“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.” – Barry Switzer

Do you ever feel like others seem to be achieving more in life with more ease?  

I used to feel this way ALL the time.

I grew up in an environment where many of the kids around me seemed to just thrive with ease.  They showed up to school, got good grades, they dated with ease, they seemed sure of themselves, they were put together, kind, and just all-around “great.”

I watched them closely as I grew up.  I wanted to be them SO bad.  But, I struggled often with my confidence, who I dated, and I worked HARD for the somewhat decent grades I got.

I thought for sure something was wrong with me that I couldn’t rock life as easily as they did.

Then, almost a decade later I was introduced to life coaching and I started to achieve like the kids I watched years ago.  I felt great too!  I wasn’t hustling for the next accolade, I just made it happen.

Although it was great to achieve in my present and future, I couldn’t come to peace with how I didn’t achieve and look like the “golden” kids did years ago. 

Then, I watched a documentary about poverty that got my mind spinning about the setbacks and opportunities each of us face in life based on what kind of family we’re born into.

Since the day of watching that movie, my mind has slowly but surely been putting together a concept I’m calling, “The Base Theory.” 

“The Base Theory” is a theory that shows you EXACTLY why you haven’t achieved life as your “best self” yet.  It clearly reveals why you feel stuck in certain areas of your life and what you need to do in order to break those barriers to accomplish all and more that you want.

Learning about “The Base Theory” will also allow you to start coming to terms with your past.  You’ll start to understand clearly why the other kids created more than you did.  

Get ready for a healing & eye-opening experience today.  Listen to this episode via the link at the top of this page.

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Full Transcript

This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 75, The
Base Theory.

[music]

Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.

[music]

Hi there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks for tuning in to this episode. This episode has been one
I have had planned for years. Yes, years. I think maybe five years, I’ve had this note chalk
on my phone called the base theory and I’ve been putting information on this note to put
together this theory that I have about life. [laughs] I’m excited to share with you today. It’s
like I’m breathing this baby into the world a little bit by sharing this and a part of me
thinks, “Oop, I don’t know, I don’t know if the baby needs to cook longer. Maybe it’s a little
premature,” but a part of me is like, “No, just put it out there and see how it resonates with
people and see how it opens up.”

So many new doors for them and new awareness for them because I know for me, as I’ve
put this theory together, it has been so extremely eye-opening about just some different
things in life about why I felt the way that I feel and why some people succeed more than
others. It shows possible patterns of behavior and yourself and others that you may not
even realize. Again, listen today with an open mind as always, and just start to really take
in everything that I say today of, “Okay, how does this apply to me? How could this help
me?”

Because no matter what, you should always go into everything with that thought of, “Okay,
I’m going to take the negative wisdom from this and apply to my life and grow from this,”
but especially from today’s because I’m going to talk about just some general concepts.
Some of them may go over your head right now and some of them may seem like, “Duh,
doesn’t everybody know that,” and some of them may really hit home. Again, just listen
intently to today’s episode and really see what strikes you. Okay, so let’s talk about what
this whole base theory thing is.

Many years ago, I was just sitting there passively watching a documentary on Netflix. I
don’t even remember which one it was. I want to say it was called A Path Appears, but I’m
not quite sure. I’m watching this documentary, and they’re just talking about poverty and
really, poverty isn’t necessarily about the amount of money that you have but it’s about
your belief system and about having hope, especially and people who are truly in poverty
are the ones who don’t have hope. What’s so funny is that there is an assessment out there
called the VIA. The VIA, that’s spelled V-I-A, and it tests your character strengths.

I’ve talked about often an assessment called Clifton strengths, attach it to that test more of
your natural talents. This one is your character strengths. On the VIA, my number one
character strength is hope, and providing hope to other people and just again, showing
them there’s light at the end of the tunnel no matter where they are, right? I just found
that so interesting because most of my life, I have felt really rich, even when I haven’t had
a lot of money because I’ve realized from watching these documentaries that I’ve always
had hope. I’ve always known that there’s something better for me out there and I can’t
even imagine not having hope.

My mind just started spinning of, “Okay, there is something out there that is keeping
people stuck.” Yes, we could look at it from a whole perspective but it’s really something
deeper than that. I started thinking about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. If you don’t know
what that is, it’s pretty popular out there in the psychology world. Some people say it’s a
load of crap. Other people love it. I’m personally somebody who finds a lot of value from
Maslow’s triangle. If you’ve never seen it, again, the image is going to be on the show
notes but I’ll just describe it to you here.

