“What defines us is how well we rise after falling.”
Problems are a part of everyday life.
They’re part of the human experience.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘆𝘆𝘆𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.
When you know how to solve problems, they no longer bring you down.
They don’t stop you from your goals and dreams.
They don’t keep you from being the best YOU.
Imagine it now….
You have a problem in your life (like your husband’s behavior upsets you, your child misbehaves, you mess up at work, you eat your face off instead of sticking to your meal plan, you don’t make the money you want) and you know with CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE how to get through it.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲𝘀 (𝗶𝗳 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀) 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴.
You don’t spin in drama and indecision.
You make change happen.
Your energy grows.
Your confidence thrives.
You accomplish whatever the eff you want and feel incredible (most days) in the process.
You become the unstoppable woman you know you CAN BE.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲’𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.
Sound amazing?
It is.
I have this life, my clients create this life and now it’s your turn.
Tune into today’s “Become an Unstoppable Woman” podcast episode where I’ll teach you my #1 problem-solving tool that’s changed my life and my clients’ lives.
This training alone is worth $1,000 on it’s own (the impact of it is truly priceless).
If you’re serious about accomplishing your dreams, this episode is for you. Listen via the link at the top of this page or watch the video below.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
→ Continue the conversation in my free online community
→ Get The 4-Day Accomplish Your Dreams Free Training
→ See the video recording of today’s episode here
Full Transcript
This is the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast with Lindsay Preston Episode 69, Solve
Any Problem.
[music]
Welcome to the Become an Unstoppable Woman podcast, the show for goal-getting, fearfacing women for kicking ass by creating change. I’m your host, Lindsay Preston. I’m a wife,
mom of two, and a multi-certified life coach to women all over the world. I’ve lived
through enough in life to know that easier doesn’t always equate to better. We can’t fear
the fire, we must learn to become it. On this show, I’ll teach you how to do just that. Join
me as I challenge you to become even more of the strong, resilient, and powerful woman
you were meant to be. Let’s do this.
[music]
Hi there, my friend, so excited to have you for this super impactful episode. On this
episode, I’m going to teach you how to solve any problem. Yes, any problem in your life, no
matter what it is. If it’s career-wise, relationship, self-inflicting, it doesn’t matter. Today,
you’re going to learn how to solve it. Now, the audio I’m about to share with you is from a
free live training that I did for my email list on Zoom.
I also broadcasted it on Facebook. You can go and watch the video version of that, either
on my Facebook page. You can find me over there, Lindsay Preston. You can get on my
email list and get the recording to it. Just go to Lindsay, L-I-N-D-S-A-Y, epreston.com. To
sign up over there, I think you’ll have to sign up for my Accomplish Your Dreams free
training right now. We just don’t have the backend links set up for this new thing yet.
Yes, this is a great one. The audio is here. As I said, I’m going to teach you how to solve
any problem. You’re going to learn one of the number one tools that I’m using in my life.
Spoiler alert, it’s the self-coaching model. You may have heard it on other episodes. We’re
going to go deeper, dive on it so you can really ensure that you understand this in your life.
I’m going to give you a ton of real-world examples as to how to use it because once you
get this tool, you get it. It’s profoundly impactful in your life, profoundly. It changes the
whole game. Take some time to really soak this one in. As I said, it’s a big one. All right.
Without further ado, here is my Solve Any Problem training.
Okay, we’re going to give it one more minute. Hey, Facebook world. Hey, Zoom world, so
excited to have you all here. Today, I’m going to teach you how to solve any problem in
your life. I just mentioned to the people who got on early to start thinking of what your
problems are in your life right now. They may be big things. They may be small things. No
matter what it is, I’m going to teach you the tool on how to solve it today.
The more specific you can get with what your problems are right now, the easier it’s going
to be to apply this tool. Some problem ideas can be maybe an argument you’re having with
somebody. Somebody triggers you or makes you feel a certain way. Maybe it’s a big
general thing like you’re just feeling a state of anxiety often or anger or whatever it is. It
could be something at work. There are so many options in regards to the plethora choice
of our problems.
I’m excited to have you here. I know our time is precious, so I want to get started right
here 11:15, my time. Before I get started, though, just in case you’re new to me, I’m Lindsay
Preston. I’m a multi-certified life coach. I help go-getter women accomplish their dreams.
Most of my clients, they have okay if not good lives. I help them make it great. I teach
them this neuroscience-backed process on how to accomplish whatever they want, not
only one time, but time and time again. The tool I’m going to teach you today, as I said, it’s
my number one tool to go to solve any problem. It’s actually a newer tool in my world. It’s
rocked my world the past few months.
I’m using it so much in my coaching now. It’s just creating faster and faster results for
people, which is so exciting. I can’t wait to share it with you all. If you’re on Zoom, you can
chat it up. You can ask questions along the way. Then two, if we have time and there’s
somebody who’s wanting to go and be vulnerable, we may do some life coaching. I think a
lot of times we teach these tools and until we see it through somebody’s life, that’s when
we can really start to implement it in our own lives.
