel. It’s totally normal if you’re feeling this way, and here’s how you’re going to feel next
week and the week after that because it just gives people a peace of mind of “Okay, this is
normal.” It’s normal to feel a little bit off this week. It’s normal to feel this week because
otherwise, we just start making up these stories in our head. We think, “Oh my gosh, it’s
not working.” And all that stuff. I really try and create a peace of mind with people as
they’re going through it.
Two, I give them a lot of testimonials and results as we’re going through stuff. They even
get a pocket when they start working with me of success stories so that they’re reassured
of, “Okay, this woman knows what she’s doing. She’s going to take me to the right place.”
We’re going to get there. Because I know, for me again, I freak out. I think, “Oh my gosh. I
don’t want to go somewhere where you’re not going to pull me out of it.” I know how scary
that can be, but just know the other side is so beautiful.
One more thing I want to say there for an opportunity and this of facing your fears is it
also creates a deeper relationship with the coach. If you’re doing group coaching with
some of the other members of seeing them or having them here you have these moments
of things that you did in your past or that had happened to you and you’re met with love
and compassion. You just get a whole new level of unconditional love and compassion. It’s
just a really, really beautiful thing. There’s such a power in us sharing our stories and
saying things out loud to somebody else and being met with that love and compassion.
Like I said earlier, then we can start to show that love and compassion to ourselves versus
our inner voice is beating us up. Again, I had a client call last night and somebody hadn’t
talked to in a really long time. She has regressed a lot since we’ve worked together. She
has haven’t kept up with the work and things of that sort. We’re talking through
everything, and she’s going through where she’s at. I’m telling her just some different
advice for different things. We’re coaching through a couple different things.
As we’re getting off the call, she says, “I just feel so much better. I feel so much better just
hearing your reassurance and knowing that this is how I can pull myself out of it. It’s just
getting in my head so much that I just forgotten how to pull myself out and just hearing
your love and compassion and all that stuff just allowed me to see I can get through this
and get over this.”
Again, it’s so simple, but yet it’s so powerful to have somebody that can hold that space for
us and just pull us out of things and show us compassion. It’s just a really, really powerful
thing. Again, I don’t explain things very well. Some of these you have to experience it. I
could sit here and say all day long. If you’ve never had a piece of chocolate cake and say,
“Okay, well, you’re going to taste it. It’s going to da da da da. I wouldn’t explain it well
until you were able to taste it and experience what it’s like to have that kind of soft, fluffy
thing and blah-blah-blah. It’s the same with coaching. I’m really trying to explain it to you
well, but sometimes I just fall short. [chuckles]
That’s recapping fear number two, you’re facing your fears. The biggest opportunities in
that is you’re learning how to approach instead of avoid. You’re sharing your story, which is
so powerful, and you’re able to finally get on the other side of the emotional spectrum of
life and experience all the joy and the peace and the gratitude and the confidence that you
are likely seeking in your life. The last fear we’re going to talk about today– this is fear
number three. Is that someone is fearing that they’re going to get the results they want,
and then everything’s going to change, which seems so crazy because that’s in essence
what we’re wanting, but yet we fear it.
For a lot of people, they think, “What if coaching opens up this whole new world for me,
and it just shakes up things so much that– why marriage no longer works or this career
that I’ve spent so much time and money on just no longer fits or my family just gets so
mad at me because I’m not the same person or whatever.” I can so relate to this fear too
because I knew when I was going into coaching, I didn’t know quite what I was getting
myself into by being a client, but as we went into the first few weeks of it, I could feel that
“Oh, my gosh, I’m going to really change from this and I’m going to really shake up, even
more so some of the family patterns in my life.”
That’s scared me because I thought, “I’m going to be a person who is so positive and
peaceful and authentic.” That’s not really anything close to what my family is like. Am I
going to be able to relate to them? Am I going to be accepted and loved by them storm? I
really feared not having relationships specifically with my mom. Even though our
relationship has always had its ups and downs. There were times when I really didn’t want
to have a relationship with her and even friends of mine would say, “Why do you have a
relationship with her because she just criticizes you and all this other stuff?” I still didn’t
want to let that go. I thought, “Am I going to change so much that there’s going to be no
choice and that I won’t be loved and accepted anymore?”
I must admit, even when I invested in marriage coaching here recently, I thought, “What if
we get into this and it just becomes apparent that my husband and I aren’t a good fit?” I
thought, “Maybe we should just not invest in this, and we can just be mediocrely happy in
our marriage versus what I’m envisioning that we can be, which is blissfully happy and
show what’s possible for other couples and be that top 1% of what marriages look like.” I
thought, “What if we get in there, and it just becomes, “Oh my gosh, you guys are horrible
for each other.” [chuckles] I will say in every single instance in my life and all the clients
that I’ve coached, which at this point have been over 100 of clients, I’ve never had people
have close loved ones who didn’t step up and meet the challenge.