Basically, it’s a triangle. I believe it’s called an equilateral triangle. There’s one point up
top, and then two points on the side and on the triangle, they have split different sections
up inside of it to show different levels in essence. The very bottom level of Maslow’s
triangle, it talks about the basic human needs, which is we need to be able to breathe, to
eat and have homeostasis, excretion, and even just have sex and be able to sleep. If we
don’t have those basic needs in our life, then that’s what we’re going to be wanting every
single day of our life.

We’re going to be waking up saying, “Okay, I need a meal today. Okay, I need to figure out
how I’m going to breathe today.” Think about people who are in the hospital just trying to
stay alive, right? They’re not thinking about, “Hey, how am I going to rock my business
schools?” Most of them are thinking, “Wow, I just want to get through this really hard
time.” Again, if you’re in a place where you’re just trying to get food on the table, you just
need sleep, you just want to be able to breathe and then do basic bodily functions and in
some sense of the term, have some sexual activity. Then that’s likely where you’re going to
be focusing on but for most of us, we have more than that.

The next level in that triangle is safety and security. In this level, it talks about that we
want to be able to have safety and security. We want to be able to have employment, and
feel safe in our surroundings and have a house that we go to, and possibly have our basic
health and our family. Just like people that we feel safe with. Again, if you’re in a place
where you’re really worried about paying the bills, or maybe you’re homeless, maybe you
have food, so you have that basic need, but you just don’t have a home, or maybe you go
home and there’s abuse there, maybe you just don’t have a lot of resources, or your body
health is fluctuating a lot.

Like maybe you can breathe and stuff easily but other than that you have a lot of health
problems. You may be in the safety and security level. That’s where you’re going to be
focused on day-in and day-out most of the time until you’re able to have those things in
your life. Then the next level of the triangle is called love and belonging. This talks about
having love and belonging in your life, having friendship and family, and then not just sex,
but sexual intimacy, of being able to, again, feel safe with somebody and seen and loved
by them.

The reason I’m sharing all this with you as I promise it has a point and I promise it really
makes a big deal because again, it can show you some of the patterns in your life and
where you could be stuck. I’m going to pair this here in a minute with the base theory and
how I’ve taken this and put it in regards to bases. Okay, so stay with me. All right. Again,
we’re going through Maslow’s triangle, we’ve talked about how it’s this triangle and at the
very bottom level they’ve broken it up into three sections. The first is you got to have
those basic human needs and next is safety and security, then we’ve got love and
belonging, right?

Then if you don’t have love and belonging in your life, you don’t feel like you have your
tribe, what we used to have back in the day or people, then you’re really focused on that of
like, “Oh, I want love and belonging in my life.” If you come from a family or just a group of
people where you feel a lot of love, especially unconditional love, then you’re able to go to
the next level, and you’re able to have it seen. At this level, you’re going to be focusing on
achievements and feeling more confident, and gaining respect in your world.

Most people that I encounter, they are stuck in love and belonging. They grew up in a
house where their parents loved them enough, but maybe they weren’t fully present.
Maybe a parent or both of parents were emotionally abusive, maybe slightly physical
abusive at times that’s kind of on the extreme, though. It’s just the parents weren’t fully
present. A client of mine and I’m putting myself in this too because I was the same way.
Just didn’t feel a lot of love.

Again, they show up at school and they’re just coming to school, needy, like, “Oh, I just
really want my friends and I really want this boy to like me. If this boy likes me, then I feel
better about myself and if he breaks up with me, then I feel horrible.” There tends to be a
lot of drama around people who are stuck on this level. What happens is if we’re not able
to grow out of these patterns, that’s what they create in their adult life is they’re just really
needy. They have unhealthy adult relationships with a partner or partners, and it’s just like
there’s always some personal drama going on, even at work too.

It’s just like, “Man, my boss is a jerk and my coworkers are weird,” because what happens is
when we don’t heal our love and belonging, family drama, especially we recreate that in
our work life. It’s always just like, “Oh, my boss reminds me so much of my mom or my dad
or my coworkers are very catty like my siblings,” or whatever. It’s like yes, because you’ve
totally recreated that in your world because who we are is what we create. What we
believe about the world is what we start to see.