Let’s get started. The first thing I want to talk to you about before we get into the tool is
let’s just get clear on something. We think our problems come from circumstances. This is
just what generally society teaches us. Circumstances are things that are external from us.
A lot of times it’s work, other people, even say politics especially right now in the US. We
just had a debate last night. It stirred up a lot of things in a lot of people. Luck, money,
time, opportunity, and setbacks.
We love to give our power away and say, “Oh, because of the coronavirus, I’m not thriving
at work anymore. Because my boss is this kind of personality, that’s why I’m not able to be
promoted. I would love to be happy in my marriage, but my husband does X, Y, Z. I would
love to have a thriving life, but I just don’t have a lot of money. I would love to be able to
do coaching, but I just don’t have the time.” It’s really tricky.
On paper, this looks like, “Yes, Lindsay, of course, we don’t want to give our power away to
circumstances, but we do it all the time.” Once you start to understand this and I catch this
with clients all the time of you think that that’s just a fact of life of, “Okay, well, my boss
does X, Y, Z and so I can’t be promoted.” You’re realizing that again, you’re giving your
power away. We have so much power as individuals and especially as women that we’re
not taking a hold of.
When we start to make this mindset shift of, “It’s not our circumstances, it’s something else
that’s causing our problems,” that’s when the whole world changes. Now, I do want to
touch on something because right now, especially, we’re talking a lot about race issues
and gender discrimination. You could think, “Okay, well, Lindsay, statistically showing,
women don’t get paid as much as men. People of color get treated this way, and this way,
and this way.” It’s easy again to say, “Okay, it’s our circumstances,” which you can look at it
and see it that way. Really, what’s happening here is white males, in general, are being
handed down a different mindset.
When they’re handed down a different mindset, a “better mindset” that allows them to be
more successful. I say better in quotes because better is what you define it as. Then two,
on the flip of that, so many of us are being handed a mindset that we don’t even know
where we’re discriminating. This came up a lot just a few years ago with gender
discrimination. I remember starting to analyze my own mindset with gender
discrimination. How am I playing a part in this? I started to just find these little things.
Right now we’re doing it with races. What am I doing that I could be suppressing or
oppressing other people of color? Again, we think right now with the circumstances but it’s
not that. What it is that’s holding us back and what’s causing problems in our life are our
thoughts. I just touched on this and I’m saying white males, in general, are being handed a
better mindset. They just are.
I mean, this is why men start to speak up more. This is why men they just have more
confidence. I’m speaking generally. This is why as women; we’ve really started to say,
“Okay, I realize there’s some things in my mindset here that’s holding me back. Sometimes,
yes, society’s putting that on us. We’ve got to be good and we’ve got to be quiet and we’ve
got to be pretty and all of that stuff.
Again, that goes to our thoughts. That’s why, too, you see people who break the cycle of
patterns. My husband’s an example of this. He’s a white male, but he came from basically
living on the poverty line. He was handed a mindset of certain things about money and
work and things of that sort, but he had different thoughts. Even from a young like
[chuckles] when he was a baby, he would say that one day he’s going to be rich. He always
had this mindset that he was going to do something different. It wasn’t his circumstances
that stopped him. He didn’t have money and all that stuff; he had different thoughts.
Because he had different thoughts, different feelings came up. He took different actions
and created different results. At first, I know this can be a little bit confusing, but I promise
it’s going to sink in as we go down. Again, our thoughts are what creates our results and
because of that, they create our problems. This is where we can change everything
because we have the power to do it always. Always, we have the power to change our
thoughts. Even though it stinks sometimes to realize we’re the ones that are setting
ourselves back a lot of times, it’s so exciting at the same time.
I’m going to give you a real-world example. A little bit about me, if you don’t know. When I
was 28, I found out my then-partner was living a double life with another woman. At the
time, I was a stay-at-home mom. I had a two-year-old. When all of this is exposed,
obviously, I filed for divorce [chuckles] and started to move forward in my life. As that all
happened, the divorce at 28. I didn’t have a job because as I said, I was a stay-at-home
mom. I had a two-year-old and I had very little money. I had a little bit in savings, but that
was it.
That’s the circumstance. These were thoughts that others had about my circumstance.
These aren’t just inferred thoughts; these are things that people actually told me.
“Lindsay’s f’d. She won’t ever have a good life. Nobody will want her now. Her life will be a
struggle. Her daughter will always have a hard life.” Trust me, I had those thoughts too. It
was freaking scary to go through something like that. I thought I was going to be with this
person for the rest of my life. I had been with him for seven years. I thought like, “This was
it.” I trusted him. When all of that came out, it was earth-shattering.