Now, of course, it was uncomfortable as that person grew. They likely had to set
boundaries along the way. Then that person that was receiving those boundaries
sometimes would get mad and upset about it, but what typically happens is then that
person says, “Okay,” and this is very unconscious by the way that this person is doing that.
They’re like, “Okay, I can’t treat that person that way anymore. I can’t do that anymore.”
They just step up to the plate.
In the relationship with my mom, there were times when I just said, “Hey, I can’t tolerate
you yelling at me anymore. I can’t tolerate this behavior.” I would change the topic if she
brought something up. She just learned in time again, very unconsciously, I think of, “Hey, I
can’t yell at Lindsay anymore. If I talk about XYZ, Lindsay changes the topic, or she pulls
away or whatever that is.”
Now our relationship is so much better. Is it perfect? No, it’s not perfect, but it’s a lot
better. Same with me and my husband, we got into that marriage coaching, and did it
shake things up and make things funky? Yes. Is it still a little funky at times as we’re still
readjusting from all that coaching from– We just wrapped like a few weeks ago, so we’re
still trying to put it all together, but we both stepped up to the plate in a lot of ways. It’s
been so good for us, and I see this with my clients time and time again.
So many times, I’ll have clients that say “My relationship is toxic.” Or “My job is toxic.”
Then as we work together, they see, “Hey, it’s not actually that toxic. It was just that I was
seeing it in a toxic way.” Now that’s not always the case, especially when the job situation.
I have a client right now who’s very adamant. Her job is still toxic. She needs to get out of
there. Going back to the fear of, “You’re going to get it all, and things are going to change.”
Most times, people step up to the plate, and most times it’s not as bad as you think it’s
going to be. I think for a lot of women, especially ones that I’ve had consults with lately or
that I’ve even coached, they fear it’s going to impact their marriage if they start standing
up for themselves more.
This is a very legitimate fear for a lot of women, especially in this day and age of where
women are becoming more empowered, and they likely got married before they felt
empowered. It’s changing the dynamic and the marriage to say, “Hey I’m going to sign up
for this coaching, even if the spouse is maybe just a little bit supportive of it. They may be
like, “Well, you can do that, but I don’t know about this investment thing.” The woman
really fears that of, “What if I get into it, and then I’d prove them right. It was a bad
investment, or I prove that we’re not meant to be together.”
I just want to let you know again, most times, it’s that you step up to the plate and handle
yourself in his or her way and the other person does. That fear is likely just way overblown
in your head. To tap on something else, like a little mini fear within this having it all fear.
There’s a part of us for many of us, for many of us at least, that we do fear having it all. We
think, “Oh my gosh, are people going to relate to me If I have it all? Or “When am I going
to be able to work towards after I have it all.” I’m starting to even get to this phase of my
life now where I think, “I’ve created everything that I want. Now, it’s just rinse and repeat.”
Like, “Ugh, man, that’s boring.”
I find myself sometimes even creating problems [laughs] just because I get a little bored.
It’s something very legitimate of– Again, if we have it all, are we’re going to be relatable
and all of that stuff? It’s just people rise to the occasion, you grow, life evolves and
changes. It’s never as bad as we think it’s going to be. We just create all of these crazy
fears in our heads, and I really think the big core fear of this fear that we’re going to have
at all, or we’re going to get everything that we want, it’s just the unknown, and of course,
we’re going to fear the unknown. The brain wants to keep us safe, so if we don’t know
where we’re going, that feels unsafe.
That’s why two of you are working with me. I’m really trying to paint the picture. We’re
trying to make fast, but gradual changes at the same time toward what they’re wanting so
that the brain doesn’t freak out too much, and it’s a really delicate dance that I’m doing
behind the scenes as a coach. It’s not again, as scary as you think it is. It’s so powerful to
step on the other side of that and get done with coaching and start to have what you want
and see it wasn’t that scary. Then you realize too, “I can do this. I can continue to make
these investments on myself.” Many times those investments, the ROI comes back tenfold,
a hundredfold, a millionfold, and so you’re able to just see, “Wow, when I do make these
investments in myself, it can really have an amazing payback.”
Two, to see how you’re breaking family patterns, especially if you’re a parent of, “Wow,
now my kids aren’t going to have to suffer with this because I’m modeling what It’s like to
be a mom who’s not moody or a mom who’s present or a mom who deeply loves their
husband or a mom who’s going after her dreams.” That’s one of the things too when I have
these women who come to me who aren’t yet moms. They think, “Do I really need
coaching? I’m not sure the pain point is not there.” What happens is after you become a
mom, kids just bring out our pain points even more, and we start to see, even more, some
of the suffering too that we’ve held behind the scenes.