Again, for most people that I encounter in my coaching, they are in love and belonging.
Now, some of them, and I would say a good portion of them, especially the clients I’ve
been having more recently, they have done therapy work in the past to heal love and
belonging issues. They knew they had a funky relationship pattern. They knew that their
childhood needed some cleaning up, so they went to therapy for that, and it helped them
enough to be able to get them to this team level.

Again, I said esteem is where the office level, where they’re focused on achievement and
feeling more confident and respect and putting themselves out there more and going after
promotions and maybe growing their business or whatever. Think about where you may be
and on this, because again, most fall between that level of belonging in a team, but there’s
actually one level beyond that and it’s called self-actualization and you may have heard
this term.

It has become more well-known in the past few years of, “Oh, this whole self-actualization
thing, “while they say something only 2% of the population and we haven’t seen a stat of
only .01% of the population actually gets to this place who knows where they get the stat
from, by the way. It’s very rare most just put it at that, that somebody gets to selfactualization.

These are the people that, again, they have their basic human needs met. They feel
extremely safe and secure. They feel like they have a ton of love and belonging. They feel
like they have achieved in their life. They feel competent, respected and then they get to
this place where they are just able to be creative and they’re highly productive. They feel a
lack of judgment. They don’t care what other people think of them, and they just deeply
love and accept themselves and they accept the world as it is. They’re able to just
unconditionally love people. If they’re not able to unconditionally love, then they go in and
they do the work to get back to that place.

In my coaching practice where I’m trying to guide everybody to and where everybody
innately is guiding themselves and wanting from coaching where they want to go is to
self-actualization. Now, some of them are like, “Man, I just want to be able to achieve,”
let’s say, “I just want to make some more money or I just want to quit having so much
drama in my head or with my loved ones.”

We absolutely do that stuff in coaching too, but the idea is that I’m getting them all the
way to self-actualization, might not happen in the first nine months of us coaching the
other, like in my standard coaching process, but the tools that I teach them and especially
if they decide to do ongoing coaching with me to keep up with everything that they’ve
learned from me, then the idea is that we’re getting them to self-actualization and the
goals will naturally change in time for them to get there. I have some newer clients right
now, again, really working on, I just want to make more money goals or having to clean up
some of my mind drama, Lindsay, or I want to meet my ideal guy or gal.

We’re at that level of belonging a esteem place. Then I have clients that I’ve had for years
now and myself included in this mix where it’s like, we’re in a esteem and how we want to
grow our business or grow in our professional world, but we also are at a place where we
are very creative. We’re highly productive. We just don’t really care what other people
think about us as much. We accept ourselves and we know what to do when we’re not
accepting ourselves or others. We’re at this place where it’s between esteem and selfactualization. Let me tell you it’s a really cool place to be.

Start to think about where are you in the hierarchy of needs. Now, when it comes to this
base theory that I’ve put together, here’s how I’ve taken that and put it in my world, of this
new theory I’ve come up with. The base theory is based on baseball bases. When you see a
baseball diamond, you have home plate first, second, and third and then after you go to
the third and you run to third, if you’re a baseball player, then you’re going to come in back
to home and score. When I started again to think about this documentary, I was watching
and about poverty and how people have different opportunities and it’s based on hope and
I started thinking about Maslow.

I started just hanging all these other things that I’ll tell you about in a minute, this is my
zone of genius, by the way, is I’m able to take very complex things and I start to see
patterns with it and I start to put together patterns. I do this with my clients when they
start telling me things, especially if we’ve worked together for a couple of months, at least
they’ll start saying a problem in their life and my brain will automatically start going back
to stories that they’ve told me, especially from their past, I’m like, “You know what you’re
doing today is because of the pattern that was created as a child,” and dah, dah, dah, dah,
dah. They’re like, “Oh my gosh, that’s crazy.” I’m like, “Yes.”

That’s so cool. Anyways, so what I’ve done here is I have taken Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
and I’ve put it in regards to bases on this baseball diamond. When I’m working with clients,
I’m asking them when we were going over their memories and this happens on the second
session that we have together. I asked them, “What was it like when you were born?” I’m
really trying to get the story of what were you born into and the reason why is I’m trying to
figure out what base were you born on. Because whereas families can grow and change
throughout the 20 something years-ish that you’re at home with your family, Many times
the base that you’re born on is the base that you stay at for a while, unless you start to
learn your thought patterns and you start to learn what your needs are and how to change
that.