Of course, these thoughts went through my mind. When, of course, people told me these
thoughts, I was like, “Okay, maybe they’re true.” In essence, I wasn’t even conscious about
this at the time. I kept thinking like, “These thoughts don’t really serve me. Is it really
going to serve me to think I’m never going to have a good life? I’m just done at 28 because
this is just like how life’s going to be? No.”
What I decided to think and said was this, hopefully, you can see it too. I thought, “This is
the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” It doesn’t mean that that thought stuck every
single day. It doesn’t mean that there weren’t moments where I was scared out of my
mind, but I just kept choosing this thought intentionally. This is the best thing that’s ever
happened to me. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. Then from that one thought,
things started to snowball in the direction of my dreams.
This just, again, shows you circumstances are neutral. Many people had all of these
thoughts about me. I just kept thinking this thought, “This is the best thing that’s ever
happened to me.” Here’s what happened. We’re going to go through what this means here
in a minute. This is the circumstance, again. Divorced at 28 with no job. I had a two-yearold and little money. That’s just the facts of the situation. The thought, “This is the best
thing that’s ever happened to me.” From that thought, I was creating feelings of
empowerment, hope, and excitement.
Again, it’s not like I thought this 24/7, but just plugging in that thought from time to time,
it allowed me to create at least some feelings of this, versus the other thought of like,
“This is the best that’s going to get.” That would’ve probably been a lot of hopelessness, a
lot of frustration, a lot of sadness. Just this thought created these feelings. From these
feelings, because our feelings are what drive our actions.
We think a thought, then we have feelings, they drive our actions. Our actions or my
actions at the time were then I signed up for coaching as a client. I made an ideal guy list. I
started dating, even though some people were like, “Nobody’s going to want you, Lindsay.”
I’m like, “Somebody has got to want me out there.” Found my ideal career, made money in
the process, healed, which was huge. Not only did I heal from that relationship, but so
many other things that I thought I was just over. It’s so much healing. Then found my guy,
got married, so on and so forth. Have a son now and all that stuff.
What happened is my thoughts then became my results. Yes. This is the best thing that’s
ever happened to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told this story. People are
always like, “Oh, my gosh, that’s so inspiring and dah, dah, dah.” To me, I felt at the time I
didn’t have a choice like, “This is something I had to think.” I just thought, “I’m not going to
let this problem define me for the rest of my life.” Following me? Start thinking of
questions, if you don’t. I really want to make sure that you get this.
Let’s break down what this means here because this is then the tool that I want to teach
you. This is a self-coaching model. This is not my zone of genius. I did not come up with
this. I’m going to move this a little bit because I see words are cut off. This is Brooke
Castillo from The Life Coach School. Awesome tool. There’s many other tools, very similar
to it on the market. A lot of times, even Brooke says, she’s like, “I felt like it came through
me in this zone of genius, but it’s just the way the world works.” This is where you want to
take notes on.
The self-coaching model. C, you saw it on my last page. A C, means it’s a circumstance.
Circumstances are things that happen on our world that we can’t control. Basically, my
friends, you can’t control anything outside of you. Nothing. Which scares the crap out of
some people. [chuckles] When you really sit and think of it, it is a little bit scary
sometimes. This is what happens. As I keep saying, we give our power away. We keep
having these thoughts and these anxieties about things we don’t even have control over.
What we have control over our thoughts, which are the sentences. I underlined sentences.
I’ll tell you why in a minute that run through your brain.
If we go back to the example I gave about my divorce, there were sentences that were
being presented to me. You can call them thoughts, whatever beliefs. This is the best ones
you’re going to get. Lindsay is screwed, whatever. The thing is, is that when we have
feelings about those thoughts, that’s when they don’t feel like sentences anymore. That’s
when it’s just like, it’s fueled. It’s fueled by our feelings. The reality is, is anything we’re
telling ourselves are just sentences. The reason why so many of these sentences have so
much fuel or feeling behind it is because of things that have happened in our past.
For a lot of us, we think we’re not good enough. Really every human being thinks that
deep down. A lot of times, maybe you don’t get a promotion at work. Bill gets some
promotion over me. That would be your circumstance. Your thought could be a lot of
different things like, “This is unfair. I’m never going to get what I want.” Probably nine
times out of 10, it comes back to the thought I’m not good enough.
There’s a lot of feeling with that because your brain has in essence built all of these brain
wires around stories from your past saying you’re not good enough. The brain is here to
keep you safe, not here to make you happy. It’s here to keep you alive not thriving.
Anytime something from your past happen that didn’t feel good or you felt threatened in
some way, even if it wasn’t life or death, it could just be someone making fun of you at
school or a parent who rash out at you. Your brain starts to an essence hold onto those
stories and say, “We’re going to hold onto these stories because this is what’s going to help
keep us safe.” That works for some time.
There’s a part of our brain, psych world call it the ego. I call it the inner mean girl because
that’s what it feels like. It just comes up in a way, this voice, and it’s holding us back time
and time again. It’s keeping us from being confident. It’s keeping us from getting what we
want. It’s keeping us from showing the love that we want getting the love that we want.