What’s unfortunate is that then it becomes such a need that we need coaching, but yet
we’re a mom, so we have more on our plate. That’s why I’m really trying to tap into and
motivate women who aren’t yet moms to do coaching. Because then when you become a
mom, it’s a way easier transition because you know who you are. You know how to manage
your emotions, even when you’re sleep-deprived, and your husband’s driving you crazy or
whatever It is. It’s just so much better versus being later in life, and you’ve had a couple of
years with your child.
I got off a client call yesterday. I have a lot of client calls on Mondays, so I’m recording this
on Tuesday. My client said, “I just don’t want to yell anymore at my child, and I’ve been
able to do that by coaching with you. I don’t yell anymore, so now it’s at a point where I
need to teach him not to yell anymore.” We talked through and coached through how to do
that. I just thought, “Man, I wish I could have more clients who weren’t yet moms so that
their child never had to experienced that.”
If you’re somebody who’s listening who is already a mom, maybe you’re even working with
me and you’re starting to feel shame around that, just know that I was in your boat, my
friend. I was in your boat when I invested in coaching. My daughter was three. I had
already done the yelling stuff. I had already done things that wasn’t good, and I still make
mistakes. There are still times that I don’t show up as the best mom, but I know how to
walk myself out of that with grace and connection still versus being myself up and making
things worse.
Anyways, it’s just so many amazing benefits of someone working on themselves. I hate
seeing when women shy away from it because I just think, “Oh, there’s such an opportunity
there.” I think about when I first invested in coaching in 2013, I had just come out of
divorce. I didn’t have a job yet; I had a $2000 that I had saved either from alimony or from
just selling stuff around my house, to be honest.
When I invested in coaching those few thousand dollars, it was so scary, but I’m so glad I
did it. At the time, I didn’t really think I needed coaching that much. I really thought, “Okay,
I’m going to invest in coaching because this could be a career possibility for me given my
psychology background and what people are telling me.” That’s how I justified the
expense, but the reality was that I needed coaching so badly. I had so many relationship
patterns that needed to be changed, but yet I blamed it on, “Oh, I’ve just met the bad
guys.”
I had so many ups and downs in my emotions that I just blamed on hormones. I had such a
lack of focus in my life. I was all over the place, but I just blamed it on youth. I wasn’t
showing up as a mother. I wanted it to be, but I blamed it on just being a new mom, and it
was just such a bunch of lies when the reality was just I really needed to learn how to
handle my past pain. I didn’t even realize how bad the past pain was because I thought I’d
had a pretty good childhood.
Was it a little funky? Absolutely, and I hear this from so many women, so many times.
They’ll say, “I had a good childhood. Oh, but my dad was in jail.” “Oh, but my mom was an
alcoholic.” Whatever; I’m like, “Whoa.” [chuckles] It may have been good, but there’s still
some stuff to clean up there my friend, and I was the same way. I was like, “Oh, I had a
good childhood.” “Oh, my mom was verbally abusive. My dad was pretty emotionally
absent.” The reality is just I really need a lot of healing around that.
All those external things I was blaming were just not true. It was all within me of things
that I needed to deal with, and I’m so glad I made that investment for myself. I’m glad, of
course, coaching allowed me to find the profession I needed to, but had I gone into
coaching and realized coaching wasn’t for me, professionally, I still would say, “It was the
best investment in my life.” Even when I invest in other coaches, I still walk out of that
saying, “Man, that was an amazing investment.” It just changes the game. It changes the
trajectory of your entire life. There is no better way to get really great results than
investing in yourself. Of course, I am biased here, but I just think there’s so much
opportunity with that.
Hopefully, today, I tapped into some of your fears that you may be having around coaching
or investing in yourself, in general, and you’re able to see the opportunities of that to calm
that inner mind. If you happen to have any other fears that maybe I didn’t address on this,
feel free to reach out to me. You can e-mail me, Lindsay. [email protected]. I do have a free community that you can reach out to me on. The
link is in the show notes as well as in the outro of this podcast. I’d love to have you over
there.
Please, reach out, address those fears because otherwise, if we don’t address our fears,
they just eat away with us and typically in the unconscious where we don’t even realize
what we’re feeling. Then all of a sudden, we’re at a place in life where we’re just
miserable, and we were suffering for far longer than we needed to. I invested in coaching
when I was in my late 20s, and I already had some things I need to clean up in life. I had a
divorce, and I didn’t have a career that was in the right direction and things of that sort.
A mission of mine is to encounter more and more women who haven’t had shit hit the fan
in essence yet so that they can have an amazing life from the get-go. Now, of course, I will
help you clean up your shit all day long my friend if you have that, but I just really want
you to see some of the value of investing in yourself earlier on in life. If that’s you, feel
free to reach out to me again too. If you think coaching may be right for you and you
haven’t gone through taking the free coaching assessment, listen to the link in the outro of
this podcast, or find it in the show notes. I’d love to see if we’re a good fit, and then
possibly get on a consult call and talk about next episode coaching. Thank you so much for
joining me today, and I can’t wait to see you next time.
[music]
Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.
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