I’ll get more into that in a minute. I believe we’re all born on a certain base. Again, until
we know what that base is and the problems of that base, it’s really hard for us to be able
to move on and get to another base. If we’re looking at home plate, as I said, you’re just
getting up and getting ready to bat, these are the people in life who stay stuck on this
home plate are the ones who are just trying to stay alive.

They’re the ones that are born into being homeless. They may be the ones born into a lot
of health problems and they’re just constantly in the hospital or just, again, one health
problem after another. From birth, they’re in this place where they’re just stuck on home
plate and it’s like, they’re seeing these other people move around the bases around them,
and they’re just they may not even notice it because they’re just so consumed with trying
to stay alive. They don’t even realize maybe that a baseball game is going on and that they
could even move bases because again, they’re just so focused on staying alive.

Now there are other people who are born on first base and this goes back to Maslow’s
triangle of safety and security. These people in this base, again, they’re just wanting a
consistent home life. They want to make sure their parents are going to be able to pay the
bills. They want to make sure that their family is going to have money for tomorrow. A lot
of times when people are born on first base, they’re in a family with a lot of financial
drama.

There may even be some health drama in there like a parent gets really sick or they get
sick from time to time, but not where they’re in the hospital all the time. Maybe they just
move around a lot and their parents just can’t keep a job kind of thing. These people tend
to be on first base. Again, they may start to see that other people are moving bases, but
they may not notice as much that a baseball game is going on and that they can run bases
because there’s just so much drama going on on first base. Occasionally, it depends on so
many factors and I want you to take that in today. I’m very much generalizing everything
I’m telling you here because I’m going to give you some stories here of how people have
been able to run bases and why they’ve been able to run bases. If you’re on first base, but
say you grew up in a neighborhood where most people are on second base or second or
third base, you’re going to start to realize of like, “Hmm, there is a world out there for me
beyond what I deal with at home all day likely every day.”

Then you’re starting to see a different world outside of yourself, versus if you’re on first
base in your home life and you go outside of your home to go to school or whatever, and
everybody else in there is on first base. Everybody, they’re really struggling financially,
maybe it’s like people are moving around all the time. This tends to be the case sometimes
too, with even military families, because just so much changes happening in their world
and especially if they have their parent who’s in the military, they go overseas even if
they’re going to war. That can be a very scary for some children.

That’s another point I want to make here is just because your family life was maybe
deemed on paper as like, “Wow, they moved around a lot or they have a lot of financial
problems,” it’s not necessarily about what was happening on paper or how much money
somebody had in their bank account. It’s about the story of the person that it was
happening to and how they interpreted it. Again, I’ll go deeper into this in a minute, but it’s
so interesting to me when I see kids who grew up in the exact same environment and yet
one of them really took in the “trauma” of not having a stable home environment and to
another kid in that same home, it was like no big deal.

It was like, I was totally oblivious to it, or I didn’t think that much of it, and I was really just
thinking about da, da, da. Again, it’s not about what the facts were on paper, but it was the
thoughts and the stories are created in somebody’s mind that kept them on a certain base.
I promise this is getting to more ahas for you. I know I’m taking a long time to explain all
of this, but, it’s so worth it. We just talked about first base, where you’re on safety and
security.

Well, some people then are born on second base. Second base people, this is the love and
belonging base. They are born into a family where a parent or both parents are able to
keep steady jobs. There’s always food on the table. You don’t really hear about money. It’s
not necessarily that they’re wealthy. There’s just a ton of safety and stability there, but
there may not be a lot of love and belonging. The parents may be a little bit cold. They
may be emotionally distant. They may be emotionally abusive here and there. This is again
where most people end up is on first base or second base.

Some people they run the bases between the two it’s like, “Oh my dad could really keep a
job at some times. When he did, then it was like, he was just so much happier and I was
able to get some love from him, but then he would lose his job again and then we would
have to move,” or whatever. Again, it’s not like you’re stuck on one base and you just stay
there. There can be opportunities for you to run bases, but it’s very rare for somebody who
was born on first base in life or any base really to then be able to go around the bases
quickly and just be able to hit a home run.