Really anything that we want, it’s keeping us stuck.
That’s why a lot of times women, sometimes in their 20s, they’re waking up to this more
times in their 30s. Sometimes it takes a little longer. They start to realize is like, “Okay,
where I’ve gotten to so far in my life has been pretty good and it’s worked for me, but all
of a sudden it’s just not working anymore. I’m feeling really burnt out. This job just isn’t
satisfying as I thought. My marriage is getting a little flat. I just still haven’t found the guy
that I want.” Again, it’s like, “I’ve, been this go-getter. I’ve achieved. I’ve done all these
things, but why is it now that I’m starting to flatline a little bit? I’m just not feeling
fulfillment.”
Well, it’s because of these sentences that are running through your brain. You have
something like 40,000 thoughts a day, 80% of them are negative and something, I think it’s
80% too that are repeated day after day after day. We’re just living the same life over and
over again until we go in and analyze our thoughts. As you can tell, thoughts are very
important. I have a lot to say about thoughts. This is the good stuff right here. This is the
stuff we have to look at. The stuff we have to analyze because from our thoughts, as I said
before, that drives our feelings.
Feelings are just vibrations in your body. When you think of thought, you get a vibration.
What happens is we’re thinking so quickly, life is moving so quickly. We’re just one thing
after another. At the end of the day, it’s like, “Whew, what in the world happened today?” I
don’t even know. Things started out really good. Then all of a sudden I started feeling
funky. Now I’m ending my day and I feel like crap. What happened is there was likely
maybe just even one thought that ran through your mind that really got some feelings
going, some vibrations. Then, because you didn’t address it, you didn’t know what it was,
it’s just a seed with you.
This is why a lot of people have anxiety. A lot of people just feel the same way over and
over again. I call it the tornado of emotions. You feel something and then you just keep
repeating it over and over again because you haven’t learned yet, “Hey, what is it that’s
going on in my mind? How can I overcome it?” It happens until you feel these vibrations? I
always call it a low-level anxiety sometimes. I work with a lot of women with high
functioning anxiety really. It’s this low-level anxiety. Because we just need to take that
urge off, what do we do? We turn to things that are distractions and assets.
Things like alcohol and Netflix and our phones and working. Because then we get the
adrenaline from working, food. It’s like, “Oh, just take this urge off.” This is why we just do
these things and we think they’re normal. It’s like, “Oh, it’s just normal to go home and
drink wine. It’s just normal to go and eat all these cookies. It’s normal to scroll on your
phone. Everybody does it.” One time I remember being at the hairstylist. Every single
person in the salon was on their phone. I just thought, “Oh, my gosh, this is so sad.” This is
what we have turned to, to deal with our feelings. Reality is we just, again, analyze our
thoughts, see what our thoughts are telling us.
Then we can start to see, what is it that I’m feeling? What I give my clients is something
called a feelings chart. I give them like, “Oh, gosh, I don’t even know how many feelings on
that chart.” Maybe over a hundred. I say, “Okay, recognize what the feeling is.” I feel
anxious. I feel frustrated. I feel mad. I feel sad. I feel shameful, whatever, because then we
can recognize it. Then we can start to say, “Okay, how can I go in and change the thoughts
so I can feel something different”. We’re going to go through some examples here in a bit.
Then from there, when we feel certain feelings, we take action off of that. If we have a
thought, let’s do an example.
Your husband says you don’t do enough around here. I’m going to use a real-world
example. My husband recently said this. “You don’t do enough around here.” Her thought is
frustration– Oh, no, that’s not the thought. That’s the feeling. The thought is this is BS.
That was my thought that’s BS. [laughs] The feeling was frustration, anger. Actions from
that too, I was even defensive. I went back at him. I’m like, “That’s not true dah, dah, dah.”
If I had had a different thought in that moment, when he said, “You’ don’t do enough, or
you don’t do as much as you should around here,” I could have had the thought of, “That’s
interesting. Why does he think that?”
Then I would of had the feeling of curiosity. Then I would have come at him with, “Tell me
more. What makes you think that?” We would’ve had a different result versus us probably
we did get in a fight, we got in an argument. Instead it could’ve just been like, “Oh, that’s
so interesting.” Then we could’ve come to maybe an agreement of how I could do more.
Why he’s saying that because it could be something totally unrelated to me. It’s his own
models in essence. This is powerful stuff, my friend. This is why a lot of times when people
start coaching with me, it’s like, “Lindsay, everything’s just changing. It’s moving so
quickly.”
Again, it’s like snowballing in the direction of my dreams. I’m like, “Yes because you’ve
learned how to analyze your thoughts. and in the moment eventually recognize what the
thought is and say, ‘Oh, is that really what I want to think about this?’ ” Then start to think,
“What do I think instead?” Then go from that place of feelings and that place of actions to
get the better result. Makes sense. This is my last page. I can’t remember. Yes, it is. I’m
going to just start doing a bunch of models as examples so that you can start to see this
real-world examples. If you have questions, put them in the Q&A box.