I’m like, “Oh man, there was something wrong with me or I was weird or I was different
and all of this,” and the reality is, is that was so not true at all. It was that they just were
born on a different base. They just had their brain focused on different needs and it was
hard for them to be able to compete with the kids who are born on second base or third
base or whatever. When they’re just on first base trying to make sure that they got food on
the table.

You follow me here, is that we’ve got the first base, we’ve got the second base where these
people are love and belonging, where it’s just like, “Man, I just want to make sure that I’m
loved and accepted as I am.” Then after that, there’s third base and third base is going back
to the Maslow’s triangle is the esteem category. These kids, they know they’re loved. They
never really have to hear about money. It’s not, again, like they’re super-wealthy. It’s just,
everything’s super secure and stable for them and they’re just showing up most times,
every day at school or an activities or with other people, as just their best self, pretty
naturally.

Sure, they’ve got their setbacks here and there, but for the most part, they just wake up
and think, “How can I achieve today? How can I go out and be myself and I just have this
general sense that most people like me or love me. I feel very strong in the world, I feel
very safe in the world,” and so then they just rocketed. These are the kids likely in school
that you looked up to, these are the kids that, Glennon Doyle in her latest book Untamed,
she calls them the goldens, being golden. I love that term. It’s so true.

These are the kids in my high school that I really looked up to. They were smart. They
achieved really well. They were just put together. They were fashionable. They just looked
well-loved. Yes, they were kind to people. They weren’t always kind because they knew
that they were golden and so sometimes they were a little teenager ish about it at times
judging and stuff, but yes the rest of us, especially those of us on second base.

Because I believe I was born on second base was always just like, “Man, how can I be like
them? Why is it I can’t achieve like them? Why is it so much harder for me? Why is it that
they just make this whole thing look so easy, this whole life thing, and yet here I am just
really wanting somebody to pay attention to me and to love me and to make me feel
accepted.” There would be times that I would feel that love and acceptance and I would
get to run the bases and I would be on second and something would happen. Maybe I had
a really great group of core friends or there were certain years I remember, especially in
elementary school where I had an amazing teacher who just loved on me. In essence, I was
even like the teacher’s pet, her favorite, and those years, I thrived in school. I would get
awards and yes, I would just do so many amazing things in those years because I felt so
much love from my teacher or my classmates or whatever. On the years, when I didn’t get
along with a teacher, it really impacted me. I was just constantly showing up at school like,
“Oh, do I fit in? Am I loved? Can I be accepted?”

I just felt really self-conscious and all those things, and so then my grades would suffer
and I wouldn’t be able to put myself out there as much. Why am I sharing all of this with
you? It goes back again to what I said at the beginning of this podcast is I know for me, as
I started to put this whole idea together, it opened up so much awareness for me because I
was one of those kids as I said, it was like, I was just constantly looking at third base and
looking at those kids and thinking, what is it they have that I don’t. I created such a story
about that in my brain that I was weird and different than there was something wrong with
me.

It’s so interesting because just in the past week or so, I had committed that I was going to
finally put this episode out in the world, and my high school graduating class put together
a Facebook group because we’re coming up on our 20-year reunion here. I just, I opened
those doors again to how I felt in high school. I hadn’t seen so many of these people and
almost 20 years and it brought back a flood of memories, including some of them have
posted photos, some photos I had never seen before.

I remember being awkward during those years, especially the middle school years. I just
thought in my brain like, “Okay, everybody’s awkward in their middle school year, Lindsay,
and maybe this is just an exaggerated story you’ve created in your head.” In essence,
maybe a marketing tactic to be like, “Look, yes, I was so awkward in school and now look
at me now.” The reality of us when I saw those pictures, I went back to that place of, “Oh
my gosh, here’s Lindsay at this age,” and I felt the feelings of that girl. I saw her body
language and I saw how she was standing by herself and how awkward she was.

I was like, “I was way more awkward and way more self-conscious than I have ever
consciously remembered.” It just took me back of, “Wow. It was actually even worse than I
thought,” and how much I had to overcome it felt like every day because I grew up in an
environment for the most part where most of the kids were on third base. I just constantly
thought of, “What is wrong with me? Why can I not just be myself like they can?” It was
because I went home and I didn’t get a lot of love and I didn’t get a lot of care and
teachings and trainings, and even just like physical touch and stuff.