If you’re on Facebook, I can’t see them. I’ll come back and answer them later. Just start to
think maybe you want to tell me a problem and we can start working through it. I’m going
to do a couple that I’ve done with clients recently. Let me change out my board. Here we
are. We’ve got CTFAR remember circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, results. I’m
looking at different models I’ve done with clients. We do them on big stickies when we do
group coaching. Let me do a good one. I think a lot of you can relate to this one for work. I
had a client recently who– Oh, this is not the right pen. Let me change my pen now. Who
got an email from her boss.
The email from boss, we could go in just copy and paste what the email is as the
circumstance. Basically, the email said, “There’s a change of plans at work.” She was on a
project. From my understanding of it, she was the leader on this project. Her boss came out
and said, “Never mind change of plans. We’re going to go this way instead,” even though
she had taken the lead on it. Really that’s a neutral circumstance. Somebody could see that
email from that boss and think something totally like, “Oh, great, awesome, he took the
weight off my back.” Here’s what she thought. She thought, “Nobody’s listening.” She also
thought, “I have no value.”
When you’re breaking down your T’s here, you can put as many thoughts as you want. A lot
of times you’re likely going to have a lot of thoughts. We call it thought downloads. What
you can do is you get the circumstance, like she did email from boss with the change of
plans. You can just pull out a piece of paper, open a note, doc, whatever, and just start
thinking, “Okay, what are all the thoughts I have about this?” Nobody’s listening. I have no
value. I remember when I was coaching her, she was spewing all kinds of thoughts at me. I
said, “Whoa, whoa, let’s just slow it down. Let’s just look at one or two of them.” We chose
these two.
Nobody’s listening. I have no value. I said, “Okay, how do you feel when you think those
things?” She said, she felt frustrated, angry, and hurt. Frustrated, angry, and hurt. Not a fun
place to be. Then what happened is the rest of her workday went to crap because she was
feeling this. These thoughts were just going on repeat. A lot of times our thoughts are not
quite conscious. They’re running in the background like a computer runs all these different
programs. Our brains does the same thing. We’ve got to bring this stuff to the conscious
mind. That’s why it’s so important to use a tool like this one and say, “Okay, what is it that
I’m really thinking about this here?”
Our feelings, they feel, so just in the moment. They feel like, “Oh, my gosh, of course, this is
truth. The way that I’m feeling.” A lot of times those feelings while they may be true for
you, they’re coming from a place that’s not serving you. Again, she felt frustrated, angry,
and hurt. Then the rest of her day, she’s also working on some health stuff. She’s off her
meal plan. She just ate a bunch of crap the rest of the day. She stopped interacting at
work. From what I understand that I remember from it, she closed her door and just
basically took personal day for half the day without anybody knowing it. Then the results
were she felt like crap.
If she would have continued this spiral, it would have been that she had no value. Again,
this is what happens is whatever we think then becomes our line, our results. That day, she
really provided no value because that’s what was spewing in her head. You see how this is
working out in the flesh, what you’re thinking becomes your results. Where’s my little
eraser. Let’s do some others. Does anybody have any questions? Does anybody want to do
any coaching or you can just tell me what your problem is and we can chat through it that
way. If you don’t want to get on, I’m here to help you have where you want. I can do as
many examples from other clients too.
Gosh, I can’t even find my eraser. All I’m just going to erase it with my hand. All right. Let’s
do another one and you start thinking if you have questions. Hey, Let’s do the next one.
Oh, this is a good one. We can all or many of us can relate to this one. Virtual teaching. I
have a lot of teachers and their worlds have been rocked right now. They have to teach
online for a lot of them. That’s the circumstance for this client was virtual teaching. She
just was like, “Oh, Lindsay, I’m so overwhelmed right now with virtual teaching. I have
these personal goals but they’re just not happening.
It’s because I just feel so overwhelmed with virtual teaching. I really want my personal
goals to happen; I just can’t make it happen.” I’m like, “Wait a second. You’re giving a lot of
power to virtual teaching here.” That’s a circumstance. We got to take that power back
because it’s yourthoughts about virtual teaching that’s causing you not to go after your
personal goals. I said, “Okay, what are all the thoughts you have about virtual teaching?”
She started naming them off. We decided to focus on these. The first is, there’s a neverending to-do list. This is causing her to just overwork. When we got on the phone, gosh, I
think it was like eight o’clock at night.
It was six o’clock her time and she was still at work. Teachers get out like three or four.