I’m not saying my parents were horrible, they were great. If we look at their background,
they didn’t get that either. In essence, my parents were a base runner. Both of them were
born on first base and a lot of ways, and they busted their butt to give us safety and
security in our lives. We never had to think about money or worry about money. I felt
extremely safe and secure in my world and I still do to this day and I’m so grateful for that,
that they gave me that, but they didn’t know how to give me love and belonging.

Again, it was just like this huge story I created. The reality was is that I just, I wasn’t born
on third base. We talk about this a lot with privilege lately of recognizing privilege and
people who come out and say, “Look at how success life bad,” but they don’t realize that
they were born on third base is a term that I’ve heard. That again, fed into the base theory
thing. They hit this home run, which I consider a home run self-actualization.

I believe that nobody can hit a home run without doing some sort of personal
development work because our brain is just not wired for it. Unless we were modeled
intentionally by people we grew up with, or maybe we have a mentor at some point, or like
I said, a coach that will teach us these things, I just don’t believe anybody can hit a home
run unless, they know how to train their brain to get there. Again, that’s that selfactualization place. I mentioned earlier, it is something like only 2% or less of the
population get there.

That’s because I would guess that’s the amount of people who do the kind of work like
coaching. They can read books and maybe they get little tidbits here and there, and maybe
they go to conferences here and there, but I just believe that unless you have somebody
that’s holding your hand and guiding you and teaching you like a mentor or a coach or a
teacher would to get you to that self-actualization place, I just believe you won’t get there
unless somebody teaches you.

Again, I go back to, I think of another story of when my coaching business was just a few
years old. I started my coaching business in 2014. I think this was like 2015, 2016. Those
of you who are on in the online space, you may know of Jenna Kutcher. I remember when
she hit the scene, at least in my world, when I became aware of her, when I first came
across her, I was like, here is this girl and she’s in her 20s. She’s a lot younger than me and
that she just comes out here and it looks so natural for her to just be so authentic and yet
she’s so strategic and the way she’s authentic and people were just buying up her stuff left
and right.

Before my eyes, she turned into this millionaire and I just remember myself being so
envious of her. Again, thinking like, “How does she make this so easy? What does she have
that I don’t? Why can’t I just go out there and put myself out there like she does, and look
how young she is and she’s achieving this success before I am.” When I started putting
together this base theory, I was like, “Ah, I get it now.” Jenna was born on third base. It’s
very easy for Jenna to achieve and it’s very easy and I say easy in a term, like, of course,
Jenna has her setbacks.

It’s easier for her than somebody born on second base per se, to be able to go out and do
that stuff. Again, I was like, “Wow, Lindsay, okay, see, so all you’ve got to do is just
continue to work on these love and belonging “issues” so that you can be firmly planted
on third base and be able to achieve and to be able to go after what you want and to be
able to have a esteem and confidence. It really allowed me to focus in on where my work
was.

Again, I do this with clients as I have them take an assessment called a needs assessment.
This is an assessment that was developed by two people. Tony Robbins is one of them.
Many of I’m not a huge Tony Robbins fan, but he has some good stuff out there including
this assessment. He had developed this assessment with somebody and I believe you
pronounce her name, Cloe Madanes, but they came up with this six human needs
assessment. On that assessment, it basically assessing what are the biggest needs that
you’re needing in your life right now.

The first two are certainty, so basically, you just having basic certainty in your life and you
really like having that. The flip of that is uncertainty. I believe that the people who test the
highest for certainty and uncertainty are the ones who were probably born on first base.
They’re the ones that just did not have a lot of stability in their life. Maybe, again, lots of
money issues here and there, and so they just are really wanting to have that safety and
security under their belt.

You may ask, “Lindsay, okay, well, I get why the stability people or the certainty people
would be on first base for safety and security, but why would the uncertainty people?” My
belief is that sometimes when we have an environment that is so unstable, we then
continue to manifest that because the instability of it feels like home to us, and so we just
constantly want change and things to change around us so that we can fill that familiar
feeling of having a lack of security almost.

Again, I’m totally generalizing here, my friend, I don’t want to be like, “Well, Lindsay, this
was wrong with their theory,” and this is why this is just a theory my friend. It’s not perfect.
It’s just something for you to think about and think, “Hmm, how could this relate to me?”
Now those who test on the human needs assessment as love and connection as that’s their
basic need, I believe then that they are either born on second base or they’re still stuck on
second base and we’ve got to get them then to third base.

If the human need assessment comes back and they’re showing that growth, or maybe
even significance, because significance is like, “Oh, I was just willing to feel really
significant in the world.” Significance to me as like somebody who might be a base runner.
It’s like between second and third, it’s like, “Oh, I need a little love and belonging with
feeling really good about myself and I really want to achieve in the process.” Then the
next one is growth. If somebody comes back with a human needs and they have growth as
one of their top needs, I’m like, “Okay, this is somebody who is on third base.

Then if somebody comes back with the human needs of, they have a contribution, that to
me is showing that they’re in third base and they’re round and around the corner and
they’re about to hit home plate. Again, this isn’t perfect. In a baseball game, sometimes
you run to a plate and then it’s like, “Hey, you got to go back to the other plate, buddy.
You’re not ready for this plate yet.” It’s not like you’re just on one base and you stay there.
It’s that you have opportunities sometimes to move up, maybe move up a little bit then
something happens in your world and you have new things that you need to clean up in
your mindset and may take you back to another plate.

For example, right now, I’m on third base rounding around to fourth. My top needs are
growth and contribution and that’s because I have a lot of safety and stability in my world
and I have a lot of love and belonging and all that stuff. I do wonder sometimes it’s like, if
something really big rocked my world, like my husband and I got a divorce or I had an
unexpected death, would I move back on one of the bases or is it that my mindset is so
strong now and I have the tools to keep my mindset strong, that I’m just now permanently
on third base, moving to home now?

Again, we don’t know until it happens. I talked a lot with my clients about when we’re
growing sometimes this new level, new devil, and sometimes I will get a client to third
base and then something big will happen in their relationship. Maybe then they’ve got
some mindset things come up for them. Some things we need to feel, deal and heal, and
maybe they move back a little bit to second base, but then we know enough about their
mindset. They’ve got the tools for success. They have me to lean on and strategically place
them in these ways that they may not even be knowing that I’m doing with something like
the base theory.

I’m bringing them back of like, “Okay, here’s what we need to clean up so we can get you
back on third base,” so then I can get you firmly on third base. You never have to go back
to second base again and let’s get you to home plate and let’s just get you thriving beyond
your wildest dreams because to me, when you’re on third base and you’re achieving for
most people who have been on another base in life, they’re like, “Damn, I’ve made it. I’ve
fricking made it people, look at me, I am succeeding in my career,” but what happens is
that starts to fade in time.

They start to maybe experience a little burnout. Maybe they just start to think like, isn’t
there something deeper to life here. They just feel a little unfulfilled and that’s where
they’re like, “Okay, I know there’s got to be more here. I want to tap into the deepest levels
of my creativity. I want to just not care what anybody thinks about me anymore. I just want
to be able to fully be myself without any restrictions.” Again, that’s where coaching comes
into play. You have to do some mindset work. That’s my belief and order to get to that
home plate.

As I said, most of my clients, when they’re coming to me, they are maybe on second base.
They’re usually a base runner between second and third base and many of my clients now,
these days, even when they’re starting with me are on third base and they’re like, “I’m
doing really good. I’m rocking it. I’m running against a fourth.” Now, it’s very rare that I’ve
gotten somebody that’s on first base. It used to be a bigger thing, especially when my
prices were lower and I really feel like most people who are on first base and they may be
rally in the corner a second base, they are a better fit for therapy.

If they’re still trying to get safety and security in their world and get stability in their
world, they just want to feel basic love and belonging. Again, I think therapy is a better
start for that. It’s not always the case. Somebody could be ready for coaching out of that.
I’ve definitely plucked people out, even if you hear some of the stories on the podcast from
clients in my past, I talk about it as like, “Oh, you were really on the brink of, I didn’t know
if it was therapy or coaching,” because really they were probably just a little bit on second
base that I was like, “Okay, I think maybe we have a strong enough putting here on second
base that we can get you to third base.

I must admit like beds. It’s hard on the coach. It’s hard on me because I’ve got to build so
much more belief in them to really make sure that they never go back to first base again,
just so much safety and security in their world and we have to do a lot of lace at that.
There are times when they get really upset with me and they may question if I’m a safe
person and so again, it’s like, I had a consult, for example, last week and on application,
everything looks really good.