She’s like, “Lindsay, I’m just working all the time,” because she had a thought, there’s a
never-ending to-do list. She could easily have said, “That’s a circumstance, Lindsay. It’s a
circumstance. I have no power over it. It’s a never-ending to-do list. I can show you my todo list.” I’d be like, “Okay, you saying it’s never-ending is what is putting it now on the
front line because that’s taking it out of the neutral spot.” Remember all circumstances are
neutral. If she were to just say, “I have a to-do list that includes this, this, this, this, this,
and this, this, this.” That is a circumstance.
What her to-do list actually is. By saying it’s never-ending, that’s when it becomes a
thought. Again, this is really tricky. I even caught myself or I didn’t even catch myself. A
coach caught me doing this. I recently got an email from somebody who let me know of
something she didn’t like about one of my podcasts. When I was telling him about it, I said,
“Oh, I got this hate email, dah, dah, dah, dah.” He goes, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up.”
Hate email, he’s like, “That’s not the circumstance, Lindsay. That’s a thought.” It’s a thought
that you thought it was a hate mail. It was the circumstances I got an email that said X, Y,
Z. I was like, “Oh, dang, you are so right.”
It’s so sneaky. It’s so sneaky. Again, she had this thought there’s a never-ending to-do list.
This thought that we broke down is and this is the good one, “The expectations are
unrealistic.” I just feel like I’m never going to win. There’s just too much on my plate. Way
too much on my plate, Lindsay. It’s your thought that’s causing them. I told her, I said, “As a
parent, I have two kids and granted they’re in school,– well, one of them is in school, the
other one’s at home, but he’s little. I’m like, we don’t have high expectations on our
teachers at all. I’m going in saying, “What can I do to help you? Thank you so much. You’re
amazing. You’re awesome.”
That just proves brain once again, this is a thought. How does she feel over that? She felt
overwhelmed and disrespected. She felt overwhelmed and disrespected. What happened
then, she would come home. We just talked about this earlier. She would drink wine. What
else did she do? She overworked. This is a big one. When we have these thoughts, is there
is a lot of emotional spinning, a lot of spinning. Just last week I had a hard week. I was
running models on it and stuff. The thing is, this spinning stuff when you’re spinning and
these, we call them a lot of times negative feelings, but it costs so much energy. It drains
you so much.
That’s why you can see personal development stuff. Things I put out there, somebody else
and you’re like, “Oh, I would love to be able to do all those things. I would love to go after
my dreams. I would love to do more and achieve more, but I just feel so overwhelmed. I
just feel so tired or again, I feel like I already have too much to do.” It’s because a lot of
this emotional spinning which again is coming from what? Our thoughts. If she thinks the
expectations are unrealistic and it’s a never-ending to-do list, that’s what she started
creating. It was the never-ending to-do list where she just felt like, “I can never win. I’m
never going to be good enough.”
Remember how I said 9 times out of 10, it goes back to that thought, “I’m never going to
be good enough.” Then her results was, she was putting off her personal goals and all that
stuff. Here’s, too, how to change this. You may be like, “Okay, Lindsay, you’re building a ton
of awareness in me.” Now I’m starting to see that some of this is my thoughts. How can I
change it? Well, what we did in this situation is we started to say, “Okay, does it– First I
always ask, “Does it serve me to think this?” Sometimes it may actually serve you. For
example, if you’re in an abusive relationship, Billy hit me last night, which God forbid. If
that is you, please, go get help.
If Billy hit me last night, we don’t want to think, “Billy loves me. Billy is a great guy.” We
don’t want those thoughts. We want to keep the thought of like, “Billy is hurting me. This is
bad.” That thought serve you. “Billy is hurting me. This is bad.” For this situation and most
situations, we ask ourselves again, “Is this serving me to think this?” She’s like, “No, it’s not.
Now I’m seeing, I’m never going to win in this situation.” I’m like, “Okay, what would feel
right to you to think instead that we can start to intentionally program in your minds?”
Your brain is really just like a computer. We just have to go in and sometimes you have to
intentionally program in our brain and build a brain wire, the thoughts that we want to
think. Remember what I said earlier, our brain is not here for happiness. Our brain is here
to keep us alive. We have to, in essence, be bigger than our brain and say, “Hmm, brain, I
want you to think this instead.” For her, what do we come up with? “I know what to do to
meet expectations,” is the thought that she started to intentionally think. The way that you
can just start to program this sentence every day, the best time is right when you wake up,
but you can do it any time of the day.
When you wake up, your feet hit the floor, remind yourself, “What am I intentionally going
to think today?” Take a deep breath. I know what to do to meet expectations. She could go
on and on about that. She could be like, “I’m an awesome teacher. I have an amazing worklife balance. I’m peace. I’m calm.” It seems really silly. I remember when I first learned
about just programming and these thoughts and some people call mantras or positive
affirmations, I thought that is such a load of BS. [laughs] “I am not going to tell myself
that. That is so stupid.”