Even on our consult call, I was on the fence about it, but I was like, “Okay, I think she’s
strong enough on second base that I could take her to third,” but then after we have a
consult, some things started coming up for her. We ended up having another brief
conversation and it became more and more clear to me that she was more on first base.
She needs more safety and security in her life. She needs to clean up a little bit more of
the love and belonging stuff and so I told her, I am not sure you’re ready. I’m going to send
you to therapy instead that’s what my suggestion is. You can do what you want, of course,
but that’s my suggestion.

Anyways, sharing this with you again to see, “Okay, what base are you on?” Where do you
think you fall and know too, that there are so many people out there who just run the
bases with ease and just because you’re born on a certain base, doesn’t mean you have to
stay there. My husband, for example, I believe he was born on first base. He did not have a
lot of safety and security in his life, even at one point in his life, his house was foreclosed
on and had it not been for a family member having an extra house that was randomly
given to them because nobody in his family really had money, they would have been
potentially homeless but his mom was just so loving.

He never felt like he was unloved and so he was able to run between first and second
base. My husband is also and I’m going to do another podcast on this one because I’ve
been researching this a lot more too about human brains and there’s somebody that I
follow. I’m even going to reach out to her and see if she’ll come on the show but she
talked about one time that there’s two kinds of brains that they found in the research.
What an essence is a more sensitive brain? These are the more deep feeling people and
the less sensitive brain and my husband is just, he’s not as much of a sensitive brain.

Things happened in his home that he just didn’t really deem as that big of a deal and his
brain didn’t develop this deep emotion around it to build these really strong what we call
limiting beliefs or bullet holes around that. It was just like, “Oh, well this is why it
happened. No big deal.” He’s very logical like that. Whereas he grew up with siblings who
were more sensitive and his siblings did not end up on a base as close as what his was.
Again, it’s like, they grew up in the exact same environment, but because my husband just
doesn’t have as sensitive of a brain, he was able to move the bases faster.

Again, it’s really just always going back to how we interpret things, what our brain wraps
around because for me again, it’s like there could have been so many times where I could
have just looked at everything from a logical standpoint of, “Oh, well, the reason I’m not
achieving as much as, because it’s obvious that these parents, emotionally stable than my
parents and no big deal, it doesn’t mean anything about me,” but to my brain, it was like,
“Again, what’s wrong with me?” blah, blah, blah. I just evolved all these stories that I’ve
heard had to peel back over and over again and do a lot of healing around because my
brain just really held onto those stories for all a long time.

Okay. Whew. What do you think about this? I hope you have takeaways from this. I hope it
makes sense to you. I would love your feedback on this episode. As I always say, it’s always
weird for me to put out new things, especially on the podcast, because I’m putting it on a
more public setting versus if I share something with a client or if I teach something in one
of my coaching process, then I can get feedback in the immediate of what do you think
about that? Does that really resonate with you? Because again, I know for me, this really
opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Again, when I see people struggling with certain things, I’m like, “Okay, this is just a second
base issue,” or if we look at Maslow’s triangle, this is just a love and belonging issue. Okay,
here’s what I need to clean up to be able to get this person to this level, and, “Okay, now I
know where to get them to this level,” because ideally really where we’re all wanting is to
get to self-actualization, that’s what our deep soul desire is, is to get to that place where
we just don’t care about anybody.

We love everybody though unconditionally, and we’re able to just be our full selves and be
creative and give the best of us in essence and just yes, be able to achieve and have
esteem and all that stuff but really, again like that stuff just doesn’t matter as much as
being able to be our full selves. Okay. Thanks for tuning into this episode. I encourage you
to come back on Wednesday’s episode, I’m going to be talking about how to overcome
society setbacks. I feel like it’s a really good episode to tie in with this one because if
you’re not born on third base or being able to hit a home run, you’re likely somebody who
feels like there’s a setback in your life.

We’re going to be talking about race and gender discrimination because even though we
have these bases and these different needs that we have, I do believe that race and gender
plays into that as well and creates a different level on these bases whereas, for white
males, they can tend to be able to run the bases faster because the system has been set-up
for them. We’re going to talk all about it and how to thrive in a society that may not be
set-up for you to thrive in, unless you’re a white male.

I’m talking about statistics with that because we all know that that is very much
generalizing things and not everybody has an easy life and all that stuff. I totally get that,
but I really want to make sure that you’re able to show up and have your best life even if
the statistics are against you, if you’re a person of color or a woman. Okay? Join me for that
episode and I’ll see you there. Bye.

[music]

Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
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how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.