Then, I remember my coach coming back to me and saying, “Lindsay, but does it serve you
to really think that you’re ugly and this and that and that?” All the negative things we call
ourselves. That’s when I was like, “Whoa, you’re right. It does not serve me.” She’s like,
“Why don’t we just try out you saying these things to yourself?” It was so hard. Even
though logically, I knew at that point, I was like, “Okay, you got me a little bit on board
about this.” It was so hard. Everything in my body was like, “Do not say this about yourself.”
My brain brought up all these stories of how that belief could be untrue. In her case, I
know what to do to meet expectations.
Her brain at first, it’s going to bring up all these things that say to her, she’s not meeting
expectations. It’s likely a lot of stuff from her past. Like, “Oh, remember in the 3rd Grade,
you didn’t meet expectations in math. They told you, you were slow. Remember whenever
you had your first job and they said, “Blah, blah, blah, about you.” Again, those are stories
the brain hold on to. Then you can just start to say, “Oh, brain that’s so silly.” With my
clients, we go a lot deeper. We go in and we feel, deal, and heal that stuff. Those stories
just start to go even more, but you can just start to, in essence, just recognize the thought
for what it is.
Then say, “Okay, what do I want to think instead?” Then, of course, when you’re thinking
different things like, “I know what to do to meet expectations,” she says that feels
satisfying. “I feel more peaceful thinking that thought.” Then from there, hopefully, she’s
not going to come home and drink wine. If she does, it’s going to be out of enjoyment, not
out of, I need this to unwind kind of thing. She’s going to have a work-life balance. She’s
going to go after her personal goals more and it’s all going to change. A very simple tool.
It almost seems too simple. I think sometimes the things, how could this work? I promise
you it does.
Just going in and changing one thought, whew, opens up so many doors, so many doors.
I’m thinking of specifically a client. I think it was two weeks ago we had a call and she is at
a place where she’s wanting to change jobs. She just knows she’s over her job, but when
she goes to her job every day, she feels miserable. She’s just having these thoughts like,
“I’m ready to move. I don’t like this place, whatever.” We went in and she’s “Oh, I’m just
still feeling even worse today, Lindsay.” I said, “Okay, let’s do a model on it?” She was
talking about a certain co-worker. What she did. What was her circumstance. Then the
thoughts were like, “These people are ungrateful.”
Then she was just seeing it all day long how people are ungrateful and grateful. Then what
happened is the actions where she just was spinning in it, she felt like crap. That’s what
she was creating. It’s like she loves feeling ungrateful at the end of the day. “Uh, who
cares? I hate this.” We went in. We did that model that night. The next day, she’s like, “Oh,
my gosh, Lindsay, I just feel so much better.” Then a week later, she’s like, “I just feel so
different at work, I feel so different. Yes, I know, I need to move on. I know, this is a done
deal for me, but I just not like spinning in all these negative thoughts. When a negative
thought comes up, I’m recognizing it for what it is.”
Then I’m thinking, “You know what, I don’t know if that’s really serving me?” Instead, I’m
going to say, “I’m so grateful that I’m here. I’m so grateful, I have the job,” and getting
grateful for everything. From there, then she’s getting up earlier, then she’s working out
more. It’s just like, again, [sighs] you’re spinning in the direction of your dreams. I’m
thinking about another client that I just got off the phone with last night. I’m working with
her for three months. She came to me, and she was a teacher too. Funny enough. She’s,
like, “I’m just so tired at the end of the day. I don’t have time to do any of my personal
goals.”
It’s so funny. [chuckles] It’s like the same story. Different persons, but same story. “I don’t
have time to do my personal goals and dah, dah, dah.” We were able to change some of her
thoughts and her energy. Now, [sighs] so much abundance. She’s changed jobs in the past
few months. She feels so much better. We were even working on some things that
psychologically, would be called codependency, a people pleaser. Again, it’s just like, “Your
change of one thought opens a whole new door.” I always say to my clients, it’s like we
have these two different pathways. We think a thought, and we see the two pathways. It’s
‘s like, “Which pathway do I want to go down?”
I want to go down this one that feels like crap, not really serving me, or do I want to go
down this one where it could serve me more? I’d likely feel a little bit better. Then you
start going down that pathway. Then you get new opportunities based off that pathway.
Again, goes back to your thoughts. It’s on the thoughts, my friend, all in the thoughts.
We’re getting near to the end of our time, I don’t see any questions, which tells me fingers
crossed that you’ve got this, which is awesome. If any questions come up for you, feel free
to email me. Most of you are probably on my email list.
If you’re getting access to this, or if you’re following us on social media, send me a DM, if
you want privacy, or post a comment or whatever. If you’re, “Okay, Lindsay, I think I might
be ready for coaching. I may be ready to really like I always say put your money where your
mouth is. I will have these goals and dreams, and I’m just ready to snowball. I know that I
could go do this on my own, but I know that with your help, I can really take things off.”
Then I encourage you to apply for a free consult call. On that call, we’re just going to talk
for 60 minutes about your goals and dreams.
I’m going to get really clear with you on where you are right now on life and then where
you want to be in what we call your 10 life. I want to really understand what your vision is.
What we need to do to get there. I only take on people who I know that I can help like
because I guarantee results. [chuckles] I don’t want to take on anybody who I don’t think I
can help. Then two, from there, we start to put together a plan if it’s a good fit of, “Okay,
here’s what we’re going to do in these next nine months.” My coaching process is nine
months. That’s just what I found is the sweet spot for change. It’s just like a baby. You’re
growing a new version of yourself.
Then we plan out that vision for nine months. Then you decide, “Okay, is this what I want
to do or not.” You get a really clear decision on where you want to go. The other thing we
talked about on that consult, too, is what’s holding you back. Nine times out of 10 people
think it’s something totally different that’s holding them back than what it is. Sometimes
they’re right. It might be a little bit right, but they don’t see the bigger thinking behind it.
That’s just two things you’re going to gain from the consult, regardless if you sign up for
coaching or not, is you’re going to be able to have space to create a really clear vision for
your life.
If you’ve taken my Accomplish Your Dreams, free training, that’s step one to accomplishing
your dreams it’s painting a very clear vision. You don’t have a clear vision. You’re screwed,
where are you going? You don’t know. I talked to a woman yesterday, and she’s like, “I just
see all these pathways, in essence, Lindsay. Should I go here? Should I go there? Should I
go here?” She’s just spinning in the indecision. We got to get you focus in on what your
vision is. You may not know everything in your vision. I know when I sign up for coaching,
it was like, “I just know that this is how I want to feel when I’m working. These are the
kinds of things I want to create with people when I’m working.”
I don’t know what that looks like in a profession, but I just know you know this. I want a
certain work-life balance with my career. Then as coaching came along, I got more clarity
on that vision. I needed that clear vision enough to know where to go with that. That’s
what we’re going to in the consult, paint that really clear vision. You’re going to see very
clearly what’s holding you back. Then you’re going to just have with clarity where should I
go? Coach Lindsay, is this really a good fit? Do I feel like I can do this on my own or to go
do it with somebody else? I only have four spots left for clients for the rest of 2020, which
is crazy. It has been so busy.
This next month is really kind of it. If you want to get started in 2020, this is the time to do
that. After I fill those four spots, the next few we’ll have to wait until January to start. The
pricing goes up because it goes to 2021 pricing. This is the time. A lot of times when
people say, “Okay, maybe I’m going to apply for a consult, I’m going to have that consult.”
They feel this aaah feeling. [laughs] Just know that can be normal This goes into another
teaching, the stages of belief. The first time you set a goal, your brain, in essence, is like
“Oh, that sounds really cool.” In essence, it really doesn’t believe you’re going to have that
and so you feel really comfortable in it.
Then when you start to say, “Okay, I think I’m actually going to go after and make my goals
and dreams happen.” There is this like, “Ooh, feeling with it.” I’m feeling this right now. I
recently set a goal that I want to have a 10 marriage. At first, I was like “I can’t wait. This is
going to be awesome. We’re going to have so much fun. We’re going to connect so well.”
Then when I really started to invest, and start to get into action with making that 10
marriage happen, oh, it’s like brought up all the stuff of like, “Whoa, this is all the stuff I
have to work on.” That’s just the normal part of the process.
Some people, it freaks them out, and they’re, “Okay, if I’m feeling this uneasy about it.
Something must be wrong.” It’s just the way the brain works. Anytime you’re stepping out
of your comfort zone, it feels uneasy. If you feel drawn to work with me, for whatever
reason and like, “Oh, I just like– Whatever you like about me follow that. That’s really
what’s guiding you that intuition. That intuition, that feeling of something could be here.
If you want to go apply for a free consult, all you do is go to Lindsayepreston.com/apply.
You just answer a couple of questions. Then I’ll send you a link to my calendar to book free
consult. Okay, 12 o’clock. We’re ending right on time. Thank you all so much for joining
me. Again, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out. Go use this coaching model.
It’s amazing. It’s life-changing, so awesome. All right, my friends. I hope to see you on a
consult soon. Thanks for joining me. I’ll see you again next time. Bye.
[music]
Hey there, Miss Unstoppable. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. If you enjoyed
it, share it with a friend. Send them a picture of this episode via text, via email, share it on
social media, I’m sure they would be so appreciative to know these strategies and tips on
how to accomplish your dreams. If you are ready to guarantee you’re going to accomplish
your goals and dreams, then it’s time to start coaching with me.
In my nine-month simple success coaching system, I am going to walk you every single
step of the way to ensure that you get the goals and dreams that you want. The first step is
to apply for a free 60-minute consult call. Just go to LindsayEpreston.com/apply to get
started. As always, my friend, remember, you’re only as unstoppable as you believe you can
be, so believe in yourself. You got this.
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